The World as it should be The World as it should be The news as it happens, before it happens or perhaps as it should have happened. Articles
Dolphins suffer from PMT too
2007-09-27 14:21:00 Marine Biologists at the world famous Ben Nevis Sea Life Centre have announced startling new research that indicates that dolphins suffer from Pre-Menstrual Tension just as much as humans. "We have analysed the behaviour of marine mammals including our dolphins for some time, however the breakthrough came with translation of their complicated clicks and whistles," explained Dr Phillippa Billingsworth at the launch of the study, entitled 'I'm Tense and Porpoise'. The study found that the intelligent marine mammals exhibited heightened tension and irritability that was synchronised to the... [Visit website for more] More About: Dolphins
Madeleine's child saving account found at Northern Rock
2007-09-25 15:30:00 An exclusive story in today's Daily Express and The Mirror newspapers has revealed speculation of the shocking details of Madeleine McCann's savings which have finally been located in an account with troubled bank, Northern Rock . The Daily Mail and Daily Star, which also exclusively carrying the story, agree that unnamed sources indicate the money, deposited by her parents, is held in a Select 120 account. ?It is a great relief to all of us in the media that this account has been found,? said Business Journalist Peston Billingsworth, whose exclusive opinion piece appears in both The Sun and... [Visit website for more] More About: Child , Saving , Account
Pope's message played backwards reveals ?confessional song lyrics?
2007-09-22 00:51:00 Scientist's at the Jeremy Kyle Institute for behavioural research have published startling findings into analysis of Pope Benedict XVI?s Easter blessing. The traditional papal message, given from the balcony of St Peter's Basilica in the Vatican was broadcast to over a hundred countries and an estimated 4 billion people. Researchers have found what they believe are secret messages encoded in the blessing using the technique known as ?backmasking?. This technique is said to be the intentional placement of messages that can only be revealed by playing the recording backwards and sometimes at a... [Visit website for more] More About: Lyrics , Song , Message , Song lyrics , Confessional
Football chiefs plan new remembrance packages
2007-09-16 22:07:00 Marketing executives from Premier League and Championship football clubs are finalising plans to launch new remembrance packages for those families that suffer the tragedy of losing a young member. An inside source said that the clubs are keen to maximise their exposure in all markets and that tragic events that get worldwide news coverage are a rich source of exposure for both club merchandise and shirt sponsors. ?Foot ball is trying to modernise, to increase its appeal with the media and with families and, like many sports, is keen to ensure it gets maximum exposure for its brand and the... [Visit website for more] More About: Remembrance , Plan , Chiefs
Shopping Mall provides warning lights for customers
2007-09-14 02:58:00 Management at the huge Bluewater centre in Kent today unveiled a new system of personal warning lights for shoppers that the mall management hopes will aid safety and enjoyment whilst shopping. "We are constantly striving to improve the experience here at Bluewater and we think that this innovation will help our customers get the most out of the time, and money, they spend here," said Anita Billingsworth, Head of Concierge services. The new devices are a series of clip on warning lights that mimic the behaviour of the indicator and brake lights on motor vehicles. "Every year we survey our... [Visit website for more] More About: Shopping , Customers , Warning , Mall , Lights
World's heaviest bulimia sufferer dies
2007-09-12 00:22:00 Friends and family were today mourning the death of Tracey Billingsworth, who died yesterday at the age of 38. Tracey, from Thurrock in Essex, held the title of the World's largest sufferer of bulimia - an eating disorder whereby the suffer causes themselves to vomit. She was such a big person, in every way,? said her mother, Sharon. ?She suffered terribly with her eating disorder, but she never let it get her down, or stop her doing what she wanted to do. She would just bounce from one episode to the next.? Tracey had suffered from weight problems since she was a small girl. Indeed her... [Visit website for more] More About: Bulimia , Dies
Late surge in British news media holiday bookings for the Algarve
2007-09-08 02:03:00 There has been a late surge in bookings by Britons seeking to extend their summer. Planes filled with ordinary working people from the BBC, Sky News and the nation's tabloid newspapers have headed off to try and grab a few extra days of sun-soaked reporting in Portugal. ?The last chance I had for a break in the sun was in May. We stayed for as long as we could afford, but we are just normal journalists, and we had to go back to the day job - writing about celebrity drug problems and David Cameron's hair,? said Mary Billingsworth of Sky News. Increasingly as their standard of living... [Visit website for more] More About: Media , Holiday , British , Surge
Heather Mills McCartney is dead!
2007-09-05 04:04:00 Rumours are circulating via the Internet that estranged wife of Sir Paul McCartney, Heath er Mills has actually died and been replaced with a double. The rumours say that recent news reports contain coded messages hinting at the truth. The clues are apparently revealed using acrostic techniques such as selecting every 3rd letter of allegations in The Sun newspaper and reading the Take-a-Break crossword clues backwards. "As more and more evidence comes to light we are building up a better picture of what really happened to Heather Mills and the true identity of her replacement," said Geraldine... [Visit website for more] More About: Dead
The tenth anniversary of the tragic death of a controversial figure
2007-08-31 02:44:00 Today, to mark the tenth anniversary of the tragic deaths of 31st August 1997, a series of commemorative events will be held across the world as people from all walks of life remember a lonely figure, chased by paparazzi in the seconds before death. One of the key events will be a candlelit vigil at the Pont d?Alma tunnel in Paris, the site of the car accident that claimed the life of someone who in death has become even more famous and controversial than in life. In Paris and London special services will be held to mark the passing of Henri Paul. Mr. Paul, whose death sparked an extended... [Visit website for more] More About: Anniversary , Tragic , Controversial , Death , Figure
Inmates complain of poor Prison Service
2007-08-30 02:04:00 The effects of the lightening strike called yesterday by the Prison Officers? Association has tainted the image of the Prison Service with the strike's effect on many of its most loyal customers. ?It really wasn?t what I had come to expect from the Prison Service,? said Tony ?The Spanner?, a regular resident who has had several stays at Her Majesty?s pleasure over the last two decades. ?When I arranged my stay, by assaulting and robbing a shopkeeper, I expected that I would be catered for by experienced and professional staff,? said Tony. ?However today, with this strike action, the Prison... [Visit website for more] More About: Poor , Home Office
Scientists disappointed by reaction to latest planetary discovery.
2007-08-26 14:13:00 It has been revealed that the astronomical community has become dismayed at the level of coverage it is receiving in the mainstream media and highlights the dearth of coverage surrounding the latest breakthroughs in imaging the planet Uranus. ?Frankly we expected at least the Daily Star and The Sun to lead with some sort of pun regarding 'Rings around Uranus'? explained Professor J. Scott Billingsworth. ?Really it was quite disappointing. We made the discoveries in January, but held the announcement over to the quiet summer 'Silly Season' especially for the tabloids, but there wasn't even a... [Visit website for more] More About: Discovery , Scientists , Discover , Disc , Anet
?Fit and Fat? campaign launched
2007-08-23 13:39:00 Campaigners who are fed up with what they say is constant negative stereo-typing of the overweight have launched a new on-line campaign to publicise their claim that being a 'person of size' and physically active are not mutually exclusive. "For too long people of size have been told by the conspiracy of so-called 'Doctors', 'fitness instructors' and the paramedics and firemen - that assist us when we pass out in shopping centres or get stuck in escalators - that our weight is a problem," said Michaela Billingsworth. "That is why we have launched 'Fit and Fat? to spread the truth, that we... [Visit website for more] More About: Campaign , Launched
Apple announces the ?all new? iGimmick
2007-08-21 00:01:00 Chief Executive Steve Jobs today announced the latest in Apple 's range of consumer products. The product itself has typically been shrouded in some secrecy, although industry watchers had been following rumours circulating on the internet that company executives have found it difficult to cope after the climax of their iPhone hype. ?Our company, with its proud track record of producing the technological equivalent of old wine in new bottles, can now reveal the latest in technological marketing,? said Mr Jobs. ?With our latest product we hope to push the envelope of gadget hype with the... [Visit website for more] More About: Anno
Racist ?overwhelmed by all the alternatives?
2007-08-19 00:18:00 A long serving member of the British National Party has declared that he is now confused as to the plethora of choices on offer for his hate and how the changes in society mean that he isn't sure who is 'like us' and who isn't. ?When I was growing up, in the 1920s and 30s, it was fairly straightforward,? said Archie Billingsworth, 86. ?I worry about the younger members as nowadays it is much more confusing as to who are the acceptable immigrants. I am too old to hate everyone.? The pre-war years saw Britain as a nearly homogeneous society. The slums, tenements and desperate working... [Visit website for more] More About: Alternatives , Racist , The A , Overwhelmed , Alter
Hillary Clinton in Penis Scandal
2007-08-16 14:23:00 A storm has broken over the campaign of Hillary Clinton for US President when it emerged last night that Mrs Clinton does not have a penis. A college friend who is now working for the Republican Party revealed the shocking news. "A group of us were on a hiking trip back in ?68 and we were up in the hills chatting " explained Kurt Billingsworthski. "Hillary joked that it is OK for us guys to get ?caught short?, we can stand behind a tree, but you know squatting in long grass isn?t fun if you're not sure what is in there." Mr Billingsworthski had largely forgotten about the whole incident,... [Visit website for more] More About: Scandal , Penis
Nation's last ?left lane? driver retires his Hillman Imp
2007-08-15 02:23:00 The last driver known to conform to good lane discipline on Britain?s motorways today announced, on his 75th birthday, that he was to hang up his driving gloves. "I have been driving for over 55 years and recently have happily travelled everywhere in my little 1966 Mk II British Racing Green Hillman Imp," said Harry Woods, speaking to BBC Radio. "However the time has come for me to call it a day. I am not as young as I was." The news was greeted with mixed reactions as a great many people lamented the inevitability of the human condition and car enthusiasts mourned one less roadworthy... [Visit website for more] More About: Driver , Lane , Left , Tires , Tire
God condemned by senior figures
2007-08-12 13:32:00 An open letter condemning God for the mysterious manner of His behaviour and the impact it is having on the reputations of senior community members was published today in several notable newspapers, including the London Chronicle and the New York Herald and was notable in being signed by authority figures from religion and popular culture. ?We felt that we had to express our disappointment at the lack of action that He is taking in terms of the behaviour of His followers,? explained Father Chris Mass, the group's spokesman. ?It's all very well maintaining an air of mystery but we feel that... [Visit website for more] More About: Senior , Figures , Conde , Condemned , Figure
Teenager discovers headphones
2007-08-07 16:02:00 Tyler Billingsworth, 14, is now a local celebrity in the Stoke Bishop area of Bristol after making a chance discovery that has improved the journeys of everyone heading into and out of the city centre. "The 1 and 54 bus routes are much more pleasant now since he showed his discovery to his friends," said Ada Fraser, 73, of Blackboy Hill "Although they still spend all day walking around in what looks like their pyjamas." It was at the end of term and Tyler was on a school trip to the Science Museum in London when he noticed something interesting in a display of the changes in consumer goods... [Visit website for more] More About: Headphones , Teenager , Teenage , Discover , Disc
Printing to be outlawed in public places
2007-08-03 02:49:00 The government?s moves to ban printing in public places, following the revelations that the small particles of toner that are emitted can do damage to the lungs similar to that caused by smoking, has met fierce criticism from civil liberties groups and the National Union of Secretaries. "I have been using laser printers dozens of times a day for nearly 20 years now," said Gregory Billingsworth an accountant at a large city brokerage house. "I need a good printed spreadsheet with my coffee to kick start the morning. As the day goes on there is nothing better to relieve the stress than to... [Visit website for more] More About: Public , Places , Printing , Lace
Brown reveals plans for Duchess of York Commemoration
2007-07-29 15:39:00 As the tenth anniversary of Tony Blair?s coining of the immortal phrase "People?s Princess" approaches Gordon Brown today revealed further plans to follow in his predecessor?s footsteps. "Tony Blair made great capital out of the statement he gave after the apparent death of Diana," said the Prime Minister. "I plan to improve my popularity in the UK and internationally, especially in the United States, by invoking similar platitudinal sentimentality regarding the death of the Divvie?s Duchess." As with many leading figures the arrangements for the funeral and commemoration of Sarah Ferguson... [Visit website for more] More About: York , Plans , Mora , Commemoration
UK?s most evil man named
2007-07-26 19:23:00 Herbert Billingsworth of Wakefield, West Yorkshire, has been named as the UK?s most evil man and the country?s entrant into the ?Evil Eight? competition. The competition aims to identify a modern ?Hall of shame? for the most diabolical people in history and is the brainchild of controversial behavioural scientist Professor J. Scott Billingsworth (no relation). "I was inspired by the New Seven Wonders campaign and decided that we needed to update the traditional Rogue?s Gallery," explained Professor Billingsworth. "We need to get rid of the Genghis Khans and King Herods and bring the whole... [Visit website for more]
Open Winner ??get in the hole? won it for me?
2007-07-22 23:02:00 Padraig Harrington has revealed that it was the motivation of the crowd that helped him to a playoff victory over Spain?s Sergio Garcia. "The fans have been fantastic with their constant support," said The Open Champion. "When you are standing over a quarter of a mile away from the green you need a few people to yell ?Get in the hole!? to make sure that your ball goes as far as possible. The years of endless practice don?t amount to anything in such a pressure situation. It?s the crowd yelling that counts." Whilst many commentators and television viewers assume that this constant and... [Visit website for more] More About: Winner , Hole , The Hole
Bush has colonoscopy to end Blair special relationship
2007-07-21 20:38:00 George W. Bush today underwent a minor medical procedure to ensure all traces of Tony Blair have been removed from the President?s colon. "The President was advised by his doctors several years ago that he should have a check-up to ensure that when Mr Blair left his office, as Prime Minister, there were no cancerous traces in Mr Bush?s colon," explained White House spokesman Scott Billingsworthski. Following the 11th September terrorist attacks on the US, Tony Blair insinuated himself deeply into the President?s inner circle. It was the depth of this special relationship that raised concerns... [Visit website for more] More About: Relationship , Special , Ship
Acrostic messages make controversial return
2007-07-20 17:57:00 Controversy reigns in the world of online advertising as increasing number of websites are using subliminal or even guerrilla tactics to maximise their advertising revenue. Luke Billingsworth, a writer for a technology blog, said that the terms of service of programmes such as Google?s Adsense prevent webmasters from making direct pleas to their visitors to click on such advertising. "I would love to be able to say to my readers ?If you like the story click on our sponsors and help this site? but I just can?t do it," explained Mr Billingsworth. "The web community, however, won?t be held... [Visit website for more] More About: Controversial , Messages , Make , Return , Turn
Court orders plumber to pay housewife
2007-07-18 21:50:00 Teesside Magistrates court has ordered AA Aardvark plumbing to pay an invoice served on them by Mrs Gina Hastings. The plumbing firm had initially refused to pay the invoice on the grounds that "it doesn?t work like that". "Well I had to take it to court as they simply refused to pay for my services," explained Mrs Hastings from the courthouse steps. "I provided them with a great deal of service over the two days they were installing my new boiler, services that they should pay for." The dispute arose after Mrs Hastings hired AA Aardvark to install a new condensing boiler and water tank.... [Visit website for more] More About: Order , Court , Orders , Plum , Ouse
Woman admits she did not save any money in the sales
2007-07-17 11:57:00 Amy Billingsworth today admitted that she may never have actually saved any money in a clothing sale. "For years I have done as much shopping as possible in the sales and you know if it was a 50% saving I assumed I was saving 50%, - but recently my five year old son came shopping with me and he is good with numbers". Toby Billingsworth had been helping his mum work out how much money she was saving in the sales on a recent trip to the Bluewater shopping centre in Kent. When after 6 hours Toby struggled and blurted out "it's less than zero" Amy realised something may be wrong. "I have been... [Visit website for more] More About: Money , Sales , Woman , Save
Children claim truancy is ?work / life balance?
2007-07-14 21:52:00 A group representing schoolchildren today said it was unfair that those skipping school were branded as truants when in fact they were just supporting the wider efforts within society to have a more fulfilling life by controlling how much they work. "I don?t like go school much ?cos it?s like totally like stressful," said Jake, 15. "I go sometimes like when the council makes us like. But it?s like so boring that it like stresses me out about homework and exams. It should be more flexible like so we can like choose our own hours and stuff." Several schoolchildren have petitioned their local... [Visit website for more] More About: Life , Children , Work , Balance , Lance
Flood victims speak of their loss
2007-07-11 23:04:00 Residents of Yorkshire and Lincolnshire have been complaining to the media that their tragedy is being forgotten and that the government is simply not doing enough to help their plight. "It is terrible," said Janice Billingsworth from Hull. "People don?t seem to understand the nightmare we are facing. Carpets, furniture, wallpaper, all ruined. It?s a total tragedy." Those in the flooded areas said that they just did not expect to experience such total devastation to the contents of their cupboard under the stairs in twenty-first century Britain. "It is ok for the people of Bangladesh. The... [Visit website for more] More About: Loss , Speak , Peak , Victims , Victim
Vauxhall unveil new Formula 1 challenger
2007-07-09 21:03:00 In amongst all the commotion surrounding Lewis Hamilton at the British Grand Prix this weekend, one of the most anticipated announcements of the past few years was finally made when General Motors revealed its intention to enter the Formula 1 championship for the 2008 season. "There has been a lot of speculation as to when GM, as one of the largest car manufacturers in the world, would enter Formula 1 ," said Dermot Billingsworth, Marketing Director of Vauxhall motors speaking at the Silverstone launch. "The time is now right." General Motors said that it feels its Vauxhall Nova brand fits... [Visit website for more] More About: Allen , Veil
Government calls for increased Loyalty Card usage to combat terrorism
More articles from this author:2007-07-05 21:10:00 The new Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, today urged Britain to increase its usage of shop loyalty cards and urged retailers who do not have the programmes to introduce them. Ms Smith?s statement comes in the wake of revelations that the Glasgow bombers acquired their supplies from the do-it-yourself specialist B&Q. "We would have been able to detect the preparations for the bombing attempts in London and Glasgow if we had more access to people?s shopping habits," she said in a statement to the House of Commons. "If B&Q had a loyalty card then this data would greatly enhance our... [Visit website for more] More About: Terrorism , Government , Card , Calls , Combat 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
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