Tales From My Tiny KingdomTales From My Tiny KingdomWhat happens when the tooth fairy gets drunk? How does a mother who grew up with sisters tell her son about sex? How do you get revenge on a babysitter stealer? Does your kid have burning buttocks? All this and more at the Tiny Kingdom! Articles
The Liquid Paper Is Running Out
2007-12-27 20:27:00 I was thrilled to find a new wireless keyboard under the Christmas tree. The old one was quite banged up, and it’s hard to type with no visible letters. Drawing the letters on the blank keys was getting tiresome, and I’m too old to learn to type without looking. Looks like I’ll be able to continue writing now ... More About: Running , Paper , Liquid , Wanderlust
13 Crucial Tasks To Teach Your Children
2007-12-22 16:52:00 I’m all about teaching my kids how to do things by themselves. Sure, it’s great for them to be self-reliant, but it’s even better for them to take a little of the load off of me. While I could have named this 1001 Things To Teach Your Kids, I’ve got crap to get accomplished while ... More About: Parenting , Children , Now What , Tasks , Task
Go Outside And Play With Guns
2007-12-18 23:22:00 I lost the battle over having toy guns in the house way back when Finn was a toddler, and then I handed the whole firearm issue over to Bill. So while we are notorious hard asses about media, you might describe us as incredibly lax in another area (besides haircuts). Each boy owns an ... More About: Parenting , Guns , Play , Deep Thoughts , Now What
An Experiment & Gift Ideas!
2007-12-15 19:02:00 Yo home slice! That’s the way Finn is greeting people these days. Is anyone else’s kid speaking indecipherable jargon? I mean, this goes way beyond being psyched, and it’s a ginormous buzz kill to interpret. I’m experimenting with a new feature that should add the title of your latest blog post to your comment. ... More About: Ideas , Fashion , Gift Ideas , Experiment , Gift
You Think YOU Have It Hard?
2007-12-13 15:25:00 Do you remember getting up off the floor and walking up to the television to change the channel to one of the other two options - the 1970’s version of “channel surfing?” Did your mom heat hot dogs in boiling water on the stove? If so, I think you’ll find this as funny as I did. ... More About: Hard , Blast from the Past , Wanderlust
Last Night, At The Band Concert
2007-12-12 16:25:00 I was a dismal failure as a spectator at Finn’s Holiday Band Concert last night, earning at best a D in my latest rite of passage into teen parenthood. Up until the concert began, the information I’d received from the band had been sparse: mandatory attendance at concert rehearsal on Thursday (check), strongly encouraged “donation” to ... More About: Fashion , Night , Faux Pas
Gutter or Stars?
2007-12-10 15:30:00 I have one twin firmly planted in the gutter, while the other is looking at the stars. The weekend revealed the vast disparity between their personalities once again, as if we needed any reminding. Bill was driving with Porter and Drew and asked them if they had any ideas about what to get me ... More About: Stars , Parenting , Now What
G-Strings & Tube Socks
2007-12-05 22:21:00 Apparently “Weagel Weagle” isn’t the only nonsensical verse of a football fight song out there. When I wrote about the animus good-natured rivalry between Alabama and Auburn fans, I quoted the Auburn fight song, part of which causes many a confused Alabamian to ask, “What the hell is a weagle?” Bodygetta Bodygetta Bodygetta Bah Rah Rah Rah Sis Boom ... More About: Sports , Parenting , Football , Tube , Now What
Iron Bowl: Fighting Words & Face Paint
2007-12-04 03:16:00 My boys went to their first Alabama-Auburn football game Thanksgiving weekend, and they were fired up. I don’t give two hoots about football so first I resisted these obnoxious flags and stickers, but later I relented and let the boys decorate the minivan for the drive from Birmingham to Auburn. You can’t see the tiger tail ... More About: Sports , Football , Words , Fighting , Face
Gift Guide For Good Kids (Or Even Merely Tolerable)
2007-11-29 23:11:00 Herewith, gift ideas for the kids. I’ve tried not to duplicate the ideas I put in last year’s gift guide for boys, so if you need more thoughts, click here and see what I recommended last year. If you’ve missed the other installments, the gift guide for teachers, babies and toddlers is here. Part Deux, including ... More About: Kids , Book Reviews , Gift , Guide , Good
The Sex Talk
2007-11-28 16:20:00 It was time to give Drew the sex talk. If you’ve been reading, you’ll remember that he’s been showing signs of readiness. He snickers whenever he hears the word “sex,” which is often in today’s society. He giggled when he saw that his hospital wristband contained the words “age/sex” as part of its identifying information. We ... More About: Parenting , Talk , Blast from the Past , Now What
Elves, Round 2
2007-11-26 18:17:00 Damn, the duo is at it again! Remember a couple of years ago when elves were all the rage and I refused to go along, reasoning that Santa is enough? Last Tuesday I walked by the fireplace and noticed this: The boys didn’t have any Nerds this time, but it was obvious they were trying to lure ... More About: Parenting , Blast from the Past , Now What , Round
Gift Guide Part Deux: You?re So Hard To Buy For
2007-11-21 03:23:00 Some people are hard to buy for. They have everything. They engage in esoteric hobbies that are impossible to acknowledge with a present. These are people who never express appreciation but that you might feel obligated to purchase gifts for because of blood or marriage. Many of us have ancient relatives with closets full ... More About: Gift , Hard , Guide , Part , Guid
Fighting Over Soulja Boy (With Video!)
2007-11-19 18:58:00 Am I the only adult fighting with her child about the proper moves to Soulja Boy ? Last night the boys and I watched some of the Music Awards, but what should have been a relaxing evening of music quickly disintegrated into a shouting match between Finn and me. It was totally his fault. He ... More About: Video , Fighting
Holiday Gift Guide: A Kajillion Ideas!
2007-11-17 20:24:00 Y’all, what’s up with it being mid-November already? It totally took me by surprise, but I’ve recovered enough to present my second annual gift guide. It’s grown exponentially, as I’ve included ideas for everyone, not just boys. I’ll post it in installments so you don’t fall asleep reading. I looked over last year’s post and I ... More About: Ideas , Holiday , Gift , Guide , Guid
Friday Caboodle
2007-11-16 22:42:00 If one of your boys ties a rope around his willie and asks one of his brothers to pull hard on the other end, don’t panic. Apparently (because I only heard about this adventure– don’t you think I would have terminated it if I had witnessed it?) your boy will be a bit ... More About: Friday , Blast from the Past
A Cheater?s Guide To Spiffing Up Your House
2007-11-14 05:21:00 WARNING! This hint for making your house look fresh should NOT be read by interior decorators or perfectionists, as the system I advocate may cause you to retch. Tools: Can of white latex paint, old newspaper, paint brushes of various sizes, paint stirrer if stirring is important, paper towels, painter’s tape. No ladder! (A small ... More About: House , Guide , Guid
Bloody Sunday
2007-11-13 15:43:00 It wasn’t the pickax Drew wielded overhead, bringing it down steadily onto a concrete block, repeatedly, until it was crushed into Oreo-sized bits. When I saw the shards flying about, I made him put on a pair of safety glasses. That was a good mom-move, but I could have made it fifteen minutes ... More About: Sunday , Bloody
Hussies?
2007-11-09 04:16:00 Sixth-grade girls are calling the house. They’re polite when they ask to speak to Finn, but after I’ve gotten him to the phone and debated and rejected the idea of eavesdropping on the conversation, my curiosity turns, just a little, to disapproval. Back in my day, we didn’t call boys on the phone. ... More About: Parenting , Deep Thoughts , Now What
Fact Or Crap?
2007-11-06 19:03:00 Apparently “crap” is no longer the semi-cuss word it used to be, although I’m not sure who okayed its inclusion into mainstream conversation. It certainly wasn’t me. One culprit must be the board game Fact or Crap . Several of Finn’s friends brought it over yesterday afternoon and introduced it to the Glamore family. The game is nothing ...
Holiday Gift Guide - Help Wanted!
2007-11-03 23:33:00 Thinking up gifts is difficult any time of year, but it’s especially challenging in December when you have to buy for family members you barely see. Last year I published a Gift Guide For Boys with lots of suggestions of items that boys between four and twelve might like. Readers commented with additional fantastic ideas. This ... More About: Holiday , Baseball , Wanted
The Math Geeks And Me
2007-10-31 03:02:00 The Math Geeks are a tough crowd. Several weeks ago I submitted my post Beyonce and I Fail Division to a couple of sites that were publishing articles about mathematics. I thought the mathematicians would enjoy a comical diversion from the rigors of string theory as well as a peek into the world ... More About: Deep Thoughts
How Close Friends Know They?re Aging
2007-10-29 16:01:00 My Artistic Friend had a birthday last week. I keep a stash of things I pick up during the year to give as gifts, but as I started to wrap her present, I had a sinking feeling that I’d given her the same thing last year. So I called her. Artistic Friend: “Hello?” Absentminded Me: “Happy Birthday! I ... More About: Friends , Deep Thoughts , Close , Aging
Mourning But Moving On
2007-10-24 16:57:00 This Friday, the 26th, is the second anniversary of my mom’s death. Here is the first column I wrote about her death, and “A Blessing” provides a few more details. Here is what I wrote about the occasion last year. You’ll see that some of these columns have tags under them– you can click ... More About: Moving , Deep Thoughts , Ovarian Cancer , Mourning
Take Off Your Pants
2007-10-24 16:53:00 “Hell’s bells! Those are way too short. Take them off immediately and put them in Drew’s pile,” I told Porter. He wiggled out of them and tossed them into the mountain of capri-length pants he’d already tried on. Later I dismissed him and summoned my mac daddy. Drew and I went through Porter’s discards and were ... More About: Parenting , Pants , Deep Thoughts
My Mac Daddy And Me
2007-10-21 18:54:00 When Drew asked me what a Mac Daddy was, I was stunned by the question, but I swiftly recovered and said confidently, “A Mac Daddy is a man who dresses in fancy suits and plays drums in a jazz band.” Drew and I hadn’t had the sex talk yet, and I saw no reason to ... More About: Parenting , Now What , Faux Pas
Looks Like I Won
2007-10-17 22:39:00 Bill and I joke that when we got married he gave up big-titty women and I gave up long-haired men. His girlfriend before me was a lacrosse playing, Cuban, large-breasted classical pianist, and hell if I know what order to put all those adjectives in to reflect their importance to Bill, but I bet the ... More About: Looks
Only In Alabama?
2007-10-15 03:09:00 I dare you to find anything in YOUR hometown that fulfills such a special need. Figure 1: Side View: Is this what I think it is? You have got to be kidding. But hooray! I was in the mood to wet a pole. I love some wigglers, but I’m in the mood for catfish. ... More About: Alabama
Sappy But Happy
2007-10-12 02:49:00 In the days of Disco Break and Saturday Night Fever, it felt like our parents partied all the time. Every weekend my sisters and I would watch Hee-Haw or The Love Boat while my mom put on a chiffon skirt and purple sequin halter top and my dad shaved and dabbed on Aqua-Velva. ... More About: Parenting , Deep Thoughts , Happy , Blast from the Past , Sapp
Food, Glorious Food
More articles from this author:2007-10-10 05:39:00 Last time I posted a week’s worth of easy, family-friendly recipes, the post was so popular you’d have thought I had pictures of a shirtless Brad Pitt on here. So again, I have several meals that we would eat in the course of a week. The idea is to use Sunday afternoon to plan out ... More About: Food 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
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