Witty Ramblings Of A Lower Class Immigrant Witty Ramblings Of A Lower Class Immigrant Tamiki.com is an original humor site with witty, clever, and hilarious writing. Many posts are inspired by or revolve around serious social, political or economic issues.They are all funny...sometimes. Written by a 22 year old math student. Articles
I wrote this when I was high, so it was funny to me
2007-05-11 03:04:00 My friend bought me a road atlas, and I told him, “I don’t own a damn car.” How about a sidewalk atlas, for the times I take my dog for a walk. Or when I go with my girlfriend for a stroll, because I’m too cheap to take her anywhere else. Or simply when I’d ... More About: Funny , High , When , Wrote
This is why the Luftwaffe was created
2007-05-09 02:58:00 This car does not start in the rain… or extreme cold. The engine of this car purrs like a cat… with tuberculosis. It is my mother’s 1996 Volkswagen Jetta. Three of four hub caps are missing, and the car’s odometer stopped working around 149,000 miles. The speedometer does not work at all. The gas can has ... More About: Cars , Personal life , Create , Luft
Redman is Don King and Johnnie Cochran?s child
2007-05-07 22:37:00 What’s up with all the African American and Hispanic boxers? Clearly, dogs and roosters that lost in dog and cock fights, respectively, were reincarnated as boxing promoters to get revenge. That is why Don King has that wacky fro. A new meaning to the term “cock fight.” If I could draw, I’d draw a picture of ... More About: Sports , Racism , Child , Redman
Investment guru makes new move - Part 4
2007-05-07 00:00:00 Click here for Part 1. You can do a search for “buffet,” for the other posts, on your left. Two years ago, billionaire investor Warren Buffet bought a huge stake in the Anheuser Busch beer brewing company. His reasoning was that ?there is a high probability that people will be drinking alcohol until the end ... More About: Society , Business , Sports , Investment , Pop Culture
You won’t have makeup on the morning after a one night stand anyway… Bu
2007-05-06 01:34:00 At the drug store, you always get your prescriptions in orange plastic bottles. But drug makers still insist on having graphic designers make interesting box designs for the original bottle the pills came in. Why? Obviously, they are looking out for the bored pharmacist. So you get your prescription anti-wrinkle pills, but WTF? It’s in an orange bottle. What about the airbrushed woman on the box cover who’s supposed to make you feel inadequate about your left pinkie toe? Non-prescription makeup has them, but you’ll always get presciption beauty products in the orange bottle. Forget the actual makeup. In the makeup aisle, they should sell Jackie Kennedy masks, right next to the Richard Nixon ones. Because come on… Make up box covers are advertising. It’s like a McDonald’s commercial except the Hamburglar has a Nixon mask on. Think about your last Big Mac… Do you really think McDonald’s serves this: So when you finally realize makeup d... More About: Night , Morning , Have
It’s silly… It’s ebonics… It’s chillin
2007-05-05 16:53:00 Note: This post was inspired by Profound Musing. Check her out… literally. Hi, As an immigrant, learning English was a top priority for me. And I’ve made a few observations along the way. Hip Hop/ebonics/slang is used by almost everyone in the United States. Examples: “Take care.” They really mean “Take good care of yourself, because I don’t like you, and hope, or expect, something bad to happen to you soon.” But they can’t say all that. Why else would they say ‘take care’. These people don’t like you… “Get well soon.” What they really mean is “get a well soon, so you can drop coins in it, and wish yourself to health.” But people can’t say all that, so they say “get well soon” when there is something wrong with you. Odd, considering they just said “Take care” a few days ago… I still don’t know what “Be well” means, but I have a ... More About: Illy , Silly , Hill , Chill
What does Nathan?s know about Grey Poupon?
2007-05-04 10:27:00 My therapist: Unfortunately, we’ll have to have our session in the children’s room today. tamiki: That’s okay, I like to be immature sometimes. My therapist: It’s good that you’re starting to see your family members in a deeper, richer, more human way, instead of seem them as very one-dimensional. tamiki: Yea, it’ll make my autobiography more interesting. People don’t ... More About: Grey , Know , Nathan
Welcome to tamiki.com
2007-05-04 08:01:00 Important: People are ignoring the banner at the top of this site. Bad move. If you’ve ignored it, take a longer look at the banner. Please squeeze every laugh out of this site, like an old man squeezes the child-proof cap of his Viagra when an old flame bootycalls him. It’s crude, so try not ... More About: Come
Don?t worry, you?ve done it too
2007-05-03 15:33:00 The best interactive websites revolve around a theme that is common place, something everyone can relate to. I just found one cool website called “people do the most stupid shit.com.” It has entries from over 6 billion different people. More About: Technology , Pop Culture , Worry , Done
Golda Meir says, ?Don?t be so humble. You are not that great.?
2007-05-03 14:00:00 I am the humblest person in the world. If you think this is unoriginal, please read this disclaimer, from: I need my fix, tamiki. More About: Great , That , Humble
Cow dung is good fertilizer, and cures baldness too
2007-05-03 06:21:00 Dear PETA, I first heard about your organization through the TV show South Park. My favorite character is Butters. I am writing to invite you to our organization’s drive against global warming. Global warming will severely damage our ecosystem, and cause the extinction of many endangered species. We hope that you share with us a common interest ... More About: Society , Business , Technology , Fertilizer , Good
The Greeks are not just the people from Greece
2007-05-03 06:21:00 Today, I saw a carpet measurer do his job. He was drawing room layouts, and kneeling down to measure lengths and widths, with the grace I expected from a beer-bellied man who has plumber’s butt. It looked like a high school geomtery problem, and reminded me of why I choose to study applied mathematics ... More About: People , Mathematics , College , Greece , Greeks
You need to get your shit together
2007-05-03 06:19:00 The word mood-state strikes me as quirky, but my judgment strikes my psychiatrist as terrible. More About: Shit , Together , Need
tamiki?s ?The Aristocrats? joke?
2007-05-02 08:49:00 Disclaimer: Do not read this if you are easily offended, have not seen the movie The Aristocrats, do not know about The Aristocrats joke, or do not know about this website (read the about tamiki.com page). This is a sick, disgusting joke, just like the original. Read at your own discretion. A terrorist walks into a ... More About: Politics , Religion , Joke , Pop Culture , War
Ghengis Khan says, ?No more random nonsense, tamiki!?
2007-05-01 19:38:00 My friend is confused about the difference between someone making an allusion, and a reference. It’s very simple. An allusion is what you perform to disappear when your employer finds out your references are forged. More About: Random , Nonsense , Khan , More , Engis
Are you really a mathlete, tamiki?
2007-05-01 10:55:00 I used to be a Kaplan SAT Math tutor. Once, I was tutoring a student who finally understood a particular problem and said, “See, I like math when I can understand it.” I said, “Well… that makes one of us.” More About: Science , Business , Mathematics , College , Personal life
A man can put rose petals in his bath too
2007-05-01 08:18:00 I’ve never seen a bathtub whose default setting has the shower turn on first. All bathtubs have a little switch you have to flip, or a plug to pull, that sends the water from the fawcett to the showerhead. I’m convinced that all bathtubs are designed either by little kids with rubber ducks, or women with ... More About: Business , Technology , Bath , Rose , Peta
Earning ?Brownie? Points
2007-05-01 07:06:00 The elevators in the science building of my college are always packed, like the subway during rush hour. Once, the dean of science got on the same elevator as me, so I decided to make an impression. Someone commented, as they always do, about how crowded the elevator was. “Crowded elevators are good. We can study the ... More About: Science , Relationships , Mathematics , College , Personal life
The water just broke? and Jesus fell through
2007-05-01 06:23:00 There is a liberal women’s rights organization that wants to sail to international waters, from Amsterdam, in order to hand out abortion pills to women from countries that ban abortion. Steel of The Steel Deal said, “but imagine if they acquired a vessel larger than the small mid-ocean tug… Like say … a used troop carrier. ... More About: Society , Politics , Religion , Jesus , Personal life
Just ugly yourself up, like you?re going to jail
2007-05-01 05:05:00 People always complain about flying, and how annoying it is when the person next to them tries to initiate a conversation. I solve this little inconvenience by simply sitting next to an attractive woman. It’s genius. More About: Travel , Jail , Ugly , Like , Going
What are you? Deaf?
2007-05-01 02:24:00 I hate it when people answer your question with an unoriginal cliche just to sound cool. You know they are lying. The other day, I asked Beethoven, “So, what kind of music do you listen to?” He replied, “Everything really… except for country.” More About: Pop Culture
Holy string theory, Batman!
2007-05-01 02:17:00 Sometimes you take a poop that requires many joules of energy to push out. You might begin sweating profusely, and even go through a whole newspaper. But when you look down, you only see a tiny ball of poop. Steven Hawking refers to this small but dense ball as Mr. Hanky’s black hole. But I just call ... More About: Science , Batman , Theory , Holy , String
In a land before Orwell and talking pigs
2007-05-01 01:46:00 People think that LSD was discovered in 1938, but Kafka wrote The Metamorphosis in 1915. More About: Talking , Land , King , Pigs , Fore
Thou shall not forget Hebrew
2007-05-01 01:06:00 On biblestudy.org, someone asked a question: Q. I am studying the 10 commandments. Please explain the Sixth commandment “thou shall not kill.” Must be a republican. Funny in itself, but my wife and I are strict catholics, so we don’t make fun of others. Also, I’ve never needed to masturbate a single day during my marriage, because ... More About: Politics , Religion , War , Hebrew , Hall
Do you want cream and sand with that?
2007-05-01 00:17:00 A while ago, I took a semester of Arabic. My professor asked the class, “Who doesn’t like coffee or tea,” in Arabic. I raised my hand, and she said, “Tamiki, you don’t like coffee or tea? That’s why you are always sleeping in class.” More About: Food , College , Personal life , Sand , Want
Oh? that?s why the Legislature doesn?t do anything
2007-05-01 00:07:00 This article from Bloomberg relates to post below about child prostitution. From Bloogmberg.com: “Deborah Jeane Palfrey, accused of running a Washington prostitution ring for 13 years, apologized to a former deputy secretary of state for revealing he was a client and said more names may be disclosed to help her defend against criminal charges… Palfrey is ... More About: Society , Politics , Business , Poverty , That
Working girls doing tricks for treats
2007-04-30 07:57:00 Disclaimer: This post is not for the weak hearted. If, after reading this, you feel so inclined, please contact your state legislature to inquire about the protections, if any, afforded to US citizens and resident aliens who have been forced into child prostitution. This post was inspired by the New York Magazine article that can ... More About: Society , Politics , Business , Girls , Tricks
Charisma?
2007-04-29 13:35:00 Bill Clinton survived impeachment proceedings as the country learned about his infidelity, and Osama bin Laden called him an infidel. And people love him for that (infidelity), because he had charisma. Here is the hopeful President’s charisma swab, with Bill Clinton as our example: When Bill Clinton says, “I indeed had penis to vagina contact with your ... More About: Politics , Relationships , Charisma , Char , Hari
We don?t turn away yer kind
2007-04-28 15:11:00 Disclaimer: This is the “I am not racist” disclaimer. I am not racist. For more information about this site, please check out the about tamiki.com page. Dear Johnny Rockets Board of Directors: I am writing to inform you of an extremely disturbing situation. A few days ago, I followed 2 Jewish American Princesses and 1 spicy ... More About: Society , Business , Food , Racism , Away
The marginal utility of attendance has been depleted
More articles from this author:2007-04-27 07:17:00 During my sophomore year of college, I had an economics professor who used to repeat everything twice, everything twice. In the middle of the semester, I went up to him to get a copy of some recent assignments, because I had been cutting class. Cutting class… a lot. “Why haven’t you been coming to class,” my professor ... More About: Business , Mathematics , College , Personal life , Utility 1, 2, 3, 4 |
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