The Web Pen Blog The Web Pen Blog A humorous blog by an improv comedian who is trying to script things that are made up. Get yourself a sardonic pop-culture hug. Articles
Mr. Fabulous Blog Radio Show
2007-12-07 21:38:00 I almost forgot that I’m going to be Mr. Fabulous’ co-host this Sunday on his radio show! How could I possibly forget that? Let me count the ways: Been dealing with a bout of food poisoning all week. Worried about getting out of work in time tonight to go see The Golden Compass with Cameron. Going to see Aimee Mann’s 2nd Annual Christmas Show with fellow Monkey, Larry, tomorrow night. Meeting a guy about his idea for a rock musical as a favor to a friend Sunday morning. Have a holiday open house at another Monkey’s place — Mateo this time — Sunday afternoon. Then going over to Larry’s for his holiday party. THEN I get to cap my evening by spending an hour with the fabulousness of Mr. Fab. The show starts at 7:00pm EST (5:00pm MST) on Sunday. You can tune in here. Sorry about there being no Roundup, but I haven’t read much this week. Listening to: “Alone” - Heart More About: Radio , Blog
Clue?mo
2007-12-06 08:00:00 The Nook. It sounds like the gayest part of the house — and it probably is. Once in the middle of a conversation about words like ‘nook’, I made some bad joke about Miss Scarlet with the candle stick in the Nook and realized that there needed to be a gay version of the popular board game Clue (or Cluedo outside North America). I’d like to call it: Clue’mo - The Drag Queen Edition. The setup is easy. It seems that Mr. Haard Boddy has been murdered and the suspects are all old tricks of his. There are also six murder weapons and nine rooms to investigate. Don’t worry, nothing will happen to you here. Sex and murder are consensual in the Haard Boddy Mansion. Let us first meet the characters. You must deduce which of this bitchy queens did it: Sara Bellum - The librarian Boddy checked out while checking out. Ellie Phont - Boddy thought he’d try the bigger side of life. Polly Urathane - So fake you can see right through her. Also suffocating and...
Thought For The Day
2007-12-05 19:03:00 Is fiction a work of imagination or a history book of worlds yet unexplored? Thought created while sitting on the toilet after realizing I grabbed Book 3 of His Dark Materials instead of Book 2. Tomorrow’s post: Gay Clue. Listening to: “Fiery Crash” - Andrew Bird
Verve Awards Finalist? Again!
2007-12-04 08:00:00 What was it that Sally Fields said? Something about you liking me, you really liking me? Who’s the likable one now, Sally? Huh? Oh, yeah. Me. Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh. What I really am is honored to be dominated nominated for Best GLBT Humor Blog; however, what is truly flattering is the group I’m with. If you’re a regular reader, you know how much I love Puntabulous and Good-As-You, so to be with them is squeal-tastic. I found them both last year in this same category and have been a big fan since. Now there is a new blog in this list that I’m looking forward to getting to know: Shirley Heezgay, which reminds me I need to add it to my feed reader. Thanks for reminding me! You’re welcome. Here’s how I voted: Puntabulous for best humor, Good As Your for best news/political blog and Shirley for best Canadian blog. This gives everyone a vote! Uhhhh.. except me. *sniff* No… don’t worry. Just go on without me… Actually, I would like to e... More About: Awards , Verve
Corduroy
2007-12-03 08:00:00 In which Howard comes across as totally materialistic… Nope, not the fabric — although I do love the feel of it on my skin. So bumpy. So textury. So funny to see the imprint left on someone’s sleepy face. No, no, Cord uroy is my new 160GB iPod Classic. So sweet. So flashy. So slow. Well, my iMac is anyway. Since Apple foolishly decided to forgo Firewire support (you bet I’m bitter), I’m left with USB 1 since my Mac is six years old. Oy, but it’s taking a long time. I have close to 15,000 songs to transfer and, when all is said and done, 24 hours will have crawled by. As of this writing, there are still 3,000 left to go. But, oh, what fun will be had once it is done. I already bought a game and am thinking of buying Ratatouille just to say I have it on the iPod. The only thing I’m going to miss is the remote that I used for Eduardo that made adjusting volume and skipping songs on the fly so very convenient. Again, damn you, Apple! Oh, how I lo...
Roundup - Weeks of Nov 16 & 23
2007-11-30 08:00:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. Oops, missed a week. Hear me whine, oh humble reader! Nevermind, let’s get started… First up, religious scholars are actually discussing our lord, The Flying Spaghetti Monster. Craig over at Puntabulous has two things to celebrate: this hilarious debate with Bossy and the fact that his (fantasy) wife, Natalie Portman, supports him being able to marry some undisclosed future man. Well, damn it. Who is going to tell the girlz to rock their boyz and warn us about the dangers of mental health? Cartoon Network has started to air an anime called “Death Note” on [adult swim]. I’m enjoying it, but it certain has its over-the-top moments. The premise is a high school kid finds a notebook from a god of death and discovers he can kill people with it. It certainly didn’t take long for a real kid to copy it. (Yes, I’m awar... More About: Roundup , Weeks
Randomnessocitiation: Chicken Soup For The Pornographic Hole
2007-11-29 13:05:00 The post I was working on hasn’t coalesced into the shimmering veil of comedy that I thought yet so you get a random sampling of my brain instead. Besides who would want to try and follow-up the genius of Scott’s post from yesterday — obviously not me. Here are a few things that spilled forth from the seventh circle of my mouth: There is one more Chicken Soup book that would be interesting to see on the market: Chicken Soup for the Bondage Soul. The author would have finished it, but he keeps finding himself tied up. **RIM SHOT** QUOTE: “I’m a star that needs to be made.” Yes, there is an easy sexual innuendo in there. DEEP THOUGHT: No film that has the world ‘final’ in its title should ever have a sequel. OVERHEARD: “I think your reality checks are bouncing.” The human reaction that I most love to hate? “I can’t have everything, so I don’t want anything.” It happens all the time at the video store ... More About: Hole
Howard Is A NAGM
2007-11-28 08:00:00 Hey everyone! It’s Scott-O-Rama here. What am I doing here and why the hell don’t I go back to my own blog, you ask? Well quite a while back Howard and I made a bet. What the bet was for I can’t quite remember… I think it was "Who has the most back hair?" or possibly "Who has the smallest penis?" or something. Regardless, I lost the bet and now I have to write a blog post here on The Web Pen Blog as punishment. Now Howard thinks he’s soooo smart having me write on his blog. Well the joke’s on him because I’m going to let you in on a little secret of his… Howard is a homosexual. Wha- Wha- What?!?!? Your gasps of incredulity are ringing in my ears. How I can hear them all the way over here is a mystery, but they’re drowning out the normal voices in my head so stop with the gasping already! Don’t be alarmed. There is no need to panic. Contrary to popul...
Lazy Tuesday: Jarvis Cocker
2007-11-27 08:00:00 If you love British pop, you are denying yourself by not having a copy of Pulp’s former leader’s first solo album entitled simply — Jarvis. Like many people in the States, I didn’t catch on to Pulp until their fifth album, 1995’s Different Class, made waves of this side of the Atlantic. It was my favorite of that year and still one of my all-time most played. The band went on hiatus in 2002 with Jarvis saying that it was unlikely they would ever get back together again. I know — heard that before. In the meantime, Jarvis released his first solo album, Jarvis, this year. Since the Web Pen Album “Awards” are coming up, I’ll save the review for then; however, it is a smashing collection of music and — thankfully — includes the song at the end of the excellent Children Of Men called “Running The World” which is posted below. First though, is the first single from the album which was written for and recorded by... More About: Tuesday , Lazy
Humorous Irony
2007-11-26 17:10:00 Cameron and I saw a commercial for a video contest last night where people tell of a change of habit that could possibly spread across the globe and help our environment. The “Green Your Routine” contest is based on The 11th Hour documentary. Here is the commercial: Did you catch the irony? The person who wins gets two tickets on a fossil-fuel-burning jet so they can attend the Global Green Academy Awards. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for environmental change and everyone pitching in to help; however, I also love the delicious taste of irony and this one was almost as filling as Thanksgiving dinner. Speaking of which, you can see pictures of our Thanksgiving over at Kath’s blog. It was scrumptious. Listening to: “Sealion (Chromeo Remix)” - Feist More About: Irony , Humorous
Happy Thanksgiving & Blog Birthday 2007!
2007-11-21 17:18:00 Yes, I’ve been noticeably absent. Or at least one person has noticed. Spending all weekend putting together a 6th-anniversary comedy show is a lot of tiring work; however, it really paid off. We had an outstanding show and two wonderful guests who really made the evening flow as hosts. Forty-five people showed up even with a Broncos home game a few blocks down the road, so thank those of you who helped us celebrate. Yesterday, I worked both jobs, so there went 14 hours of my day, but I am thankful to have income coming in so I can help Cameron get the things he needs to cook up some delicious grub tomorrow. Kath and one of my best friends, Lorne, will be joining us and I’m thankful that we have a place for people to share the holiday. And oh-so-thankful for Cameron’s cooking (and Cameron himself — I don’t want to find a razor in my stuffing). If it’s even half as good as last year…. SQUEAL! Today it’s work and then a double date with f... More About: Thanksgiving , Blog , Happy , Birthday , Hank
Roundup - Week Of Nov 9
2007-11-16 15:54:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. I find it funny that I’m currently listening to “Welcome Back” by John Sebastian as I start this, so in honor of that let me greet you at the Roundup with “welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaaaack”. The most important news this week? The list of animated films submitted to the Academy has been posted. Yeah, my life is shallow today. We all know that Ratatouille is going to win, right? RIGHT? How gay is Rufus Wainwright? He recreated Judy Garland’s Carnegie Hall concert at Carnegie Hall. The recording is finally being released Dec 4th! I guess that begs the question of how gay I am for posted it. Speaking of gay, Hayes had a co-worker get drunk and write an entire flash game that plays as Super Mario through a rainbow prism. Yes! Drinking is the new productivity inducer. The funny thing is the friend doesn’... More About: Week
Double Fantasy II
2007-11-15 08:00:00 Heard of Imperial Teen? If so, you are so cool! They went on hiatus for a while as the four members lived their lives. Will Schwartz wanted to continue to make pop music, so he started his own band called Hey Willpower. Heard of them? If you are in the States and have, then you’re even cooler. Hey Willpower makes fun, dance pop and have done quite well for themselves in Europe. Why am I going on about them? Well, they made a complete DIY video for the single “Double Fantasy II” which was a spoof of the Lennon/Ono love-in. See? Double Fantasy TWO. Get it? Anyway, they gathered up their friends, took over a hotel and shot this video which is a “dance-in for peace”. The idea and the video make me giggle so I thought I’d share. The only other interesting story I have is I went to see Imperial Teen a number of years ago. Will and one of the female members were personing the merchandise booth from which I bought a t-shirt. Will told me I should put it o...
Hot Monkey Logo
2007-11-14 08:00:00 As promised, here is the new Monkey ’s Uncle logo. The hope here is that the logo will be so beautiful that you will drop to your knees begging me to take it down as the awesomeness is just too much to bear as it brings happiness upon sadness upon happiness which brings the world around you into the sharp contrast of sepia tone and throws you into such a fit of nostalgia that memories of your first childhood trip to Six Flags seem as if they are as hurtful as the girl who lived in the trailer next door throwing dirt in your eyes because you wouldn’t let her play with your dump truck that you just got for your birthday, the fuckin’ bitch. But being that it’s just a logo, you’ll probably go “That’s cool” and then move on with your life, you ingrate. This logo had its beginnings when I was putting together a flyer for our show with Rodents Of Unusual Size and I needed a cranky looking monkey. We all fell in love with it so it is now our n... More About: Logo
Lazy Tuesday: Drop The Pilot
2007-11-13 08:00:00 “Drop The Pilot ” was my first exposure to Joan Armatrading although I would find out later that I knew one of her songs when Sheena Easton redid “Love And Affection” for her Private Heaven album. The Key was Joan’s biggest album in the US and also includes another of my favorite of her songs, “(I Love It When You) Call Me Names”. I don’t know if it’s true, but I was told that this song is about her trying to steal a woman away from some guy — “Drop the pilot/Try my balloon”. Oh, yeah, that’s a hot lesbian pick-up line. Regardless, “Drop The Pilot” is a perfect pop song: catchy, intense, fun and exciting. Which is how I would describe her live shows as well. I saw her in ‘92 and she put on a great show. Listening to: “(I Love It When You) Call Me Names” - Joan Armatrading More About: Tuesday , Lazy
Cartoon Characters Say The Darnest Things X
2007-11-12 07:00:00 It’s been a long time since there has been a post in this series. Cartoon Network is having what I hope is a continuing new series of cross-over cartoons. The debut was a cross between “Codename: Kids Next Door” and “The Grim Adventures Of Billy And Mandy” called — of course — “The Grim Adventures Of The KND”. You can imagine how closely I came to spitting out my wine when Billy screamed this: Hey! Who’s shooting bones at my butt?! You know the writers are still laughing at slipping that one in. Listening to: “Danke Schoen” - Wayne Newton More About: Characters , Things , Char , Hara
Roundup - Week Of Nov 2
2007-11-09 16:16:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. Another busy week here. Besides pulling extra shifts at the video store and trying to catch up at the ‘real’ job after being out, I’m trying to plan Monkey’s Uncle 6th Year Anniversary Show. I developed a new logo and am now working with one of my best friends — who is a graphic artist — to make it just so perfect. I’ll proudly display it here next week, make no mistake. In the meantime, here’s some good stuff that I had a chance to catch this past week. First up, did you know you can get high off your own poopy, filth droppings? Nathan Exposed exposes in this expose. Okay, get this. Each planet creates natural radio waves, right? Yes, that’s right. Now you know. Anyway, Cassini recorded Saturn’s natural transmission and — guess what — space does sound like all those cheesy 50R... More About: Roundup , Week
Nothing Is Too Serious For A Joke
2007-11-08 17:59:00 Yesterday was my second fire warden training in three years. I’m happy to do it as the chance of a building fire is pretty darn low and I get a cool orange vest that makes me look like an inmate. The only difference in the training this time was the addition of video from the deadly fire of The Station nightclub in 2003 where 100 people lost their lives including the lead guitarist of Great White. The video did its job. Between the audio of people screaming and watching the place be consumed by fire in a little over 90 seconds, the mood of the class had gone from slightly amused impatience at having to be there to eerie silence. The firewoman teaching the class had warned us it was harrowing, but no one was really prepared it. She gave us a few facts about what had happened that night and then asked if we could think of anything that could have been done differently to have stopped this tragedy. After a few seconds of silence, I decided that it was time to ease the mood in the... More About: Joke
Lazy Tuesday - Raise The Roof
2007-11-06 07:00:00 After several months of owning it, I’m finally getting into Tracey Thorn’s newest solo album Out Of The Woods. (She’s the lead singer of Everything But The Girl.) As 80’s as it sounds, you’d think I would have been wearing leg warmers and flash danced to it. “Raise The Roof ” is the song that finally sucked me in with its bi-polar look at love and regret. The lyrics are advisory during the verses (”When you do/That thing you do/Love comes through/You raise the roof”) and heartbreakingly regretful in the choruses (”Why did I wait/Don’t tell me it’s too late”) making for a roller coaster of a song. The video is one of those rare occasions when the images perfectly match the tone of the song. Part of this is from the incredible performances of the two main actors who play painfully shy perfectly which is part of why I love the video so much. It reminds me of my favorite film of all time, Amelie. Shy people are... More About: Tuesday , Lazy
Roundup - Week Of Oct 27
2007-11-02 16:17:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. This will be short due to my illness this week. I just didn’t have the energy to read as much as I would normally. In fact, this summary is going to be short, too, because I’m at work and taking a short break to post it quickly. …stupid taking days off… Hot Doctor Wife has determined that Bug somehow got her feisty personality especially when talking to electronics. Holy crap, this kitty video was funny. Big Daddy has some news that made me smile. I don’t know care what your reasoning is — stay the fuck away from others’ time of mourning if you aren’t invited. In other words, the suit is well deserved. Here’s a short photo essay from Craig. It’s the ending that made me laugh the hardest this week. It’s short and sweet. Oh, one of the pictures may be NSFW. You know Not Smurf For Work. Li... More About: Roundup , Week
Web Pen Blog Radio
2007-10-31 15:32:00 Broadcasting now! I was a member of Live365 many years ago before this blog but after I started my own web site. Yeah, I don’t know either why it took me so long to jump on the blog bandwagon since The Web Pen has been around for close to eight years if not more. I was prompted to rejoin with the Jammie Thomas suit and friendly advice from Scott. As of tomorrow all posts in the music mixology category will have their flash players and download links removed; however, you will be able to hear them on Web Pen Blog Radio ! The cool thing about this is that I’ll be able to do live radio shows soon since they’ve developed a Mac version of their software while I was gone. This will be next year after the purchase of a new computer. In the meantime, if there is a mix that you want to hear in the category, I can easily put it in the playlist and start it for you. Just email me and I’ll email you back that it’s cue up if I’m at a computer (which is a lot of... More About: Adio
Sick Tuesday: Daft Hands
2007-10-30 15:51:00 At home feeling quite ill right now with some sort of flu-like something or another, so here’s two videos for your entertainment. Cameron turned me on to the Daft Hands series. They are especially fun if you’re a Daft Punk fan. Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger Technologic Listening to: “Heart Of Glass” - Blondie More About: Tuesday , Sick
The Foreign Films - Distant Star
2007-10-29 07:00:00 The Foreign Films Distant Star (self-released) CDBaby Once in a while, a first album comes along and just blows you away, so is the situation with Bill Majoros or — in his guise as — The Foreign Films. Distant Star is a massive debut in its intimacy and its length. Double albums are rare especially for an artist just starting out, but Majoros is taking his cue from artists abandoning the creaking music industry machine and has released his first album himself. And what an album. Distant Star is old-fashioned in its approach. It’s a pure pop album the way they used to be all the while still sounding modern. The music is eclectic, hook-ridden and simply wonderful. Most get sick of hear the term Beatlesque, but it is most appropriate here. He mixes elements of Ben Gibbard (Death Cab For Cutie, The Postal Service), Aimee Mann and Michael Penn with the psychedelic tinkering of early Sam Phillips and — you got it — the later Beatles. Yet with all these fami... More About: Reign
Roundup - Week Of Oct 20
2007-10-26 15:14:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. And here we are again. The Roundup it turns out has one good feature going for it. It indicates the weekend! Whooo… well, for those who only work Monday through Friday anyway. Let’s start off with Jestertunes’ Night Of Mystery. Nope, that’s all I’m sayin’. Don’t want to spoil nothin’. This is what love is, Lou Gramm. (And for those who don’t get that reference, Lou was the lead singer of Foreigner who had a big hit called “I Want To Love What Is” which was their only #1 song on the US charts. Huh, Foreigner number one on the US charts. Ironic!) Chris over at My 2 Cents posted this video that shows one bad side effect of pot smoking. Okay, I guess 99% would find it bad. Not that I’m judging (but secretly I am.) Speaking of pot, farmers are trying to get the government to take hemp ... More About: Week
The Gayest Corner In Denver (Conversations)
2007-10-25 15:03:00 Is it even hip and cool to start new series in a blog anymore? In case it isn’t, allow me to be retro-cool and start one. I’ve been working at a local video store for over 10 years now for two reasons: 1) it’s still fun most of the time & 2) Howard needs the caasssssh. I thought I had heard it all. Nope. Life seems to be filled with infinities and so I present you with things overheard at the corner of 9th & Downing. These are all things that people have said either walking past the door or sitting at the coffee shop’s tables out on the sidewalk. I lost 8 pounds due to stress. It’s the diet that takes its payment in years off your life. Not recommended. Mutherf*cker! My mouth is full of blood! I could only imagine that this guy was telling someone else’s story and I only heard a quote from a bar fight story. Or he was eating in the garden while the painters were visiting IF you know what I mean. Pretty soon, we’ll be able to read eac... More About: Corner , Denver , The G
Add Inches: Enlarge Your Smirk
2007-10-24 08:00:00 A glance through the old spam folder reveals that spammers are using humor more to get you to click on their products — none more so than the penis enlargement ones. I’ve laughed at everything from “You’ll be surprised at your new penis” to “Bigger penis won’t be on TV but in your shorts” to “I’m gagging on my boyfriend’s new big one”. We’re all going to get spam. There is no way around that, so I would like to offer up some subject lines for these spammers to keep their audience continually entertained: Stop your lover from saying “I’d rather play with the Wii in the living room” Give her a reason to ignore your crotch stank Value Pack! 20% More! 8″ Wonder Of The World! It puts the lotion on its penis. It does this without being told because it’s SO HUGE! 2 + 2 = a penis to please the most insatiable mathematician Erect your own Washington Monument It won’t cure your h... More About: Large
Lazy Tuesday: The Good Word
2007-10-23 08:00:00 And to think I could have done this if I just gone on a mission to convert more people to Mormonism. *sigh* Listening to: “Necessary Evil” - Deborah Harry More About: Word , Good , Tuesday , The Good , Lazy
A Typical Morning
2007-10-22 18:09:00 I paved the road to hell a little more this weekend. Today was the day I was going to reveal a review of a brand new band that has really made quite an impression on me: The Foreign Films. In the meantime, the interview that I’ve been trying to get for three weeks finally called me the day before the article was due so I spent most of my Saturday night and Sunday afternoon putting that together. It will be posted as soon as it hits the streets. So today I’ll share a conversation with Mateo. He and I talk almost every morning on our way to work. We should really tape some of them as they are usually hilarious — to us anyway. This morning’s topic: Dumbledore being gay. Excerpts Mateo: Does that make Professor McGonagall his fag hag? Howard: When it was first announced all I could think of was NAMBLA. Mateo: Well, it wasn’t like Dumbledore was trying to get into Harry’s robes. Howard: No, just trying to get him to whip his wand out. Mateo: What was t... More About: Morning , Pica
Dumbledore Is Gay! Hoo-ray! Hoo-ray!
2007-10-20 17:05:00 J.K. Rowling announced to a crowd of people last night that there is indeed a gay character in the universe of Harry Potter: Albus Dumbledore . I have two problems with that: She should have announced it on October 11. My literary gaydar is broken. Otherwise, I couldn’t be gayer happier about the news that one of my favorite characters likes the menzesss. (Hey! I’m allowed to queen out with the best of them on occasion.) Thanks to Mateo & Larry of the Monkeys for the heads up. Listening to: “You Never Done It Like That” - Captain & Tennille More About: Bled
Roundup - Week Of Oct 12
More articles from this author:2007-10-19 18:13:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. Here we are at another Roundup chocked full of fun (and some serious) stuff. …and that’s all I’ve got. Let’s get started. Davezilla found this very humorous warning sign about cougars. Do you have a favorite Pixar character? Here is a list that Upcoming Pixar found based on Empire Online’s readers’ votes. Mine ended up at #3. It seems that the old-rock guard is finally giving into the digital music age. All the Beatles have their solo stuff available and now soon you’ll be able to download virtual black-light posters, bongs and incense to go with your digital Led Zeppelin. If you are like me, then you love Autumn. Craig at Puntabulous posted a lovely ode to the season. Diesel guest posted at Central Snark this week and had a funny commentary about how Stephen Colbert is getting all his good ideas from the poor... More About: Week 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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