Tales From My Tiny KingdomTales From My Tiny KingdomWhat happens when the tooth fairy gets drunk? How does a mother who grew up with sisters tell her son about sex? How do you get revenge on a babysitter stealer? Does your kid have burning buttocks? All this and more at the Tiny Kingdom! Articles
In Which We Take The Wrong Approach
2008-03-16 18:55:00 Last week the boys got their report cards. Drew’s was fine in all respects, but his teacher had written, “Needs to work on talking in class” at the bottom of the form. Bill and I could relate to that. Neither of us was keen on shouting out in class. Drew is by far ... More About: Wrong
Dear Elyssa, Sarabeth and Jenna
2008-03-13 14:28:00 I was shocked when I heard the news about Eliot Spitzer. As the details emerged, I had a flashback to the mid 80’s that made me sick to my stomach. I’ve experienced many of the same feelings that I’m sure the Spitzer girls are now, although I didn’t have to do it under a ... More About: Deep Thoughts , Blast from the Past , Jenna
The Girls Who Came To Visit
2008-03-10 18:26:00 Boys were draped and dashing all over my house this weekend. Finn’s best friend Jay came in from Nashville, and we invited another friend over to hang out with him as well. Drew had company to spend the night. From Friday night to Sunday morning there were between five and eight ... More About: Girls , Visit
Why Not Be A Tiny Cocktail Sausage?
2008-03-05 17:56:00 Why be a tiny cocktail sausage when you can be a mighty weiner? – question pose by Naveed Ozcan in my spam folder I’ll tell you why not. The world is full of mighty weiners, and we don’t need any more. However, there’s a definite shortage of tiny cocktail sausages. Fortunately, Naveed’s spam reminded ... More About: Tiny , Cocktail , Blast from the Past , Sausage
Prank O? The Day
2008-03-03 14:56:00 What’s the best way to freak Mom out in the morning, without even being present? a) Go to school without cleaning up your breakfast dishes. b) Go to school without making up your bed. c) Go to school without putting your dirty clothes in the hamper. d) All of the above, plus forget to untape the kitchen ... More About: Prank
Science Lab 102 Exam
2008-02-29 04:30:00 1. Place marbles on a large magnet, cover them with the contents of a dishwasher detergent pod, and subject it to an eerie light. Let sit for three days. Will the light and detergent cause the marbles to become magnetic? a) Yes b) No c) Depends on brand of dishwasher detergent. d) Depends whether the light is regular or ... More About: Science , Exam
Forty-Wonderful
2008-02-26 19:59:00 You know you’ve reached “a certain age” when your birthday breakfast in bed consists of a heaping bowl of Fiber One (43% of your daily fiber requirement), a cup of coffee, and the paper. And you’re completely content. I lazed in the bed for twenty minutes while the boys got ready for school, and thus ... More About: Parenting , Wonderful
The Mysterious Disappearance of Feathers
2008-02-25 15:37:00 It’s been a gloomy evening chez Glamore. Porter was reading with Feathers perched on his shoulder, and somewhere along the way Feathers disappeared. None of us was aware of the problem for several hours, as Porter was confident that Feathers had gone exploring and would soon return. I was in the kitchen fixing ... More About: Blast from the Past , Mysterious
Still Cool
2008-02-22 15:36:00 The fashions were awful during my high school and college years, but I listened to some great music. Unfortunately, those were the days of the cassette and mixed tapes, so some of the more obscure artists have been lost to history. I don’t know about you, but I’ve got some fantastic, yet unplayable mixed tapes, ... More About: Cool , Blast from the Past
Clean Birds and Picky Gourmands
2008-02-21 15:56:00 I heard quite a bit of splashing coming from Porter’s bathroom yesterday, long after the boys had left for school. Investigation revealed a pissed off Texas Ranger in the potty. It turned out that Porter was in the midst of giving him a morning bath when his carpool came. He took my command, “Drop everything ... More About: Clean , Birds
Hey! You Do Too Much!
2008-02-19 15:56:00 A couple of years ago there was a boy on one of my sons’ teams, and he was playing every sport offered that season. Often on Saturdays he’d go straight from the soccer game to his baseball game, and that still left lacrosse to do. He was a reasonably good athlete but his ... More About: Sports , Deep Thoughts
Albert Einstein Needs Love, Too
2008-02-14 14:40:00 Valentine’s Box by Drew Will you feed this hungry scientist with loving comments? *************************** One year ago in My Tiny Kingdom: Nervous Life With Males More About: Love , Albert Einstein , Einstein , Albert
What Is Love, Anyway?
2008-02-13 19:40:00 I overheard a woman at Jazzercise saying that her husband can’t stand Valentine’s Day. He also hates to say “I love you.” His theory is that she ought to know he loves her– they’re married, right? Well, that isn’t necessarily so. I know plenty of men who have cheated on their wives or abused them, ... More About: Love , Deep Thoughts
Grammys Glamore Style
2008-02-11 15:22:00 Bill turned on the Grammys in the middle of the show, forgetting the golden rule of Grammy Watching with kids: Thou shalt watch the Grammys only on Tivo, as musical acts are apt to gyrate clad only in underwear and bras in the name of art. When he tuned in, Kanye West was in the ... More About: Style
An Aural Treat
2008-02-07 15:23:00 I recorded and posted three more podcasts yesterday, although I had a bit of a snotty nose. The new shows are Bad Bride, All About Me, and Bow Chicka Wow Wow. Show notes can be found here. For those of you who are tuning in, I’m wondering whether I’m recording these at a ... More About: Parenting , Now What , Treat
Safety Tip:Road ID
2008-02-06 05:32:00 I’m sure I’ve written about Bill’s exhausting exercise regime. He’s been training for upcoming triathlons in Memphis and San Francisco, so he spends a lot of time on the road running and biking. It’s treacherous. We live near the high school, and we all know teens are nutty, swervy drivers. Bill runs and ... More About: Sports , Safety , Road
Porter?s Week In Review
2008-02-05 15:26:00 Porter Glamore: Infomercial Authority The boys were watching a sporting event when an ad for Nutrisystem came on. “Really you should go with the Bowflex instead,” Porter said, looking up briefly from his Legoes. “Even though you get two free weeks with Nutrisystem, after that you have to pay a lot of money. Bowflex is a ... More About: Review , Week , Porter
Bullseye?
2008-02-04 17:45:00 We’ve been working on creating a website for Porter, because I can’t think of anyone who has more daily adventures that need chronicling. Here’s an outtake from his spot "Bullseye!" Who knew Bill had that comic talent all bottled up inside? ************************* Three years ago in My Tiny Kingdom: Tattoo You
Coincidence?
2008-01-30 14:56:00 Things are getting suspiciously groovy chez Glamore. Long hair is the trend. Two-thirds of my boys are wearing necklaces. Yesterday I helped Drew tie-dye a shirt. (The kit was a Christmas gift from Aunt Lulu.) Today I went into Finn’s room and saw this “water glass” by his bed. I was alarmed, and ... More About: Blast from the Past , Coincidence
Ch-Ch-Ch-Check It Out!
2008-01-29 15:55:00 Imagine achieving a goal you’d worked toward for years. Satisfying, yes? But suppose what you’ve done is create something that must be promoted. Some people would love that part, and others would abhor having to go out and chat it up with random strangers. There’s a third scenario, however, and that’s where Patry ... More About: Book Reviews , Check
How We Parent - Just Because You Asked
2008-01-28 14:49:00 Have I told you about the time Finn drew a picture of a gun at school and got in heaps of trouble? Or the time he slugged the judge’s daughter? How about the notes I get that say: “Drew and T— got into a pencil duel. Please sign and return this Responsibility slip?” ... More About: Parenting , Now What , Parent
Feeling Egotastical
2008-01-25 15:01:00 What a delicious morning! Bill, our resident coffeemaker, is out of town, so I woke knowing I’d have to face the hated Cuisinart Grind N Brew and create something resembling java. Happily, Finn was cooking eggs and bacon and Porter had the coffee started. His gesture wasn’t selfless. I mentioned earlier that he’s ... More About: Feeling
Apeshit, And Deservedly So
2008-01-24 15:44:00 In Alabama, when the weatherman mentions even a minuscule chance of flurries the entire population goes nuts. The stereotype is that we all head to the store for bread and milk, but in fact a savvy snow-shopper purchases grits, cheese and crackers, lemons and limes and plenty of wine, beer and hot chocolate. I have ... More About: Serve
Rite of Passage
2008-01-22 15:24:00 You may cringe, as I did, when you see Finn looking this way, but I’ll report, you decide. All the boys went deer hunting this weekend. Bill and the twins sat in some sort of tree house way up over a field. Finn went with a family friend who’s known to be a master ...
Resolutions, Deep and Shallow
2008-01-17 22:51:00 I’m mystified as to why it’s suddenly unfashionable to make New Year’s Resolutions under the theory that they’re impossible to keep. I’m a huge fan of resolutions, but there’s an art to making them. I discovered this the year I resolved to make more salads. I can take them or leave them, but my husband salivates ... More About: Deep , Allo
Pleasure Yourself With Podcasts
2008-01-14 15:23:00 Do you run into the same problem I do? I want to share the bloggy love with my friends and family, but lots of people are incapable of locating blogs and reading them, or just don’t have the time. (Hell, I know people who still haven’t discovered email, but that’s a whole nother ... More About: Podcasts , Pleasure
Finn Discovers His Sixth Sense
2008-01-10 15:11:00 A mother should always trust her instincts, but if I had done that last night Finn would not have made an important discovery. I’ve always decreed that the day we arrive in New York we must eat close to home and settle in early. Boys may be bounding like kangaroos in the 150 square feet ... More About: Sense , Deep Thoughts , Sixth Sense
OCD New Year
2008-01-07 15:05:00 If the Internet silence alarmed you, fear not! For I bring tidings of obsessive-compulsive cleaning and disposing to celebrate the New Year : With the boys’ unwilling “help,” I completely emptied, scrubbed, and rearranged the pantry. Unload those shelves more quickly, Finn! Fish sauce and other Asian items go on the table, STAT! Pantry guts show that choosy ...
Beast
2008-01-02 15:43:00 Yesterday Finn informed me that it’s “beast” that he’s twelve and an official preteen. Upon further questioning, he stated that the word “beast” is at least as old as our television, which dates to the last century, and garners laughter from his friends. I was psyched to learn some groovy lingo. Want to look back further? Check out ... More About: Parenting , Now What , Beast
40
More articles from this author:2007-12-28 22:20:00 Some people say that forty is the new thirty. Bullshit. I didn’t have chin whiskers (excuse me — stray eyebrow hairs) when I was thirty. I have a fair complexion and can keep it under control. I’m extremely worried about my thirty-something Greek friends, though. Edited to add: Whoa– this post is causing much consternation. Hasten to the drugstore ... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
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