GorillaSushi GorillaSushi GorillaSushi is a band of eclectic bloggers writing on every imaginable subject. As many blogs gain attention for their narrow focus, we pride ourselves in our broad subject matter. Satire, movie reviews, trailers, humor, politics, technology and cul Articles
St Patrick says: DRINK
2008-03-17 12:45:00 St. Patrick 's day is not about celebrating the conversion of Ireland's druids to Christianity back in 400-some AD. No. It's about beer. Now celebrate it right. Your challenges for today... Bring a recovering alcoholic back to the fold Puke green Insult someone's culture (any culture will do today) More About: Drink , St Patrick
February $100 Winner
2008-03-16 17:38:00 The blogs below all chipped in to make February ’s contest for $100 possible and after a large delay (caused by a malfunctioning tube sock sensor on the dilithium capacitor), we’ve chosen a winner! We randomly chose Rina, the author of AzrinaAznan.com as our winner. She wrote this blog post about the contest, landing her 25 easy contest entries (entries 852-876) and the winning entry was 875. Congrats, Rina! Don’t miss out on YOUR hundred bucks. Enter the March $100 contest right now. Last month's contest was sponsored by... JoeTech.com Link Bait Gorilla Sushi CK Marketing The Big Bald Blog How 2 Blogger Jason Boom More About: Winner
Most Accurate Personality Quiz Ever
2008-03-15 20:14:00 Everybody loves an internet personality quiz. It's a fact. Here's the brand new, shiny, all-knowing GorillaSushi Personality Quiz !! Choose only one answer from the below questions! My love life could best be described as... Incestuous Painful Nonexistent Based on lies deceit and seething hatred The first thing I do in the morning is... Pray for death Pray for alcohol Try to find my way back home Look for others to belittle in order to make myself feel better My favorite drink is... Bottled water 151 on the rocks Anything blue Pickle juice My most used phrase online... LOL This blog sucks, you should die Are you sure you're 18? M seeking F - prefers deformities My job... Sucks, man Fills me with a sense of accomplishment and belonging Title ends in the with the word "mopper" Is only semi-legitimate My typical Friday night is spent... Crying and trying to get my cats to show some interest in me I can't remember R...
Evil Dreadlock Movie Pie
2008-03-14 12:19:00 It was 2 years ago today that I wrote my first post! How do I remember? Because it's on Pi day! March 14 = 3.14! Dorks rejoice! One year ago in GorillaSushi history... The Future of Movie Theaters It's difficult to plot the fate of theaters because it's difficult to find a comparison that exists now or in the past. Movie houses don't actually produce much. Sure, they have screens bigger than I'll ever be able to afford but consider this - what if I built a theater with comfortable seats, friendly concession stand and the best speakers and audio equipment money could buy. Now I charge $10 a ticket for people to come listen to new CDs. Sounds pretty lame. Why is it an acceptable idea for video but not audio? (read more) A Peek At The Former Me A brief history of my extreme hairstyle (pictured below)... (read more) Deliver Us From Evil - Trailer An excellent movie about how the Catholic church handles pedophile priests. Hey, weren't we just ...
Watch The Carpet! Caption Contest
2008-03-13 12:58:00 Did I mention that I've figures out the recipe for a universal cancer cure? It's easy to make and chances are you've got the ingredients in your kitchen right now! You'll need: 1 tsp. Lemon rind 1 gallon Olive oil 1 whole Cow tongue... OH WAIT! It's caption contest day!! Have at it. Psh, cancer cure. What was I thinking? More About: Contest , Watch , Carpet , Caption
Traffic Addition
2008-03-12 12:59:00 I drive 100 miles a day so traffic is a pretty big factor in my life. Ghost jams and shockwave traffic jams are a regular occurrence but I've never realized how simple in form they are. This (very) short video shows a shockwave jam begin and spread. This 1998 paper by electrical engineer William Beaty examines the phenomenon further and provides a simple solution. Dark Roasted Blend has a nice collection of traffic jam pictures and insane looking road layouts. Here's one straight from my commute! Is there such thing as a "traffic nerd"? Perhaps I'm unique. More About: Traffic
Social Sin City
2008-03-11 13:22:00 You know I hate to pen two "angry atheist" posts in a row but when Vatican puts a target on their own backs, they should expect some friendly sniping. Over the weekend Pope and Co. issued a list of seven "social" sins to supplement it's list of the seven deadly. I can only assume that the "social" tag is meant to somehow correlate with the "social networking" and "social bookmarking" that the kids on the internets are into these days. I'm not saying that issuing a list of bad behavior to avoid is unsavory in itself but a close look at the list reveals some real disappointments. Pollution No argument here. Earth Day, April 22nd, is coming up! Drug Abuse Oh wait, that's bad? Kidding. I'm get the feeling that some of these sins are arriving to the party a little late. Like so late that everybody's all drunk and watching infomercials and when the sins show up their all like "dude, you can drive us t... More About: Social , City , Sin City
Jesus Ate My Homework
2008-03-10 13:30:00 What if you were a teacher and you had a pupil who decided to answer quiz questions with "God did it" or "because God said so"? What if you, as a teacher, decided that this student was merely expressing their right to religious freedom and to give them a failing grade, reprimand them or correct them publicly would be a violation of their rights? What if other students caught on to this and began to express their own rights to their religious beliefs over what is taught? Welcome to Oklahoma. The Edmund Sun reports... The Oklahoma House of Representatives Education Committee has just approved House Bill 2211. The bill is expected to pass the full House, and then to go to the Senate. Its authors describe it as promoting freedom of religion in the public schools. The bill requires public schools to guarantee students the right to express their religious viewpoints in a public forum, in class, in homework and in other ways without ... More About: Jesus , Homework
Yet Another Hundred Dollars!
2008-03-07 12:59:00 The winner of last month's $100 giveaway will be announced in the next few days! Even better - here's another $100 giveaway contest! Rules and methods of entry are the same but the sponsoring blogs are slightly different. To gain entries into the contest, just do any of the following: Make a comment of value (not just “i agree”, etc.) on a post = 1 entry (remember to comment on all blogs) Subscribe to RSS via email = 2 entries (per blog you subscribe to!) Write a post about the contest on blog (must include a link to this page and the links below to participating blogs) = 25 entries How much easier can we make it? Please note (new stuff): If you are already subscribed to any of the sites below, you are already earning entries. Also, to get credit for posting about the contest, your post’s link must show up in the comments below or in the comments on one of the other blogs listed below. So you can sneak in with just one entry by simply posting a comment ... More About: Dollars
Laundry Day Caption Contest
2008-03-06 13:46:00 Last night I had a burning fever, I was constantly shivering, queasy and had the beginnings of a headache. This morning I awoke without a trace of malady. BEHOLD, I give you the healing powers of the Thursday Caption Contest ! She's all yours, kids... More About: Laundry
Seeing Double - Twice Too Much
2008-03-05 13:51:00 The year was 1943. It was the width height of World War II. Unbeknownst to many Americans, Congress passed a bill that would pull the wool over the eyes of US citizens and lovers of celebrity worldwide for decades to come. We were experiencing a horrific shortage of famous people and there was no end in sight to this abominable tragedy. Congress reacted to the outcry and passed the Covert Dual Celebrity Act of 1943. This secret bill allowed famous peoples to assume a second famous persona, effectively doubling the amount of superstars in America and eventually helping us to win the war, crushing Finland once and for all. Don't believe me? Here's just one example... See?? It's the same dude! There are more. I'll post them as they become apparent. This is a huge conspiracy, people. It's time to find out the truth behind Hollywood's lies. More About: Double , Seeing Double
Yes, But You Can't Deny It Rocks
2008-03-04 13:31:00 What if I were to tell you that you're about to watch one freakin' awesome video but the trade-off involves listening to a Mariah Carey song? Wait! Don't go! Look, it's got Kenneth from 30 Rock, a unicorn (fo rizzo), laser guns and Mariah in a short dress with knee socks. Yeah, the kind with the stripes on top. Turn down the sound if you want. Meeyow. Mariah Carey reminds me of being in high school, listening to the Sex Pistols and the Grateful Dead (I <3 irony) and speaking out on how pop music will destroy the freedom of musical choice...but secretly thinking "that Mariah Carey is so freakin' hot". Is it just me? More About: Rocks
The Future Of The Internets
2008-03-03 13:47:00 Did you know that you can make money from the internet? Something called "Web 2.0" is sweeping the nation and right now is your chance to get on board! LKTVYouSubmitOnline.com is a site that allows real live users submit their own videos via email with the possibility of winning huge prizes! It's an internet-based television network! Sound crazy? So did the Flowbee but guess who's been laughing all the way to the bank for much longer than expected? Here's one great example of the rad content you'll find at LKTV You Submit Online... Founded by Lewis Klarke, a Los Angeles visionary, LKTVYouSubmitOnline.com is the hippest place to be! So how can you get on board this "phenomenon train"? Check out the awesome investors page and get ready to invest in the future! More About: Future , The Future , The Internets
A Snapshot of Impending Doom Part 2
2008-03-01 20:20:00 Where does a sequel's continuity end and where does self-plagiarism begin? For quite some time now I've been keeping an eye out for another picture to analyze as I did with the first Snapshot of Impending Doom . Unfortunately, just like the dating world, the more I looked, the higher my standards became. I became frantic that my only two options were settle for something that would leave me disappointed and embarrassed or hold out forever, destined to eventually take up model railroading and breeding cats. Then along came this beauty. The caption reads: Bat out of Hell I don't know where this picture was originally published but I imagine it was some sort of sporting magazine. Luckily I don't require trivialities such a "sources" to bring you to the heart of the story. My gift is one of intuition and I've wrapped this one up in newspaper and string, sending it on it's way a little too late and addressed to your neighbor's house. They... More About: Part
Paris And The White House
2008-02-29 13:34:00 One year ago on GorillaSushi.com... No Atheist In The White House This isn't the kind of thing that you would expect to find surprises in but I was taken aback by the results. Americans aren't voting homosexual? Not exactly a two headed cheerleader jumping out of a birthday cake... [read more] And my one and only post about Paris Hilton which included this Photoshopped gem by yours truly... Oh and hey! Today is your last chance to enter the $100 Giveaway Contest! More About: White House , The White House
Evil Bunny Caption Contest
2008-02-28 13:41:00 This winter is seriously kicking my ass. I keep thinking "the first day of spring is next month, less than a month away" but in reality I know that March will probably only bring more blizzards. In the spirit of spring, this week's caption contest features everyone's favorite fuzzy Easter buddy... Have at it... More About: Contest , Evil , Bunny , Caption
Leo's Song
2008-02-27 13:48:00 When a geometric visitor from another planet becomes your new roommate and shares with you the tragic state of its home world, you drop your guitar and see what you can do. A song/video by Impactist. [via A Clever Header, Promising Intrigue] More About: Song
The Convenience of Time Travel
2008-02-26 14:19:00 Where do you get your robot emotions? Do you have a good place to get Mammoth Chunks? Confused yet? You'll find the whole story of the Time Travel Mart here. More About: Convenience , Time Travel
Getting StumbleUpon Traffic
2008-02-23 23:23:00 Recently Blogsters Guild asked me the question... remember a while back when I first discovered Stumble upon. Sushi was all over it. So needless to say I've been a fan ever since. When and how did you start getting gargantuan amounts of hits with Stumble? We peasants could use some pointers. While I am not an expert on the subject, I have been using StumbleUpon to market myself for over a year and half, having made my fair share of mistakes and have had a few strong successes. Most recently I received over 76,000 hits on one post over the course of a week, including over 21,000 unique visitors in one day. My list of tips and tricks can be broken down into 3 broad categories Become an active member of the SU community, Write content that's going to get Stumbled and Submitting your content. Become An Active Member of the SU Community What Is StumbleUpon? StumbleUpon helps you discover and share great websites. As you click "Stumble", they deli... More About: Traffic , Stumbleupon
Islam, Whipped and a Sonnet
2008-02-22 13:33:00 Here's 2 gems from one year ago, here on GorillaSushi.... Why Islam Is Anti-American A look at the reasons why Americans are primed to fear and hate the practitioners of the Islamic faith. (read) So Not Whipped A photographic body of evidence demonstrating how much control I exert over my wife. Another super underrated post...(read) And in current news, I've been Sonnetized! Lis from About Every Little Thing set a new benchmark for generosity by purchasing a sonnet in my name! "Before starting, this site isn’t work safe so it’s best you do not click in that case unless a two weeks looks nice in your face which means you will never meet your wife’s base she will be mad for not getting candy because you’re so stint, you can’t afford milk but if you’re at home, well that’s just dandy this site might not be as great as smooth silk but the guy who runs it is pretty slick an...
Kid Robot Caption Contest
2008-02-21 13:27:00 Sometimes I struggle to find a good picture for the Thursday Caption Contest ...and then sometimes gems like this one just fall right into my glorious lap. I need to use the phrase "glorious lap" more often. More About: Robot
Prepare For The Zombie Army
2008-02-20 13:49:00 You know that scene in the horror movie where one guy finds out the horrible truth and tries to warn everyone? No one ever listens. Here's your chance to overcome that cliche, people so listen up lest your brains become zombie fodder. Unfortunately YouTube has failed me this morning by not having the exact commercial I'm looking for. I saw it last night, advertising Oil of Olay's Definity Eye Illuminator. Here's the important parts: the commercial in question is very similar to the one below except the product packaging has changed to look like the picture to the right. Please take note of the new package design - it's the important part. Study it. It may very well end up saving your life. Now watch the commercial... Done? Nothing unusual there right? Now watch this commercial (it's only 80 seconds so stop pretending like you don't have the time - we're talking about zombie infestation here) Um. &... More About: Army , Zombie
War Is Over
2008-02-19 13:49:00 Remember back in December '06 when I wrote about how HD-DVD/Blue-ray Combo Players Are a Bad Idea? I said it only encouraged multiple formats. I was called a 'loon' by many who believed that multiple formats were the inevitable future of home media and we should just get used to it. In your face, internets. Toshiba is expected to reveal plans to immediately halt manufacturing and development of HD DVD players and cease sales of all HD DVD products by the end of the month. This announcement may come this afternoon. If you were unfortunate enough to have bought a HD-DVD player, get to your local video rental store if you want to buy the last of the movies. This news has been out for a few days (weeks?) now and most major retail outlets have already discounted all HD-DVD merchandise in order to clear the shelves. Microsoft must be kinda pissed...
Elmo Live
2008-02-18 13:22:00 Just when you thought that you had put the holidays behind you, the next big gift comes slithering up from the muck. I wish "Omle" was a word. Pointing out the fact that "Elmo Live " backwards is "Evil Omle" would make a lot more sense. Maybe I can just add a few letters to make it work - it's not like you're following me anyway. So here's the video of the Evil Omelet... Additional features include... Elmo acts as a fully functioning home security system Elmo watches over all family members as they sleep Elmo is licensed to euthanize the elderly
Instructional Interpretations
2008-02-16 21:15:00 It's unfortunate that in the midst of life's most catastrophic disasters, we're often given little instruction. Your plane is going down in flames? You've got this handy laminated instruction card but there's no words! What is that lady doing?? You don't have time to interpret these things! You've succeeded. The walls of the cabin are engulfed in flames and now is your time to make a dash for the exit. Who knew that arson could be this fun? You're only a few feet from a clean getaway and... BAM! Kung-Fu Stewardess! It was a noble attempt my pyromaniacal friend but no one escapes Kung-Fu Stewardess's mighty grip. During disaster situations some looting may occur. Proper looting techniques are as follows... 1. Tear shit up indiscriminately. ...
Girls, Guns and Traffic
2008-02-15 15:26:00 One year ago on GorillaSushi... Girls With Guns ...My first reactions included laughter and fascination. The site has a decidedly "trailer park" undertone to it. However, I'm not too embarrassed to admit that some of the pictures were actually fairly attractive. Is this what NRA loonies dream of?... (continue) **************** I also wanted to take a moment to thank all of the loyal readers of GorillaSushi. Without you guys, I would probably go a little nuts. Thanks to everyone who's been Stumbling lately too - "A Snapshot of Impending Doom" alone has gotten over 40,000 hits this last week! Big changes are in the works here. I'm working on a huge upgrade and a complete redesign and I'd have to say that it's looking pretty sweet! More About: Traffic
Blind Bunny Caption Contest
2008-02-14 13:57:00 Thursday isn't just LOST day. It's also caption contest day. It's all yours... More About: Contest , Blind , Bunny , Caption
The Big Lebowski - The Fucking Short Version
2008-02-13 13:48:00 The Big Lebowski is one of those movies that is constantly brought to mind, stirred up by the absurdity of the everyday. I often think to myself "I should watch that one again, it's been a while" but time constraints alway win out. For those of you who are in the same predicament, I give you the entire movie condensed into 2 minutes and 14 seconds. NSFW audio. More About: Fucking , Short , Version
Apple iGame Set To Suck
2008-02-12 13:53:00 On February 5, 2008, Apple Inc. filed to protect their Apple trademark in relation to “hand-held units for playing electronic games; hand-held units for playing video games; stand alone video game machines; electronic games other than those adapted for use with television receivers only; LCD game machines; electronic educational game machines; toys, namely battery-powered computer games”. Trademark application. In other words, the iGame that was nothing more than an April fool's day prank in '06 has now grown legs and started moping around it's dorm room, looking to find meaning through it's music but only if it can get some more cash from Mom and Dad to buy that dope new pedal effects processor. Rumor Details: Processing speed and hard drive size information will never be made public. It's just better. Speakers are unavailable, audio may only be heard through uncomfortable medieval earbuds. The console version will make your TV look ugly and want ... More About: Suck
Censored Count
More articles from this author:2008-02-11 13:00:00 Protecting our children from the extreme vulgarity of Sesame Street's Count Von Count... I think I remember that bit from my childhood but I've apparently repressed the devious message. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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