The Web Pen Blog The Web Pen Blog A humorous blog by an improv comedian who is trying to script things that are made up. Get yourself a sardonic pop-culture hug. 
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The Web Pen Blog Makes It Big
2007-10-18 18:08:00 Skipping a post today seemed appropriate. With two comedy shows and a huge birthday burlesque show this week, I’ve been swamped and had nothing planned until I found out this blog got into trouble. Now is the time all of you should be giving that old school-time chorus of “Oooooooo-ooooo”. I received my first Cease And Desist order! It seems that I have violated copyright law and now can officially start my career in evil. Anyone want to be a minion? I hope there is a cool lair for sale in Denver — the market is just ripe for plunder right now. The offending post is the snarky one I wrote making fun of people pointing out the flaws in the arguments of people commenting about how we should stop spending money on the Hubble Telescope. There is a picture used in the post that belongs to someone else. Now while I only get an average of 150 visits a day, the post is one of the most popular mostly because of the searches for pictures so I understand the email. Unfo... More About: Blog
It?s Simply D?Vine
2007-10-17 08:00:00 Wine on Sunday? Yes, you can buy and take home alcohol on Sunday after all. It turns out that since D’Vine Wine in downtown Denver makes their own wine, they are under different laws then liquor stores. So you can sit around or take a few dozen unopened bottles home with you. “Why,” you ask, “are you going on about a winery, Howard, when you barely drink yourself?” Good question. Here is the answer: Yes, Cameron started his new job! He’s the assistant manager at Denver’s newest wine venture and I’m trying to help make sure he gets to stay there for a while. I’ve been a couple of times and it’s quite excellent. After tasting several wines, I decided that I like the blackberry and raspberry reds the best. The raspberry — or Red Razzle — was just the right sweetness while being smooth. The blackberry — or Black Diamond — was a little drier and had a snap of tart to it that made it taste like a liquid S... More About: Simply
Lazy Tuesday - Overkill
2007-10-16 16:00:00 Like most of the pop-loving portions of the world, I was salivating at the thought of a second Men At Work album in 1983. Business As Usual had been playing on my turntable for months and, when Cargo came out, I broke from traditional and — in order to be cool — I bought the hip and trendy cassette version. The problem was I loathed the lead single. When “Overkill ” was released, it was not the Men At Work I wanted to hear and for years I would skip over the song. Of course, buying the CD version helped with that immensely. ::SKIP:: Love that button! The problem was that I didn’t have the heartbreak required to truly understand the song. I needed a long string of one-to-two-month relationships to really let the bitter sink in. And for a while, did it ever… Sometime during my late 20’s, I was feeling nostalgic, picked Cargo up and threw it in barely listening to it. When the second track started, it was as if Colin Hay had stepped into a time ... More About: Tuesday , Lazy
Music To Drink Blood By
2007-10-15 08:00:00 One of these days I’m going to make of mix of songs that prove you can write music about anything. In the meantime, sink your fangs into this mix about vampires. I was listening to Tonio K’s first album when I realized that “How Come I Can’t See You In My Mirror?” was about him dating a vampire. Since it’s the season, I took to creating an entire collection of songs about the blood-sucking undead. Thanks to Matt2, Larry, Dan and Andy for helping me round out the collection and to Scott for coming up with the title of the mix. Don’t forget about last year’s Halloween Atmosphere Mix to play on Halloween night to creep out the trick-or-treaters. Music To Drink Blood By (A Fang* Of Vampires Mix) [Please visit the post to listen to file] 1:07:40 / 62.0MB You can download the file here and get the track list here. *Term borrowed from Diesel — page 147 of Antisocial Commentary: From The Secret Files Of The Mattress Police Monkey’...
Roundup - Week Of Oct 5
2007-10-12 14:58:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. Now is the time to share with you some of my favorite bloggerity of the week. First, the winner was announced in the 2nd Annual Spicy Awards. Jami wrote a fantastic haiku that won a collection of poetry appropriately enough. Congrats, Jami! Well deserved! The Mangina Monologues shared a story of an artist who was fired from his job because it was discovered that he paints with his ass. ::snort:: It’s as cute as a Dansonian Fire Bat from the 7th Quadrant of the Gamma 5 system. Toons N Tunes gave us Kylie Minogue’s new video! So retro cool. Speaking of music, two of my favorite humor bloggers wrote pieces based on music. Diesel dissects cheesy rock music and Mr. Fabulous answers a musical question. (Psst, vote for Mr. Fabulous in the Bloggers’ Choice Awards.) Speaking of humor bloggers, Bossy wrote this faaaabulous poem dedicated to he... More About: Roundup , Week
Randomnessocitiation: Speedy Harry Bushes
2007-10-11 04:58:00 I got a speeding ticket in the mail Saturday — one of those photo ones. I look all cute with the sun roof open and all the cartoon blur lines surrounding the car. The offense took place on 9/11 around 3:30. I couldn’t figure out why I was driving during work hours when Cameron reminded me that was the day he got out of the hospital. That’s right, I was speeding to get my man so he wouldn’t have to walk or take the bus in his painful condition. VW Jetta: $20,000 CD to listen to on drive: $13 Gas to get to hospital: $2 Making sure someone you love gets home safely: priceless $80 Is anyone else playing Pepsi’s Call Your Play contest? I’m a big Pepsi drinker anyway, so I’ve been using codes to try and win an XBox 360. You simply enter the code under the cap and pick your prize. Then some clip from the video game Madden ‘08 starts and ‘determines’ whether you win or not. In the meantime, Reggie Bush is standing on the side tos... More About: Harry , Speedy
Such A Lazy Tuesday I?m Squatting On Someone Else?s Blog
2007-10-09 16:05:00 Chris C at Nothing To See Here has taken to interviewing his fellow suckers humorists at humor-blogs.com by featuring them on his site. He asks questions and demands that we answer them non-seriously. HA! I showed him! I had the audacity to answer one of the with analytical logic and junk. Read the interview. Listening to: “Necessary Evil” - Deborah Harry (from her new solo album out today!) More About: Blog , Tuesday , Lazy , Some , Squat
What The Hell Am I Thinking?
2007-10-08 08:00:00 I got this email from Scott last night: I would stay away from Chicago if I were you. Rick is not real happy you suggested the whole cheerleading outfit thing. I am willing to make you a bet on Arizona vs Colorado. If Arizona wins, you must join Rick in front of Chase Stadium in a cheerleading outfit and do a “Go Diamondbacks” cheer routine. If Colorado wins, you absolve Rick’s bet to me. He is off the hook, and you’re back in his good graces.Do you accept? I thought it would be fun. If Arizona wins, then I get to fly to Phoenix and meet a couple of my favorite bloggers and Rick doesn’t have to do the whole cheerleader thing alone. If Colorado wins, Rick is absolved of his bet. However, I think Scott is getting off far too easily, so I countered. I respect Scott’s desire for anonymity, so instead of having his picture taken, I will require that he write two different posts — one for Rick’s blog and one for mine — under our st... More About: Hell , Thinking
Roundup - Week Of Sep 28
2007-10-05 17:52:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. Today is the first day of the new day in which you will wake up during the day to find it’s the day that the Roundup is now on Fri-day. It’s my attempt to keep the weekend free for writing pieces intended for the following week. I call it keeping it fresh and attempting to maintain my sanity. You may call it lazy. You would be wrong. In fact, I’m changing the tagline for the blog to read: “All Are Wrong Who Enter Here!”. It keeps me superior and you quiet during study hall. Plus it sounds like a cool Tolkien reference. Heh-heh. Snort. Those who are new here that was a joke. This series is all about everyone else, so to start things off The Spicy Cauldron extended its writing contest deadline to Sunday, Oct 7. It’s simple. Post something where ‘cauldron’ is used somehow — poetry, pictures, expositio... More About: Week
Roundup - Week Of Sep 28
2007-10-05 17:52:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. Today is the first day of the new day in which you will wake up during the day to find it’s the day that the Roundup is now on Fri-day. It’s my attempt to keep the weekend free for writing pieces intended for the following week. I call it keeping it fresh and attempting to maintain my sanity. You may call it lazy. You would be wrong. In fact, I’m changing the tagline for the blog to read: “All Are Wrong Who Enter Here!”. It keeps me superior and you quiet during study hall. Plus it sounds like a cool Tolkien reference. Heh-heh. Snort. Those who are new here that was a joke. This series is all about everyone else, so to start things off The Spicy Cauldron extended its writing contest deadline to Sunday, Oct 7. It’s simple. Post something where ‘cauldron’ is used somehow — poetry, pictures, expositio... More About: Week
Questioning Allegiances
2007-10-04 20:00:00 I don’t recall ever doing a sports post before so here is a first! Football is generally the only sport I’ll watch and that’s only if I have no projects to work on or cartoons to watch; however, Scott-O-Rama in his challenge fever with Rcktman pitched the following curve ball at me: With Denver being midway between Chicago and Phoenix, whose side are you taking? I thought about it for a whopping five seconds only to realize that I don’t think he even acknowledged that the Rockies may actually win their wild card position and make the ‘real’ play-offs. Hmmph! Baseball isn’t my favorite sport except when it comes to nap time. The constant drone of the crowd and the almost hushed voices of the announcers make for some of the best white noise available. I then weighed my options: Phoenix is my birthplace Chicago is where I had the most decadent night of my life Denver is where all my friends are and where my life has settled Add to this that I... More About: Questioning , Allegiance
Questioning Allegiances
2007-10-04 20:00:00 I don’t recall ever doing a sports post before so here is a first! Football is generally the only sport I’ll watch and that’s only if I have no projects to work on or cartoons to watch; however, Scott-O-Rama in his challenge fever with Rcktman pitched the following curve ball at me: With Denver being midway between Chicago and Phoenix, whose side are you taking? I thought about it for a whopping five seconds only to realize that I don’t think he even acknowledged that the Rockies may actually win their wild card position and make the ‘real’ play-offs. Hmmph! Baseball isn’t my favorite sport except when it comes to nap time. The constant drone of the crowd and the almost hushed voices of the announcers make for some of the best white noise available. I then weighed my options: Phoenix is my birthplace Chicago is where I had the most decadent night of my life Denver is where all my friends are and where my life has settled Add to this that I... More About: Questioning , Allegiance
I Don?t Know His Name
2007-10-04 08:00:00 From the lack of posts one might presume that it’s been a crazy week here. And you would be right! Cameron and I went to have pizza tonight and this video came up in conversation. I saw it while I was in the Navy running television boards in Iceland (”Huh-huh! I love that story!”). The set-up for the joke is one of the longest I’ve ever heard and worth every minute. The funny is the audacity of Pee-wee to go on for so long and then give us a pun as a punch line. Genius! This had to be aired at the beginning of 1988 because I was in the radio department in ‘89. Anyway, this is a great clip and it brings back many memories. Listening to: “Blinded By The Light (Club Mix)” - Manfred Mann’s Earth Band & Michael Mind
I Don?t Know His Name
2007-10-04 08:00:00 From the lack of posts one might presume that it’s been a crazy week here. And you would be right! Cameron and I went to have pizza tonight and this video came up in conversation. I saw it while I was in the Navy running television boards in Iceland (”Huh-huh! I love that story!”). The set-up for the joke is one of the longest I’ve ever heard and worth every minute. The funny is the audacity of Pee-wee to go on for so long and then give us a pun as a punch line. Genius! This had to be aired at the beginning of 1988 because I was in the radio department in ‘89. Anyway, this is a great clip and it brings back many memories. Listening to: “Blinded By The Light (Club Mix)” - Manfred Mann’s Earth Band & Michael Mind
Lazy Tuesday - Songs Of Mass Destruction
2007-10-02 16:27:00 In my forty years of life I have had four musical loves — all with women at the microphone: Blondie Eurythmics Sam Phillips Aimee Mann Today sees the release of the fourth solo album by Annie Lennox, Songs Of Mass Destruction . Notable for the fact that she didn’t use long-time producer Stephen Lipson, but instead hired Glen Ballard who helped bring Alanis Morissette’s music to the world. The album also includes a list of who’s who in “Sing”. She brought together 23 of the most famous current female voices in a choir* to help bring attention to HIV transmission between mother and child in Africa. After a first listen, I’d say its her best album since Diva. Now here is the video for the first single, “Dark Road”. It’s a beautiful song about the way the world is heading which the images speak louder than anything I could write. Make sure you check out Annie’s rockin’ superhero costume. *The choir is made up of A... More About: Tuesday , Lazy
Lazy Tuesday - Songs Of Mass Destruction
2007-10-02 16:27:00 In my forty years of life I have had four musical loves — all with women at the microphone: Blondie Eurythmics Sam Phillips Aimee Mann Today sees the release of the fourth solo album by Annie Lennox, Songs Of Mass Destruction . Notable for the fact that she didn’t use long-time producer Stephen Lipson, but instead hired Glen Ballard who helped bring Alanis Morissette’s music to the world. The album also includes a list of who’s who in “Sing”. She brought together 23 of the most famous current female voices in a choir* to help bring attention to HIV transmission between mother and child in Africa. After a first listen, I’d say its her best album since Diva. Now here is the video for the first single, “Dark Road”. It’s a beautiful song about the way the world is heading which the images speak louder than anything I could write. Make sure you check out Annie’s rockin’ superhero costume. *The choir is made up of A... More About: Tuesday , Lazy
Roundup - Week Of Sep 22
2007-09-30 08:00:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. We join the roundup already in progress… Oh, dear. It seems that Focus On The Family had to lay off some employees because donations are down. ::sniff:: …so sad. Relatively new read dr.nxlb posted a video mesh-up of Pet Shop Boys’ “Minimal” with the Montgomery rap. So funny because Hayes and I always sing “mini-mall” when listening to the PSB’s song. Andy has a spooky picture to show you. Rcktman found this great video by the new band Escort meticulously edited to sync from The Muppet Show. Good-As-You found these hilarious set-ups of musicals based on movies. And finally, Craig figured out how exactly to do a celebrity gossip blog and made it look as if anyone could do it. Oh, wait. Anyone can. Listening to: “Love On Your Side” - Thompson Twins More About: Roundup , Week
Summer?s Cauldron
2007-09-28 21:15:00 Here is The Web Pen’s official entry into The Spicy Cauldron’s Spicy Awards. The rules stipulate that ‘cauldron’ be used somehow. After wracking my brain for ideas I figured that a write-up of an obscure song from an obscure album by an obscure British band would be just the ticket. I’m writing this introduction before created the piece itself so I have no idea where this is going to go. To make things even more confusing, I’m going to listen to ELO while writing it. XTC is a band known for its trippy, catchy, psychedelic-era Beatles sound especially due to the excellent songwriting of Andy Partridge (no relation to the 70’s musical family — mostly due to the fact that they were fictional). Partridge’s lyrics are many times full of excellent metaphor and clear meaning although there are times when he dives into the obtuse lyrical content that is Tori Amos in its massive discombobulation. “Summer ’s Cauldron” is t...
It?s Not So Bad Once You Get Used To It
2007-09-26 21:45:00 Amazon has finally released its long-awaited digital music store to duke it out with the near monopoly of Apple’s iTunes Store. Apple’s dominance of the industry is no fluke. With their friendly interface and excellent search engine, they’ve made purchasing and downloading music as easy as stealing it. …so I’ve heard from my connections in the black market. Yes, I will tell on them for the right amount of money. Hey, I need a new iMac and you shouldn’t be stealing music. Amazon’s trump card is all of the music in their library is free from Digital Rights Management (DRM) so the music you buy can truly be used to do with what you will for your own personal use. Say you buy Britney Spears new single “Gimme More”. Now that the file has no restrictions on it, you are free to clean your crap extruder with it — although with the language used, it’ll be a little soiled before use; however, with all the layers of overdubbing ...
OSR: Resident Evil: Exinction
2007-09-25 08:00:00 One Sentence Review: Resident Evil : Exinction At least it had a better Jean Grey story line than X-Men: The Last Stand. Listening to: “Don’t Make Me Prove It” - Veruca Salt More About: Resident Evil
Roundup - Week Of Sep 15
2007-09-24 15:17:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. What? The Roundup on a Monday? Yes! I spent most of yesterday working on the Monkey show tonight and with Cameron since he’s starting to feel almost like himself again. We went to see the new Resident Evil movie (review tomorrow on Lazy Tuesday), so I didn’t have time to write a music review. Oy, I’m such a slacker. First, fastlad found out that Kelly made a video for my favorite song on her Shoes album — “Let Me Borrow That Top“. Hot Doctor Wife talks about her and her son’s morning misadventures, which ends with a very experienced teacher. If can’t get enough of President Bush’s quaint little speeches then Say No To Crack has another in the endless supply. The mysteries of the difference in buttons on women and men’s clothing solved by I Am Bossy! On a related note, check out Craig’s ... More About: Week
Monkey Poo
2007-09-21 15:27:00 Yesterday was one of the members of Monkey ’s Uncle’s birthday — Matt2. During dinner at the Wynkoop Brewing Company, I discovered that one of his co-workers has basically determined that she is going to set me on the road to heterosexuality to which I replied loudly and merely for shock value: If it ain’t tight and poopy, I don’t want it. The silence that followed was the stuff that radio shock jocks dream of. Speaking of Monkey’s Uncle, we have a show Monday. If you’re in the Denver area, won’t you consider attending? All the cool kids are doing it. Give in to the peer pressure! You can find out more details here. Have a great weekend! Listening to: “Simple X” - Andrew Bird
I?m Not In Right Now
2007-09-20 08:00:00 I’m over at Scott-O-Rama. No, really. I wrote this excellent piece combining Google Presentations and Mike Gravel and somehow it ended up over at Scott’s blog. Okay, what really happened was he and Buckaroo went on vacation and asked some of us to blogsit. Now let me transfer you to a different department. The wait time is dependent on your connection speed. If you get disconnected, reboot your modem. Thank you. A Gravely Presentation Humor-blogs.com would never misdirect you. Ah, who are we kidding? That’s the thing they do best! Listening to: “Deep Clean” - Spoon More About: Right Now , Not I
Plunderin? Starbucks
2007-09-19 21:34:00 I struck port in my local Starbucks (which one isn’t “local”) and hobbled in on me pegleg, arrogantly approached the counter with me free drink card in hand and when the cashiering wench asked what I be havin’ I said, “Aaaye be plunderin’ a grande raspberry mocha with lash… I mean, whip… Arrr!” Surprisingly, all the coffee wenches there be gettin’ the joke. It be makin’ this ole sea dog warm in me heart knowin’ these landlubbers be knowin’ about TLAP Day and to be makin’ them happy. Be listenin to: “One In A Million” - Echobelly More About: Erin , Lund
The Tale Of Cap?n Poupee Pieces
2007-09-19 08:00:00 [Told in the style of Mr. Fabulous] Avast me mateys! ‘Tis that time again to be spendin’ the day talkin’ like a pirate, so prepare yerself for the tellin’ of a tale. Be pullin’ up a bottle o’ rum and puttin’ on ye eye patch — for this tale be in 3-D! The treasure be dug up. The crew be happy and well paid, so Poupee Pieces , Cap’n o’ the Gai Canot, be dockin’ for some shore leave in his favorite port on Ilede Incertain to be findin’ some rest and relaxation. Walkin’ through yon port town with bags full o’ gold and lust in his satin buccaneer, he be lookin’ to be puttin’ away his cutlass in some wenche’s sheath IF ye be knowin’ what I be meanin’. He be stoppin’ at the finest establishment in Port Repos, The Blooming Clam, where he be hagglin’ with the proprietor to find the best booty booty can buy — with some extra doubloons given to be keepin’ hi... More About: Tale
Lazy Tuesday - I Wuv Your Bwog
2007-09-18 08:00:00 It’s been a while since the blog has picked up an award. I like to call them rewards for trying to give the blog the love it needs to be the highest quality. I said trying! The Spicy Cauldron pitched this one to several saying it was in “acknowledgement of the fine reading material you all offer up for free to the world”. Hey, I’m not above getting paid for this stuff. Just sayin’. You can check out the blogroll to see all those that I read and enjoy, but I wanted to name some that I never miss in completely random order. Craig @ Puntabulous Godwhacker @ Godwhacker Mr. Fabulous @ Pointless Drivel Spencer @ A Rubber Door Diesel @ Mattress Police - Antisocial Commentary Bossy @ i am bossy Jami @ Not THAT Different Scott @ Scott-O-Rama SinisterDan @ The Reasonable Ego Hot Doctor Wife @ Green Apple Martini Heather @ Clizbiz Hayes @ qPlog Leland @ HermitBlog And, of course, Andy who gave me the award. Now my fingers are just tired of copying and pasting li... More About: Tuesday , Lazy
The Apples In Stereo - New Magnetic Wonder
2007-09-17 08:00:00 The Apples In Stere o New Magnet ic Wonder (Simian Records) For years, Denver-based The Apples In Stereo has given us bright, shiny catchy-as-hell pop. The kind that you would hear from the 60’s with mini-skirts and beehive hairdos to go - psychedelic with flowery imagery about sunshine and love, but don’t let that deter you from giving them a listen especially when you’re feeling blue. With their new album Robert Schneider and crew have finally stepped forward. Into the 70’s. New Magnetic Wonder is rooted in pop sensibilities of The Beatles, The Zombies and Strawberry Alarm Clock, but has added the production designs of Jeff Lynne (Electric Light Orchestra) heavily into the mix. It’s not bad although the use of a vocoder does become a bit overwhelming at times. In between many of the songs are what can be described as experimental sonic doodling. They are a fun distraction at times, but sometimes interrupt the flow of the songs. Thankfully, they are ...
Roundup - Week Of Sep 8
2007-09-16 08:00:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. You know how it feels to inspire someone? Pretty great, eh? Unless you’ve inspired them to riot and then, well, you should run to the highest position in a building like all the idiot characters do on TV and in the movies. Well, Chris at My 2 Cents started his own version of a roundup this week and said it was little, ole, modest me who was one of a couple of people who helped convince him to do one. Coincidentally, he had already made my roundup this week for this video find that celebrates digital stimulation. The Spicy Cauldron is having its 2nd annual Spicy Awards. This year’s word is ‘cauldron’, so if you have a great post within the past year you want to write, then follow these simply instructions to enter. SinisterDan couldn’t find anything funny this past week, yet somehow this post turned out to be giggleful. We... More About: Roundup , Week
Saturday Extra: The Shadow Government
2007-09-15 16:00:00 Here’s the video for They Might Be Giants’ lastest — “The Shadow Government ”. They may be trying to say something about our current administration or something. “The Shadow Goverment” - They Might Be Giants More About: Saturday , Extra , Xtra
One Off
More articles from this author:2007-09-14 16:54:00 Big Daddy over at Bon Jour, Pee Wee (It’s ‘Pee-wee’. Gaaa. That is if he his referring to Pee-wee Herman) asked what the hell the ‘^’ symbol is for over the 6 on your keyboard in this post. My response: It’s a helmet for retarded umlauts. Hope everyone has a great weekend! Humor-blogs.com is a goggles-zone. Please put them on before clicking. Listening to: “Summer’s Cauldron” - XTC 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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