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monkeychapps


monkeychapps
A humorous blog. Humor, but not the funny kind.
Articles: 1, 2

Articles

How Stumbleupon changed the blog-o-dome
2008-05-05 17:40:00
For a blogger Stumbleupon is a must! Not only does it have the ability to drive massive traffic but† it is the only source I need to find whats really cool on the web. I cannot rave enough about SU. Please, my fellow blog-o-philes, give it a look. If you are looking to use it ...
More About: Random , Blog , Dome
My smelly boss
2008-05-04 08:05:00
To my farty boss and his bowels. I hear you. I hear you in there. I hear you farting. Shifting in your leather chair. Trying to muffle your bodily noises in your vibrating chair pad (which is creepy enough). Worse: I smell you. The first day you did this, I thought someone had burned a Lean Cuisine Salisbury Steak in ...
More About: Boss
Save money Save the earth Go green (money green)
2008-05-02 22:37:00
The economy sucks! Gas prices are obscene! Here are a few tips that I use to save money and not hamper my monkee lifestyle. If you use these you will see results this week! The biggest thing that you need to do is find a monetary amount that you feel is substantial. For me it’s $5, ...
More About: Money , Earth , Save Money , Green , Save
I love this guy.
2008-04-25 04:03:00
From yahoo news http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080424/ap_on _fe_st/odd_blind_defense Thu Apr 24, 5:54 PM ET ...
More About: Love
Yahoo Google Mcdonalds and the Apocalypse
2008-04-25 03:43:00
Am I a theologian? A Bible scholar? No. What I am is thinker and a scripture-aficionado. An old testament enthusiast if you will. As I stood in Macdonald’s (kindly explaining that their motto of “have it your way” should include cooking my burger with the fries already on it) the mystery of the final battle between ...
More About: Google , Yahoo , Apocalypse , Mcdonalds , Yahoo!
My left hand
2008-04-23 00:49:00
?You are left handed too, cool?! That?s what I hear as often as ?your handwriting is horrible?. I was born right handed but because of nerve damage I had to learn to use my left and thusly my handwriting is not great. Very legible but not great. Most people are very impressed that I can even write ...
More About: Writing , Left , Hand
A poem for Bill Gates (written in binary)
2008-04-20 08:48:00
1001 1110 11010 111010 0010000 1101100 1101011110101101101 101100 never more 10101 your eyes 1101011 0100011 001110 100011 01 01 011 000011 011 you are not a dork 110 01 1010110 10 10001 you are manly man 11 110100 01 01001 01111 01 01 001 10 1 11 11100011010 10001 00101 free software 001011 01 01 1010 010 01 00 free laptop 0011010 01101 ...
More About: Bill Gates , Random , Poem , Gates , Bill
Pick up lines that don?t work (trust me)
2008-04-19 10:03:00
(Walk over to her)?Ok, you can stand next to me, as long as you don?t talk about it.? Did you know that the word ?motel? spelled backwards means ?letom?? HI! Can I buy you a car? Want to see my stamp collection? Most people would agree that society these days has lost a bit of it?s civility. It?s a ...
More About: Work , Trust , Pick , Lines
Google SEO madness
2008-04-18 23:10:00
I wasn’t aware of the Google search terms and key words that bring people here until I took a better look at my analytics. I intend to make this list a weekly thing as I find this very amusing. Google Search Google Search Google Search Google Search Google Search Google Search Google Search Google Search Google Search Google Search Google Search Google Search Google Search Google Search Google Search Google Search Google ...
More About: Random , Madness
The Stumbleupon effect
2008-04-17 23:28:00
StumbleUpon? Whats that? Another social media group that you want me to join? I already have 12 to keep track of. What is so different about this one? Oh, it has a cool tool bar. That?s great. Look dude I?m drowning here as it is I don?t want a new site that?ll give me a few hits ...
More About: Friends , Writing , Random , Effect , Stumbleupon
No more Google and other house keeping
2008-04-16 07:33:00
I wanted to address a few questions¬† that I have received from you gentle reader. Actualy I’m just way to lazy and this will answer about 67 emails at once. 1. Google sucks and I have cleaned the blog a bit so you all won’t have to look at them. I have over 250,000 page views ...
More About: House
Ron Paul go away
2008-04-15 06:52:00
I have seen Mr. Paul a few times, seems like a nice guy. A little too libertarian for my taste, I tend to lean to the right of the right. For example, that El Ducce had some good ideas. I digress. The reason that I wont vote for him (besides the fact I am convicted felon and ...
More About: Random , Ron Paul
Postal parity
2008-04-14 21:08:00
†Women weigh 1/6 as much on the Moon as they do on Earth. That means it costs me 1/6 as much to mail my girlfriend from the Moon to Earth as it would the other way around. The plain fact is, our nations postal service is never going to be competitive unless we start working on evening ...
More About: Random , Postal
Many thanks, tingle crotch and Google
2008-04-13 21:38:00
My goal is complete! I am now #4 in Google when you search for “tingle crotch”. This was my whole reason for creating this blog. Thank you for helping me get there. Now I can shut this puppy down and move on. This is a list of other search terms that land me in the top ...
More About: Random , Clinton
Damn you winter
2008-04-13 18:55:00
Damn you! Damn you to the bowels of Hades. Curse your slip-trippery. Curse you wind blustery. Damn you cold goose-bumpery. Your snow shovelness and con-foolery. Curse your short dark days. Good day sir. I said good day! Tags: good, snow
More About: Winter , Damn
Hell hath no fury like my crotch falling asleep
2008-04-12 20:48:00
Gentile reader, As you may know, I have many odd medical conditions as I have spoken of here, here and here. This is a good one as well. Nothing has freaked me out as much as my latest† oddity. I was sitting in my favorite chair, legs crossed as I penned my latest missive to Ron Paul ...
More About: Hell , Hell Hath No Fury , Fury
That was lame
2008-04-11 23:43:00
Ok whoever you are. Very funny. I don?t know which is worse. The fact that you turned the lights out in the bathroom while I was urinating and I damn neared pissed on myself or the fact that the next person to come into the dark bathroom was the director of our office and he ...
More About: Random , Lame
Cold feet and tats
2008-04-11 20:41:00
Living in a smaller town where the winter weather makes it hard to travel to far I am rather limited as far as shopping. Usually this is ok as most of the places that I need to are close. I avoid Walmart with all I have. I hate that nexus of the retarded, the morbidly ...
More About: Travel , Random , Cold , Feet
Smoke and a pancake? (Entrecard skull duggery)
2008-04-11 02:29:00
That has nothing to do with this post. It’s been in my head for two days and I needed to get it out. The new Entrecard† system has flaws! Like most people don’t have 1000 EC’s to post on my blog. What I propose is a swap. A double cross, a jimmy jam the likes of ...
More About: Pancake , Random , Smoke , Skull
It?s all stupid up in here (for those about to chill we salute you)
2008-04-09 18:42:00
I have had, until recently, three refrigerators at one time. It’s a simple story, let’s see if you can follow. When I lived in Boise I had a rental in the northern part of the state that I had furnished with a new fridge (that makes two). I moved to north Idaho and into my ...
More About: Stupid , Salute , Chill
Things that I have learned
2008-04-09 07:16:00
-Walmat has a huge parking lot   -Walmart?s parking lot is empty at 2 in the morning -Walmart does nothing to clear the ice away -My car has front wheel drive and a killer e-brake -At 20 mph I can spin my car in a full circle -After 30 minutes of doing e-brake spins in a Walmart parking lot the police ...
More About: Random , Things , Learned
Ohhh Canada????. you suck!
2008-04-07 18:28:00
Why Monkee, you are such a hater! Damn straight baby. Let me break it down for you. I believe Canada is the Aqua Man in the justice league of North America. The Duplo block in a world full of Lego’s. Worthless! You may ask why I say this, consider the following. 1. Half of them speak French! That alone is enough ...
More About: Random , Suck
man/women rules
2008-04-06 04:53:00
Please note? these are all numbered ?1? ON PURPOSE! ???????????? 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You?re a big girl. If it?s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don?t hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday = sports. It?s like the full moon or the changing of ...
More About: Women , Rules
I love you, I think
2008-04-04 19:13:00
There you were. You were wearing this thingy. You were doing this thing that caught my eye. Our eyes met. I think. Then you went over there and stopped to do something. Then something happened. Maybe somebody sneezed. Or maybe Somewhere a tree fell. I felt different then, maybe you did too. Or not. I just don?t ...
More About: Love , I Love You
Alexa madness
2008-03-31 04:41:00
My alexa rating just dropped to under 100000! To celebrate I will give the next 20 ppl that reply with their Entrecard url† a 100 credits. No tag for this post.
More About: Random , Alexa , Madness
Sleepy standing kitty cat
2008-03-30 23:21:00
Welcome fellow compu-naughts, It’s official. I’m out of ideas and weirded out that I though this was cute. Cute? I was as amazed, as much as you, to hear that come from my mouth. Tags: cute
More About: Random , Kitty , Standing , Kitty cat
BigDog Beta (early Big Dog robot testing)
2008-03-30 07:57:00
If you havent seen BigDog you need to, its a new Army transport robot. Very cool but undeniably creepy. This is early beta testing footage. Tags: dog
More About: Robot , Random , Beta , Testing , Early
Bathroom problems
2008-03-29 22:04:00
I don’t like to use other peoples bathrooms.There, I said it. But even though I don?t like doing it, I realize that I can?t always predict when nature will call. And when it strikes at an inopportune time, like say, when I?m at your house, I?ve got to decide whether to use your facilities or, quite ...
More About: News , Media , Bathroom , Random , Problems
You ass!
2008-03-29 21:44:00
I am blessed, or perhaps cursed, with a rare talent. It works like gaydar, except that rather than detecting homosexuals, I can instantly pinpoint assholes within a fifteen meter radius. You, sir, set off my ass-dar the moment I laid eyes on you. Despite your ugly mug and ragged clothes, you walked with the pompous ...
People that need a punch in the face
2008-03-29 18:53:00
Tom Cruise- I just want to shock him into reality, to stop him jumping around like a monkey and saying how he is more knowledgeable than most on psychiatry and other issues. I just can,t see him as an action star and he reminds me of the subtly feminine over-compensating guy. Skeet Ulrich- His name alone elicits ...
More About: News , Personal , Business , People , Film
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