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Vanishing Of Bees Leads One Man To Conclude: Earth Will Be Destroyed To Mak
2007-03-13 22:54:00
(Chico, CA) The United States and the world are puzzled by a sudden vanishing act. Across 20 plus states, millions of bees have just disappeared over the last year leaving no trace. But one British man knows exactly where they've gone.
More About: Earth , Leads , Troy , Will , Bees

After Captain America's Death, Captain Chaos Fills Void
2007-03-12 23:28:00
(Burbank, CA) Last week superhero and super America n Captain America was gunned down in front of a courthouse. His death has left many to think with only a hundred or so superheroes left in the United States, who will step in to fill his particular hero niche? The answer: Dun dun DUNNNN!!... Captain Chaos!
More About: Death , Fill , After

Movie Extra Reveals Will Ferrell, "Down To Earth Guy"
2007-03-10 01:23:01
(Chicago, IL) Chicago actor Doug Malone still reveals to anyone who will listen that working with comedian Will Ferrell on the film Stranger Than Fiction was a great experience due to the funnyman's "down-to-earth, just one of the guys" nature.
More About: Movie , Earth , Down

Ernest Gallo To Be Buried In Wine Box
2007-03-10 01:23:01
(San Francisco, CA) Legendary winemaker Ernest Gallo passed away on Tuesday in Modesto, California. Gallo spent his life building a wine empire and upon his death wanted to thank the very people who had made his extraordinary life possible.
More About: Wine , Nest , Allo

Man Unveils 12-Step Program To Cure 12-Step Program Addiction
2007-03-10 01:23:01
(Kansas City, MO) America we're addicted. Not just to oil, but to be being addicted. As of today there are 12-step programs for alcohol, drugs, sex, spending, working, paganism, families, on-line games, being white and almost anything you can name.
More About: Addiction , Prog , Program , Step , Cure

Newly Discovered 3rd Sect Of Islam Keeping Their Damn Trap Shut
2007-03-10 01:23:01
(Riyadh, Saudi Arabia) A stunning discovery has rocked not only the Islam ic world, but also the entire planet. Members of an unknown 3rd sect of Islam, called the Susees, were found living in a small village in southern Saudi Arabia.
More About: Cover , Keep , Over , Disco

2032 Presidential Candidate Puts Venezuela "On Notice"
2007-03-10 01:23:01
(Oklahoma City, OK) Monica Swafford is an abnormally bright 10 year-old girl with a love for Hilary Duff, puppies and politics.
More About: Residential , President , Presidential , Venezuela , Dida

Iraqi F.R.E.D.O. Panel Unveils New 'Smart' Strategy To Stop Bombings
2007-03-10 01:23:01
(Baghdad, Iraq ) Not to be outdone by the United States government and the Baker-Hamilton report, the Iraqi government has put together their own independent panel made up of the smartest people they have left.
More About: Strategy , Smart , Mart , Pane

Kim Jong-Il To Dismantle Nukes In Exchange For Food, Oil And Platform Shoes
2007-03-10 01:23:01
(Beijing, CHINA) Over the weekend U.S. Assistant Secretary of State Christopher Hill hammered out details with North Korean officials that will require Kim Jong-Il to halt and dismantle his nuclear weapons program.
More About: Food , Shoes , Change , Oil , Exchange

Hispanics Offer To Repopulate Iraq
2007-03-10 01:23:01
(Los Angeles, CA) In the wake of the tens if not hundreds of thousands of Iraq is who have died since 2003, the population of the once robust nation has begun to shrink. But one western group is hoping to change that.
More About: Pop , Repo , Late , Hispanics

With Hilary Running For White House, Former President Clinton Puts Penis In
2007-03-10 01:23:01
(New York, NY) Just hours after Senator Hilary Clinton announced her run for the Democratic ticket in 2008, her husband and former President , Bill Clinton, placed his troublesome penis into former Vice-President Al Gore's lock box for safe keeping.
More About: House , Running , White House , President Clinton

Man Fired For 'Thinking' About Co-Worker In Bikini
2007-03-10 01:23:01
(St. Paul, MN) 32 year-old Martin Jenner is just like most American men. He likes football, beer and girls. But it's that attraction to the fairer sex that has turned Jenner's world upside down.
More About: Bikini , Work , About , Fire , Think

Fat Man: "It's A Smaller World."
2007-03-10 01:23:01
(Topeka, KS) 350 pound Lewis "The Bear" McBride II, tells everyone who will listen, that is not he who has gotten bigger, but it's the world that has gotten smaller.
More About: World , Mall

Man Gets Ass Handed To Him By Lupus
2007-03-10 01:23:01
(Canyon City, OR) Last night in Canyon City, town leader and legendary lumberjack Jim Falbrook, 55, passed away after losing his battle with Lupus
More About: Gets , Hand , Handed

You Call That A Genocide? I'll Show You A Genocide - Joseph Stalin
2007-03-07 01:21:10
The following is a letter written by Joseph Stalin to Nazi Reichsmarschall Hermann Goering in March of 1946.
More About: Show , Hat , Genocide , Call

Hastert "I Blame The Club Sandwich"
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Washington D.C.) Even with the DPRK testing a nuclear weapon, the Mark Foley scandal will not go away. With reports that Republican lawmakers knew about the disgraced Congressman's activities as early as 2000, the Republicans are in serious jeopardy of losing their moral high ground. But Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, who many claim looked the other way about Foley, has found the true culprit. "I blame the Club sandwich," said Hastert in a mustard-stained statement hand delivered by the Speaker
More About: Sand , The Club , Blame , Sandwich

Outsource Your Cancer
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(New York, NY) A new medical for-profit organization named Tears Of Life opened for business last month, and the service they offer will surprise you. "We'll outsource your cancer." That statement comes from Richard Hortloff, the founder and CEO of Tears Of Life. "Given our polluted environment these days, we're all bound to get at least one kind of cancer. But what we do here, at "The Life" as I like to call it, is give you the option to give that cancer to someone else and have your life back."
More About: Cancer , Source , Your

Coiner of phrase Commit Random Acts Of Kindness and Senseless Acts Of Beaut
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Missoula, MT) 53 year-old philosopher and Missoula native Steve Bardon will always be remembered and admired for his inspiring catch phrase Commit Random Acts of Kindness and Sense less Acts of Beauty, a catch phrase that has graced the bumper of who knows how many thousands of cars. But that bumper sticker love affair ended last night when Barton's perfectly dismembered body was found inside an abandoned barn in Ardmore, Oklahoma.
More About: Senseless , Ness

Foley Tried To Fingerbang Me!
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Chief's Island, Botswana) For Mark Foley , the former Republican Representative from Florida, the nightmare must seem endless. Not only has he faced allegations from current and former congressional pages that he made improper advances in person and through email, but now he faces allegations from halfway around the world.
More About: Bang , Tried , Finger , Trie

World's Children Vote To Ban Trans Fat From Santa's Milk And Cookie
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(New York, NY) Yesterday at the United Nations, a group of children from around the world declared their intent to ban all trans fat from the milk and cookies that they leave out for Santa Claus. "There's no easy way to say this. But Santa's fat.
More About: Children , World , Milk , Vote

President of Sudan Decrees "Godfather Part III Was The Best Godfather Film.
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Khartoum, Sudan ) Today the President of the Republic of Sudan, Field Marshall Omar Hasan Ahmad al-Bashir, continued to antagonize Northern Africa and the world. Yesterday he expelled UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan's special representative, Jan Pronk, claiming that Pronk was waging in psychological warfare on his army by suggesting their alliance with the Janjaweed fighters. Then today he decreed by executive order that 'God father Part III' was the best Godfather movie.
More About: Film , Best

Red State-Blue State: What do you think about making Chuck Norris OUR WMD?
2007-02-14 01:06:04
This is an interesting question because when I was younger I always thought singing cowboy Rex O'Herlihan was a sure bet to defeat communism. While attending Fargo-Moorhead University I even petitioned the state department to fire off handsome actor Henry Silva into Nam for some rice-eater Butt-Kicking! So of course I would support the Chuck Norris WMD.
More About: What , Blue , Hat , About

Cock Ring Looks For Second Career
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Van Nuys, CA) It's a youth obsessed world, and no one knows that more that Steve, an old cock ring, who was recently fired from his cock ring job of five years. "I don't know what I'm going to do," said Steve "I have no home that I own, no real savings and no cock. This blows."
More About: Care , Career , Ring , Second , Cock

Kim Jong-Il To Dismantle Nukes In Exchange For Food, Oil And Platform Shoes
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Beijing, CHINA) Over the weekend U.S. Assistant Secretary of State Christopher Hill hammered out details with North Korean officials that will require Kim Jong-Il to halt and dismantle his nuclear weapons program.
More About: Food , Shoes , Change , Oil , Exchange

Waitress Insists Mime Job Is Just Temporary
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Burbank, CA) Growing up during the cold winters of Lincoln, Nebraska Ronnie Westburg kept warm by clinging to her dream. A dream that would take her out West to the adopted home of Bob Hope, where she could pursue her life's work of serving good people quality food at competitive prices.
More About: Just , Tempo , Tres , Wait , Waitress

Republicans Seek To Extend The Year 2006
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Washington D.C.) The 109th Congress came to a close this weekend, so the nation and the Democrats thought. In what is seen as a last ditch effort to hold onto power, the Republican s at the very last second of the Congressional session, introduced and passed a bill that would extend the calendar year 2006 for another 12 months.
More About: Public , Tend , Year

Iraq Study Group: "Pull Out Troops, Send In Romo!"
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Washington D.C.) The Iraq Study Group, headed by former Secretary of State James A. Baker III and former Democratic Congressman and Vice-Chair of the 9/11 Commission Lee Hamilton, released their report today.
More About: Iraq Study Group , Troops , Send

New York Bans Trans Fats, New Haven Bans Trannies
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(New Have n, CT) Last week New York City became the first city in the United States to ban the artery-clogging trans fats in all of its restaurants. Last Thursday the city of New Haven, Connecticut became the first city in the Unites States to ban transsexuals or as the kids call them, trannies.
More About: Trans , New-York

Man Fired For 'Thinking' About Co-Worker In Bikini
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(St. Paul, MN) 32 year-old Martin Jenner is just like most American men. He likes football, beer and girls. But it's that attraction to the fairer sex that has turned Jenner's world upside down.
More About: Bikini , Work , About , Fire , Think

Man Looking Forward To Driving Drunk This Holiday Season
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Kansas City, MO) While most people either watch their alcohol intake at holiday parties or if they indulge arrange for transportation home, 38 year-old Ken Lucky has his own plan.
More About: Holiday , Driving , Season , War , Drunk