Tales From My Tiny KingdomTales From My Tiny KingdomWhat happens when the tooth fairy gets drunk? How does a mother who grew up with sisters tell her son about sex? How do you get revenge on a babysitter stealer? Does your kid have burning buttocks? All this and more at the Tiny Kingdom! 
Articles
Labeling Camp Clothes: Dull Chore Made Zany Fun
2008-06-05 19:31:00 Drew leaves for camp tomorrow. He’ll be gone for three weeks. I don’t usually get terribly sentimental, but that moment when I drop him off can be pretty hard. Two years ago he looked like the last photo in this post and I got a little teary. We all survived, however, and it’s ... More About: Fashion , Clothes , Made , Camp
Give Me Your Rapping Delight
2008-06-04 05:09:00 You all know by now that my sons are into rap, and by that I mean today’s rap, which to me sounds like nothing more than nasty talk. I could write a rap song myself, just by stringing together words like this: “Shawty on the floor, look all sexy in that thang, wanna buy you ... More About: Music , Blast from the Past , Give , Delight
Story of My Life
2008-06-02 18:01:00 My story “Hot Enough For Ya?” is up at Lipstick. It has nothing to do with the temperature. The tagline describes my situation well: Life isn’t all a bed of roses when you marry a stud muffin. ***************************************** **** Two years ago in My Tiny Kingdom: Exhausted Mom Seeks Validation More About: Story , My Life , Deep Thoughts
Lookey Here!
2008-05-31 16:27:00 I have a post up over at Deep South about Chryslers, hot summer days, drive-through carwashes, and “Afternoon Delight.” Check it out! More About: Southern Comfort
Doocey Again: Dragon Edition
2008-05-29 23:22:00 Porter discovered a book called Dragon ology (A Field Guide To Dragons) when we spent half the day at the bookstore. It’s designed as if it were written in 1898 by a dragonologist who provides information about dragon spotting and their habitats, and exhorts readers to continue his investigations. Best of all, the book contains ... More About: Book Reviews , Edition
He Shall Overcome
2008-05-27 19:44:00 When you’re a mother, seeing a child overcome his fear is like winning the Super Bowl of parenting. Drew leaves for camp soon, and the first item on the agenda once he arrives is the swim test. The test wigged him out last year, to the point that he almost didn’t want to go to ... More About: Sports , Overcome
Come As You Are
2008-05-23 19:10:00 All Finn needed to graduate was a bra made of coconuts, a grass skirt, and a coat and tie. The coconut bra, skirt and lei were for the luau party the sixth graders had the night before graduation to celebrate their journey to the junior high. There was a chocolate fountain, a DJ, tropical drinks, ... More About: Sports
Cramped Quarters With The Guys
2008-05-20 21:07:00 I’ve preserved a minuscule area of femininity in my own house, and the boys are prohibited from entering my bathroom unless expressly invited. Invitations are issued sparingly for delivery of soft toilet paper from my private stash, removal of painful splinters requiring my fancy tweezers and dexterous fingers, and other medical and hygienic procedures. When ... More About: Sports , Guys , Out Of Control , Wanderlust
It?s Sweeping The Nation
2008-05-16 15:45:00 Is your third-grader hanging a paper clip on his earlobe and wearing it all day at school? No? Well, then, I’m sorry to tell you that he is completely out of touch with the latest fashion craze, started by one of my own sons, Drew Glamore. Drew has always been ahead of the latest ... More About: Fashion , Nation , The Nation
Smooch On Over
2008-05-13 21:29:00 If you don’t live nearby, you may not know that I also write for Lipstick magazine. Why don’t you mosey over there and see what I had to say about my boys’ taste in music? Click the link and then click on “Soulja Mom.” ************************* One year ago in My Tiny Kingdom: In Which Bill Is Assaulted By ...
Wallowing in Awesome
2008-05-09 15:43:00 Urine sprinkles on the floor. Smelly cleats. Towels strewn about the bathroom. Boys looking for “lost” items, like the copy of Diary of a Wimpy Kid that’s in the middle of the floor. I almost fell over it. The endless runs to Publix. The five gallons of milk per week. The chopping, peeling, sauteeing, baking and stirring, followed by, “What are these little green things in here?” The pants that fit a month ago that now come to the top of the ankles, and then only if they are pulled precariously low on the waist. The shirts stained with blood, bleach, paint, grass and mysterious substances. The reminders. “Did you brush your teeth? Is your retainer in? Did you feed the bird? Are the dirty clothes in the laundry hamper? When that dog dies of starvation, you’ll be the one crying, not me.” The threats. “If you don’t eat that sliver of Brussels sprout you won’t see a scoop of ice cream until 2012. When I say p... More About: Awesome
You Can Read Me Now
2008-05-07 17:31:00 In print! In a book! I’ve never hidden the fact that I originally began blogging as a way to discipline myself to write on a regular basis. My hope was that my writing would improve and I’d get some exposure. Maybe I’d even get published. Three and a half years (and over 400 columns later) ... More About: Book Reviews , Read
Crawfish Boil: Hot!
2008-05-05 19:50:00 We’re all about music festivals, so Saturday our family headed downtown to the Crawfish Boil and saw Flo Rida, Gavin deGraw, and Fergie. I don’t know that I’ve discussed the rap music phenomenon since I published the video of Drew and me trying to do the Soulja Boy dance. In a word, Finn continues ...
LBR
2008-05-03 19:59:00 Bill pointed out that “LBR” doesn’t have to be an insult. It could also stand for “Legs, Breasts, Rump” and used to describe your lady. “Dude, my wife is smokin’ hot! When she comes in the room, she brings the LBR.”
Feathers Friday: Lend Me A Hand
2008-05-02 18:39:00 I realized Porter and Feathers share a special ability to communicate when Porter just sensed that Feathers couldn’t reach the annoying itch right there in the small of her back. Thank God he had precisely the right the tool to help her out. No lady would want those nasty fingernails touching her ... More About: Friday , Hand , Lend
Chow Chat
2008-05-01 04:32:00 We were eating dinner and it was Porter’s turn to draw a card from Table Topics. “Where would you rather live, the mountains or the beach?” he read. “That’s easy,” Porter said, tucking the card back into the box. “We should live in the mountains because there are too many tsunamis at the ocean.” “What ... More About: Chat , Chow
Drew and Porter Recommend
2008-04-29 02:22:00 The boys have discovered some popular new books and toys I thought I’d pass along in case you’re looking for ideas. If you’d told me both of my third-graders would be devouring Beowulf, I’d have told you that my boys are not child prodigies, and that you had us confused with another family. Maybe one ... More About: Book Reviews , Porter , Drew
Feathers Friday: Out To Sea
2008-04-25 15:27:00 I don’t know of many parakeets who are lucky enough to get private sailing lessons. Yet Feathers holds such an exalted place of honor in our house that damn the cost, she merits a boat and a large body of water in which to maneuver. Porter thoughtfully provided a Hot Wheels racetrack as a nearby ... More About: Friday
Venn Diagram: Soccer and Society
2008-04-23 15:18:00 It’s been a while since I did a Venn diagram for you, and I’m not sure I can end it all with a penis joke as I did last time. I’ll let my subconscious work on that while I relate the thought-provoking details of this weekend’s soccer extravaganza. There was a lot of soccer played ... More About: Society , Sports , Soccer , Blast from the Past , Out Of Control
Haiku Me!
2008-04-18 15:42:00 I rarely win things, but I’ve been named a finalist over at Rocks in my Dryer in the Haiku about my mom contest. Am I the only one whose mother haunts me about my haircolor? You should hear what my dead grandmother whispers in my ear every time I pop a piece of chewing gum ...
Feathers Friday (on Thursday) - Olympic Version
2008-04-17 15:34:00 The Olympic torch relay has been marred by crowds, protests over human rights, and general pandemonium. That describes the Glamore house on a daily basis, but we don’t have the huge flames, publicity and the massive police presence. I’m able to handle all of the above solo, through sometimes I resort to calling ... More About: Friday , Thursday , Feathers , Version
All For One
2008-04-15 15:23:00 The other day Porter came home from school crying. “Drew and Jay are always making fun of me and I can’t take it anymore,” he said. Although they’re in the same grade, Drew and Porter have always been in separate classes, and pretty much maintain distinct groups of friends. Drew has been spending lots of time ... More About: Parenting , Deep Thoughts , Now What , Ovarian Cancer
Eggs ?n Ovaries
2008-04-14 15:30:00 My mom died suddenly two and a half years ago . She’d just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Her cancer was quite advanced by the time it was detected, which is too often the case. I guess people who haven’t lost a parent think I should “be over it,” but the truth is ... More About: Eggs , Deep Thoughts , Ovarian Cancer , Ovaries
Fabulous Feathers In Her Boudoir
2008-04-09 16:01:00 So many of you have been pestering me about the oddest topic. How does Feathers stay so fresh and shiny? you ask. Her coloring is breathtaking, but it’s clear that there is personal grooming at work, too. Frankly, it’s been a mystery to me, too, as anything that enters Porter’s room inevitably leaves the ...
In Which I?m All Doocey
2008-04-07 00:18:00 For the longest time my front porch has been decorated only with three crinkly dead plants and a disintegrating doormat, and the front door has red mud handprints made by boys who paw the door while trying to grasp the door handle. Yesterday I tossed the plantings of death and went to the local garden shop ... More About: Southern Comfort
Scenes From The Ballpark
2008-04-04 04:46:00 I found myself watching Finn’s baseball game solo for the first three innings last night. Bill was with Drew and Porter at soccer practice. This year I’ve been running about ten minutes late to every game, and that is no big deal unless your son is the starting pitcher. I’ve had no reason ... More About: Sports , Baseball , Scenes , Ballpark
I Can?t Shut Up About Snacks
2008-04-01 15:40:00 You would think that everyone would have STOPPED the sports-related snack madness, but they haven’t. My third graders’ soccer team is STILL having after-game snacks. Nothing like Oreos at 10 am. At least I’m not on my friend’s 4k T-ball team. They practice TWICE A WEEK from 4:30 to 5:30 pm and the ... More About: Sports , Baseball , Snacks , Deep Thoughts , Shut
Exposed (and recipes)
2008-03-30 20:25:00 Finn says he’s scarred for life, but I think he should be thrilled his parents crave each other. Of course, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself. I ordered a fancy new lens for my camera, and Thursday I was met with the disappointing sight of a slip stating that FedEx had come by ... More About: Recipes
Depraved Boys
2008-03-26 18:47:00 It all started out innocently enough. I hardboiled a bowl of eggs. I made lots of dye. The boys got to work. Porter, of course, dipped his allotted eggs in every color, and made gray eggs. Drew concentrated. Finn worked hard, too. Their eggs were masterpieces, comparatively speaking. The next morning the chocolate bunnies arrived. Finn cut a hole in the back ... More About: Boys
Bavarian Apple Torte with Prejudicial Ingredient
More articles from this author:2008-03-19 20:14:00 Looking around for a festive Easter dessert? Look no further. This marvelous apple tart is an old recipe of ours. It’s easy to make, looks fancy and needs nothing but a plate and perhaps some good quality vanilla ice cream to set it off. To be honest, I had forgotten about this recipe ... More About: Apple , Torte , Ingredient 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
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