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Father' occupation
2008-02-19 07:24:00
What's your father's occupation?" asked theteacher on the first day of the new academicyear."He's a magician, Ma'am," said the new boy. "How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" "He saws people in half.""Gosh! Now, next question. Any brothers orsisters?""One half brother and two half sisters."Subscribe to FUN PEN by EmailSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email
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The will
2008-02-19 07:23:00
The lawyer was reading out the Will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the Will:"To my loving wife, Rose, who stood by me in the rough times, as well as the good; the house and $2 million."To my daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in illness and kept the business going; the yacht, the business and $1 million."And to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would not remember him in my Will, you were wrong: Hello, Dan!" Subscribe to FUN PEN by EmailSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email
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Quarell between husband and wife
2008-02-19 07:21:00
Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel,and hubby was losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You'll bring out thebeast in me." "So what?" his wife shot back. "Who's afraid of a mouse?"Subscribe to FUN PEN by EmailSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email
More About: Jokes , Wife , Husband

Fart
2008-02-19 07:20:00
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar.Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says"Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."The drunk replies, "I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."Subscribe to FUN PEN by EmailSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email
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Anger management fo rladies
2008-02-19 07:18:00
Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back.How do you controlyour anger?Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.Husband: How does that help?Wife: I use your toothbrush.Subscribe to FUN PEN by EmailSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email
More About: Management , Anger Management , Anger , Dirty Jokes

Late Excuse
2008-02-19 07:16:00
The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later.Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs. 'Do you realize what time it is," she said.He answered, "Don't get excited, I'm late because I bought something for the house."Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she said, "What did you buy forthe house, dear?"His answer was, "A round of drinks!".Subscribe to FUN PEN by EmailSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email
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Drive-through ATM machines
2008-02-19 07:13:00
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive -through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender." MALE ATM PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. FEMALE ATM PROCEDURE:1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up 6. Attempt to insert ...
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Know your worth
2008-02-18 10:31:00
A woman approached Picasso in a restaurant, asked him to scribble something on a napkin, and said she would be happy to pay whatever he felt it was worth. Picasso complied and then said, ?That will be $10,000.? ?But you did that in thirty seconds,? the astonished woman replied. ?No,? Picasso said. ?It has taken me forty years to do that.?Source: What They Don?t Teach You at Harvard Business School by Mark H. McCormackSubscribe to FUN PEN by EmailSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email
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Divorce letter
2008-02-18 10:23:00
Dear Wife, I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss Called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night. You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case,,,,,,,,,,,, I'm gone. Signed, Your EX-Husband P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life! is in't it funny keep visiting our blog regularly we post Jokes Fun humor cartoon comics related stuff da...
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Men are like....
2008-02-18 10:22:00
Men are like.... For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. Men are like.... 1. Men are like .. Laxatives . ..... They irritate the crap out of you. 2. Men are like. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like .... Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like .... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like . Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say. 7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off. 8. Men are like ...... Government Bonds.... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They sat...

Polish divorce
2008-02-18 10:22:00
POLISH DIVORCE A Polish man moved to the UK and married an English girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? --Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? -- It made of concrete. I don't think you understand. Do either of you have a real grudge? -- No, we have carport, and not need one. I mean. What are your relations like? -- All my relations still in Poland Is there any infidelity in your marriage? -- We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? -- No, I am always up before her. Is your wife a nagger? -- No, she white. Why do you want this divorce? --She going to kill me. What makes you think that? --I got proof. What kind of proof? -- She...
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Parenthood-job description
2008-02-18 10:22:00
PARENT - Job Description This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!! POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging Permanent work in an, Often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication And organizational skills and be willing to work Variable hours, which will include evenings and w...
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$20,000-14%
2008-02-18 10:21:00
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his blonde secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University and probably know this. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary hardly thought a moment before replying, "Everything but my earrings."is in't it funny keep visiting our blog regularly we post Jokes Fun humor cartoon comics related stuff daily Subscribe to FUN PEN by EmailSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email

Weather Forecasting
2008-02-18 10:21:00
It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their New Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he Was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old Secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter Was going to be like.Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the Winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the Village should collect firewood to be prepared.But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He Went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and Asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?""It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the Meteorologist at the weather service responded.So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even More firewood in order to be prepared.A week later he called the National Weather Service again."Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?""Yes," the man at N...
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Cup of TEA
2008-02-18 10:20:00
Okay, I will tell you a story my mother used to tell about me when I was just a toddler. (I'm the youngest of a large family and was almost like a grandchild to my own parents). One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 2 1/2 and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing'. My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up,...
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The polite way to pee
2008-02-18 10:20:00
teacher trying to teach good manners, asked the students the following question. "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute. I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, Little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say, 'Daring, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'" The teacher fainted.......is in't it funny keep visiting our blog regularly we post Jokes Fun humor cartoon comics related stuff daily Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email...

A navy pilot
2008-02-18 10:20:00
A NAVY PILOT Joke During a commercial airline flight a Navy Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a baby in arms. When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related articles When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, 'Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!' Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said breast feeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. The Navy Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot Fashion exclaimed........ 'And all these years I've been chewing gum.'is in't it funny keep visiting our blog regularly we post Jokes Fun humor cartoon comics related stuff dailySubscribe to FUN PEN by EmailSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email

An end for farting
2008-02-07 12:40:00
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTINGLOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE.THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE ANDTHE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFFBECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T.STOP IT ANDTHAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL.SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULDBLOW HIS GUTS OUT.THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT.THEN ONETHANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE> WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK,GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TOHER.SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEPAND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTICWAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTOHIS S...
More About: Jokes , Dirty Jokes

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY
2008-02-07 12:32:00
It's not difficult to make a woman happy.A man only needs to be:1. a friend2. a companion3. a lover4. a brother5. a father6. a master7. a chef8. an electrician9. a carpenter10. a plumber11. a mechanic12. a decorator13. a stylist14. a sexologist15. a gynecologist16. a psychologist17. a pest exterminator18. a psychiatrist19. a healer20. a good listener21. an organizer22. a good father23. very clean24. sympathetic25. athletic26. warm27. attentive28. gallant29. intelligent30. funny31. creative32. tender33. strong34. understanding35. tolerant36. prudent37. ambitious38. capable39. courageous40. determined41. true42. dependable43. passionate44. compassionateWITHOUT FORGETTING TO:45. give her compliments regularly46. love shopping47. be honest48. be very rich49. not stress her out50. not look at other girlsAND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself53. give her lots of space, never worr...
More About: Happy , Woman , Make , A Woman

My first time
2008-02-07 12:30:00
EAST TO THE SEA,WEST TO THE LAND,DEATH TO THE BITCHTHAT TOUCHES MY MAN! My First Time The sky was darkThe moon was highAll aloneJust her and IHer hair so softHer eyes so blueI knew just whatShe wanted to doHer skin so softHer legs so fineI ran my fingersDown her spineI didn't know howBut I tried my bestTo place my handOn her breastsI remember my fearMy fast beating heartBut slowly she spreadHer legs apartAnd when she did itI felt no shameAll at onceThe white stuff cameAt last it's finishedIt's all over nowMy first timeMilking a cow!Subscribe to FUN PEN by EmailSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email
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Idea
2008-02-06 08:47:00
How does a light bulb know when it has an idea?Subscribe to FUN PEN by EmailSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email
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To be successful in life
2008-02-06 06:13:00
Father: "I want you tomarry a girl of my choice" *Son: "I will choose my own bride!"Father: "But the girl is Bill Gate's daughter."Son: "Well, in that case...ok"Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"Father : "But this young man is a vice-president ofthe World Bank."Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"Finally Father goes to see the president of theWorld Bank.Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."President : "But I already have more vice- presidentsthan I need!"Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."President : "Ah, in that case...ok"This is how business is done!!Moral: Even If you have nothing, you can getanything. However, your attitude should be positiveSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email
More About: Life , Knowledge

You're next
2008-02-06 05:11:00
When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'They stopped doing that after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email
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Relatives
2008-02-06 05:10:00
A couple was driving through the countryside after a heated argument. As they passed a ranch, the two turned to see a mule munching on grass. Upon seeing this, the wife turned to her husband. "Relative of yours?" she asked."Yes," the husband responded, "by marriage." Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email
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Be Jesus
2008-02-06 05:08:00
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin - 5 and Ryan - 3. Theboys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother sawthe opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say , 'Let my brother have the first pancake... I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email
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Interesting management stories-part II
2008-02-06 04:23:00
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.Fox: "What are you working on?"Rabbit: "My thesis."Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing. Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doin...
More About: Interesting , Stories , Management , Part

Interesting management stories-part I
2008-02-06 04:23:00
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rub...
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Always allow your boss to speak First
2008-02-06 04:23:00
A Junior Software engineer, a Senior Software engineer and their Project Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".So the eager Junior Software engineer shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff" and he was gone. Now the Senior Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff" and he was also gone. The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 1.30pm"Moral of the story is:Always allow the boss to speak first..!Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email
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Success of marriage!
2008-02-05 11:30:00
Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? "Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and cont...
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Modern Mathematics
2008-02-01 12:51:00
Modern Mathematics Equation 1Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoyDonkey = eat + sleepTherefore,Human = Donkey + work + enjoyif, Human - enjoy = Donkey + workIn other words,Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that Work (Eqn 1)*************************************** ***************Equation 2Men = eat + sleep + earn moneyDonkeys = eat + sleepTherefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money (Eqn 2)If Men - earn money = DonkeysIn other words,Men that don't earn money = Donkeys (Eqn 3)*************************************** ***************Equation 3Women = eat + sleep + spendDonkeys = eat + sleepTherefore, Women = Donkeys + spend (Eqn 4)If, Women - spend = DonkeysIn other words,Women that don't spend = Donkeys (Eqn 5)*************************************** ***************To Conclude:From Eqn 3 and Eqn 5Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spendSo,Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)From Eqn 2 + Eqn 4, we haveMen...
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