DisgruntledEmployeeHandbookDisgruntledEmployeeHandbooka place for us cubicle-dwellers to commiserate about action items, living the mission statement and being our companies' most valuable members of blah blah blah Articles
Christmas Bogus!
2008-05-03 01:23:00 It?s ?Christmas bonus time!? Or, as we?ve been calling it here at MicroMux for the last two years, just ?Christmas time.? Nothing. Zip. You know why my paycheck was a little heavier this holiday season? Because they stuffed a holiday card in it, signed by our CEO. With a pre-inked signature stamp! Actually, to be completely fair, we ...
ARE WE AT WAR?
2008-03-05 18:06:00 Are we at war? I mean right here, in the MicroMux offices? If the business language we use is any indication, then we must be. I just got out of a meeting?another in a long line of similar MicroMux gatherings?that went something like this: A product manager proposed a new product line, which he called a ?category ...
OUR C3EO
2008-02-24 03:57:00 Is our CEO a robot? I ask?only half-jokingly?because he we hear from him regularly, both in good and bad times, and I?ve never heard him show any human emotions appropriate to whatever was happening. He?s always ?happy about? something, ?excited to tell us? a piece of news, ?thrilled to introduce? this or that, ?eager to start? whatever, ...
BADGE OF HONOR
2008-02-22 00:15:00 So, I learned something interesting this morning, something us MicroMux Systems employees aren?t supposed to know. You know those security badges we all bring to work everyday? The ones we have to swipe across the security panel at the front doors every time we enter and leave the building? Well, they?re not used only for ?security.? ... More About: Honor , Badge
BACK TO THE SUGGESTION BOX
2008-02-19 18:02:00 Dear Management: I’m back here at the Suggestion Box. Actually, this time I stumbled onto the box completely by accident. Apparently you guys had it moved since the last time I dropped off my suggestions. I understand. Only a serious MicroMux team player with real ideas will go to the trouble to bring his suggestions here, ... More About: Back
WE?VE GOT TO STOP MEETING THIS WAY
2008-02-14 20:04:00 Fine. I?ll be the one to say it. Please stop calling so many damn meetings. We all have plenty of work to do, and that work isn?t getting itself done while we?re all crammed in a conference room arguing over whether ?Customer Support? or ?Customer Care? sounds better. Besides, don?t we communicate with each other enough throughout the ... More About: Stop , Meeting
TODAY I WILL?
2008-02-13 19:47:00 Today I will celebrate my 9 billionth day on this job. ? disgruntled employee More About: Today
EXPLODING CORPORATE MYTHS
2008-02-11 19:20:00 1) You are your company?s most valuable asset. No, you?re not. A firm?s most valuable asset could be a patent, a superior product, even a clever law firm on retainer. But it?s not you. Not an employee. Not ever. You?re doing quite well, in fact, if your company sees you as an ?asset? at all, and ... More About: Corporate , Myths
OUR CEO IN A CUBICLE?
2008-02-08 07:04:00 You?ll never guess who just moved into the vacant cubicle down the hall from me. Our CEO. Yep. Apparently not content with his sprawling office suite on our building?s top floor, with its own bathroom and private elevator, the boss has opted instead for our first-floor bullpen, a half-walled workspace and?someone should warn him?the frequent smell of ...
OUR OMISSION STATEMENT
2008-02-06 17:05:00 So I was poking around our corporate website recently. Came across our MicroMux Mission Statement . I?ll let it speak for itself: At MicroMux, our mission is to be the international leader in customized, strategic data communications solutions, through targeted initiatives and cutting-edge innovation, which will give our customers competitive advantages and add to their core competencies, ...
TODAY I WILL?
2008-02-05 18:53:00 Today I will stand by the printer and pretend to be waiting for printouts of work I haven?t done. – disgruntled employee More About: Today
WE ARE NOT FAMILY
2008-02-04 16:59:00 To: MicroMux Systems ? Everybody From: disgruntledemployee@micromuxsystems.com Subject: We are not family Attachments: Fine. I?ll be the one to say it. This message is a response to the ceaseless mantra coming from Management that the employees here are all part of the ?MicroMux Family .? Really? Then maybe you can answer a few questions for me. If we?re truly a family? - How come ...
SUGGESTION BOX
2008-02-01 22:05:00 Dear Management: First, I?d like to thank you for establishing this Suggestion Box. Great to see you?re interested in hearing from us employees. Thank you also for placing the box in the supply closet behind the company?s main server racks. Making it difficult to get to is a great way to ensure that only those with serious ...
BLAH BLAH BLAH
2008-01-31 19:07:00 Had our all-employee meeting today. Decent snacks. The CEO spoke. Amazing: I was actually in the same room as the CEO. First time, I think, since the fire drill. Anyway, his speech consisted mostly of the same empty clichés we heard last year, stuff like: ?I am so proud of the growth that we?ve achieved since?? blah blah blah. ?We?re ... More About: Blah Blah Blah , Blah , Blah Blah
CHANGE THE SUBJECT
2008-01-30 18:41:00 To: MicroMux Systems ? Everybody From: disgruntledemployee@micromuxsystems.com Subject : Please change the subject Attachments: Fine. I?ll be the one to say it. This message is for those of you who start a new email topic in an old email thread?sometimes months old?while leaving the original subject line unchanged. Please stop doing that. I don?t want to embarrass her publicly, so I?ll say only ... More About: Change
TODAY I WILL?
2008-01-29 16:29:00 Today I will respond to every email by writing gibberish. – disgruntled employee More About: Today
HOW AM I FEELING?
2008-01-28 19:05:00 My boss sent me an email today, asking how things were going and how I was feeling about my job. He sends one to all his direct reports every so often. His way of staying in touch with us commoners. As it happens, this time I actually had been thinking about what this job means to ... More About: Feeling
LIGHT, LIGHT GRAY ? HARD TO SEE AT ALL
2008-01-28 04:25:00 At 15 years old, Bob Gray knew he?d never play professional baseball. By 23, he?d accepted that he wasn?t going to become an NSA super-spy. And by 30?with the new marriage and the mortgage and the car payments and the baby?Bob Gray knew he probably wasn?t going to find his dream job or launch a sexy ... More About: Hard , Light |
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