Tales From My Tiny KingdomTales From My Tiny KingdomWhat happens when the tooth fairy gets drunk? How does a mother who grew up with sisters tell her son about sex? How do you get revenge on a babysitter stealer? Does your kid have burning buttocks? All this and more at the Tiny Kingdom! Articles
Beyonce And I Fail Division
2007-10-08 14:55:00 I avoid math as much as possible, but when there’s arithmetic to be done I have a calculator handy. Surprisingly, they still teach 6th grade math as if all calculators will spontaneously combust in 2015, which is why Finn is learning the tedious process of dividing complicated numbers by other complicated numbers. There are infinite ... More About: Beyonce , Division
Unscheduled Anatomy Class
2007-10-01 23:31:00 It’s a gamble every day. I send the boys to school and hope they’ll act civilized, that they won’t make exquisitely loud armpit farts, that they’ll make smart food choices in the cafeteria. If they retain a smattering of math facts and information about the planets, the year will be a huge success. Mostly, ... More About: Parenting , Anatomy , Now What , Class , Faux Pas
Triathlon Training: Family Endurance
2007-09-28 14:52:00 Many of you were entranced with the story of Finn training for his first full-length triathlon, especially when an innocent whiff of sexuality reared its head: the presence of a girl, whose entry into the race prompted Finn to scoff at the idea of participating in the event as part of a relay team. ... More About: Family , Training , Triathlon , Endurance , TRAI
Corralling The Horses
2007-09-25 15:10:00 If you’ve been worried about the the right age to teach your children “Found a Peanut” or “100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall,” you can mark that off your to-do list. I’m happy to report that if your kids are exposed to a wide variety of wholesome friends they’ll learn those songs and ... More About: Horses
What Not To Wear: Perfume Edition
2007-09-24 18:07:00 I’ve already illustrated what not to wear in bed (and conversely, what you should wear). Today we’ll move on to “What Not To Wear : Perfume Edition .” During Finn’s drum lesson Friday, I hustled over to the Galleria to Sephora to try out Gwen Stefani’s new perfume, Lamb. Usually I buy perfume based on scent ... More About: What Not To Wear
Missing HTML: Reward If Found!
2007-09-21 15:40:00 Bill says watching me manage my blog is akin to witnessing dogs mating: there are shudders and misfires, yelping and awkward pauses, but in the end a post or a puppy is produced. Although I’ve been blogging for more than two years, I was 37 when I started. HTML and Flickr have all been highly mysterious ... More About: Blast from the Past , Missing , Html , Reward , Missi
An Ode To Osmosis
2007-09-20 04:47:00 I remember learning about osmosis, the process by which water moves across a membrane from an area of low concentration to an area of high concentration, in Mrs. B’s 7th grade biology class. The idea was difficult for me to grasp, and my mother spent hours with me in the den going over the difference in ... More About: Parenting , Deep Thoughts , Now What
Sexy Singers, But Who Can Spell?
2007-09-18 04:29:00 Bill never has much of an opinion on music, so the boys and I were astounded when we were on the way to church and he said, "Who is this singing? She has a cool voice." It was Fergie, singing "Big Girls Don’t Cry" for the umpteenth time. "This song is okay," I said, "but Gwen Stefani ... More About: Sexy , Singers , Spell
Detoxify Noxious Athletic Shoes In 3 Easy Steps!*
2007-09-17 04:26:00 Does your house smell like the lion’s cage at the zoo? Until last week, the rancid odor emanating from the boys’ rooms made my eyes water. I traced the cause to the boys’ shoes: specifically, their soccer cleats. Obviously I’m no stranger to athletic shoes. What’s new to me is the combination of footwear and perspiration ... More About: Sports , Shoes , Easy , Steps , Athletic
Tuna Fish & Wacky Packs
2007-09-13 05:10:00 The hip after-school snack at the Glamore house is a whole can of tuna, eaten straight from the can with a fork. It’s a vast improvement on sardines and crackers, but we’re going through garbage bags and Lysol at an alarming rate to keep the house from smelling like a fishmonger’s. Three cans of tuna ... More About: Fish , Blast from the Past , Tuna , Packs
Frustrated Mom Needs Vocabulary Lesson
2007-09-12 19:55:00 “You don’t have to murder it; you just have to hit it,” is one of the encouragements I yell to Finn during baseball season. My baseball repertoire is vast: “Don’t watch the ball, just hit it and RUN!” “Hey outfield, look alive!” “Nice hit!” “Way to hustle!” “It’s coming to YOU, [name]!” “Mow him down– he’s in the baseline!” I don’t ... More About: Sports , Vocabulary , Frustrated , Lesson , Rate
I?m Making Eggs And I Don?t Mean Scrambled
2007-09-10 15:21:00 One of Finn’s teachers had the nerve to assign Bill and me homework. She sought information about Finn’s personality, his dreams, fears and passions. Referring her to this website did not appear to be an option, and because I didn’t know the teacher, I couldn’t very well write “Finn is just like me, but with ... More About: Parenting , Eggs , Deep Thoughts , Now What , Makin
The Bustle In The Kitchen
2007-09-06 18:03:00 It was like Iron Chef when I walked in the kitchen this morning. Pieces of bread were flying, the boys were wielding knives dripping with condiments, and I had to duck as Finn tossed a banana to Drew, who stuck it in a lunch bag. My boys always get the plate lunch at school, so I wondered ... More About: Kitchen , Chen
Most Unfair Parents EVER Today, Stars on Oprah Tomorrow
2007-09-05 15:16:00 Bill and I have hit a milestone. We’ve felt the mixture of helplessness and pride that courses through your veins as the fruit of your loins looks at you and shouts, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. That is SO harsh!” The child, of course, was Finn, and his failure to make his bed, ... More About: Stars , Parenting , Oprah , Today , Deep Thoughts
They Didn?t Analyze The Men So I Will
2007-09-03 19:44:00 I’m tired of studies scrutinizing every action women take while raising their children, without giving equal time to the men. Jenn linked to an article about a study that purported to be able to identify mothers at a greater risk for depression based on the way they cradle their babies. Like many such studies, the “scientists” ... More About: Analyze , Anal
Food Photos
2007-09-02 20:48:00 Many thanks to Kelly, who not only cooked several of the meals I recommended but also took pictures of them. Click over and see what a close up picture of bulgogi looks like! More About: Food , Photos
Was It Good For You?
2007-08-31 14:51:00 I gave you my heart, my soul, and my recipes for a week of family-friendly meals. Some of you have shared yours, too, or pointed me to sites such as this one that let people share recipes. It’s time for feedback so I can decide whether to make the menu a regular feature. Are you a convert ... More About: Good
Our Last Fishy Performance
2007-08-29 19:30:00 An animal entering our house would be wise to bring an updated will and phone numbers for next-of-kin. We’ve boxed and buried guinea pigs, flushed fish, and had hermit crabs wander away in the middle of an electrifying race, never to be seen again. Back in June we managed to kill a crawfish and Speedy the ... More About: Performance , Perform
Wanted: Magical Antidote
2007-08-28 00:59:00 I’m pissed at myself for quitting the Harry Potter series around Book 4, because I was cleaning Porter’s closet today and found this unsettling recipe: I hope it will take the guys a while to actually cast their magic spell, because I don’t know what it will do or how to render it impotent, if it’s ... More About: Parenting , Now What , Wanted , Magica
Weekly Wrapup: Stings, Soccer, Supper, Sexy
2007-08-24 14:58:00 It was our anniversary, but Bill and I didn’t see each other until 7:45 p.m. at Open House in Mrs. L’s Advanced Math class. At that point I had already met with both third-grade teachers and Bill had gone to Social Studies, English and Science, so we were worn out after a day of work ... More About: Soccer , Sexy , Weekly , Supper , Suppe
Let Me Organize You, One Meal At A Time
2007-08-23 00:03:00 I value efficiency above almost everything except jewelry, and so although I frequently write about Publix, I try to limit my visits there by planning my menu for the week on Sunday and making one enormous grocery run. “But I’m so unorganized! I can never think of anything to cook!” my friends wail when they ... More About: Organize , Time , Meal , Organ
Happy Anniversary: Your Son Is An Ass
2007-08-21 17:27:00 Today is our anniversary. Bill and I are going to celebrate sometime, but not tonight because we have Open House (2 parents, 3 classrooms to visit) and Finn’s soccer practice. We’re trying to fit dinner, homework and baths in there, too. This morning Bill left me a note on the counter that sent shivers up my ... More About: Parenting , Anniversary , Happy , Now What , Happy Anniversary
Help A Clueless Soccer Family
2007-08-20 15:24:00 The minivan, the suburbs and the fact that David Beckham bears an uncanny resemblance to my own sexy husband might have led you to conclude that I’m a typical soccer mom. I fit the demographic, except that until now, none of the boys has played much soccer. Recently Finn joined a competitive soccer team (Long ... More About: Sports , Family , Soccer , Out Of Control , Clueless
A Venn Diagram, The Union Of Which Is A Joke
2007-08-17 00:04:00 Two completely unrelated topics have been on my mind lately, but last night I realized that if I were to make a Venn diagram of them just for kicks, the intersecty part would contain a joke that my mother used to tell. It’s fiery hot here. The temperature has been above 100 for nine days in ... More About: Joke , Union , Blast from the Past , Agra , The U
Bow Chicka Wow Wow
2007-08-15 01:09:00 Hell. The the Axe effect has struck our house again, but this time the outcome was worse, thanks to my big mouth. Last Friday I was running errands with the boys, and as Finn and I strolled across the CVS parking lot together I heard him singing “Bow chicka wow wow” under his breath. I bought ... More About: Parenting , Now What
Their Guts Will Have A Happy Birthday
2007-08-13 01:45:00 The twins’ birthday is Tuesday and Finn has had several ideas about what he’s going to give them. He’s considered making them a CD, purchasing Best Buy gift cards, or getting them each a Swiss Army knife. A few minutes ago he ran into my room and announced that he had thought of an even more ... More About: Happy , Birthday , Happy Birthday
Melting A Geeky Mom?s Heart
2007-08-10 00:21:00 The sentiment is wonderful, but it was the proper use of the apostrophe that really made me feel warm and fuzzy. More About: Heart , Geeky
Writing You A Love Letter
2007-08-06 21:51:00 Bill and I got married in August of 1993 and vowed to stay together “from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.” What we didn’t foresee was that I’d be diagnosed with Hepatitis C in ... More About: Writing , Love , Letter , Love Letter
No Illicit Kisses, Yet
More articles from this author:2007-08-02 16:23:00 Last year The Voice of Reason and I had to take steps to ensure there’d be no smooching among the older kids. We thought for sure that this year’s beach trip would be the one where some of the eleven-year-olds (two male, two female) would bat their eyelashes, flex their muscles and let their lips do ... More About: Kisses , Blast from the Past , Wanderlust 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
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