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President Bush Proposes The 'I Love Shiny Objects Act'
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Washington D.C.) Fresh from the mid-term election defeat President Bush pulled a surprising move by announced a new executive order called 'The I Love Shiny Object s Act', which would tax (an extra 7%) the parents of children who are born with mongoloidism, congenital heart defects and other chromosomal deformities that are common in kids born to older parents.
More About: President Bush

Rape Joke Told, Too Soon
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Los Angeles, CA) To a comedian, the joke is key, but the laugh is everything. The stakes are high. Getting that laugh could mean life or death to a career. So when a joke bombs it hurts, hurts bad. Veteran comedian Jack Carter felt that pain last week; when seconds after finding out that his 20 year-old daughter, Melissa, had been raped, his joke about that rape went over like a lead zeppelin.
More About: Joke , Rape , Told

Cheney Invites Pelosi And Reid On Hunting Trip
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Washington D.C.) This morning in the spirit of bi-partisan reconciliation Vice-President Dick Cheney extended an invitation to the Speaker-In Waiting Nancy Pelosi and Future Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid to a Thanksgiving hunting trip in Texas. "Since we're going to be working together, I just want to take them out in the middle of nowhere and get to know them," said a smirking Cheney.
More About: Trip , Elos

Prankster Writes In 'I.P. Freely' For Governor
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Enid, OK) Local prankster and unemployed high school graduate Henry "Hank" Lawson struck again this morning while placing his vote for Governor. Instead of voting for Democrat incumbent Brad Henry or his Republican challenger Ernest Istook, he wrote in phantom candidate I. P. Free ly. "Man, I did the funniest thing, ever!" said Lawson several times over the phone. "Borat my ass! I wrote in I.P. Freely for Governor! That's hilarious! I'm hilarious!"
More About: Prank , Pranks , Write , Rank

Elvis,"You Are All Dead To ME!"
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Memphis, TN) In a shocking upset, former Nirvana front man Kurt Cobain topped Elvis Presley as Forbes.com top-earning dead celebrity for last year. But in an even more shocking turn, the spirit of Elvis leapt into the body of Memphis Muslim leader Amir al-Sadir and let the living have it.
More About: Dead

Columbia University To Offer A "Fellatio Payment Plan"
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(New York, NY) With the price of college tuition outpacing inflation and wages, it's now harder for middle and lower class students to pay for college. These kids either can't afford to go to college, or they're being saddled with monster loans. Former Secretary of Education Richard Riley says that in today's 'flat' world this is a recipe for disaster, and something needs to be done.
More About: University , Columbia , Men , Payment , Plan

Proposition Week-Prop 4F-'Please Stop F*cking My Wife'
2007-02-14 01:06:04
The mid-term elections are here again. Along with the House, Senate and Governor races, there are countless ballot measures from every corner of the country. This week TLN is going to shine the light on 4 of those measures. The first is Proposition 4-F, and it comes from the small town of Bloomfield, Missouri. 4-F has been nicknamed the 'Please Stop Fucking My Wife ' Proposition. Here's the official version. Proposition 4F---Shall the township of Bloomfield, Missouri make it illegal to serve the Mayor's Wife, Marci Doogan, large quantities of any alcoholic beverage (especially beer) in order to make it easy to have intercourse with her?
More About: Week , King

Proposition Week-Prop 32: 'The Red Man's Revenge'
2007-02-14 01:06:04
Today we're going to look at South Dakota's Prop osition 32 nicknamed "The Red Man's Revenge ". Here's the ballot version. Proposition 32-Shall the flush with cash Native Americans be allowed to distribute smallpox infested blankets to the poor white folks in exchange for a new convention center in downtown Pierre.
More About: Week , Posi , Position

Proposition Week-Prop 8-S: 'Please Pass The Low-Fat Gravy'
2007-02-14 01:06:04
Today we're going down south to Houston, Texas to examine Proposition 8-S a.k.a. Proposition 'Please Pass The Low-Fat Gravy'. Here's the ballot version. Proposition 8S-Shall the very smart, friendly, pretty but let's face it-over weight citizens of Houston be forced to adhere to a citywide weight limit?
More About: Week , Lease , Ease

Proposition Week-Prop K: 'The GAY Tax'
2007-02-14 01:06:04
Today we're in Ohio to examine Prop osition K nicknamed 'The G AY Tax '. Here's the ballot version. Proposition K-Shall the voters approve a tax on all things that are deemed to be GAY?
More About: Week , Posi

Prop P: 'This One (Murder) Is On Us Peyton'
2007-02-14 01:06:04
Today we're in Indianapolis, Indiana home of the 7-0 Indianapolis Colts to look at Prop osition P - a.k.a. 'This One (Murder ) Is On Us, Peyton'. Here's the ballot version. Proposition P-Shall the city of Indianapolis make Colts' Super Quarterback Peyton Manning exempt for one murder, of his choice, if he should win a Super Bowl?

149 Die Celebrating Saddam's Death Sentence For Killing 148
2007-02-14 01:06:04
(Baghdad, Iraq) Yesterday former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein and his former associates were sentenced to death by hanging after being convicted for the 1982 killings of 148 Shiites. In a wave of celebration, some of the surviving Shiites took to Baghdad's streets and fired several hundred guns into the air in order to show their excitement. But two minutes later, tragedy struck, when 149 people were killed as the bullets fell back to Earth.
More About: Celeb , Death , Kill , Death Sentence , Brat

OJ, "Guys, I've Got Some Great Ideas For Naked Gun 44 1/4"
2007-02-14 01:06:04
This is a letter sent to Jerry and David Zucker, the makers of Police Squad and The Naked Gun, The Naked Gun 2 1/2 and The Naked Gun 33 1/3...dated, January 1, 2001 Happy New Year Zucker clan! It's a new century, a new era and a time for rebirth. Which means I'm ready to get back to work! I haven't heard from you in a while. (the second half of the 90's was just nuts for me) I didn't know if I had done anything to make you mad, so I thought that I would extend the olive branch. So how are you guys?
More About: Ideas , Great , Idea , Guys , Great Idea