Turd on a Stick Turd on a Stick A heartfelt dose of pretension that retains the aesthetic of complete ignorance. Yeah! You wish you were this cool. 
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TOAS maintenance under way
2007-08-07 11:02:00 Well, we are now trying to rectify the top margin problem that we had in Internet Explorer. Please bear with us now. We will get it rectified as soon as we can. For the moment, enjoy the crappy version of TOAS that is truly a turd on a stick. Apologies, Bill O’Turdly Bookmark to: More About: Maintenance , Under , Tena
Dumbass Koreans picket US embassy as both Bush and Karzai say ?oh shit, the
2007-08-06 11:26:00 SEOUL - The gloomy weather seems to reflect the mood of many South Koreans as they wait to hear the fate of the 21 hostages still being held by the Taleban in Afghanistan . The captives’ plight has become a national obsession. It is the top story on television and radio and on the front pages ... More About: Bush , Shit , Dumbass , Embassy
The TOAS Poll
2007-08-05 09:49:00 We had 25 people (group A) poll 25 people (group B) about how they feel being polled, and then we had the 25 people who asked the poll questions (group B), polled by a new set of 25 people (group C). The subject of this poll was about what it is like to poll people. ... More About: Poll
Now, a public service message
2007-08-05 05:52:00 Men should not let other men wear white belts. Bookmark to: More About: Public Service , Public , Service , Message , Mess
Vitter the Shitter
2007-08-04 02:32:00 WASHINGTON DC - U.S. Senator David Vitter (R-La.), known affectionately by all whores as “Vitter the Shitter,” has apologized after his telephone number appeared atop the phone records of the woman dubbed the “D.C. Madam,” making him the first member of Congress to become ensnared in the high-profile case. The statement containing Vitter’s apology said his ...
Bush declares war on war
2007-08-02 14:24:00 WASHINGTON DC - U.S. President George W. Bush declared war on the word war, but then realised that he was meant to reconfirm the U.S. war against drugs. Bush then stated, “Shit, there is so many goddamn wars I cannot remember what the hell each war is for.” No one can implore Mr. Bush to ... More About: Ares , Clar
Give your money to a scoundrel and help Christian fascist America move forw
2007-08-01 09:53:00 Our good Christian buddy Tom DeLay needs your help. It seeems that those damn secular liberal pansies have railroaded one of our great leaders. You might remember Tom’s great words from April 12, 2002 at the “World Weekend” conference at the First Baptist Church in Peerland, Teaxas: Ladies and gentlemen, Christianity offers the only viable, reasonable, ... More About: America , Money , Move , Give
Lionel Richie Cough Drops
2007-07-31 09:08:00 We gonna jumba jumba all night… Bookmark to: More About: Lionel Richie , Cough , Lionel , Drop
Bush and Brown vow to work together or else Rice will bite Brown?s dick off
2007-07-31 06:28:00 WASHINGTON DC - US President George W Bush and UK PM Gordon Brown have held their first formal talks, renewing pledges to fight terrorism and seek progress in Iraq. Mr Brown said both nations had duties and responsibilities in Iraq, and that he would seek military advice before announcing any changes in policy. The pair ... More About: Condoleezza Rice , Work , Rice
South Park to use Sam Brownback in a soon to be aired new episode
2007-07-30 07:39:00 DENVER, CO - South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone have disclosed a new story line that involves U.S. Preseidential hopeful Sam Brownback in a soon to be aired epsiode. In a recent interview, Parker said that the hit show plans to revisit an old and forgotten story line, Getting Gay with Kids is Cool, ... More About: Episode
Barry Bonds admits his head is bigger than the whole Grapefruit League
2007-07-29 10:23:00 On the eve of Barry Bonds breaking Major League Baseball’s home run record, we give you conclusive evidence that Bonds is on steroids. It is time or MLB to recognize the real home run king: Sadaharu Oh who hit 868 home runs. Bookmark to: More About: Head , Whole
The Oak Ridge Turds
2007-07-28 08:50:00 Is that the cast of Full House sans the Olsen Twins? Now appearing at a second rate casino near you: The O ak Ridge Turds ! ”I’ll Be True to You” “Come on In” “You’re the One.” Bookmark to: More About: Christian Right
The Face of Satan Unveiled: The Furry Grim Reaper
2007-07-28 02:50:00 PROVIDENCE, R.I. - The face of Satan has been seen at an home for the elderly in Providence, Rhodes Island. Oscar the cat (Satan himself) seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 ... More About: Face , Furry , Grim Reaper , Reaper
Our Man Sam Brownback has befriended TOAS
2007-07-27 11:09:00 We are delighted to tell you, our secular trash cabal, that our man Sam Brownback , himself has befriended TOAS on Myspace. We are in this together now for a safer, whiter, intorelant, ignorant, white, Christian America. So, go get your free Brownback bracelet, show your support and be a good Christian soldier! Bookmark to:
Pope Benedict XVI Hemorrhoidal Suppositories
2007-07-26 11:07:00 The only hemorrhoidal suppositories with the Papal seal of approval. Bookmark to: More About: Pope , Sito , Posi , Benedict , Pope Benedict
Lohan Again Expresses Her Desire to Star in a Lesbian Jailhouse Porn Film
2007-07-25 08:59:00 LOS ANGELES — Lindsay Lohan was arrested again for drinking and driving. The 21 year old star was pulled over by police offices in Santa Monica, California. She already faces a drunk driving charge in Beverely Hills when her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible struck a curb, and investigators found what they believed was cocaine. After her ... More About: Film , Lesbian , Star , Ouse
Hellsong
2007-07-24 07:34:00 Get your McDonald’s salt packets ready for your blessing! We give you Hellsong, Australia ’s largest growing evangelical church. Bookmark to: More About: Christian Right
How do you say dumb ass: Korean Missionaries
2007-07-23 15:11:00 KABUL - Taleban rebels have taken 23 Kore an missionaries hostage in an attempt to free Taleban prisoners from the Afghan government. What we don’t know is why the hell would anyone be stupid enough to try and convert people to Christianity in Afghanistan . Leave it to Korean evangelists to try it, and that they did. ... More About: Dumb , Missionaries
We?re Going to Hell because We Are Prententious Ignorant Atheists
2007-07-23 07:30:00 We are so excited to inform you, our unrelenting secular trash cabal, that we have been condemned to hell and called pretentious, ignorant, atheists! And, please remember that before you read any content on Turd on a Stick to say this prayer to the Lord: IN JESUS NAME, I BIND UP EVERY DEMON COMING ACROSS THE COMPUTER ... More About: Hell , Atheists , Tent , Going , Theist
The World?s Biggest Penis
2007-07-23 07:02:00 DUBAI, United Arab Emirates - Developers of a 1,680-foot penis still under construction in oil-rich Dubiai claimed Saturday that it has become the world’s tallest phallus, surpassing Taiwan’s Taipei 101 which had been the world’s largest penis since 2004. The Burj Dubai is expected to be finished by the end of 2008 and its planned ... More About: World , The World , Penis
She Will Always Be Tammy Faye Bakker
2007-07-22 14:22:00 RALEIGH, N.C. - Tammy Faye Bakker , who helped her husband, Jim, build a multimillion-dollar evangelism empire and then watched it collapse in disgrace, has died. She was 65. Bakker had battled colon cancer since 1996 that more recently spread to her lungs. She died peacefully Friday at her home near Kansas City, MO., said Joe ... More About: Always
An Advertising Campaign We Would Like to See, KY Jelly
2007-07-20 07:51:00 Bookmark to: More About: Advertising , Campaign , Jelly , Like , Would
Starbury’s Giveback Day: Dumb Ass Sports Star
2007-07-19 15:03:00 Starbury wants to average 10 points, 12-13 dimes, 2-3 assists, and 4-5 rebounds, huh? Remember he is doing it for the kids, but I want whatever drug he’s on in that comrade atmosphere? My sister Stephanie, that’s my namesake, that’s what she is to me…that’s my daughter name…she been praying for this forever and it finally happened yesterday when I kissed her, I felt her body and I felt her soul. I was delighted to be kissing her. I couldn’t even cry because I knew they were gonna be happy tears so I was able to control them. You know, you really cry when you really bad stuff. Bookmark to: More About: Sports , Dumb , Star , Spor , Ports
How Do You Say Dumb Ass!
2007-07-19 14:47:00 Michael Vick (pictured above) quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons has been indicted on dog-fighting charges by a federal grand jury. How do you say dumb ass! All that money, surely he could buy some horses and play the ponies. This has to be one of the dumbest things since J.R. Rider (former NBA player) was busted in Portland, Oregon in his Porsche smoking pot from a Coca Cola can. Bookmark to: More About: Dumb
Giraffe Shit to Stop Baldness and Increase Hair Growth
2007-07-19 07:06:00 SYDNEY - Scientists at the University of Sydney have discovered that giraffe shit will decrease hair loss and at the same time increase existing hair on balding men. The study was carried out over a two year period with 50 balding men. Group A, the control group consisting of 25 men, were given falafel to apply on their head and group B, consisting of the other 25 men were given giraffe shit to apply to their balding scalps. The scientists found that the men in group A showed no hair regrowth at all and that the men in group B showed a 25% increase in hair growth, while showing no signs of hair loss. Therefore, in conclusion the scientists have stated in their report that giraffe shit does in fact promote hair regrowth. While it remains to be seen if pharmaceutical companies will apply these findings and begin manufacturing hair loss medicine that contains giraffe shit. However, there already has been a wide spread exportation of giraffe shit out of Africa on the black market and an... More About: Hair , Growth , Shit , Stop , Gira
Insults that Make No Sense
2007-07-19 06:23:00 Well, we just received another great nonsensical insult, but I am not sure if it was directed at my man T. Furgeson or myself… The Lord Jesus has told us everything we need to know. One of those things is that Satan’s Helpers would persecute us, including calling us things like “turds.” No, the Lord didn’t say “turds” or the Hebrew equivalent, but He did tell us we would be called unseemly names. Well, I have news for you secular trash: I see your turd and raise you several more turds. Because “turd” is a compliment if we are talking about your wicked souls! I, frankly, can’t wait until the Lord Jesus smacks you senseless and fries your sodomy-loving butt in the fires of Hell. Now, that will be a FINE day! In His Name and With His Grace, Dottie Bookmark to: More About: Sense , Make , Sens , Insults , Insult
Furgeson’s Favorite Fascists - US Senator Tom Coburn
2007-07-18 08:23:00 Thank you Sen. Coburn for breathing a little sense into the Senat e Judiciary Commitee hearing for the border patrol agents that shot a fleeing, unarmed drug trafficker. It was a question that was dying to be asked, “What’s wrong with shooting Mexicans?” The reason I chose him for this week’s Favor ite Fascist Award is because Coburn didn’t phrase his rhetorical question as clearly as I did. Instead he asked an equally important question: “What’s wrong with shooting traffickers after they’ve been told to stop?” This is way smarter. If you just go around suggesting it’s OK to shoot people cause they’re not from here you’re going to get into trouble. That’s the trouble with our weak-ass, Nancy-boy populace. Instead he suggested that we make it legal to shoot suspected traffickers in the back as they’re running for their lives. That is so much easier to swallow. Roadblock ahead: Supreme Court Ruling Those... More About: Senator , Fascists
Damn Those Dirty Tree Fuckers!
2007-07-18 07:32:00 WASHINGTON - The Dirty Tree Fuckers are using their growing strength in Pakistan and Iraq to plot attacks against U.S. soil and trees, heightening the terror threat facing all of the soil and tree in the United States over the next few years, intelligence agencies concluded in a report unveiled Tuesday. At the same time, the intelligence analysts worry that international cooperation against dirty tree fucking will be hard to sustain as memories of Sept. 11 fade and nations’ views diverge on who and what exactly are Dirty Tree Fuckers. In the National Intelligence Estimate prepared for U.S. President Bush and other top policymakers, analysts laid out a range of dangers — from the Dirty Tree Fuckers, themselves, to Lebanese Hezbollah to non-Muslim radical groups — that pose a “persistent and evolving threat” to the country over the next three years. The findings focused most heavily on Dirty Tree Fucker # 1 and his Dirty Tree Fucker network which was judged to re... More About: Damn
Buddha?s Enlightenment
2007-07-17 12:56:00 After sitting under the Bodhi tree, Gautama Buddha received this great enlightenment: Regardless of culture and gender, given the chance people will show their stupidity. Bookmark to: More About: Enlightenment
People around the World Are Revolting against Bank ?Fuck? Fees
More articles from this author:2007-07-17 06:29:00 Tired of all those stupid “fuck” fees from banks that nickle and dime your money away each month and keep fat greedy bastards rich? Well, people all over the world have had enough with bank “fuck” fees: withdrawl fees, cheque service fees and overdraft fees. The Israeli government has just agreed that the country’s central bank should ... More About: People , World , Fees , Around the world , The World 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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