The Lost NewsThe Lost NewsThis is a website that satirizes politics and a whole lot more. Articles
Hillary Finally Gets Her F*ck You Money
2007-04-04 17:20:00 (Washington D.C.) In the first three months of 2007, Senator Hillary Clinton out earned every male Presidential candidate by 3 million dollars with a grand total of 26 million. More About: Money , Final , Finally , Gets
Australia Goes "Lights Out" To Combat Global Warming And Let Their Ugly Get
2007-04-03 16:39:00 (Sydney, Australia ) Saturday night, the city of Sydney turned off most of their non-essential lights for one hour in an effort to raise the awareness of global warming and to let their truly ugly citizens get some. More About: Global Warming , War , Global , Light
Book Written By Dog, Not That Good
2007-03-30 20:51:00 (Trenton, NJ) A new book titled WHAT'S OUT THERE? is causing quite a stir. And not because of its content, but because of its author, a 5 year-old black lab/beagle named Bix. Yes he's a dog, and he can write. But can he? More About: Book , Hat , Good , That , Written
Self-Proclaimed Human Torch Becomes Human Ashtray
2007-03-29 19:18:00 (Willowsberg, LA) While celebrating his birthday this past Saturday night, local pizza delivery man John E. Storme, 23, the self-proclaimed Human Torch became a Human Ashtray. More About: Self , Come , Proc , Uman
Woman At Orgy: Why Am I Talking?
2007-03-28 20:51:00 (Malibu, CA) A few months ago at the Eros Club's monthly orgy things got weird, when orgy veteran Gloria W. asked, "Why am I talking? Why isn't there a shaft in my mouth? Seriously, why am I talking?" More About: Talk , Woman , Oman , Talking , King
Rove Announces That Congress Can Suck It...But Not Swallow
2007-03-27 20:08:00 (Washington D.C.) In the fallout of the 8 U.S. Attorneys fired by the Justice Department Congress wants answers. And they want them from White House consiglieri Karl Rove. More About: Hat , Wall , Suck , That
U.N. Security Council Tells Ahmadinejad, "Now You Can't Wear A Tie!"
2007-03-27 20:07:00 (New York, NY) Last week the United Nations Security Council unanimously voted to ratchet up the sanctions against Iran for refusing to stop enriching uranium. More About: Dine , Wear , Security Council
Town Elder Says "That Chinaman's Ok"
2007-03-23 20:24:00 (Pretoria, TX) Town elder, Thomas "The Bulldog" Cunningham, loves his home in the small east Texas town of Pretoria. He loves the hot weather in the summer. He loves the high school football games in the fall, and the other day over a cup of coffee at the local non-corporate coffee house, Kimmy's Koffey Klubhouse, he told his buddies that newcomer Phillip Kim was a good guy. "You know what, that China man's OK." More About: Hat , That
Global Warming Rears Its Head As Man Gets 'Rusty Trombone' For Bottle Of Wa
2007-03-22 21:30:00 (Majuro, Marshall Islands) The Marshall Islands, located in the Western Pacific Ocean, are on their way to becoming a popular tourist destination. And for one North Dakota man, the small island nation is his vacation spot of choice. More About: Global Warming , War , Global , Gets , Head
U.S. Post Office To Issue 'Forever Stamps' Featuring The Führer
2007-03-22 21:29:00 (Washington D.C.) The United States Post Office issued a statement Monday saying that the price of first class stamps was going to go up from 39 cents to 41 cents. But in addition to the price hike, the Post Office stated that they were going to issue 'Forever Stamp s', More About: Ring
To Win War On Illegal Drugs, Government And Bayer Release FlintStoneD Vitam
2007-03-20 18:48:00 (Washington D.C.) Billions have been spent on fighting the War on Drugs . And while the overall use of illegal drugs might be lower than it was ten years ago, that isn't enough for the DEA and concerned parents of young children. "We don't want our little Timmy's and Peggy's to be the victims of the very bad and illegal drugs pushed by the little Juan's and Darnell's," said a racially sensitive mother from Dallas, Texas. More About: Government , Men , Legal
Woman Seeks to Point Out That Angelina Jolie is Nothing Special, Really
2007-03-16 17:08:00 (Muncie, IN) Tiffany Allen just wants to point out to everyone "Angel ina Jolie 's lips are physically too big for her face....I'm not lying." A fact she repeatedly stated during a recent viewing of the movie Mr. And Mrs. Smith with her boyfriend, Todd James. More About: Hat , Woman , Special
Sleep Aid Molesta Gets 5 To 10 Year Suspension
2007-03-14 18:24:00 Wilmington, DE) Scientists say that Americans get too little sleep. That proclamation has opened the door to a new industry of sleep aid medications. While most of the drugs appear to be safe, one seems to be causing nightmares. More About: Pens , Pension , Sleep , Gets , Sion
Vanishing Of Bees Leads One Man To Conclude: Earth Will Be Destroyed To Mak
2007-03-13 22:54:00 (Chico, CA) The United States and the world are puzzled by a sudden vanishing act. Across 20 plus states, millions of bees have just disappeared over the last year leaving no trace. But one British man knows exactly where they've gone. More About: Earth , Leads , Troy , Will , Bees
After Captain America's Death, Captain Chaos Fills Void
2007-03-12 23:28:00 (Burbank, CA) Last week superhero and super America n Captain America was gunned down in front of a courthouse. His death has left many to think with only a hundred or so superheroes left in the United States, who will step in to fill his particular hero niche? The answer: Dun dun DUNNNN!!... Captain Chaos! More About: Death , Fill , After
2032 Presidential Candidate Puts Venezuela "On Notice"
2007-03-10 01:23:01 (Oklahoma City, OK) Monica Swafford is an abnormally bright 10 year-old girl with a love for Hilary Duff, puppies and politics. More About: Residential , President , Presidential , Venezuela , Dida
Newly Discovered 3rd Sect Of Islam Keeping Their Damn Trap Shut
2007-03-10 01:23:01 (Riyadh, Saudi Arabia) A stunning discovery has rocked not only the Islam ic world, but also the entire planet. Members of an unknown 3rd sect of Islam, called the Susees, were found living in a small village in southern Saudi Arabia. More About: Cover , Keep , Over , Disco
Man Unveils 12-Step Program To Cure 12-Step Program Addiction
2007-03-10 01:23:01 (Kansas City, MO) America we're addicted. Not just to oil, but to be being addicted. As of today there are 12-step programs for alcohol, drugs, sex, spending, working, paganism, families, on-line games, being white and almost anything you can name. More About: Addiction , Prog , Program , Step , Cure
Ernest Gallo To Be Buried In Wine Box
2007-03-10 01:23:01 (San Francisco, CA) Legendary winemaker Ernest Gallo passed away on Tuesday in Modesto, California. Gallo spent his life building a wine empire and upon his death wanted to thank the very people who had made his extraordinary life possible. More About: Wine , Nest , Allo
Movie Extra Reveals Will Ferrell, "Down To Earth Guy"
2007-03-10 01:23:01 (Chicago, IL) Chicago actor Doug Malone still reveals to anyone who will listen that working with comedian Will Ferrell on the film Stranger Than Fiction was a great experience due to the funnyman's "down-to-earth, just one of the guys" nature. More About: Movie , Earth , Down
Iraqi F.R.E.D.O. Panel Unveils New 'Smart' Strategy To Stop Bombings
2007-03-10 01:23:01 (Baghdad, Iraq ) Not to be outdone by the United States government and the Baker-Hamilton report, the Iraqi government has put together their own independent panel made up of the smartest people they have left. More About: Strategy , Smart , Mart , Pane
Kim Jong-Il To Dismantle Nukes In Exchange For Food, Oil And Platform Shoes
2007-03-10 01:23:01 (Beijing, CHINA) Over the weekend U.S. Assistant Secretary of State Christopher Hill hammered out details with North Korean officials that will require Kim Jong-Il to halt and dismantle his nuclear weapons program. More About: Food , Shoes , Change , Oil , Exchange
Hispanics Offer To Repopulate Iraq
2007-03-10 01:23:01 (Los Angeles, CA) In the wake of the tens if not hundreds of thousands of Iraq is who have died since 2003, the population of the once robust nation has begun to shrink. But one western group is hoping to change that. More About: Pop , Repo , Late , Hispanics
With Hilary Running For White House, Former President Clinton Puts Penis In
2007-03-10 01:23:01 (New York, NY) Just hours after Senator Hilary Clinton announced her run for the Democratic ticket in 2008, her husband and former President , Bill Clinton, placed his troublesome penis into former Vice-President Al Gore's lock box for safe keeping. More About: House , Running , White House , President Clinton
Man Fired For 'Thinking' About Co-Worker In Bikini
2007-03-10 01:23:01 (St. Paul, MN) 32 year-old Martin Jenner is just like most American men. He likes football, beer and girls. But it's that attraction to the fairer sex that has turned Jenner's world upside down. More About: Bikini , Work , About , Fire , Think
Fat Man: "It's A Smaller World."
2007-03-10 01:23:01 (Topeka, KS) 350 pound Lewis "The Bear" McBride II, tells everyone who will listen, that is not he who has gotten bigger, but it's the world that has gotten smaller. More About: World , Mall
Man Gets Ass Handed To Him By Lupus
2007-03-10 01:23:01 (Canyon City, OR) Last night in Canyon City, town leader and legendary lumberjack Jim Falbrook, 55, passed away after losing his battle with Lupus More About: Gets , Hand , Handed
You Call That A Genocide? I'll Show You A Genocide - Joseph Stalin
2007-03-07 01:21:10 The following is a letter written by Joseph Stalin to Nazi Reichsmarschall Hermann Goering in March of 1946. More About: Show , Hat , Genocide , Call
Kansas Passes Anti-Oral Sex Law
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Lawrence, KS) Even though teen pregnancy in the United States has been going down for the past several years, that's not enough for the Kansas State Legislature. They want to get rid of all teen sex acts, great and small. Their next target? Oral sex. Their ammunition? The Kansas Anti -Oral Sex Act of 2006. More About: Pass
Kids Want Rainbow Back
More articles from this author:2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Little Rock, AK) At a press conference in front of the local KIDS-R-US, civil rights attorney Bill Stanton asked for a summit with G.L.A.A.D (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) and the Rain bow/PUSH Coalition to discuss the Rainbow . More About: Kids , Back , Want 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 |
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