Turd on a Stick Turd on a Stick A heartfelt dose of pretension that retains the aesthetic of complete ignorance. Yeah! You wish you were this cool. Articles
Britney Spears to introduce her own peanut brittle
2007-10-19 09:33:00 It seems that celebrity endorsement or celebrity owned products have become the rage among the population of the United States, and Britney Spears is no stranger to this. Britney has now begun plans to introduce her own brand of peanut brittle. Bookmark to: More About: Peanut
Bush admits World War III is upon us
2007-10-18 12:00:00 WASHINGTON D.C. - U.S. President George W. Bush said Wednesday that he thought Russia still wanted to stop Iran from developing a nuclear weapon. But stepping up his own rhetoric, the president warned that for Tehran to possess such a weapon raised the risk of a “World War III.” Then Mr. Bush quickly added, “oh yeah, I forgot, phases 1 and 2 [Afghanistan and Iraq] of World War III has already started. The time has come for freedom through slavery, and remember war is peace and ignorance is strength.” Bookmark to:
Blackwater getting the shaft
2007-10-18 09:26:00 The goddamn politicians in Washington and their pussy ass secular politics are letting America down. If it isn’t the Patriot Act being attacked, then it is that hate crime bill not letting good Christians tell their congregations the truth about homosinuality and its unrelenting attack against wholesome Christian values. Now that freaking drag queen Condoleeza Rice wants to pull Blackwater out of Iraq. What’s next Ron Paul winning the presidency and pulling out all America’s troops from overseas. Why don’t the pansies in Washington get some balls and attack Iran. It’s time to kick more Muslim ass and it is America’s God-given right to hold all the oil and put a vice grip around China’s balls. Friends, I am here to tell you that the backbone of America is hatred and fear of the unknown. We got to keep those damn Mexicans from sneaking in. If we cannot use the good Christian services of Blackwater in Iraq anymore, then we should damn well use...
Al Gore to unleash new climate control cars
2007-10-16 20:43:00 NEW YORK - Speaking at a conference for climate change, hot on the heals of his Nobel Peace Prize, Al Gore unveiled his plans for a new climate friendly car, which he plans to call Goredoba. When asked about the similarity in name to Chrysler’s ill-fated Cordoba, Mr. Gore responded by saying “Ricardo Montalban doesn’t have ... More About: Cars , Climate , Control
Eagles to play private London gig
2007-10-13 16:55:00 LONDON — The Eagles will play a one off private concert at the O2 Arena, which has a capacity of 2,300. Described as a “once in a lifetime concert,” the event coincides with the release of the band’s new album Long Turds out of Don Henley’s Ass. In a promo stop for the new album the ... More About: London , Play , Private
Bruce Springsteen?s Anti-Diarrheal Caplets
2007-10-12 15:14:00 Twoh, twoh, twoh, my ass is on fire. Ooo hoo hoo… Bookmark to: More About: Bruce , Bruce Springsteen , Anti , Heal
Bush calls Ron Paul a terrorist
2007-10-11 15:26:00 WASHINGTON D.C. — Addressing the press in the Rose Garden of the White House, U.S. President Bush referred to Ron Paul as a terrorist: Ron Paul talks a big game. He says Constitution this, Constitution that, but what he really wants to do is eliminate our freedom. He is jealous of our freedom and he wants ... More About: Calls , Terrorist
Turd Hotel
2007-10-10 18:45:00 Ask and you shall receive. We give you those wannabe Japanese from Germany. Maybe, they can split a bill the Night Rocker himself David Hasselholff. Bookmark to: More About: Hotel , Turd , David Hasselhoff , Tokio Hotel
A Message of faith from the Reverend Bill T. O?Turdly
2007-10-10 18:36:00 My Brethren, Wherever we go to preach the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ , we enter into spiritual battle. The Bible says that unbelievers are living ?according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air? (Ephesians 2:2, NKJV). It also says that they need to ?escape the snare ... More About: Faith , Message , Bill , Reverend
McDonalds is totally backing the Turd now
2007-10-10 01:34:00 Hey kids, isn’t watching TV fun? We give the world’s first pot smoking, obese clown complete with a dixie cup on his nose. Bookmark to: More About: Turd , Donalds , Mcdonalds , Backing , Ally
Romney, Giuliani quarrel over penis size
2007-10-10 01:02:00 DEARBORN, Mich. - Republican presidential hopefuls Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani quarreled over their penis sizes Tuesday, each claiming greater commitment than the other in a debate in the nation’s ... More About: Election , Size
American Facism Movement Takes a Beating
2007-10-01 16:19:00 Goddamn judges and their stupid checks and balances bullshit. The Patriot Act was our bread and butter! That candy ass U.S. District Judge Ann Aiken last week ruled that using the Patriot Act to authorize secret searches and seizures to gather criminal evidence violates the constitution or some such liberal flap doodle. The judicial branch of government ... More About: American , Beating
Abraham was a schizophrenic
2007-09-30 19:21:00 God, a voice in Abram’s head, called Abram to go to “the land I will show you”, and promised to bless him and make him (though hitherto childless) a great nation. Trusting this promise, Abram journeyed down to Shechem, and at the sacred tree (compare Genesis 35:4, Joshua 24:26, Judges 9:6) received a new promise ... More About: Abraham , Schizo
Alien bodies discovered under Wright-Patterson Air Force Base Hanger 18
2007-09-29 20:02:00 DAYTON, OHIO - Wright-Patterson Air Force Base has become well-known among UFO researchers and theorists due to its connection with the Roswell incident of July 1947. Rumors over the years have said that wreckage from various UFO crashes have been shipped and placed in and under the infamous Hangar 18 at Wright-Patterson AFB. These rumors ... More About: Mexico , Alien , Air Force , Bodies
Ron Paul is still such an asshole
2007-09-28 20:22:00 If Ron Paul is not saying constitution this constitution that or saying the war in Iraq is illegal or unconstitutional, then he is getting the most campaign contributions from the U.S. military. * Please note Fox News’ attempt to marginalize Ron Paul and the support he actually has. Bookmark to: More About: Asshole , Paul I
Job Opportunities: USA Border Patrol
2007-09-28 15:46:00 Do you like hunting? Do you like hunting real live people? Take command of your career - Go with Border Patrol ! Bookmark to: More About: Opportunities , Unit
The Jews are in it with the Gays and Pedophiles
2007-09-27 15:06:00 America is being attacked from all angles and we need your help to stop it. If it is not the goddamn Arabs, fags or Jews then it is the blacks, or those damn occultists who practice sexual licentiousness-pedophilia and satanic bondage. The homosexual activist movement and organized pedophiles are linked together by a common goal: To ... More About: Jesus , God , Christian Right , Gays
Sex Pistols: ?We?re in it for the money?
2007-09-26 14:06:00 Is that Bozo the Clown or some mentally challenged outpatient from the local mental institution? The original Sex Pistols line up of John Lydon, Steve Jones, Paul Cook and Glen Matlock are so hard up for cash that they are doing yet another comeback tour. When asked for a comment Johnny Rotten gave us this: “I’m ... More About: Money
Vatican warns against buying of relics from Pope John Paul II
2007-09-26 00:20:00 ROME — Much to the objection of the Vatican , the website of the Holy Diocese of Rome has been offering small pieces of Pope John Paul II’s jawbone as part of a campaign to beatify him. However, shortly after the jawbone pieces hit the open market on the internet, the diocese’s site was inundated with requests ... More About: Buying
Turd Blunt
2007-09-24 15:47:00 All the girls swoon over Turd Blunt . Bookmark to: More About: James Blunt
TOAS Haunted House: former U.S. Vice President Henry Wallace rises from the
2007-09-18 17:48:00 At the height of the war against the Axis powers, former U.S. Vice President Henry Wallace was extremely prophetic in the New York Times on April 9, 1944: The really dangerous American fascists are not those who are hooked up directly or indirectly with the Axis. The FBI has its finger on those. The dangerous American fascist is the man who wants to do in the United States in an American way what Hitler did in Germany in a Prussian way. The American fascist would prefer not to use violence. His method is to poison the channels of public information. With a fascist the problem is never how best to present the truth to the public but how best to use the news to deceive the public into giving the fascist and his group more money or more power. Mr. Wallace then bluntly laid out his concern about the same happening here in America in the same article: If we define an American fascist as one who in case of conflict puts money and power ahead of human beings, then there are undoubted... More About: House , Vice President
Chinese man drops dead after viewing Turd on a Stick
2007-09-17 13:28:00 BEIJING - A Chinese man dropped dead after viewing Turd on a Stick for three consecutive days, state media said on Monday as China seeks to wean internet addicts offline. The man from the southern boomtown of Guangzhou, age 30, died on Saturday after being rushed to the hospital from an internet cafe, local authorities were quoted by the Beijing News as saying. “Police have ruled out the possibility of suicide,” the newspaper said, adding that exhaustion and disbelief were the most likely cause of death. The report did not say what TOAS post he was viewing when he died. Bookmark to: More About: Dead , Viewing
Cheney on D.C. Madam?s Phone List
2007-09-16 22:49:00 Is that Papa Cheney or is that Big Dick getting ready for his spanking? It seems that one of our favorite fascists is on Deborah Jeane Palfrey’s list. An extremely knowledgeable source within the CIA has informed TOAS that when Mr. Cheney was not cross dressing with Australian Prime Minister John Howard or sucking King Abdullah’s ... More About: Phone , List , Madam
Robertson: ?Only Muslims get earthquakes?
2007-09-13 16:09:00 In the wake of the three earthquakes that have hit the Indonesian island of Sumatra, U.S. televangelist Pat Robe rtson declared on his 700 Club TV program that “only Muslims get earthquakes.” He continued by saying: No good Christians have ever been caught in earthquakes. Those dirty fag bastards in San Francisco deserved every bit of God’s ... More About: Earthquakes , Christian Right
Pope Benedict XVI the cowboy
2007-09-12 16:30:00 Come on all you young boys! I got drugs and my ass is on fire. Do you want to go to heaven or what? Bookmark to: More About: Cowboy , Pope Benedict X , Gay Pride , Pope , Benedict
The Britney Spears Death Watch
2007-09-12 14:04:00 Destined to be the new Anna Nicole Smith , Britney Spears took to the stage of the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards show performing her new song “Gimme More.” Appearing disengaged and on a shit load of pain killers, the pop star appeared to stop singing altogether several times during her performance. With her fifth studio album ... More About: Watch , Death
New Indiana Jones movie ?Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Turds?
2007-09-11 13:45:00 NEW YORK (AP) — The title of the new “Indiana Jones” movie, directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Harrison Ford , has been revealed. “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Turds” will be in theaters May 22, 2008. The title of the long-awaited fourth installment of the adventure series was announced by Shia LaBeouf, who co-stars with ... More About: Movie
So long and thanks for all the cats
More articles from this author:2007-09-10 16:34:00 If I could speak cat. I’d say “That’s my fucking pseudonym cat. Fuck off and get your own. Stupid furball.”Next thing you know it’ll have it’s own blog. Probably more popular than TOAS. I can’t wait until they find out that posting video of your cat gives You Tube rights to perform market research on ... More About: Cats , Turds , Long , Hank 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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