Lim's Limericks by A.Cat

RSS Feed Homepage

Articles: 1, 2, 3

That Kitten Named Bauer
2009-03-17 16:40:00
The lovely Grace poses for the camera while Lim encourages me to type out Mr.A.Cat's latest limerick. Funny, but I didn't know that the elusive spycat Mr.A., an agent formerly in service to our nation, is a 24 fan! How could I know when he's always off on missions to places unknown? Guess Bauer 's secret agent persona gets Mr.A. where he meows if not where he skulks... On TV that kitten named
More About: Kitten

A Cat limericks Rush Limbaugh
2009-03-04 17:12:00
Photo of Princess Grace, swaddled against all political storms! Which is good since Lim has passed on to me a brief, if inflamed, ditty penned by Mr.A.Cat this very morning in the spycat's usual round-about way:You've heard of a cat they call Rush who spouts from his powerful tushwith GOP credhe wishes Dems deadthough some say he's just a big lush.-Mr.A.Cat, Esq. 3.4.09 ~:~(Good work, Mr. A.! -
More About: Rush Limbaugh , Limbaugh

American Dream Awakes
2009-02-13 17:55:00
With realistic Saturn's bucket of cold water now affecting America's natal Neptune, planet of dreams and ideals, the US is getting a big dose of grim reality these days. This transit isn't exact until August 2009 and its effects will continue well into 2010.So with Lim's blessings I am bravely posting a verse which I, merely this blog's typist (but also a reluctant astrologer!), penned just the
More About: American , Dream , American Dream

George the Magic White Boy - sing along!
2009-01-05 19:50:00
It's Parody Monday: see Bush modeling his pink Marie Antoinette wig! Let them eat pretzels! he decrees. (Only if pretzels are permissible with Food Stamps, George .)Well, here it is - Lim's answer to the Magic Negro parody of Barack Obama and this ditty is also sung to the tune of 'Puff the Magic Dragon.'No, I'll not record it for you because you really don't want to hear me sing and Lim can only
More About: White , Sing

Political Poems: 2008 into 2009
2009-01-02 21:14:00
Princess Grace is telling it like it was - 2008 , that is. So with the passing of 2008, A Kitten from Bushie might do passably well to represent the Bush madness that 2008 pushed upon everyone as the Bush term grinds to a halt.And I do mean, grinds.But what for a new 2009-esque rhyme?Voila! Say no more! Because Mr.A.Cat, our illustrious if unseen hero in the former-agent-in-service-to-our-nation
More About: Political , Poems

Winter Solstice 2008 caught in cat's rhyme
2008-12-21 18:37:00
Here's a photo of Topaz on a dark night, yet sometimes it's Lim who takes claw in paw and scratches a rhyme into his litter box for blog-posting: With Winter Solstice here at last we marvel how a year has passed it seems like only yesterday two-thousand-seven was in play but now 2008 's short day gives up its secrets in the way a champagne glass and party horn mark Sun at zero Capricorn. -Lim
More About: Caught , Winter Solstice

A cat's advice on the US economy
2008-12-15 19:57:00
Sometimes the poems here at Lim's Limericks are not in limerick form, and are not contributed by Mr.A.Cat at all.Occasionally Lim gets into the act, and since we discussed the tanking US economy last evening over dinner, Lim decided to scratch a small poem of advice into his litter box this morning which, he says, is meant for human beings who hold the purse strings:The power of the paw is like the power of the purseyou think you have it hardbut the others have it worsedon't limp around in pain witha thorn stuck in the bottomjust open up that piggybankand share 'em if ya got 'em.-Lim, aka Chef Lim 12.15.08~:~Thanks, Chef Lim, that's good advice from a cat who likes his chow and perks to keep on coming - don't be like a greedy bank - keep the moola flowing to help the economy and your neighbors! -jcPerhaps you'd like to see a specimen of what Chef Lim prepared for our din din last evening, a delicious Baked Ornate butterfish in Savory Seahorse Sauce!
More About: Economy , Advice

A Kitten Named Blago
2008-12-13 02:02:00
Here's Wiley up close and personal and ready for a new limerick to be posted. It came in a few minutes ago addressed to Lim who has passed it on to me for typing...You heard of a kitten named Blagowho muscled his way through Chicagowith phones that were tappedhis dreams were all zappedpassed over like villain Iago.Mr.A.Cat, Esq. 12.12.08~:~Good job, Mr.A. I didn't realize you'd ever read Shakespeare during your long lives, but it seems you have the stripes of a renaissance cat!jc, the typist
More About: Kitten

A Kitten Was Stopped at the Border
2008-11-18 18:41:00
Here you see Wiley looking rather suspicious and a bit tentative perhaps.But Lim isn't - he's insisting that I type for you a new limerick sent to him this morning by Mr.A. Cat, an agent formerly in service to our nation. Seems Mr.A. has been very concerned about the world's current economic crisis and how it's being used as cover for misdeeds and as an opportunity to establish certain long-range goals by Some People:A kitten was stopped at the borderwhile running from Bush's world orderso whaddaya know?they took all his doughaccused him of being a hoarder.Mr.A.Cat, Esq. 11.18.08
More About: Kitten

See the Poor Republicans ~ a poem
2008-11-12 02:43:00
Shhh! Grace is still recuperating from last week's election madness. Like TV's Craig Ferguson, she had a bad case of Election Fever which turned into a vicious case of Election Infection. A few extra hours of shut-eye should put her to rights!Meanwhile, Lim just rushed into the room with a communique from Mr.A.Cat - a poem. Unusual, since Mr.A. seldom abandons limerick form, but here it is...I promised it would be typed up for you before the evening passed away...See the poor Republicans sulking in a pileguess they won't be ruling much maybe for a whilegrabbing headlines with a whine smearing while they pouteight years' worth of sorriness gave them quite a rout.With Obama on the case middle class may gainU.S.A. fed up to here GOP shall waneDems will guide the ship for now we'll see how it goesone thing different from oh-one th' emperor has clothes.Mr.A.Cat, Esq. 11.11.08
More About: Poem , Poor

2008 campaign flakes out little kittens
2008-11-01 22:21:00
Innocent little kittens everywhere are simply flaked out, wumped out - however you want to call it - by the long-drawn-out campaign for US president with its innuendos, dirty tricks, and lies.So what's a kitten to do but try to catch up with some zzz-z-z-z-z-zs before Tuesday night's election coverage begins, coverage which is sure to be a political marathon of flying fur?All the political cats and kitties here will be glued to the TV set (and monitoring NPR's coverage as well) so we've resting up today in preparation, as you see.We only hope America knows the new president's name by November 5 or there will be great tufts of fur flying across the land.Rrraowrrr-r-r!
More About: Campaign , Kittens , Flakes , 2008

Wheels off but gritty McCain still in race
2008-11-01 22:07:00
You know how cats hate to embarrass themselves...like when they miscalculate a jump onto a table, hit the floor, then walk away as if they meant to do that?Well, Lim has found the FailBlog where all images are user-submitted. The furry feline can't seem to get enough of snarking at human failures as documented by these amusing photos and videos!The above photo could represent the wheels off the McCain campaign, but the GOP is nuthin' if not well-versed at pulling out a rabbitty win from a loser's top hat. Lim says they've come too far and done too much to give up now, but I hope he's wrong...after the last 8 years, they need to give up and start all over again.~:~Except for Arizona and Hawaii, don't forget to set your clocks back an hour, thus turning 2:00 am into 1:00 am as the US returns to Eastern Standard time. note: am trying to reduce the size of the above photo but so far no luck...when more blog posts are added the image should move down where there's more space bu...
More About: Race , Wheels

vote for a kitten or two
2008-10-23 19:50:00
No, this isn't a voting booth but don't tell Gracie Kitty!Mr.A. Cat phoned Lim a few minutes ago all concerned about the November 4 elections here in the US. So here's the rhyme he passed on for me to type for you:We vote for a kitten or twowho'll do what is said they will dobut rhetoric grandis left on the standand buyers' remorse isn't new.Mr.A. Cat, Esq.~:~Ah yes, ye olde buyers' remorse - a distinct possibility once again, as Mr.A. notes. And who in their right minds would willingly take on 8 years' worth of Republican mess and fraud? The complicit? Makes me think they know something we don't know...like: anything in Politics that happens was meant to happen. And all the chaos we're seeing now - with more to come - is part of someone's larger plan. Argghhh from me, Rrraorrrww-w-w from Lim.
More About: Vote , Kitten

Are You Petrified?
2008-10-11 22:24:00
Do propagandistic fearmongers have you petrified? Are you living on the Edge of Petrified Forest?For today, Lim the kittycat has turned over this blog to its typist (me) and the muse of existential poetry has landed upon my brow...title: Are You Petrified?Are your stock shares wacked?golden coins unstacked?is your love unshacked?and your fractals fracked?Then turn down the fearplease ignore the smeerdear headlighted deeryou be now be here.-jude cowell 10.11.08~:~drawing by jude cowell 2008: Edge of Petrified Forest from the Secret Moon Art Gallery.

A Kitten from Keating
2008-10-09 23:47:00
Here you see a snapshot of the lovely Princess Grace looking more hungry for chow than for one of Mr.A. Cat's political limericks. Too bad for a pretty kitty!Perhaps Grace can find supper ideas at Dreamyfish Art if she's feeling impatient for a meal...until then Mr.A. has a brief rhyme to share with all you cats and kitties:You heard of a kitten from KeatingMcCain hunkered down in a meetingwhen bank loans and moneybegin to look funnya smart politician turns fleeting.Mr.A. Cat, Esq.
More About: Kitten

Cat angry at Wall St writes limerick
2008-10-05 01:20:00
As you see in the photo, grumpy Topaz smells something stinky wafting from Wall Street.Meanwhile, the elusive Mr.A. Cat has sent a new limerick he tossed hastily together, writes he, yet I am to pass it on to you forthwith because the pulse of the ongoing financial crisis has Mr.A.'s paw upon it:A kitten was bailed out of hockwhile bankers stayed out of the dockyet truth isn't toldwho pilfered our goldand traded for insider stock.-Mr.A.Cat, Esq.~:~will the financial and political evil-doers ever be brought to justice? Mr.A.Cat doesn't think so, do you?
More About: Angry

A Kitten Was Lost at the Fed
2008-09-21 04:35:00
Topaz shows baby Wiley how to investigate! And that's not the only investigation this post is about...Mr.A.Cat has sent a new rhyme which I shall type for you in a moment, but first, here's a link Mr.A. sent along concerning the ongoing financial crisis that's infecting the globe, but which seems to be based here in America.The Shrinking Influence of the US Federal Reserve gives a wider perspective on the 'general investigation' which the International Monetary Fund (IMF) will be visiting upon US balance sheets and Ben Bernanke, chairman of the US Fed. Which set of books they'll probe is for them to know and for us to find out.They say that no Fed chief in US history has been forced to succumb to such an investigation, which the article calls a humiliating x-ray for Chairman Bernanke. (Personally, I think they're in cahoots but I'll play along for now until more comes out.)Looking at the Sabian Symbols for An X-Ray, we see that this word picture is for '25 Scorpio' yet i...
More About: Lost , Kitten

Fluffiest Kitten from Palin
2008-09-04 03:52:00
Collage Americana, by yours truly, an image which may or may not go well with a new limerick Mr.A.Cat phoned in a while ago and asked me to type for you.~:~~:~~:~That fluffiest kitten from Palinin contests will seldom be failin'a boost from The Topwith all that she's gotwill send her VP hopes a-sailin'.~:~Mr.A.Cat (from an undisclosed location)
More About: Kitten

That Kitten of Biden
2008-08-24 10:21:00
As you see, Sir Wiley of Wiles Earl of Ashen Coat isn't happy with his new haircut, but who would be? I mean, LOOK at it! Topiaries are running and hiding all over the neighborhood, poor boy.Whether his droopy eyed critique has anything to do with this weekend's VP pick of Joe Biden by prez bidder Barack Obama, is quite unclear. Yet Sir Wiles was gratified to find a message left for him by Mr.A.Cat who, from an undisclosed location, seems to be following political events such as the Springfield, IL reach-around of the Dem White House hopefuls. Mr.A. even left a brief limerick with publishing intructions for the typist so I hereby pass it on for your consideration:You heard from that kitten of Bidenwhose goals now upon you are ridin'he handles a mikelike Lance on a bikewhile hoping McCain's cred is slidin'.Mr.A.Cat with a little help from his friends
More About: Kitten

Prez Election Rhyme 2008
2008-08-13 06:21:00
Rrraowrrr-r-r!! Prez candidates are scuffling and it's almost November election time in the US but Mr. A.Cat is nowhere to be found for limericking purposes, so I have reluctantly taken rhymery duties into my own paws:Old cat young kitten in the gameone hopeful progress one McSamea new world order they would tamewith bully pulpit all aflameLike polished fur or gristled coat?November comes both want your votethrough beam of eye each spies the mote while spewing propaganda's roteFor nineteen-ninety-nine's alarma sun eclipse of Nostradameforetold our strife through war and bombenforced by despots' cool aplombSo let the cat and kitten scraptill one shall curl in history's lapthe fur will fly across the mapa wonder how we take this crap.jc 8.13.08 12:30 am edt (Okay, I'll apologize later - not!)
More About: Election , 2008

Cat from Beijing
2008-08-08 19:14:00
Is 'Roll-About' an official Olympic sport, by any chance?Guess not. But don't tell our former colleague, Small Man in a Cat Suit, seen here in training for Beijing ! A Turkish Van to Beijing - how cosmopolitan is that?Well, even the super-American Mr.A.Cat has joined in by phoning Lim today to celebrate China's five thousand years of culture with this small verse on the festivities now happening in Beijing, China:You've heard of the Cat from Beijingwhose poll numbers took a great swinghe hosted the Gamedissenters to tameconsulting the ancient I Ching!Mr. A.Cat, as typed by jude cowell 8.08.08
More About: Olympics

An Elegant Kitten Barack
2008-07-28 00:21:00
Here's a wumped out Gracie, tired of waiting for Mr. A.Cat!Even Lim and I were beginning to despair of hearing a meow from him, but today Mr. A. Cat, an agent formerly in service to our nation, managed to get through the din from his secret undisclosed location (not with Dick Cheney) and sent along a new rhyme based, no doubt, on Barack Obama 's recent overseas tour, where he practiced looking presidential and classy while chumming up to all the world leaders he could schedule photo-ops with. Touche!An elegant kitten Barackflew overseas McCain to mockwhen John made a squeakObama's critiqueit's time for a hopeful epoc.Mr. A.Cat, as typed and published by jude cowell 7.27.08
More About: Kitten , Elegant

Philosophical Jokes of Ambiguity
2008-07-15 21:58:00
From Lim's Inbox , this came in and my philosophical cat thought you deserved a giggle:FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY: 1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS. 2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR..... 3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION. 4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES? (Some were given a choice?) 5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE. 6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS? 7. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP? 8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION? 9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM? 10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?" 11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHE N YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT? 12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY G...
More About: Jokes , Philosophical

Rove a no-show, poem penned
2008-07-11 17:09:00
In hot July no Karl Rove showed up to share his treasure troveinhabiting a crumpled suithe knows just where they hid the lootA gang of robbers hiding outin plainest sight if caught will poutwhile victims writhe in power's handno gratitude at their commandLed by the ones who scam the dupedAmerica all bowed and stoopedit took bald lies to bring her downand undermine her starry crownA little fraud a pinch of graftshe quakes in meltdown's aftermathher ideal Dream for which she strovetucked up the *s* of Karl Rove.jc 7.10.08
More About: Show , Poem

Prez Cat takes Montana!
2008-06-04 15:41:00
Here's Lim at the pc not doing much work (as usual!)The good news is that yesterday's good news of the ending of the Dem primary race has spurred a rhyme sent to my doorstep by Special Messenger from the illustrious and secretive Mr.A.Cat himself!A Prez Cat has taken Montana no Rosanna Rosannadannayet thrilling the throngbefore very longannointing his second banana.*Mr.A.Cat 6.4.08 (as typed by jude cowell)

Prez Campaign Rag
2008-05-22 00:00:00
Photo is of Wiley all stretched out and bored with politics--plus, it's been since April 18 that I typed out silly rhymery here at Lim's Limericks, but not from lack of trying--tech gremlins have been at play here on Turtle Lane more often than is seemly to cat or man. For now they have abaited, so I hope this state of affairs will continue so that we--Lim and I--may honor Mr.A.Cat, our muse
More About: Campaign , Prez

Mr. A.Cat appreciates Cat Art!
2008-04-18 23:40:00
It's only a rumor that Mr. A. Cat, former agent in service to our nation, is now back in the US of A from his secret mission abroad. All Lim and I know for sure is that Mr. A sent us a link today showing an art image he's particularly fond of and I can see why. The image, by kat79, is published on the Amateur Illustrator website...check it out for yourself:

Britain Repossessing America
2008-03-27 00:11:00
Lim received this email alert in his Inbox today--it is of some import, and given the doltheads in the White House, it's quite understandable... Britain is Repossessing the U.S.A. A Message from John Cleese To the citizens of the United States of America : In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give

Kitten from Bluster
2008-03-19 01:39:00
After running across one of the titles of a limerick here in Lim's Limerick collection, the lim fairy lighted scathingly upon my brow and induced a new attempt at Kitten from Bluster in honor of politicians everywhere and of the endless prez campaign we are now slogging through in the US (as if ours aren't rigged, too): There once was a Kitten from Bluster who told all the lies he could muster

Parsimonious Pland on Capitol Hill
2008-03-17 01:20:00
Deserted by Lim for the weekend, this is the poetically incorrect result...let's hope the kitty cat comes back soon before the bad poetry muse moves in for good: When Parsimonious came to town the politicians gathered round they'd never heard a meaner sound than Parsimonious Pland For as old Parsy took his place no smile of greed lit up on his face you could not find a single trace on
More About: Hill , Capitol Hill , Capitol