The Lost NewsThe Lost NewsThis is a website that satirizes politics and a whole lot more. Articles
"President Ahmadinejad, I Have The Tie For You, I Guarantee It." George Zim
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Houston, TX) Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad rubs a lot of people the wrong way, whether he's claiming that the Holocaust never happened, unofficially aiding Shiite rebels in Iraq or moving his country's nuclear program forward. But that's not what gets in the craw of Men's Warehouse founder George Zimmer. More About: Dine , Rant , Have
Satan Claus Goes Out On Limb To Wish Everyone A Very Un-Merry Christmas
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Cleveland, OH) From his two-bedroom apartment in Cleveland Ohio, the self-proclaimed Satan Claus has announced his wish that everyone have a very Un-Merry Chris t mas . "Get it," said Satan Claus "I said Un-Merry, because Santa says Merry More About: Wish
Kofi Annan Unveils New Video Game "UN-Save The World"
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (New York, NY) Look out TOMB RAIDER, WORLD OF WARCRAFT and GRAND THEFT AUTO, there's a new king in the video game jungle. It's called UN-SAVE THE WORLD. More About: Video , World , Game , The World , Video Game
Kid With Big Crank Uses Airport X-Ray Machine To Get The Girl
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Phoenix, AZ) High School sophomore and band member Hunter Casey, who plays the trumpet, has had a crush on fellow band member and flutist Rebecca Lyons for over a year. More About: Mac , Machine , Airport , Rank , Port
God Backs Different Horse: Canada
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Ottawa, Ontario) Today God stunned the world, when at an impromtu press conference, he said that he was pulling the United States' most favored nation status and giving it to its northern neighbor, Cana da . More About: Nada , Back
Paul Rodríguez To Write Coffee Table Book: Kramer, N*ggers And Me
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Los Angeles, CA) Comedian Paul Rodríguez, born anew due to his responsible comments about the very irresponsible behavior of Seinfeld veteran Michael Richards, has cut a deal with publisher ReganBook s (the company publishing OJ's extremely responsible book If I Did It ) to write a coffee table book. More About: Coffee , Write , Tabl
What Are Americans Thankful For?
2007-02-14 01:06:04 During the past week TLN has been asking average America ns to tell us what they are thankful for this Holiday season. Here are our favorite answers. More About: What , Hat , American , Americans
Local People Awed by 'Jesus' Turkey
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Easton, PA) The owners of Hillbrand Turkey Farms and residents of Easton, Pennsylvania have found themselves humbled by the self-sacrificing actions of turkey number 166734, fondly nick-named the 'Jesu s ' turkey. More About: People , Local
Cry-Baby Study Ranks Muslims First, 5 Year-Olds Second
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Washington D.C.) The Pew Research Center recently completed their annual study to find the 20 biggest Cry-Babies on the planet. "It was a tough road with a lot of hem and hawing," said study leader Skyler Anderson "But this year we have a new top Cry-Baby , the world's Muslim s More About: Study , Muslims , Rank
Plane Hitting House Proves Old Adage: 'Blind People Can't Fly'
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Boston, MA) Last night a small plane crashed into Harlan Beckwith's kitchen. Fortunately for the postal worker, he was in his bathroom fighting the affects of the day old sushi he had had for dinner. But the pilot of that plane, Joseph Dow, was not so lucky. He lost his life in the crash. More About: House , People , Lane , Plane , Blind
Gay Marriage Kills Family of 4, Pastor Says "I Told You So."
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Ames, IA) The town of Ames, Iowa is in shock. The normally peaceful town was ripped apart Monday night, when a family of four were gunned down in their home. More About: Family , Marriage , Gay Marriage , Past , Stor
After Seeing Britney's Whisker Biscuit, Vice-President Cheney Dies, For 43
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Washington D.C) Early Sunday morning the members of the United States government held their breath when President /Vice-President Dick Cheney dropped dead for 43 seconds after he was exposed to an extreme close-up picture of Britney Spears' whisker biscuit. More About: Seeing , After
California To Read Night, Night Stories During Executions
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Sacramento, CA) Yesterday, after a Federal judge gave California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger 30 days to fix his state's lethal injection system, the Governor told his staff to come up with answers. More About: Stories , Night , Read , Tories
Off The Clock Security Guard, John McClane, Crashes Holiday Party To Save E
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Los Angeles, CA) Last night, in what seemed to be a reenactment of the successful film DIE HARD, an off the clock security guard named John McClane crashed the holiday party of Tyko Industries in order to save his ex-girlfriend, Holly Garcia. More About: Security , Holiday , Party , Clock , Ashes
Hi America, Remember Me?-Atomic Bomb
2007-02-14 01:06:04 Hi America , remember me? I'm the one who helped you become a Super Power. Remember the good times we had in the Far East? Remember how I kept those rowdy Rooskies at bay More About: Atom , Bomb , Remember Me , Atomic
Barbaro Loses Battle With Leg, But Goes On To Win That Big Triple Crown In
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Kennett Square, PA) Monday morning the sports world lost beloved champion Barbaro , when he sadly bought the farm. More About: With , Hat , Crow , Trip
Dallas Cowboys Win 6th Super Bowl!
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Dallas , TX) Dallas Cowboy s owner and General Manager Jerry Jones along with the rest of the Cowboys organization and nation are celebrating a record 6th Super Bowl win, as the Indianapolis Colts defeated the Chicago Bears 29-17 Sunday More About: Dallas Cowboys
Manning Puts One Right Between The Eyes
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Indianapolis, IN) He did it. Colts' quarterback Peyton Mann ing brought a Super Bowl trophy back to the city of Indianapolis. So according to a law that was passed in November, Prop P, 'This One (Murder) Is On Us Peyton', Manning gets to kill one person without going to jail. More About: Eyes , Between , Right
Unwanted Porn Leads To Unwanted Erection And Unwanted AIDS
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Denver, CO) For 16 years Gary Butler, 33, lived a clean yet extreme life. Ever since he made a pledge to be celibate and focus his mind toward higher education, things have gone well. More About: Leads , Want , Wanted , Lead , Aids
Cheney Comes Out Of Den And Sees Shadow: 6 More Years Of Iraq War
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Washington D.C.) Last Friday, groundhog Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his den and did not see his shadow. That meant the nation had only 4 weeks of winter left. Yesterday morning, Vice President Dick Cheney emerged from his den and saw his shadow. More About: Iraq , Iraq War , War , Shadow
James Baker Wins Michael Caine Award For Work On Independent Panels
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Washington D.C.) Over the weekend, James Baker, the former Secretary of State and co-chair of the Iraq Study Pane l was honored with the Michael Cain e Award by The Michael Caine Institute. More About: Work , War
Man's New Years Resolution To Think About Wife During Sex Comes Up Short
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Rochester, NY) George Hamil loves his wife Jody very much. In their 20 years of marriage he has remained mostly faithful. "While, I've never had a real affair, I do think about other women when we have sex," said George. More About: New Year , Wife , About , Ring , Think
Who's Peyton Manning Going To Kill?
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Indianapolis, IN) With Super Bowl XLI less than a week away and the Indianapolis Colts a favorite, the people of Indianapolis have only one question. Who is Peyton Mann ing going to kill? More About: Manning , Kill , Going
Gay Man Sent To Therapy For "Breeder" Tirade
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Denver, CO) Tony Garner is a calm man, a polite man and a gay man. But that's okay, says everyone who knows and works with Tony at Elway's Steakhouse in downtown Denver. More About: Hera , Reed , Therapy , Erap , Breed
In Heaven Can Wait Switcheroo Saddam Enters Tony Romo
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Dallas, TX) Local, national and world wide religious and paranormal experts are scratching their heads in disbelief. Sure they've seen movies and TV shows where the souls of the dead enter the bodies of the living. More About: Tony Romo , Heaven , Cher , Switch , Tony
After Ford's Death, Chevy Chase Has Hard Time Finding The Funny
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Beverly Hills, CA) It's been almost two weeks since President Gerald Ford died. Though he had been out of office for almost 30 years, many people took his death hard. But our sources say that none took it harder than former SNL cast member and funnyman Chevy Chase. More About: Funny , Fun , Time , Find
God Apologizes For The Whole Muslim 'Thing'
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Palm Beach, FL) Taking a break from his taking a break, God held a short press conference over the weekend where he apologized to the world for the whole Muslim /Islam 'thing'. More About: The Who , Hole , Slim
President Bush To Send 21,500 Troops To Iraq And 25,000 To Congress
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Washington D.C.) Last night and well after the mid-term elections, President Bush took the blame for current failure in Iraq and outlined his latest plan, More About: Congress , President Bush
Kidnapped/Rescued Boy Gets PlayStation 3, iPhone And Sympathy Bang
2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Beaufort, MO) Unless you've been under a rock, you've heard of the sad kidnapping turned Hollywood happy ending story of 13 year-old Ben Ownby, who was kidnapped by a fat pizza parlor manager More About: Phone , Playstation , Iphone , Play , Station
Pesos For Pizza? How About Confederate Dollars For BBQ?
More articles from this author:2007-02-14 01:06:04 (Memphis, TN) There's a place in rural Tennessee where the BBQ is spicy and the atmosphere is from another era. Walk into Gobbles, ask for Dale's special and you'll be treated to ribs so big that Fred Flintstone's jaw would drop. More About: Pizza , Dollar , About , Dollars , Peso 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
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