Maxine's House of Ill ReputeMaxine's House of Ill ReputeHumor, rants and raves for all the Fart Blossoms of the World 
Articles
Coda
2008-06-22 11:26:00 And with that last post (see below), I have a sad announcement to make. After much hemming and hawing, I’m shutting down the House of Ill Repute. This wasn’t an easy decision to make, ya’ll, but between school, my new job, managing my ever increasing debt load (damn Best Buy - damn them to hell!) and trying ... More About: Coda
I?m Leavin?
2008-06-22 10:31:00 I finally did it. I left him. And her. Mister and Missus are in the rearview mirror. It was actually a tough decision to make, and in the end, all went well. We left each other on good terms and as friends. I was an adult. A professional. I didn’t tell anybody to kiss my fat, white ...
The Boss, the Half-Day Off, and Everything Else
2008-05-19 03:23:00 It’s Sunday night. My mood darkens with the sun’s inevitable decline. I can set clocks by it - the accuracy of my Sunday night mood change is on par with that of an atomic clock. Tomorrow is Monday. Soon, I’ll be required to return my rental glass slippers to the store at the mall, and ... More About: Funny , Life , Boss , The Boss , Half
A Note About Services?
2008-05-19 01:42:00 Ya’ll, I’m still getting back into the swing of things, and Saint Gradon the Bigot (it’s his new name, like St. Francis of Assisi) took the camera to Mississippi last weekend and I forgot to recharge the batteries and I need a new wig and just haven’t had time, with all my shopping for Emmanuel ... More About: Funny , Services , Note
Words of Wisdom from Gradon Bunker
2008-05-18 14:11:00 Saint Gradon loves to watch the news. I don’t know why, since all it does is piss him off - I guess he likes being pissed off. Which should be easy, since he lives with me. Anyway, this morning, he was watching the news while I was upstairs in the “library” and I heard him start ... More About: Funny , Words , Racism , Wisdom , Words of Wisdom
Happy Birthday To Me?
2008-05-17 10:09:00 First, Fart Blossoms, thank you ever so much for letting me know how much I was missed. It means the world to this old bitch. And thanks for lettin’ me know where my doo-rag at. So, on to other, more important things. Saint Gradon surprised me for my birthday by taking me shopping for a new wardrobe - ... More About: Funny , Diet , Happy , Birthday , Happy Birthday
All Work and No Play?
2008-05-16 12:00:00 …makes Maxine a dull girl. And a bad blogger. Mea culpa, my Fart Blossoms, but I’m back, and I’m much better now. Where do I start? Let’s start from the very begginning, since Julie Andrews says it’s a very good place to start, and she seems to know a lotta shit (see spoonful of of sugar). School kicked my ass ... More About: Funny , Play , Work
Would You Be My Neighbor and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
2008-05-16 11:59:00 THIS is why I pay $4.00 a gallon for gas… Yes, that IS the train I take back and forth to work. Or rather, it would be. Her mother said, “Not MY baby!” Then, she was shown the video. Then, her mother said she was bipolar. I’m bipolar. Should I rap? Should I air-slap? Where my do-rag at? Kisses, Maxine ... More About: Funny , Kingdom , Crystal , Skull , The Kingdom
The Boss, the iPod and Everything
2008-05-16 11:59:00 It is no secret that I love my iPod. Actually, I love all my iPods. I have backups, just in case. When I bought Miss Celie, I wasn’t concerned about the color or any of that shit, but wanted to make sure that it had a jack for my iPod so that I could listen to Foghat ... More About: Funny , Life , Ipod , Boss , The Boss
An Update on The Color Purples
2008-05-01 11:18:00 Suspects in 10G stolen credit card shopping spree BY BRIAN HARMON DAILY NEWS LONG ISLAND BUREAU CHIEF Wednesday, April 30th 2008, 4:00 AM This wasn’t what the doctor ordered. Two thieves stole a handful of credit cards from a Ronkonkoma physician’s purse and used the plastic to go on a $10,000 shopping spree, police said. The women - possibly patients of ... More About: Color , Update
We Can Work It Out
2008-05-01 11:03:00 The above pic is what I used to think of my boss. It’s not. As I’ve said before, I hate to be the biggest asshole in the room, and, sadly, the older I get, the more I realize that I often am. It used to only happen after I’d had 20 or 30 cocktails too many, but lately, ... More About: Funny , Life , Work , Work It
Ooo-Eee-Ooo-Ahh-Ahh
2008-04-30 11:06:00 Some of the more intuitive Fart Blossoms may have noticed that I’ve been having some mental health issues lately - anxiety attacks over pending pop albums, depression over the fact that the fine state of Georgia won’t let me buy beer on Sunday and hypo-mania in between. So, I went to the VA. Now, remember, Fart ... More About: Funny
YAY! It Doesn?t Suck!
2008-04-30 10:28:00 Imagine my relief yesterday morning, sweat beading on my forehead, when my shaking finger reached toward my iPod to press play and I heard THE BEST MADONNA ALBUM EVER!!!!! Imagine the consternation of my co-workers as I left it on “repeat” all day yesterday. Imagine them tearing out their hair as I do the same thing ... More About: Suck
National Day of Silence
2008-04-25 09:50:00 Today is the National Day of Silence sponsored by the GLSEN. I ain’t got shit to say. I hope you don’t, either. More About: National Day
Life Is Canceled Until Further Notice
2008-04-24 13:51:00 I have an 8,000 word term paper due in a couple of weeks. I haven’t written a word of it. I haven’t researched a word of it. I sorta need to get it done. So, while Saint Gradon is gallavanting working in Las Vegas this weekend, I’ll be sitting in front of a computer screen, loaded up on caffeine, ... More About: Funny , Life , Notice
Would Someone PLEASE Buy This For Maxine???
2008-04-21 15:14:00 Atlanta’s Clermont Hotel is for sale, and Maxine wants it. It’s precioussssssss! Well, it was. It is now considered one of America’s Top 20 Dive Bars and Maxine NEEDS IT!!!!!! They even have a stripper named “Blondie ,” whose claim to fame is her talent at crushing beer cans with her breasticles!!! We would, of course, rename it the ... More About: Funny , Atlanta
How to Eat Sh!t and Like It?
2008-04-20 18:39:00 Welcome to church… Kisses, Maxine More About: Funny , Life
Maxine Gets Memed
2008-04-20 00:15:00 I have been tagged with the “Fluff Five Meme” by Lumpy Lumps, so here goes… Five Things Found In Your Bag… This is my Ducati bag by Tumi. As you will see, it’s deceptively small. This is all the stuff I keep in my purse, and it probably requires some explanation. On the first row, is ... More About: Funny
Church Bulletin
2008-04-18 17:14:00 INVOCATION - The Reverend Mother Maxine LeGay TITHING ANNOUNCEMENTS TITHING COMMUNION - BYOB (the Margurator’s still broke) SONG (Canceled due to absence of Choir of Ill Repute) SERMON - “How to Eat Shit and Smile” by The Reverend Mother Maxine LeGay TITHING COMMUNION REVOCATION Ya’ll bitches wear yo’ hats! Kisses, Maxine More About: Church , Bulletin
Maxine Orders a Code Red
2008-04-16 18:54:00 Click here to read the story about the assholes from my hometown who baked a kitten. I’m 99.99999% positive that the “two teenagers seen running from the house” are the guilty party. I am SO FUCKING PISSED ABOUT THIS, that I just don’t know what to do. Actually, I do know what to do. I’m ordering a code red. Tom ... More About: Code , Orders
An Update on The Color Purples
2008-04-16 17:55:00 I ain’t seen them bitches since they failed to pick me up for karaoke Saturday night, but… Americans’ plane stolen in Mexico From the Associated Press April 16, 2008 LOS CABOS, MEXICO — Gunwomen robbed a family of U.S. tourists of its small plane Tuesday in Mexico, police said. The robbers struck as the American couple and their ... More About: Color , Update
Dealing With The Assholism In Your Life
2008-04-15 14:23:00 I hope ya’ll are buyin’ shitloads of T-shirts so we can make a big donation to Maxine’s Charity of the Month. In the meantime, I wanted to tell ya’ll that I was listening to Larry Flick and his pals over at OutQ on Sirius this morning, and they was talkin’ about ridding yo’self of all the ... More About: Funny , House , Life
Introducing Maxine?s Shop of Ill Repute!!!
2008-04-14 22:17:00 Fart Blossoms, I’d like to make a major announcement. Maxine’s Shop of Ill Repute is now open!!!! The absolutely useless shit you’ll find up in there is pricey as hell, but there’s a really good reason for that. 100 PERCENT OF THE PROFITS GO TO MAXINE’S CHARITY OF THE MONTH!!! That’s right, ya’ll, every last penny of profit ... More About: Funny , Life , Queen
Finding the G-Spot in Your Life
2008-04-13 22:44:00 It took me all damned day, but here’s a bit surprise for the Fart Blossoms. I hope ya’ll enjoy! Kisses, Maxine More About: Funny , Life , Spot
Findin? the G-Spot in Your Life
2008-04-13 19:58:00 It took a lot of work, but here’s a surprise for all you Fart Blossoms. Enjoy! <object width=”425″ height=”350″> <param name=”movie” value=”http://www.youtube.com/v/Scp RmXewyy4″> </param> <embed src=”http://www.youtube.com/v/ScpRm Xewyy4″ type=”application/x-shockwave-flash ” width=”425″ height=”350″> </embed> </object> Kisses, Maxine More About: Life , Spot
Giving Back
2008-04-12 10:51:00 Fart Blossoms, I was so taken with this new spirit of giving back last night, that I was a jumping ball of energy. I simply could not sit still, so I decided a few glasses of wine would give me the right amount of chill. Four bottles of Two Buck Chuck later, I was even more in ... More About: Funny , Atlanta , Back , Giving
Church Bulletin
2008-04-11 11:39:00 Invocation by the Reverend Mother Maxine LeGay Tithing for the Liquor Church Fund Announcements *Monthly Mission Trip to Mississippi Gulf Coast to Hit the Casinos Help Rebuild *Choir of the Ill Repute Trip to Ladies’ Night Choir Practice *Status of Indictment Persecution of Brother Hester *Prayer List Additions and Dead Fuckers Deletions First Communion (BYOB) Tithing for the Gambling Church Bus Fund Song “Money’s ... More About: Bulletin
Finding Inspiration
2008-04-10 20:27:00 This has been the strangest morning in so many ways. In the last few hours, so many of my questions about life have been answered, and those answers have come from the most unexpected places. First, I have to tell you that I hate my job. Hate. Loathe. Abhor. Detest. Abominate. Ya’ dig? I am a commercial ... More About: Funny , God , Faith , Charity , Inspiration
Guano Loco, But?
More articles from this author:2008-04-10 18:08:00 I’ve taken Frankie’s advice, and now I’m much better. I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a day or so, but I needed some “Oh-shit-life-really-fucking-sucks- and-can’t-get-any-fucking-worseR 21; time. Now, the birds are singing, the sun is out, and my boss is out of town for two days, so all is right with the world. Here’s an update on where things ... More About: Funny , Humor , Madonna 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
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