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NBC Picks Up Osama Bin Laden’s Reality Show “Catch Me If You Can”
2008-01-31 16:58:00 (Burbank, CA) With declining ratings and stale programming, because of a prolonged writer’s strike, the major television networks are scrambling to find new content. CBS, ABC and FOX are relying on a mixture of reality, canned series and repurposed cable shows to fill the void, but NBC thinks they might have trumped them all. The peacock network has just picked up a new reality show, Catch Me If You Can, that will be produced and star Osama Bin Laden. More About: Reality , Show
Proponents Of Domestic Violence Lose Beloved Icon
2007-12-13 18:45:00 (Los Angeles, CA) Last night there wasn’t a bruised eye in the house, city or state as thousands of proponents and providers of domestic violence took the night off to pay homage to one of their icons, Ike Turner. Turner, of beating the living hell out of Tina Turner fame, died at his San Marcos home yesterday at the age of 76.“It’s been a tough day. I feel like I’ve lost a father figure,” some abusive husband Gerald Coffey. “The last thing I want to do is beat my old lady, no matter how many steaks she over cooks.” More About: Icon , Domestic , Violence , Domestic Violence , Prop
Brad Pitt, “Help Me Rebuild New Orleans, Or I’ll Bed Your Wife, Girlfri
2007-12-05 17:31:00 (New Orleans , LA) September 2005, hurricane Katrina devastated the city of New Orleans. December 2007, not much has been rebuilt, and actor turned activist Brad Pitt is determined to do something about it. “I’ve created this MAKE IT RIGHT project because men, you and I, are going to make this right and rebuild New Orleans,” said Pitt. “And if you don't, I’m going to bed your wife, girlfriend or daughter. And don’t test me guys, because you know I will and we both know that they will.” More About: Wife
Last 'Air Supply' Fan Calls It Quits
2007-11-26 22:00:00 (Thousand Oaks, Ca) After months of deliberating, part-time economics teacher, Alice Cahill, the last known Air Supply fan, has decided to call it quits. "It's hard, but it's really for the best." said a somber Alice, as she put the Air Supply album Yours Truly into a time capsule. "Maybe future generations will rediscover and love the Supply, but I can't do it anymore." Why? More About: Calls
Sh*t-Stained Shorts Can’t Take Another SAW Sequel
2007-10-25 17:16:00 (Philadelpia, PA) 18 year-old Mary Chaffin is a big fan of the movie SAW and it’s two sequels, but she is not looking forward to the fourth installment. Her boyfriend, 18 year-old Seth Hamer, whom she loves dearly and hopes one day to marry, is why. ”Okay, this is maybe kind of a little bit gross,” said Mary “but when Seth sees a SAW movie, he likes to wear his favorite pair of underwear called “The Scary Shorts ”. More About: Sequel
TODAY Show Brings Back The Custom Of Prima Nocte
2007-10-04 19:26:00 (New York, NY) The big TODAY Show Presents A Martha Stewart Wedding has been creating buzz for months. The lucky couple, Cody and Jessica, who were chosen by The TODAY Show’s audience, are preparing to walk down the aisle this Friday. And they are ecstatic about starting their lives together, or at least they were. More About: Today , Back , Today Show , Prima
O. J. Hires Hotshot Attorney Jackie Chiles
2007-09-18 17:10:00 (Las Vegas, NV) O. J. Simpson has found himself in trouble again. Over the weekend Simpson allegedly broke into a room at the palatial Palace Station hotel and took some of his own sports memorabilia at gunpoint. And like that whole ‘Nicole and Ron thing’ O.J. says he’s the victim. “Those guys stole from me first man!” To help him avoid serious jail time, Simpson has retained the best attorney he could afford, Jackie Chiles . More About: Attorney
Britney Spears Begins Bilateral Talks With Iran
2007-09-11 16:49:00 (Los Angeles, CA) After her uneven performance at Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards, pop diva Britney Spears has had a hard time getting anyone to return her calls or text messages. Anyone but her long time closeted fan, Iran ian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. “I thought she was great, just great…The slow deliberate moves, the hazy, full of Allah look and that ripe healthy figure…she was perfection.”
When Fart Jokes Are No Longer Funny, It’s Time To Walk Away
2007-08-23 17:05:00 Tommy Dempsy Comedy. It’s a wonderful but hard business that I’ve been blessed to work in for over 40 years. But as my mentor, Cy Goldman told me in 1965, “Tommy, when the fart jokes are no longer funny, it’s time to walk away.” Well folks, the fart jokes are no longer funny, and neither are the Jew jokes, the black jokes or the Holocaust jokes. More About: Jokes , Funny , Time , Fart , Walk
Lindsay Lohan Bumps Second Coming Of Jesus To Page 12
2007-07-25 16:57:00 (Los Angeles, CA) Yesterday, millions of devotees got their answer to the question: when will Lindsay Lohan fall off that wagon? Early Tuesday morning Ms. Lohan, 21, was arrested in Santa Monica on suspicion of driving under the influence. Also early Tuesday Jesus Christ, the Son of God, returned to establish his Father’s Kingdom on Earth. But no one seemed to notice. More About: Page
‘Scooter’ Libby Recast In NBC Pilot
2007-07-10 17:01:00 (Los Angeles, CA) It didn’t take long for the convicted and commuted I. Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby to land on his feet. Reports out of Hollywood say that Libby has been cast in the new NBC show, Journeyman. Libby will be replacing a younger, more athletic and more handsome Kevin McKidd in the show about a man, Dan Vasser, who travels through time to save people. “This show is about a man who thought he had it all, but finds his life turned upside down by external forces,” More About: Pilot
We’ll Always Have The Los Angeles Twin Towers Correctional Facility, Pari
2007-06-25 17:01:00 (Los Angeles , CA) “We had a loving adult relationship. One I’ll never forget.” This is what Laquisha Johnson said about her time spent in a jail cell with heiress Paris Hilton. “She’s completes me.” More About: Twin Towers , Twin , Always
Local Reporter Shows Empty Ring Finger For The 200th Time
2007-06-06 17:22:00 (Des Moines, IA) Last night the Republican candidates for President of the United States debated in New Hampshire. And in Des Moines, Iowa Megan Rigg, a reporter for WHO-TV Channel 13, showed her empty ring ringer for the 200th time.While Governor Mitt Romney, Senator John McCain and Mayor Rudy Giuliani pitched themselves as the perfect candidate for 2008, Megan was not so subtlety pitching herself as the perfect wife in 2007. More About: Time , Local , Ring , Reporter , Finger
Despite Conventional Wisdom, Daredevil Has Itty Bitty Raisin Balls
2007-05-24 16:39:00 (Fresno, CA) NO ONE OUT DARES HANK McAFEE, NO ONE! That’s how the business card for the world class daredevil reads. And his resume, including such stunts as jumping a motorcycle over the Grand Canyon with one hand tied behind his back, wrestling a Great White shark while blindfolded and banging Paris Hilton without a condom, speaks to that. But what the business card and resume don’t speak to, is that despite all the myths and conventional wisdom attributed to a daredevil, Hank McAfee has little itty bitty raisin balls. More About: Raisin , Balls , Wisdom , Ball , Vent
Another Celebrity Has Another Baby
2007-05-22 18:46:00 "It's like a miracle. An absolute miracle!" Marcia Cross of ABC's Desperate Housewives gushed exclusively to The Lost News, People Magazine, Star and The National Enquirer about the birth of her twins. "No one else in the world has ever had a baby!"The twin girls were born two minutes apart, in a trying half hour C-section labor, which Marcia described as "grueling" for her doctor. More About: Baby , Celebrity
Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens) “The Islam Thing Has Been Great, But I Was Expe
2007-05-01 16:46:00 (New York, NY) Yusuf Islam , formerly known as the pop singer Cat Steven s, was in New York last week continuing to promote his new album An Other Cup, his first pop album since 1978. During an impromptu concert/press conference, Islam answered a few questions about his life for the 100, mostly menopausal, female fans. More About: Great , Yusuf Islam , Thing
Guys, I've Got Some Great Ideas For Naked Gun 44 1/4
2007-04-25 03:27:00 This is a letter sent to Jerry and David Zucker, the makers of Police Squad and The Naked Gun, The Naked Gun 2 1/2 and The Naked Gun 33 1/3...dated, January 1, 2001 Happy New Year Zucker clan! It's a new century, a new era and a time for rebirth. Which means I'm ready to get back to work! I haven't heard from you in a while. (the second half of the 90's was just nuts for me) I didn't know if I had done anything to make you mad, so I thought that I would extend the olive branch. So how are you guys? First let me say, Jerry I saw FIRST KNIGHT and let me say powerful man, powerful. No wonder the whites have been in power so long. ZING! That was a Juice Joke, not the powerful comment about FIRST KNIGHT but about whites being in power. I'm thinking about trying stand-up comedy, because thanks to you guys, I know I'm funn... More About: Ideas , Great , Guys , Great Idea , Some
For One Fleeting Moment, Journey Tribute Band Singer Thinks He Might Be A F
2007-04-17 16:56:00 (Long Beach, CA) Joe Albany a.k.a. “Little Steve Perry” has a fun life. He belts out Journey tunes at the local bars four nights a week with his band Separate Ways and enjoys the charms of many 40 to 50 year-old female fans, who like him because he looks and sounds like a smaller Steve Perry. But a week ago, it almost came crashing down, when Joe was brushing his teeth. While switching from the molars to the canines, he caught his own reflection in the mirror. And for just a split second, a mere whisper, a fleeting moment, Joe thought that he might be a fraud. More About: Band , Moment , Singer , Bute
Immigrants With HIV, A-Cups Or A High Debt To Asset Ratio Not Welcome
2007-04-16 17:17:00 (Sydney, Australia) In an op-ed printed in Friday's edition of The Australian, the Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard, laid out his new immigration policies. More About: Rant , Debt , Grants , Come , High
Rape Joke Told, Too Soon
2007-04-15 03:02:00 (Los Angeles, CA) To a comedian, the joke is key, but the laugh is everything. The stakes are high. Getting that laugh could mean life or death to a career. So when a joke bombs it hurts, hurts bad. Veteran comedian Jack Carter felt that pain last week; when seconds after finding out that his 20 year-old daughter, Melissa, had been raped, his joke about that rape went over like a lead zeppelin. "And not because it was a bad joke," says a now ostracized Jack "But because I told it too soon."Jack explains that in the Woody Allen film CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS, Alan Alda plays a successful writer who describes comedy as 'tragedy plus time'. "And the tragedy of that day was that I forgot that rule," says Jack "Oh, and that my daughter got raped."That horrible night Melissa was at a pool party, when her new boyfriend Charlie, took things way too far. After fighting Charlie off, Melissa went home and told her parents what had happened. Jack's first... More About: Joke , Rape , Told
After Ford's Death, Chevy Chase Has Hard Time Finding The Funny
2007-04-15 02:57:00 (Beverly Hills, CA) It's been almost two weeks since President Gerald Ford died. Though he had been out of office for almost 30 years, many people took his death hard. But our sources say that none took it harder than former SNL cast member and funnyman Chevy Chase . In fact, and this may come as a surprise to most people, but since Ford's death Chase has been having a hard time being funny."Uh, I'm not surprised at all," said film critic Richard Roeper "Chevy hasn't done anything funny since Christmas Vacation in 1989.""I'm sorry, but I'm sick of people saying Chevy hasn't been funny in almost 20 years," fumed Buddy Hendricks, Chase's number one fan "Has anyone seen a little film named Man Of The House?...You haven't? Well you're missing out my friend."Chase's publicist/agent George Harper told us that Chevy is still capable of being funny, some day. The big problem, he said, is that Chevy isn't being sent funny material. Ever sinc... More About: Funny , Time , Find , Hard
After Captain America's Death, Captain Chaos Fills Void
2007-04-15 02:55:00 (Burbank, CA) Last week superhero and super American Captain America was gunned down in front of a courthouse. His death has left many to think with only a hundred or so superheroes left in the United States, who will step in to fill his particular hero niche? The answer: Dun dun DUNNNN!!... Captain Chaos !, as played by veteran comic actor and all around jolly fellow, Dom DeLuise."Dom DeLuise? I don't know a Dom DeLuise," said Captain Chaos while striking a pose for a camera that wasn't there "I only know Captain Chaos, protector of the innocent and seducer of the attractive!"Captain Chaos promises to pick up where Captain America left off before he was gunned down. "But after lunch of course," said Chaos "What does everyone think of Italian? Doesn't a nice plate of spaghetti sound good?"Not to Marvel Comics. In fact they are putting as much distance between themselves and Captain Chaos as they can. "Captain Chaos is not the replacemen... More About: Death , Fill , After
Trouble In Hollywood As Blades Of Glory Tanks In The Sudan
2007-04-12 19:30:00 (Holly wood , CA) Super hot comedian Will Ferrell's box office dominance has hit a big melting iceberg. While his latest blockbuster Blades Of Glory has scorched the American and European theaters, it has failed to catch fire in the African nation of Sudan . More About: Tank , Wood
NBC's Chris Hansen Walks Into Donut Shop And 10 People Die
2007-04-12 19:30:00 (Shreveport, LA) Last Friday night tragedy struck the city of Shreveport, Louisiana, when Chris Hansen, host of NBC's To Catch A Predator, walked into a donut shop to buy a baker's dozen for his crew; and 10 people, including the shop owner, shot themselves. More About: People , Shop , Walk , Walks
Man Gets Nose Enlargement To Succeed In Hollywood
2007-04-10 19:15:00 (Holly wood , CA) When John Harrison grew up outside of Lincoln, Nebraska, he had one dream: to be a big time producer in show business. He read a hundred books about producing, a truckload of scripts and studied film at the University of Nebraska before moving out to Hollywood. More About: Men , Wood , Nose
8-Year-Old Goes On Al Sharpton's Radio Show To Confront Remarks He'll Make
2007-04-10 19:14:00 (New York, NY) Little Jimmy Whitiker is just like every other fun loving 8-year-old boy. He loves his video games, baseball and dog Spot. But what Jimmy doesn't like are African Americans. More About: Radio , How To , Show , Al Sharpton , Sharp
Movie Extra Reveals Will Ferrell, "Down To Earth Guy"
2007-04-08 01:34:00 (Chicago, IL) Chicago actor Doug Malone still reveals to anyone who will listen that working with comedian Will Ferrell on the film Stranger Than Fiction was a great experience due to the funnyman's "down-to-earth, just one of the guys" nature."Will is one of those people who makes everyone feel at ease, you know?" Doug gushed to fellow Xerox sales representative Barb as she shut the door to her office, "He's just such a professional, I mean, really! You couldn't ask for a better scene partner; so supportive."The much talked about, only by Doug, scene featured Will Ferrell and indie-darling Maggie Gyllenhaal on a Chicago public bus, discussing her impending audit by Ferrell's character Harold Crick. Doug, seated 7 rows behind Ferrell next to a Chinese guy and an old woman, is barely noticeable by anyone other than Doug."The scene was intense," Doug explained while following to his boss Brian into the men's room, "And Will was such a ... More About: Movie , Earth , Down
Woman Seeks to Point Out That Angelina Jolie is Nothing Special, Really
2007-04-08 01:32:00 (Muncie, IN) Tiffany Allen just wants to point out to everyone "Angelina Jolie 's lips are physically too big for her face....I'm not lying." A fact she repeatedly stated during a recent viewing of the movie Mr. And Mrs. Smith with her boyfriend, Todd James.After he selected the Mr. And Mrs. Smith DVD from the shelf at Blockbuster, Tiffany jumped to point out to Todd that the cover of the movie had been "obviously airbrushed, because no one's legs actually look like that." Todd, who asked three times if his movie selection was okay, felt obligated to then say that Tiffany's legs looked "great" and that "that Mystic Tan is really working.""Angelina Jolie can afford to have special trainers that you can't get at regular gyms," Tiffany stated as she picked up some Extra Butter, Extra Salt Popcorn to snack on, "I mean, having a ton of money will get you that body, if you know what I mean". Todd didn't know what she meant, ... More About: Woman , Special , Oman , Nothing
Is There No Such Thing As Family Entertainment Anymore?
2007-04-06 17:31:00 Ladies and gentleman, our beloved culture is in serious trouble. And the danger does not come from the great Prussian Empire, the Ottomans, the Mexicans or the Russian Czar. It comes from within. More About: Family , Entertainment , Men , Here , More
CSI Fan "Pretty Sure" He Could Solve Crime
More articles from this author:2007-04-05 19:42:00 (Chicago, IL) Avid CSI: Crime Scene Investigation fan Walter Stevens announced to his fiancee, Erica, after an episode of the popular CBS drama that he was "pretty sure" he could do the job of a crime scene investigator, as it didn't look "that hard". More About: Pretty , Sure , Rime 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 |
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