Turd on a Stick Turd on a Stick A heartfelt dose of pretension that retains the aesthetic of complete ignorance. Yeah! You wish you were this cool. Articles
She Will Always Be Tammy Faye Bakker
2007-07-22 14:22:00 RALEIGH, N.C. - Tammy Faye Bakker , who helped her husband, Jim, build a multimillion-dollar evangelism empire and then watched it collapse in disgrace, has died. She was 65. Bakker had battled colon cancer since 1996 that more recently spread to her lungs. She died peacefully Friday at her home near Kansas City, MO., said Joe ... More About: Always
An Advertising Campaign We Would Like to See, KY Jelly
2007-07-20 07:51:00 Bookmark to: More About: Advertising , Campaign , Jelly , Like , Would
Starbury’s Giveback Day: Dumb Ass Sports Star
2007-07-19 15:03:00 Starbury wants to average 10 points, 12-13 dimes, 2-3 assists, and 4-5 rebounds, huh? Remember he is doing it for the kids, but I want whatever drug he’s on in that comrade atmosphere? My sister Stephanie, that’s my namesake, that’s what she is to me…that’s my daughter name…she been praying for this forever and it finally happened yesterday when I kissed her, I felt her body and I felt her soul. I was delighted to be kissing her. I couldn’t even cry because I knew they were gonna be happy tears so I was able to control them. You know, you really cry when you really bad stuff. Bookmark to: More About: Sports , Dumb , Star , Spor , Ports
How Do You Say Dumb Ass!
2007-07-19 14:47:00 Michael Vick (pictured above) quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons has been indicted on dog-fighting charges by a federal grand jury. How do you say dumb ass! All that money, surely he could buy some horses and play the ponies. This has to be one of the dumbest things since J.R. Rider (former NBA player) was busted in Portland, Oregon in his Porsche smoking pot from a Coca Cola can. Bookmark to: More About: Dumb
Giraffe Shit to Stop Baldness and Increase Hair Growth
2007-07-19 07:06:00 SYDNEY - Scientists at the University of Sydney have discovered that giraffe shit will decrease hair loss and at the same time increase existing hair on balding men. The study was carried out over a two year period with 50 balding men. Group A, the control group consisting of 25 men, were given falafel to apply on their head and group B, consisting of the other 25 men were given giraffe shit to apply to their balding scalps. The scientists found that the men in group A showed no hair regrowth at all and that the men in group B showed a 25% increase in hair growth, while showing no signs of hair loss. Therefore, in conclusion the scientists have stated in their report that giraffe shit does in fact promote hair regrowth. While it remains to be seen if pharmaceutical companies will apply these findings and begin manufacturing hair loss medicine that contains giraffe shit. However, there already has been a wide spread exportation of giraffe shit out of Africa on the black market and an... More About: Hair , Growth , Shit , Stop , Gira
Insults that Make No Sense
2007-07-19 06:23:00 Well, we just received another great nonsensical insult, but I am not sure if it was directed at my man T. Furgeson or myself… The Lord Jesus has told us everything we need to know. One of those things is that Satan’s Helpers would persecute us, including calling us things like “turds.” No, the Lord didn’t say “turds” or the Hebrew equivalent, but He did tell us we would be called unseemly names. Well, I have news for you secular trash: I see your turd and raise you several more turds. Because “turd” is a compliment if we are talking about your wicked souls! I, frankly, can’t wait until the Lord Jesus smacks you senseless and fries your sodomy-loving butt in the fires of Hell. Now, that will be a FINE day! In His Name and With His Grace, Dottie Bookmark to: More About: Sense , Make , Sens , Insults , Insult
Furgeson’s Favorite Fascists - US Senator Tom Coburn
2007-07-18 08:23:00 Thank you Sen. Coburn for breathing a little sense into the Senat e Judiciary Commitee hearing for the border patrol agents that shot a fleeing, unarmed drug trafficker. It was a question that was dying to be asked, “What’s wrong with shooting Mexicans?” The reason I chose him for this week’s Favor ite Fascist Award is because Coburn didn’t phrase his rhetorical question as clearly as I did. Instead he asked an equally important question: “What’s wrong with shooting traffickers after they’ve been told to stop?” This is way smarter. If you just go around suggesting it’s OK to shoot people cause they’re not from here you’re going to get into trouble. That’s the trouble with our weak-ass, Nancy-boy populace. Instead he suggested that we make it legal to shoot suspected traffickers in the back as they’re running for their lives. That is so much easier to swallow. Roadblock ahead: Supreme Court Ruling Those... More About: Senator , Fascists
Damn Those Dirty Tree Fuckers!
2007-07-18 07:32:00 WASHINGTON - The Dirty Tree Fuckers are using their growing strength in Pakistan and Iraq to plot attacks against U.S. soil and trees, heightening the terror threat facing all of the soil and tree in the United States over the next few years, intelligence agencies concluded in a report unveiled Tuesday. At the same time, the intelligence analysts worry that international cooperation against dirty tree fucking will be hard to sustain as memories of Sept. 11 fade and nations’ views diverge on who and what exactly are Dirty Tree Fuckers. In the National Intelligence Estimate prepared for U.S. President Bush and other top policymakers, analysts laid out a range of dangers — from the Dirty Tree Fuckers, themselves, to Lebanese Hezbollah to non-Muslim radical groups — that pose a “persistent and evolving threat” to the country over the next three years. The findings focused most heavily on Dirty Tree Fucker # 1 and his Dirty Tree Fucker network which was judged to re... More About: Damn
Buddha?s Enlightenment
2007-07-17 12:56:00 After sitting under the Bodhi tree, Gautama Buddha received this great enlightenment: Regardless of culture and gender, given the chance people will show their stupidity. Bookmark to: More About: Enlightenment
People around the World Are Revolting against Bank ?Fuck? Fees
2007-07-17 06:29:00 Tired of all those stupid “fuck” fees from banks that nickle and dime your money away each month and keep fat greedy bastards rich? Well, people all over the world have had enough with bank “fuck” fees: withdrawl fees, cheque service fees and overdraft fees. The Israeli government has just agreed that the country’s central bank should ... More About: People , World , Fees , Around the world , The World
Men Playing Video Games in Nevada to Destroy and Kill Iraqis
2007-07-16 08:52:00 BALAD AIR BASE, Iraq - The airplane is the size of a jet fighter, powered by a turboprop engine, able to fly at 300 mph and reach 50,000 feet. It’s outfitted with infrared, laser and radar targeting, and with a ton and a half of guided bombs and missiles. The Reaper is loaded, but there’s no ... More About: Video , Video Games , Nevada , Games
Insults That Make No Sense
2007-07-14 01:56:00 Our man T. Furgeson recently received this one from a Ms. Lynelle Bryant from Baptists for Brownback. I guess you think you are pretty cute calling our site a turd. I have news for you YOU ARE NOT. If I wasn’t a christian and a lady I would just bend over after taking a dump and tell you to KISS MY A$$! Leave us alone you heathen Bookmark to: More About: Sense , Make , Sens , Insults , Insult
Mohammed’s Last Words
2007-07-14 01:45:00 Damn it! Would you stop drawing pictures of me! I never want to see them ever again! Bookmark to: More About: Words , Mohammed
Mexican Man Receives a Message from Jesus
2007-07-12 10:53:00 Miguel Antonio del Chavez of Guadalupe, Mexico has recently received a message from Jesu s Christ, while he has cleaning a statue of Jesus in his local church. Mr. Chavez was able to recount what Jesus said: I was just a rebel Jew who was opposed to the existing Jewish aristocracy and the Roman governing of ... More About: Mexican , Message , Mess
Let?s Bring Peace and Freedom to Azerbaijan
2007-07-12 07:35:00 When the US Army was making plans for its ultra cool future force, it needed to invade and occupy a country in its war games, to model how all the new tanks, robots, and fighting vehicles might perform. More about that at the Danger Room. That country, oddly enough, was Azerbaijan . They might have terrorists. There ... More About: Freedom , Peace
Disney to Recast A Christmas Carol
2007-07-11 08:33:00 Well, it seems that Disney does read TOAS and has taken our view point into account. After considering their plans to remake “A Christmas Carol” with Jim Carrey playing Ebenezer Scrooge and the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future, Disney has decided to pull the plug on the casting of Jim Carrey. In a statement, ... More About: Bush , Iraq , Iran , Saddam Hussein
Turd on a Stick - Dirty Tree Fucker Threat
2007-07-11 07:49:00 Don’t Fear the Esoterics: For fans of electric mouth harp music, Turd on a Stick ’s - Dirty Tree Fucker Threat is a gift that’s long overdue. TOAS’s fourth album gracefully glides over the same sonic ground that their contemporaries generally tread with reverential obedience or dilettante tactics. Growing into their prodigious own at the ...
Furgeson?s Favorite Fascists - Baptists for Brownback 2008
2007-07-10 07:25:00 Hi there, are you all having a wonderful morning basking in the sunlight of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ? I wanted to take this opportunity to begin a new segment entitled Furgeson’s Favor ite Fascists . I’m going to dedicate how ever much time I feel necessary to those out there that strive to make America a ... More About: Brownback , Baptists
The Most Expensive Turds in the Universe!
2007-07-09 14:57:00 No fooling! NASA just bought a toilet system for $19,000,000! That means there will be turds in space worth more than a four bedroom home. So hey, all you miserable Americans moping around because you don’t have any access to health care, rejoice! Astraunauts can drink their own urine while floating in space and it’s yummy. Now isn’t ... More About: Universe , Turds , Most Expensive , Univ , The Universe
I?ve Been Called a Turd
2007-07-08 07:49:00 This is awesome. I have finally been called by my proper name: Turd . It seems that there is a debate on whether the music press and music criticism is better in the United States or in the United Kingdom and yours truly has been called a turd and his opinion labeled as WTF! Anyway, here is ... More About: Been
Mushrooms Become Source for Eco-building
2007-07-08 04:15:00 TROY, N.Y. -Two Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute graduates have created an organic building insulation out of mushrooms grown under their beds, and then a stoned next door neighbor ate their house in an attempt to get high. Bookmark to: More About: Building , Mushrooms , Source , Mush
Like We Need This
2007-07-08 01:50:00 Jim Carrey is now set to play Ebenezer Scrooge and the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future in the 100th remake of “A Christmas Carol ” by Charles Dickens. The “funny” man is best known for his various facial contortions and being a higher paid version of Jerry Lewis, except that he never had a ... More About: Disney , Jim Carrey , Like
Bush To Pardon Dick Cheney?s Bitch
2007-07-05 10:33:00 WASHINGTON D.C . - After communting Lewis “Scooter Libby’s jail sentence, US President George W. Bush has not ruled out the possiblity of pardoning US Vice President Dick Cheney ’s bitch. Before being pardoned, Libby must pay a $250,ooo fine and serve 2 years probation. In a statement, Bush reiterated that Libby’s punishment was “severe” and ... More About: Bitch
Once Thought Endangered Species Is Found in Sydney
2007-07-05 10:08:00 SYDNEY - Social Antropologists have recently discovered what was once thought an endagered species of humans: the goths. One unnamed researcher said “it was like discovering a time capsule,” while another described the unexpected find as “shocking, I can’t believe that people still wear Ian Curtis, Joy Division, Bauhaus and Love and Rockets t-shirts.” Furthermore, another ... More About: Sydney , Thought , Endangered Species , Endangered , Once
?Wiki How? let me down again
2007-06-27 07:22:00 I can’t tell you how excited i was when i saw this headline in my RSS thing: How to Make Bowls out of Vinyl Records Don’t get excited it’s not what you think. Well it might be if you want to toss a salad. No not that but… Here’s the How to’s that I’d like to see: How to ... More About: Turds , Wiki
The Greatest Lie Ever Told: ?God Loves Everyone.?
2007-06-25 14:07:00 Yeah, well no shit! God only loves white people who are fascists. Furthermore, if you are gay, Arabic, not a ne0-conservative or just simply not inept, then he hates you too. I always thought that religion was a private enterprise. So, if you are dumb, stupid or simply a homophobic racist, The Westboro Baptist Church is ... More About: Everyone , Told , The G , Greatest
Return to Sound Values
2007-06-20 07:57:00 Are you disgusted with a liberal party that blames America first? Are you fed up with bureaucrats who want to keep your kids in failing schools? Are you outraged with liberal activist judges who ban the Pledge of Allegiance in public schools and oppose any mention of God in public life? Tired of the liberal politics of dividing ... More About: Sound , Return , Values , Value , Turn
Hasselhoff Swears, ?The Booze Helped?
2007-06-19 10:01:00 David Hasselhoff (aka Night Rocker) fell off the wagon during a custody hearing. Was so wasted that his 16 year old taped him fumbling with a cheeseburger off the floor. He still won custody. Pamela Bach must come off as a stone cold bitch in the courtroom. Or perhaps Hasselhoff bribed the judge with a ... More About: Booze , David Hasselhoff , Wear , Ears
Turd Supply
More articles from this author:2007-06-19 02:48:00 Those soft rock renegades from Down Under… Bookmark to: More About: Turd 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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