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MasterChugs Theater: 'Monster House'
2007-11-16 22:32:00
Some quick housekeeping: the Guys are taking off next week because we like turkey. Even more than the internet? Say it ain't so! We'll be back on Monday, November 26. In the meantime, do something important, like...reading a book, or bugging your family members. And alooooooooooooooong with the review: 'Monster House ' is arguably the scariest movie that has ever been targeted to children. There
More About: Theater , Monster House , Thea

A whiskey situation
2007-11-16 20:53:00
Imagine the most horrible thing that could ever happen to humanity. Good. Now imagine that about ten times worse. That could be exactly how bad it could be if police in Tennessee have their way. Thousands of bottles of Jack Daniel's whiskey, much of it around the century mark, could be POURED DOWN THE DRAIN by police after being seized recently. The bottles were seized in warehouse raids in
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Ask Dr. Snee, Guynecologist: Lungs … of iron!
2007-11-16 19:02:00
Dear Dr. Snee, How does an Iron Lung work? Is it anything like an Iron Cross? To answer your question, I consulted my third favorite medical journal, Wikipedia. (My first two go-to sources are Men's Health and the Bible.) According to the WPMJ, the iron lung is a "negative pressure ventilator": The person using the iron lung is placed into the central chamber, a cylindrical steel drum. A
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Guy invents pepper spray/flashlight combo
2007-11-16 18:43:00
Guy also invents great way to blind yourself at night.
More About: Pepper , Combo , Spray , Pepper spray , Comb

On the toad again
2007-11-16 14:39:00
Law enforcement is finally going after traitors to the human race and the animals they serve. At long last, cops have realized this is a war taking place inside our very borders and they are getting off their duffs to help us win. Recently, a man in Kansas City was arrested in a drug bust. He had a Colorado river toad police say he used to get high. The best part about this is that they brought
More About: Toad

How To: Pick up girls online
2007-11-16 00:08:00
Today's How To is very special, because it comes to us from some reader out there who this morning found us searching on Google for "how to pick up a girl on myspace." Because The Guys are all about serving the people, it's time to tackle this one. As you may remember, we have already taught you how to meet womens. Tools: Computer Fingers Vocabulary 1) Get to a computer, get connected. So
More About: Girls , Online , Pick

Shot!
2007-11-15 21:35:00
In an ironice role reversal, a postal worker was shot in the leg by a person that was a bit disgruntled about their mail coming late.
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Hypothesis: 12 to 18 months in jail
2007-11-15 17:36:00
A Massachusetts doctor claims he was just doing "research" when a undercover cop busted him for solicitation of prostitution ... which, when you think about it, is actually a pretty good alibi when your specialty is infectious diseases and STDs. Hello! How do you think he became an expert in the first place? After all, maybe he was trying to figure out why chlamydia rates are so up.
More About: Jail , Months , Mont

Headline of the Day
2007-11-15 14:25:00
Once again, creativity in this crazy war is coming from the South. Why? This blog can only imagine it's because they have guns and a great deal of free time on their hands. We won't spoil this one for you, but it involves a non-lethal weapon, a high school class and taxidermy. Wait--they teach skills like that in an Arkansas high school? Who would have thought? Key quote: "'He used the nail gun
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Take it from Snee: Too much thought put into the Confederate flag
2007-11-14 22:30:00
As the official SeriouslyGuys southern correspondent, it is my job to keep tabs on the former Confederate States of America. It's a daunting task because, well, there are a lot of them, and a few select ones tend to captivate the news. (I've actually delegated all things Floridian to Fark.) But the other challenging aspect is that readers, and writers, above the Mason-Dixon line already have
More About: Thought , Confederate flag , Flag , The Con

Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling
2007-11-14 19:17:00
A Columbus, Ohio, court case deals with an off-duty fireman who saw a beautiful naked woman in the park and—naturally—took out his "fire-hose". The charge: entrapment! Because the woman was being used by police as bait by to catch perverts. Well, um ... mission accomplished! Great detective work, boys!

A potential solution to our problems
2007-11-14 18:42:00
As messed up of a place as Florida might be, they do have a good idea every now and then. Recently, they came up with a way to solve two problems currently plaguing humanity with one single step: feed criminals to the animals. Police were chasing a man they suspected of theft when he drove into a pond. By some miraculous twist of fate, a hungry member of the terrorist organization Al-Igator was
More About: Problems , Solution

Monkeys unionize
2007-11-14 17:14:00
Equal pay for equal poo-flinging! Ladies and gentlemen, I don't have to explain to you just how slippery of a slope this is for us. If the human race can't work together normally, then how can we work together to stop the animal threat if the animals have created labor groups?! What's next, koala teamsters that look cute and cuddly while they gnaw off your kneecaps?
More About: Monkeys

We did it!
2007-11-14 14:45:00
All that hard work and perseverance has finally paid off. We set a U.S. record in chlamydia cases last year! Gonorrhea and syphilis rates nationwide are also up, after going down for years and years. More and more of these cases are becoming resistant to antibiotics, much like staph infections. What event could possibly be attributed to the spike in STD rates? Rick Snee's graduation from college.

Eat My Sports: Orange crushed
2007-11-13 23:47:00
The end of an era. The Orange Bowl was the Miami Hurricane's fortress. The brotherhood of football players that had perhaps the most dominant home field advantage in college football over the past 30 years, had their home destroyed by UVA 48-0 on Saturday night. Granted, I am a supporter of the Wahoos, but pretty much anyone who follows college football got a good laugh of seeing the most
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Your 'generous bazoongas' and you
2007-11-13 20:06:00
An author is on the warpath after her children's book, Trouble on Tarragon Island, was banned in a Canadian elementary school for the controversial phrase "generous bazoongas." As voluntary supporters of all breasts everywhere, The Guys firmly advocate the right to bear generous bazoongas. We believe these, like the contested porn store in Virginia, can only contribute to communities, be it
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Shock after shock
2007-11-13 18:46:00
Tasers are fun, bro. YouTube has clearly shown us that much (The Guys are rather split on the college kid Tasing, but I'm all for Tasing people who don't shut up). However, as a police officer, what can possibly make using your Taser something less than a joyful experience? When you accidentally Tase yourself, and then you get in trouble for it. That's what happened to one officer in Wisconsin.
More About: Shock

You get what you pay for--most of the time
2007-11-13 16:37:00
A local Virginia newspaper editorial has actually come to the defense of a town's porn shop saying the city prosecutor is wasting taxpayers' time and money by going after the store. Also: "If it manages to stay in business, then it obviously isn't violating community standards." Gee, that's so crazy it almost makes sense. And in the news side of things, the real shocker ( ll_i ) at Shockers (
More About: Time , The Time

Terms of endeerment
2007-11-13 14:38:00
As it gets colder, animals start to hunker down for winter. However, at least one species instead gets randy and feisty this time of year and legally we can't even kill them--yet. The animal I am speaking of, of course, is the deer. It's not uncommon to hear reports of people hitting deer with their cars, but recently a girl was hit by a deer as she ran in a high school cross country meet. This
More About: Terms

Not so great white
2007-11-12 21:15:00
We've all known for years that sharks are dangerous. Of all the animal kingdom, their faction never liked the uneasy truce that held until the infamous attack of Steve Irwin. They killed at will and continue to this day. However, it seems one surfer in California found himself in a battle (or as the story moronically puts it, a "hand-to-hand fight") with a great white shark, only to be saved by
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We terrify journalists
2007-11-12 19:27:00
David Leigh of UK paper, The Guardian, wants to remind you that bloggers are not real journalists because they lack credibility. And we would like to remind you that you can get all the news you can shake a stick at here on SeriouslyGuys dot com. Tell a friend/burn a newspaper.
More About: Journalists

What's so bad about Bob?
2007-11-12 17:47:00
Poor Bob Allen. While everyone has been obsessing over Sen. Larry Craig's bathroom stall, nobody noticed that the Florida state representative was found guilty of soliciting sex from an undercover officer. Of course, he's sticking with the "just hanging out in the bathroom with scary men" story, but why doesn't he get to be interviewed by Matt Lauer? Also, when is it a good time to get a new

The McBournie Minute: Old people
2007-11-12 14:05:00
At some point, you will die. (How's THAT for starting off your morning on a bright note?) Thanks to modern medicine, the day on which you will die is getting farther and farther away. That is, unless you spend your days chain smoking, emptying every bottle in sight and using pre-owned needles, in which case, you are in the H.O.V. lane to soil slumber. There is an unfortunate side effect of this
More About: People , Minute

MasterChugs Theater: 'Dave Chappelle's Block Party'
2007-11-09 21:45:00
Somewhere between the Dave Chappelle of comedy stardom and the Dave Chappelle of abrupt sabbaticals for contemplative stretches in Africa is the guy who experienced "the best single day of my career" when he threw a party for a few thousand friends and fans. Inviting some of the most gifted and socially conscious hip-hop and R&B artists, he assembled his dream concert on a corner in
More About: Party , Theater , Block , Thea

Sweet ink, your honor
2007-11-09 18:57:00
As we have recently learned, the Chinese are a very outgoing, humorous people. Once again the government is cracking down on citizens who seem to be enjoying themselves just a little too much. Those citizens are judges. Judges are no longer allowed to have shaved heads, have tattoos, wear heavy makeup and of course, frolic. Apparently in China, judges look something like the people American
More About: Sweet , Honor