GorillaSushi GorillaSushi GorillaSushi is a band of eclectic bloggers writing on every imaginable subject. As many blogs gain attention for their narrow focus, we pride ourselves in our broad subject matter. Satire, movie reviews, trailers, humor, politics, technology and cul Articles
Contest Winner
2008-02-10 19:13:00 After gathering up all 2,045 January $100 Contest entries, picking our random number, and digging through all the entries for the winner, I am happy to announce that we’re giving a hundred bucks to... Mark at 45n5.com. Mark has already been issued his fabulous $100 via PayPal. January was our first shot at this and while we’re still fine-tuning, it went rather well. I can’t wait to give away another $100 in this month’s contest. I also want to thank those of you who've subscribed, blogged about and comment to this site. There were 314 comments here this last month with the top three commenters being... Lis from About Every Little Thing (25) Meleah from Momma Mia, Mea Culpa (18) Lusciousnis from Missa's Niceties (15) You kids are the best stalkers a guy could ever ask for (and I do ask all the time). This is not to be confused with our February $100 Contest which you can enter right now. More About: Winner
A Magical Morning With Conan
2008-02-09 20:19:00 I usually set aside a few hours every Saturday morning to write a wordy or well illustrated post. Today I decided that before I wrote my post I would get a quick drawing out of the way first. Andy from Station Atomica is holding an Anti-Contest and I wanted to enter. An anti-contest by Andy's definition is a contest that doesn't rely on RSS subscriptions, comments or writing about it on your own blog. Instead, you merely draw a picture of A Magical Unicorn, or Arnold Schwarzenegger from memory. Sweet. So I got started drawing. Then I got into it. Then I realized that I had blown off breakfast, lunch, my Saturday morning poop and missed my chance to write up that post regarding Anne Coulter's relationship to the Chupacabra. Crap. As a concession and an apology, I give you... I'm desperately feeling the need to justify my time investment. Maybe I'll make into the next Shirt of the Month. Would anyone wear this masterpiece of awesomeness... More About: Morning , Conan
Weirdsville 404
2008-02-08 13:28:00 One year ago on GorillaSushi... 404 I've been thinking about 404 pages recently because I have giant sausage fingers some of my favorite sites must have mysteriously moved some of their pages (cont.)... And this trailer for Weirdsville... "Royce (Wes Bentley - Ricky from American Beauty) and Dexter (Scott Speedman - Michael Corvin from Underworld) are two slackers who live in the strange little town of Weedsville. When Royce's girlfriend Matilda overdose's on their stash and dies, they decide to bury her in an abandoned Drive-In theater. Things get out of control when they discover Satanists performing a ritual sacrifice right where they were going to bury the body..." I need to get this one in the old Netflix que. IMDB link
Asscentric Caption Contest
2008-02-07 13:30:00 If I were an evangelical who had secretly infiltrated the Obama marketing campaign team, looking to sabotage his public image by slipping in horrible slogans that seem like a good idea, I would start with... "Obama - Come to the dark side" Oh wait! It's Thursday! Caption Contest Day! Caps! Caption away, people. Caption away.
Snowing Is Half The Battle
2008-02-06 13:37:00 The weather people are seriously fucking with me. All day yesterday the weather reports progressively became more and more dire. In the morning it was "rain turning into snow over night" and by the time I left work it was "snow starting at midnight with 8 to 12 inches by the morning rush hour". Twelve inches of snow? For the hip-hop impaired there is a subtitled version available. Ok, you can stop playing the video now. Seriously, your going to get it stuck in your head and it's more than likely that someone will totally bust you humming it while doing your subtle booty dance, thinking no one's looking. You know the booty dance I'm talking about. Anyway, I wake up this morning and...nothing. It's still raining. I'm in the clear! Wait, the weather guy has that look on his face. The look that says "Go ahead, don't believe me. I'll be banging the traffic girl in the green room while your out getting corn... More About: Battle , Half
Frozen at Grand Central
2008-02-05 13:56:00 Flash mobs are so over but this video gets me all giddy. A project by Improv Everywhere. More About: Central , Grand , Frozen
Win Another Hundred Bucks
2008-02-04 00:17:00 The winner of last month's $100 giveaway will be announced in the next few days! Even better - here's another $100 giveaway contest! Rules and methods of entry are the same but the sponsoring blogs are slightly different. To gain entries into the contest, just do any of the following: Make a comment of value (not just “i agree”, etc.) on a post = 1 entry (remember to comment on all blogs) Subscribe to RSS via email = 2 entries (per blog you subscribe to!) Write a post about the contest on blog (must include a link to this page and the links below to participating blogs) = 25 entries How much easier can we make it? So you can sneak in with just one entry by simply posting a comment here, you can increase your odds by reading and commenting on a few more posts here and at one of the blogs below and maybe subscribe to a couple, or you can really up the odds and subscribe to all all of our blogs (which you’ll enjoy reading anyway), comment on a bunch of p... More About: Bucks
Embarrassing Republican Photos
2008-02-02 21:55:00 Sure, we've all got a picture or two that we regret appearing in. For some, it's a picture showing a little too much skin and for others it's a regrettable photo of the subject dry humping the leg of an unnamed murderous dictator, both of them wearing miniskirts and sporting heavy eye shadow and smeared lipstick. Hey, I was young. So what about the current Republican candidates battling it out in the primaries? Where are their embarrassing photos? Right here of course... Mitt Romney This is a photo from a Los Angeles house party circa 1998. It depicts Republican hopeful Mitt Romney clearly attempting to butt-rape Buffy the Vampire Slayer. As a huge buffy fan, I am so jealous appalled at this public display of sodomy and blatant pink-shirtedness. You may argue that this is nothing more than an erotic dance move but even that warrants condemnation because we all know that dancing makes the lord cry! Mike Huckabee We've all... More About: Photos
My Wife Still Rocks
2008-02-01 13:44:00 One year ago on GorillaSushi... Why My Wife Rocks She loves video games. She can keep up with me even on long bike rides. She likes the idea of eggplant but not the taste. She puts my ice cream in the microwave. She is not afraid to walk into a strange bar. She likes coupons. She puts up with my crap. She would be a stripper if it didn't involve so much coke and old men. She protects me from sharks. Special postscript: One year later - she still rocks. She rocks the casbah, she rocks the cash bar and she most definitely rocks the cat box.
Hot Coffee Caption Contest
2008-01-31 13:52:00 Hey look, it's Thursday and that can only mean 2 things... Another hump-day has passed without much actual humping It's Caption Contest day! Have at it... More About: Coffee
Dangerous Cult Google Bomb
2008-01-30 14:00:00 "A Google bomb (also referred to as a 'link bomb') is Internet slang for a certain kind of attempt to influence the ranking of a given page in results returned by the Google search engine, often with humorous or political intentions. Because of the way that Google's algorithm works, a page will be ranked higher if the sites that link to that page use consistent anchor text. A Google bomb is created if a large number of sites link to the page in this manner." - Wikipedia Today's Google bomb? Dangerous cult Try it for yourself! More About: Scientology , Cult , Google Bomb , Bomb
Teardrop Covered By Jose Gonzalez
2008-01-29 13:40:00 Yesterday the adoption agency came and spent a few hours at our house, investigating and interviewing us. Things went swimmingly and we're now approved for up to 18 babies with an annual interest rate of 1.3 babies. As a toast to myself, here's one two of my favorite things in the entire universe exquisitely rolled into one. The singer is Jose Gonzalez . Voice sound familiar? Remember the Sony Bravia commercial with the thousands of rubber balls bouncing down the streets of San Fransisco? Same guy and I love his voice. Jose Gonzalez homepage (clicking the logo on the page opens a new window and auto plays a video with sound) Live version of the same song from the Greenman '06 festival Buy the new album In Our Nature by Jose Gonzalez The other favorite part is the fact that this song is a cover of one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands, Massive Attack. Massive Attack homepage Massive Attack - Teardrop video (weird) Buy the Massive Attack 1998... More About: Covered
What NOT To Put In Your Yard
2008-01-26 19:20:00 I fancy myself as somewhat of an interior decorating whiz (as seen here). One of the most beautiful things about interior design is right there, built into the name. Interior. As in "on the inside". I can drive a mile in every direction without so much as a glimpse of your zebra print wallpaper, wicker dining set or your impressive collection of decorative roosters (or deco-cocks as I call them). As beautiful as that fact is, it's equally torturous that I can't even look out my window without seeing some landscaping monstrosity. Your front lawn is your exterior design opportunity, your outward appearance and your primary shot at a favorable first impression (before the guests come in and notice your "wall of Precious Moments"). Here's a (incomplete) guide to the things that just don't belong in front of your abode... Lawn Balls or Gazing Balls Description: Perhaps ... More About: Yard
Cloverfield Review
2008-01-25 21:29:00 Cloverfield Review Remember when The Blair Witch Project came out, and everyone thought it was a real video made by some lost kid?. And the filming was all done by hand cameras which made the film unique? Well, that was almost ten years ago now, and Hollywood is betting that enough time has past for us to forget just how novel that first experiment in filmmaking was. Enter Cloverfield. I left the theater in love with this film. But as I prepared to write this review, I, unfortunately, started to break it down. Big mistake. I highly suggest you stop reading now, go see Cloverfield, Love it! And never think about it again. I warned you. You still have time to stop and click away. My first warning that this might not be the greatest film of all time was the Rotten Tomatoes’ rating of 73% two days after opening. Considering this is a JJ Abrams film, and his fans are seriously nuts, this number should h... More About: Cloverfield
Burn Woodsy Revisited
2008-01-25 13:46:00 A real gem from one year ago here on GorillaSushi... Burn , Woodsy, BURN!!! Man, that sounds really serious. As always, there are Woodsy apologists out there who think that the old Owl should take his rightful place in our nations' museums (right next to that one sculpture of a naked dude). However, there is a laundry list of reasons to incinerate our old pal beyond recognition. And here they are... And for those who have trouble expressing themselves through body language (a common problem for bloggers), there's this handy instructional video... I have nothing to say because my speaking orifice is distorted.
Butt-Squirell Caption Contest
2008-01-24 13:47:00 If I were a LOLcat I would say something like "IS A THURSDAE CAPSHUN CAHNTEST!!". I'm glad that I'm not a LOLcat. He's all yours... More About: Contest , Butt , Caption
Threats To Scientology
2008-01-23 14:02:00 I've got a serious case of brain drain but that seems to be the norm all across the blog-o-cube this week. BUT I'm not just phoning it in this time - these are some seriously awesome videos. Jerry O'Connell must have some of the biggest balls in Hollywood. Not only does he mock Tom Cruise and his psycho propaganda video but he pretty much takes a dump on Scientology . Awesome. Along the same lines, Anonymous has declared war on Scientology with this video. For the good of your followers, for the good of mankind--for the laughs--we shall expel you from the Internet and systematically dismantle the Church of Scientology in its present form. And last but not least, I got Wonton a FOID card for the holidays so she could rent a gun at the shooting range and see what it feels like. I expect it to go something like this... More About: Threats
Heavy Metal in Baghdad
2008-01-22 14:14:00 Another fine film from Vice Films and VBS TV Official site here. (<-video auto-plays with sound) More About: Metal , Baghdad , Heavy metal , Heavy
Cloverfield Warning
2008-01-21 13:30:00 We went to see Cloverfield yesterday - it was pretty much awesome. One of the best parts was walking in and seeing these signs posted in a few spots... Due to the filming method used for "Cloverfield," guests viewing this film may experience side effects associated with motion sickness similar to riding a roller coaster. That's the first warning I've seen like that. Fortunately people weren't throwing their hands in the air and screaming "Weeeeeeee!!!". No one lost any hats or pocket change and most importantly there was no vomit splattering backwards through the theater. Yes, Wonton stole one. More About: Warning
The Andy Army
2008-01-19 21:11:00 As an obsessed blogger, I spend 80% of my day a lot of time looking over my stats. (Hit play and continue reading) I keep a watchful eye on useful information such as inbound links, page views, Alexa rankings, number of girls who've sent me naked pictures of themselves, blah, blah. The usual. One stat that I never saw coming is the massive influx of Andy s. Or is it Andies? Either way, there's been a whole lot of them cropping up around these parts. There's... Atomic Andy of Station Atomica who's all Andy. Big Pappa of The Big Bald Blog who's a secret Andy. Andy of My Blog Rules - a newcomer to the sea of Andys. I think there's a few others too - otherwise the reason behind writing this post is sounding pretty lame. Is Geekster an Andy? Maybe it was Caveman? The percentage of new visitors named Andy is growing at an alarming rate (see pie chart). My proposal? Assemble the greatest force ever known to mankind - The Andy Army . ...
Weird Photo Obsession
2008-01-18 14:05:00 Fans of the Thursday caption contest may be interested in this post about how I used to steal loads of other people's pictures while working at a photo-lab. Other than that I wrote nothing of much interest last year, this last week. More About: Weird , Photo , Obsession
One Eyed Carny Caption Contest
2008-01-17 13:50:00 I love my Thursday Caption Contest s because they help remember what day it is. As always, leave as many captions as you like. OH! And don't forget - if you don't want to win $100 then then don't enter the $100 dollar give-away. That would just be counter productive.
The Empty Flask
2008-01-16 13:38:00 When I returned home from work yesterday I found three packages awaiting on my front porch. One was a hanging lamp (future project), one was a fabulous prize package from Big Pappa (more on that soon) and the third was a new flask! Wonton picked this one out and we agreed on getting it embossed with a big "X". Because my middle name is Xavier? No, it's not. Because Professor X is my personal hero and inspiration? No, I don't aspire to be handy-capable. Because electric xylophone jazz is the best drinking music? Yes but that's not the reason. It's simply because the letter X is the most awesomest of all letters. Closely followed by J. Anywho, now we have to decide what our inaugural booze will be. Here's a few ideas... Goldshlagger: Goes nicely with our $1 bill salads and burns stomach lining warms nicely in the winter season. MD 20/20: Because we can taste the difference between the 18% Red Grape Wine flavor and the upscale 13%. Wild Irish... More About: Empty
Gay Bar
2008-01-15 13:06:00 At first you'll be thinking "oh this is mildly amusing, somewhat offensive and sophomoric at best" but them you'll see the hamster and you'll be all like "fucking brilliant!" NSFW unless you want a reputation makeover. The band is Electric Six and the album is Fire.
A Look Behind the Screens
2008-01-14 13:44:00 Most websites run on code and stuff but this one runs on blood, sweat, tears and other bodily fluids. And money. Lots of money. This last week has found me working to upgrade the software platform that runs GorillaSushi. In layman's terms that's the software that makes the blog "go". Technically speaking, it's the software that makes the blog "go". I use Drupal, an open source, PHP based software. I'm about 8 months behind on some major upgrades and it's getting to the point where every bug and needed feature comes down to the necessity to upgrade. But the problem arises when I start to read about the upgrade process. I see fun phrases like "possible loss of all data" and "website will catch on fire, melting into a smoking pile of toxic goo". These phrases trouble me. So rather than just simply upgrading, I've spent the last week copying the entire site to a test site, matching all records and settings...
One Heck Of A Giveaway
2008-01-12 19:41:00 Sheesh! For the duration of this month Bloggin-Ads is holding a contest of epic proportions! Why am I mentioning this? * I'm sponsoring a portion of one of the 12 prize packages * It's probably the most humongous blog contest ever put together * You'll probably want to enter Entries methods are multitudinous and unostentatious: 3 ticket - Subscribe to Bloggin-Ads.com via E-mail 10 ticket - Post about this contest by using the post link and you must have all the groups and prize sponsors’ blog URLs in tact on your post 1 ticket each - Post a comment on any one of the prize sponsors’ blog (Limit 5) 1 ticket - Stumble/Digg the contest post (you must post a message on StumbleUpon/Digg) Contest ends 1/31 so get a move on!
Elmo's Doom Resoltion
2008-01-11 13:35:00 A few gems from one year ago here at GorillaSushi's secret underground headquarters... A Snapshot Of Impending Doom Perhaps the most underrated post I've ever written. I love this one but it was barely read. Yes, I'm begging you. Resolution Round-Up Last year's resoltion finds included multiple Mountain Dew resolutions, kittens, Jesus and douchebags. Elmo Ruined My Day Tales from the cubicle - includes an excellent video of Tickle Me Elmo in flames! And then there was this heart-warmer... The video above comes with a heartwarming update (awwww) Goliath was returned to his owners yesterday. His real name...wait for it...Hercules.
Buttcrack Caption Contest
2008-01-09 23:42:00 It's Thursday and you know what that means! No seriously, you know? Here's a hint - it's caption contest day. I suck at hints. Have at it, kids. More About: Contest , Caption
You NEVER Make Them Touch!
2008-01-09 13:34:00 A short video demonstrating both the proper and the inproper use of the "jerk off" gesture. From The Whitest Kids U Know. More About: Make , Touch
Ear More Whale Blubber
More articles from this author:2008-01-08 13:00:00 No, it's not a typo. Back when I made a list of suggested New Year's resolutions, one idea was "Ear More Whale Blubber". Certain members of the peanut gallery, namely How2Blogger and Geekster, pointed out what they assumed was a typo. C'mon people. Do the math. If I made typos, I would be making the resolution of "make less typos". So just to prove myself (because you people never believe me) I've taken up my own suggestion of earing more whale blubber, video taped it and now present it for your viewing pleasure... That's what you call irrefutable evidence. I preemptively accept all apologies. Now try and tell me that's not awesome. More About: Hale 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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