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...But I Won't Do That
2007-03-22 23:51:00
Can anyone explain to me why I have two ads for Meat Loaf concert tickets on my blog? Should Meat Loaf be a Meat of the Week?
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Meet the World's Smartest Man
2007-03-19 15:14:00
Man marries himselfA Chinese man has married himself to express his "dissatisfaction with reality." Liu Ye, 39, from Zhuhai city, married a life sized foam cut-out of himself wearing a woman's bridal dress. "There are many reasons for marrying myself, but mainly to express my dissatisfaction with reality," he said. "This marriage makes me whole again. My definition of marriage is different from others." The ceremony was held at a traditional courtyard packed with more than 100 guests. The 'couple' were led out by a bridesmaid and a groomsman and bowed to ancestors and senior guests for blessings. Liu says he is not gay, but admits he's "maybe a bit narcissistic," reports New Express.Source: ananova.com
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Mr. Belding Sings the Blues
2007-03-10 03:19:00
My good friend Uncle Martian was having drinks in his favorite little karaoke dive in Los Angeles last night when none other than Dennis Haskins - better known as Mr. Belding from the classic television series "Saved By the Bell" - sauntered in and treated the crowd to a croon. Naturally, Uncle Martian whipped out his video camera and took some excellent footage. Watch Mr. Belding set the birthday girl's loins ablaze as he revs up his voice like a motor engine...he hasn't cut loose like this since his days as The Big Bopper on Bayside's radio station.
More About: Blues , Sing , Sings

Meat Head of the Week: 100 Year Old Meat
2007-03-08 07:37:00
100 Year Old Man Kicks Teenage Gang's Ass with 'Kung Fu' A 100 year old British man told on Wednesday how he fought off a gang of teenage muggers using "kung fu".After a night at the pub, Buster Martin began to head home. On his way home Buster Martin showed that, even at 100, he still knew how to handle himself when he was confronted by the teenagers after a night at the pub.Whether it was the alcohol or nerves of steel, the World War II veteran (Buster joined the Grenadiers during WWII and fought in Burma, Belgium and France) scared his three attackers so much they fled empty-handed.Mr Martin, a car washer-cum-mechanic for a plumbing firm, said: 'They just came at me and pushed me against a wall and tried to take my money from me.'Then they pushed me on the floor and I went mad. I was lashing out on the floor and then I stood up and was kicking them all.'The foot I used had been operated on a week before for an in-growing toenail. They must have done a good job on it bec...
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It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's...a Sodomite?
2007-03-07 16:35:00
HAMPTON, Va. ? A drill sergeant at Fort Eustis in Hampton is accused of forcing a male trainee to dress as Superman and submit to sexual acts. Officials say Army Staff Sergeant Edmundo Estrada also faces charges of indecent assault, having an inappropriate relationship with a trainee, and cruelty and maltreatment of subordinates. The 35-year-old was arraigned in January and is scheduled to appear April 17 in a military court. He remains on active duty but is no longer a drill sergeant. A search warrant affidavit filed in Hampton Circuit Court says officials began investigating Estrada in August after a soldier reported Estrada mistreated and sexually assaulted him. The soldier told Estrada that he felt depressed after being relieved of his training status, and said Estrada suggested "a technique that he had used previously to help soldiers with their self-confidence and alleviate depression." The soldier said he eventually was forced to "dress in a 'Superman' or similar outfi...
More About: Lane , Plane , Bird , Plan , Mite

Lord T & Eloise: Aristocrunkin'
2007-03-06 16:27:00
Check out this video from Memphis rap duo Lord T & Eloise, pioneers of the 'aristocrunk' movement. They have a genuinely good sound, and their satirical 'schtick' has success written all over it.When Lord T begins to rap/sing one minute and 43 seconds into the song, notice how much he sounds like Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off in the scene where Cameron calls school Principal Ed Rooney and pretends to be George Peterson, father of Sloane Peterson, Ferris' girlfriend ("Rooney, this is George Peterson...").Here is a note from the duo on their official website:Genetically engineered over generations of obscure royalty, Maurice Eloise XIII, Lord Treadwell, and Myster E are of "sang real rap" or translated to the current tongue - rap's royal blood. They have emerged from the past to save the present, waiting for the right moment to spread their gospel of the good life. At a time when rap hooks have degenerated to, excuse my pun, lyrical "laffy taffy" an...
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I Know That Dude: Miguel Ferrer
2007-03-05 07:07:00
Who: Miguel Ferr er You Know Him From: RoboCop, Hot Shots! Part Deux, ?Crossing Jordan?, DeepStar Six, ?Twin Peaks?, Blank Check, Traffic Marlon Brando. Cary Grant. Paul Newman. Jimmy Stewart. Jack Nicholson. Dustin Hoffman. Humphrey Bogart. Miguel Ferrer. I need not waste my breath and your time explaining the connection shared by these giants of the silver screen, legendary thespians whose respective talents transcend the millions of screens on which they entertain us. Today we celebrate Miguel Ferrer. To steal a line from Will Ferrell-playing-James Lipton, I think I speak for all of us when I say that Miguel Ferrer makes Gandhi look like a child pornographer. You remember his bravery in the face of grave danger (at the hands of malfunctioning machine gun-armed robot prototype Ed 209) in the terrifying board room sequence of the second greatest film of 1987 (Summer School being the greatest?this is indisputable), RoboCop. He was downright loathsome as the t...
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Meathead of the Week: Charles Jefferson, Fast Times at Ridgemont High
2007-03-01 07:13:00
Today marks the inaugural installment of a new feature called "Meat Head of the Week " - a tribute to those block-headed bastions of machismo who use our air, waste our precious space, compromise the safety of our roads with their childish engine revving and peeling out, and bring down the collective IQ of our nation.Sometimes our Meat Head will be a fictional character; others, he will be real.In honor of Forest Whitaker's much-deserved Oscar for Best Actor on Sunday night, our first Meat Head of the Week is Charles Jefferson from Cameron Crowe's 1982 classic Fast Times at Ridge mont High , played to perfection by Whitaker. Jefferson is the pithy, grunting, glowering superstar football player (and HUGE fan of Earth, Wind and Fire) who allegedly does not even bother to attend class at Ridgemont High, but only flies in for games.We see glimpses of Jefferson's potential for meating out early in the film (like his surly exchange with Damone at the mall about scoring some concert ticke...

I Know That Dude: Bernie Casey
2007-02-27 06:17:00
Who: Bernie Case yYou Know Him From: Revenge of the Nerds, Spies Like Us, I?m Gonna Git You Sucka, Bill & Ted?s Excellent Adventure, Under Siege, Never Say Never Again The former NFL Pro Bowler made a career in the 80s out of playing the kind of tough-as-nails on the outside but soft on the inside leader whose inevitable charge was to whip a group (or duo) of ill-prepared misfits into shape just in time to achieve some unlikely victory. He mastered this role ? in what remains his magnum opus - as UN Jefferson, National President of Tri Lambda fraternity in the monolithic 80s classic Revenge of the Nerds. When no one else saw their potential, UN took a chance on a group of nerds ? Gilbert, Lewis Skulnik, Booger, Wormser, Lamar, Poindexter, and the rest ? awarded them a probationary Tri Lamb charter (against his better judgment, and in spite of the fact that Lamda Lamda Lamda was a historically black fraternity, while the members of this particular prospective Tri Lamb group were...
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Clarence's Oscar Diary
2007-02-26 06:49:00
Photo Courtesy of martin-scorsese.netMake that an Oscar , Marty!7:45 ? Daniel Craig looks exactly like Joe Montana. Instead of letting the Art Director for Pan?s Labyrinth come on stage to make an acceptance speech, they should let Craig don a 49ers helmet and throw the Oscar into the crowd to expedite the acceptance process and give Martin Scorcese the 10 minutes he deserves to make his long-overdue acceptance speech when he wins for Best Director. 7:54 ? As much as I hate to admit it, Jack Black officially isn?t funny. 8:00 ? Will Smith?s son looks like the kid from the comic strip "Boondocks." 8:04 ? West Bank Story?brilliant! I just laughed harder at that 7 second clip of ?a musical about Palestinians and Jews? than I will at all of Ellen Degeneres? jokes combined. 8:10 ? As much as I hate to admit it, I am beginning to come around on Kevin Federline. Maybe he?s the smartest man in the world, and he has just been playing all of us the way he played Britney. 8:1...
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Phish to Release New Album?
2007-02-21 05:22:00
Rumor has it that legendary Vermont Jam/Improv/Rock band Phish is getting back together and has already decided on the cover art for their new album (shown above).
More About: Release , Album , Lease , Ease

I Know That Dude: Eric Bogosian
2007-02-19 07:00:00
Who: Eric BogosianYou Know Him From: Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Talk Radio, Igby Goes Down, Deconstructing Harry, "Love Monkey" (alternately titled "The Worst Show In Television History" or "Tom Cavanaugh is a Sitcom-Sinking Douche Bag, Not to Mention Canadian, and I Can't Believe We Cast Him" or "If You Watch This Show, Your Existence Makes a Strong Case for the Legalization of Euthanasia") Wonderland, "Law and Order: Criminal Intent"There is a moment in the life of every great artist when the artist?s unbridled creative prowess and the inexplicable forces of the universe conspire, allowing the artist to create his or her magnum opus - a work so seminal, so sublime, as to alter the very fabric of humanity. For Beethoven, it was Symphony No. 9. For Dostoevsky, it was the writing of The Brothers Karamazov. For Bon Jovi, it was the release of "Slippery When Wet." And for Eric Bogosian, it was Under Seige 2: Dark Territory. Sure, Bogosia...
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The World Series of Pop Culture: The Great White Hype
2007-02-16 06:31:00
My faithful readers have undoubtedly noted the conspicuous absence of this week?s ?I Know That Dude?, which was supposed to be posted on Monday, February 12. In spite of my readers? (admittedly justified) assumption that my inherent indolence was to blame, there is another, more legitimate reason for it. I spent last weekend in Austin, attending a casting call for Season 2 of VH1?s popular trivia game show The World Series of Pop Culture . I knew about the casting call for months. One would think I would have spent those months studying up in order to prepare myself for a chance at $250,000 and the dubious distinction of emerging from the pool of rotund, goateed, Kevin Smith-worshipping chronic masturbators as the undisputed King of Pop Culture . Instead, I took the Damon Wayans-from-The Great White Hype approach. If you haven?t seen the film, don?t waste your time. Wayans plays James ?The Grim Reaper? Roper, a seemingly invincible heavyweight boxing champ whose Don King...

No, I Was Not in Scottsdale, Arizona Yesterday
2007-02-16 01:20:00
Man in Batman getup forced school lockdown Love Bhakta The Arizona Republic Feb. 14, 2007 04:15 PM A Cave Creek school was placed in lockdown for a short time this morning after reports of a man in a Batman costume running across the campus, authorities said.Scott sdale police spokesman Sgt. Mark Clark said responding officers did a sweep of Desert Arroyo Middle School campus but found no intruders. The incident, which occurred about 8:45 a.m., apparently involved a man about 6 feet 3 inches tall with facial hair. Desert Arroyo and nearby Cactus Shadows High School were locked down for roughly 45 minutes, Clark said. The costumed man was last spotted running into the desert away from the school.
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I Know That Dude: Robert Davi
2007-02-05 06:49:00
Who: Robert Davi You Know Him From: Die Hard, Action Jackson, The Goonies, Cops and Robbersons, Showgirls, License to Kill, Predator 2, The Hot Chick Like Brad Pitt and Leonardo Dicaprio, moviegoers often mistake Davi for just another pretty face. But don?t let his dashing visage fool you. The man can act. Many attribute his incredible range to the tenuous balance of his imposing masculinity, his devastating good looks, and his ?powerful inner sensitivity.? I attribute it to the fact that early in his career, Davi had the good fortune to work with a veritable Hollywood Who?s Who - Carl Weathers, William Atherton, Wilhelm von Homburg, Joe Pantolianio, Dirk Benedict, Sean Astin, Morton Downey Jr. (twice!), Mr. T, and the incomparable Craig T. Nelson. In 2004, he rounded out that list of Hollywood legends when he had the good fortune to work alongside Jason Stewart in Call Me: The Rise and Fall of Heidi Fleiss. It?s too bad he had to wait so long to work with J Stew; otherwi...
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Boston Bomb Scare Hoax Suspects Speak Out...About Haircuts From the 70s
2007-02-02 06:36:00
This is the single most incredible thing I have EVER seen. These two young men, Peter Berdvosky and Sean Stevens, were arrested Wednesday night because the electronically lit signs - bearing a "drawing" of the Mooninite character from Cartoon Network's popular cartoon "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" - they spread around Boston were mistaken for bombs. In reality, the Mooninite Lite Brites were nothing more than a harmless guerilla marketing campaign by Turner Broadcasting to promote the popular television show.The above clip is taken from this morning's press conference, which was held after the two men were released on bail. Rather than answering the questions of the throng of rabid reporters on hand, Bervdosky and Stevens engaged the crowd on the topic of haircuts from the 1970s, "...because we think it's been a big inspiration on how people live their lives today." When asked serious questions about the hoax, the duo repeatedly asserted their desire to discuss haircuts from the 7...
More About: Speak , Hoax , Bomb , Haircuts

Cocaine and Collectibles
2007-02-02 05:23:00
In the mid-to-late 1990s, were you:a) in collegeb) suffering from insomniac) addicted to cocaineIf you answered yes to any of these questions, and you didn't spend your late night hours perving out to Denise Austin infomercials or watching reruns of Mama's Family, then you probably remember Don West, the raucous, mulleted, gold chain-sporting, hilariously hyperbolic sports collectibles salesman from "The Sports Coll ectibles " on the Shop at Home Network.Not only did West wow us with boisterous phrases like "Gem Mint Ten" and teach us that it was still permissible, even at the age of 35, to leave the house dressed like you were going to a Junior High dance to make out with your girlfriend to Bryan Adams' "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You." He also taught us that if we were willing to stay up all night and watch his show - putting off silly notions like "work" and "an education" - then we could repeatedly find "Tiger Woods rookiesssss" and "UN-BE-LEIVABLE finds" that could be pur...
More About: Coca , Cocaine , Caine

I Know That Dude!
2007-01-29 06:57:00
We?ve all been there before. You?re sitting in a dark theater, munching popcorn and sipping a delicious Dr. Pepper, eagerly anticipating the feature presentation and hoping the rotund, mustachioed lecher who just entered the theater in a trench coat isn?t planning to rest his licentious bones anywhere in your vicinity.The lights dim, the reels click into motion, and that flickering stream of blue light from the projection booth weaves its inexplicable magic as it dances through the cool, crisp theater air. There is no moment as pure and as promising as this, knowing that this latest flight of escapist fancy will whisk you away from the mundanity of the life that exists in the cruel world outside these theater walls. This is the zenith of human existence. And then it happens. He happens. He walks on screen and, in one fell swoop, sidetracks your concentration with his anonymity. He was in that movie?with that guy?that you saw on HBO that time. He is the ubiquitous characte...
More About: Prison Break , Dude , Contact , Know , That

Apocalypse Averted by Saints Collapse?
2007-01-23 06:30:00
Take a deep breath. Come out of your emergency bunker. Put away the flares. The Saints lost on Sunday. In doing so, they broke the hearts of fans across the Gulf South region; on the bright side, they also quelled terror in the hearts of millions of others that a Saints Super Bowl appearance was an unmistakable sign of the impending apocalypse.Think about it. The signs are abundant. Geraldo got another TV gig. The Red Sox won the World Series. Eminem landed a role in a Curtis Hanson film. If the Saints had defeated the Chicago Bears to advance to the Super Bowl yesterday, we would have been one Michael Bay Academy Award nomination away from?Armageddon!Alas, the Saints were not victorious and the world is not coming to an end. But until the refs, errr, the Bears, thwarted the Saints? march to victory, one question weighed on the hearts and minds of Americans from the French Quarter to the shores of Lake Michigan: in the face of total annihilation, who do we want on our side as human...
More About: Collapse , Boston Red Sox

Top Video Game Athletes of All Time: # 11-25
2007-01-20 21:09:00
The response to my Top Ten Video Game Athletes of All Time was incredible. My phone rang off the hook. My text message notification sounded incessantly. I received numerous comments and emails - both supportive and condemning - on the subject. One thing is certain: people are passionate about the virtual athletes with whom they squandered the hours and years of their precious youth. Combine this with the fact that I have spent two weeks of sleepless nights, tossing and turning, racked by guilt for leaving off a number of very deserving individuals, and I had no choice but to add numbers 11-25 to my list.25) Jabar Gaffney - NCAA Football 2002, PS224) Brett Favre - Madden '99, Nintendo 6423) Mike Singletary - Tecmo Bowl, Nintendo Entertainment System22) Pavel Bure - NHLPA Hockey '93, Sega Genesis21) Michael Vick - Madden '05, PS220) Sterling Sharpe - Tecmo Super Bowl, Sega Genesis19) Tony Delk - Coach K College Basketball, Sega Genesis18) Barry Sanders - Tecmo Super Bowl, Sega Gene...
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The Top Ten Video Game Athletes of All Time
2007-01-08 06:35:00
After 27 years of extensive research ? from Atari to PS3 ? and many hours of deliberation, I compiled a list of the Top Ten Virtual Athletes of All Time . Now I know how Proust felt when he finished the seventh volume of In Search of Lost Time. You?ll notice that the list includes an inordinate number of players from Sega Genesis games. There?s a reason for that. Sega Genesis was the greatest sports gaming console ever invented. You?ll also notice that not one baseball player cracked the top ten. That?s easy to explain. In the hierarchy of cultural relevancy, baseball falls somewhere in the neighborhood of powdered wigs, The Iron Maiden (the instrument of torture...not the band), Hammer Pants, Rupaul, Rickets and Scurvy. Without further ado, here is the list. Please feel free to agree, disagree, or post your own list. 10) Robert Edwards ? NCAA Football '98, Playstation ? Over the course of one glorious season in Stockard Hall on the Ole Miss campus, the University of Georgia tai...
More About: Video , Game , Video Game

Scott Skiles (NBA Jam Legend) vs. Ben Wallace (NBA Legend)
2006-12-31 03:51:00
Move Over, DuckieNBA Jam: Scott Skiles' Finest Hour The Jon Cryer of the NBA? Last week, a popular sports talk radio personality referred to the recent standoff between Bulls forward/center Ben Wallace and Bulls Head Coach Scott Skiles (Skiles, citing team rules, refused to allow his star to wear his signature headband or listen to music in the locker room before tip off) as ?a clash of two enormous egos.? What?? Scott Skiles has an "enormous" ego? He is a short, bald white dude who was a role player for ten years in the NBA. His enduring basketball legacy is that he inspired millions of profanity-laced tirades in living rooms across America in the early 90s with his pesky defense in NBA Jam. Saying Skiles has an ?enormous ego? because of his role as player and coach in the NBA is like saying Jon Cryer has an enormous ego because of his role as Duckie Dale in Pretty in Pink and, later in his career, the quality (or lack thereof) of his screenwriting debut, The Pompatus of L...
More About: Legend , Lace