The Web Pen Blog The Web Pen Blog A humorous blog by an improv comedian who is trying to script things that are made up. Get yourself a sardonic pop-culture hug. Articles
Randomnessocitiation: Chocolate Devildog
2007-09-13 08:00:00 New Animated Show Cartoon Network’s [adult swim] started a new show last Sunday night/Monday morning called “Lucy, Daughter Of The Devil” they had showcased back in 2005. It reminds me of “Home Movies” simply because of the delivery of the dialogue — two characters are voiced by stars of “HM”, and it was created by one of the co-developers of “HM”. All the characters look like a cross between logo people and Weebles, which is funny in itself. The premise — of this episode at least — is that there are some Catholics looking for the Antichrist who happens to be Lucy. Satan has started a chain of Mexican restaurant/sport bars to take over the world. Jesus is back as DJ Jesus and is an up-and-coming music star. The climax of the first show was Satan and DJ Jesus doing a karaoke duet of Pat Benatar’s “Shadows Of The Night”. Yeah, I so made a Tivo Season Pass for the show. Those Aren’t Wingding... More About: Chocolate , Chocolat , Choco
How Did I Get So Funny?
2007-09-12 08:00:00 It was my mom. She has the sense of humor in the family, but that’s not the answer to that particular question at this time. What brought this up was a little piece of my past I discovered trying to let the cool, autumn-like air into my bedroom Sunday morning. Hidden for about three years was a container that had an old light bulb, old business cards, some screws, a mood ring (”Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”) and an old, tiny notebook which had to be 10 years old I had used for a few months to write down ‘funny’ things. There are a few things inside that were told to me including this camp fire song that — at the time — I thought the guy who told me had made himself. Can you tell I never went to camp? Plus this quote that made me laugh back then. I’ve no idea why I thought it was funny: I don’t want to appear brazen. And, of course, some things I had thunk up myself or co-wrote in some conversation I was having. Let the shar... More About: Funny
Lazy Tuesday - Show You How
2007-09-11 08:00:00 Last year Lindsey Buckingham released his most personal solo album, Under The Skin, and while it wasn’t as poppy as Go Insane or Out Of The Cradle, it was great to hear some original music that didn’t end up being scavenged for a Fleetwood Mac album. Lindsey has always been my favorite Mac-er due to his twisting and experimenting of the pop music genre. In fact, Go Insane is still one of my favorite albums of all time. I didn’t know this, but Lindsey had shot his own videos for two of the songs on Under The Skin including one of my favorites. “Show You How” He is supposed to have a rock/pop album in the can to be released, but there is no word on that; however, there are rumors (pun intended) of a new Buckingham Nicks collaboration. If it’s true, then I guess he already has songs ready to be pillaged. *sigh* Listening to: “Shelob’s Lair” - Howard Shore More About: Tuesday , Lazy
My Birthday Weekend 2008
2007-09-10 16:36:00 Iron Man - May 2, 2008 You’ll need to get the free QuickTime download to view the trailer. Listening to: “Time On My Hands” - Pet Shop Boys More About: Weekend , Birthday
Andrew Bird - Armchair Apocrypha
2007-09-10 08:00:00 The Web Pen team has collectively decided to add a new feature (and by team I mean myself after friends continued to nag me) which shall be henceforth be known as Monday Musical Measure. It’s a pun. Mondays — as often as possible — will be set aside for music reviews since the aforementioned nags think that music is a specialty of mine. The first feature chosen is the album with the best chance of ending up at my favorite of the year. Andrew Bird Armchair Apocrypha (Fat Possum Records) Much like Sujfan Stevens, Andrew Bird has spent his career carving out his own little niche of unique folk/pop music. The mix of violin, whistling, intelligent phrasing and melodies that cuddle up to you like a warm lover are his speciality. Bird’s music is the out-of-town visitor that incites excitement at arriving but never overstays its welcome. His latest, Armchair Apocrypha, is the culmination of building his confidence and is his strongest album to date. Bird started o... More About: Drew
Roundup - Week of Aug 18 - Sep 7
2007-09-09 08:00:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. Hey! I’ve been busy! In fact, this one almost didn’t happen since Cameron is in the hospital. Don’t ask; however, he did say it would be a funny story for the blog but then he was doped on on pain medication, too. He’s doing fine as it was merely a nasty infection and he hopes to be released tomorrow. In the meantime, let’s catch up a bit and give a few kudos to my fellow blogging beings. First and foremost: An-dy’s back. Alright! The Spicy Cauldron is back after a month break and it’s been busy. Of many return posts, I enjoyed this one about labels the most. Did you know that black is the new energy saver? I’m a sucker for music, so when one of my favorite humor writers takes it on, I have to share with you. Speaking of music, who knew rock stars could be smart, too? Speaking of smart — holy crap ... More About: Roundup , Week
Site Back Up
2007-09-07 19:00:00 Sorry for the outage today. My host had some major technical issues this afternoon and it looks like they are fixed. (This post will self-destruct in a couple of hours) More About: Site , Back , Back-up
Cleaning House - The Ironic Way
2007-09-07 18:32:00 I’ve need to unwind for a while. Two jobs, four improv shows and fourteen days of antibiotics will do that to anyone. Unfortunately, I haven’t been in the mood to read or even watch the ever-growing lineup of animation that is sitting on Tivo (notable exceptions: Bleach and Naruto). What’s a poor queek to do? I broke out the ancient GameCube. Remember those? Why do I get the feeling that I’m getting the kind of stares that mentioning 8-Track or Reel-To-Reel invoke? I discovered three games that I had never finished. One is called Chibi-Robo. You start the game at a birthday party where you discover that you are to play Chibi-Robo — a little robot who becomes a personal indentured servant and is so small he barely come up to the human’s ankles. Yet you have to make everyone happy by getting around the house on your own and — get this — by cleaning. You actually get happy points for picking up trash and scrubbing dirt off the floors. In... More About: House , Cleaning , Ironic , Iron
Bus Trip
2007-09-06 19:45:00 The other morning while listening to my recently-spared Eduardo on the bus, I overheard through the playful boy/girl pop of Imperial Teen the driver making an announcement for the next stop. His vocal intonations were very unique, but all I could hear through the headphones was: Momin mop Nomamo Mumavarm and Maynom. Thinking it was trying to hear him through the music, I took off my headphones before my stop just to hear his voice at which point he leaned into the microphone and said: Momin mop Nomamo Mumavarm and Amalmena. I put my headphones back on and switched to disco-era Bee Gees. At least I can understand every fifth word of Barry Gibb’s falsetto. Humor is a clearly-heard, universal language. Check out Humor-blogs.com to see how. Listening to: “Finally Forever” - Chris Cornell More About: Trip
iPod Undulations
2007-09-05 18:25:00 UPDATE (see below) Cameron has my car. Why should you care? Actually, it’s not really that important unless you actually like reading this site. Wait! Don’t leave! The reason that is so life-shakingly important is that I needed to take the bus to work and I was running late. Granted, the boss has appointments all morning, but it’s the principle of the thing. I’m rushing all over the place and only slow down to lovingly lather myself in the shower. What? Skin is your largest organ — take care of it! As I jump into some corduroy pants (never out of style, baby!) and a polo shirt, I’m going through the things I need to remember to pack into my murse (man + purse) — read: messenger bag. I have my book (Life Of Pi) for my visits to the toilet, my book of bus tickets, my cell phone and good ole faithful Eduardo. My 4th generation iPod has gotten me out of having to talk to dozens of people on the mass transit system by entertaining me with my favo... More About: Ipod
Lazy Tuesday: Jabber Jaw
2007-09-04 17:57:00 Thank all that is funny I moved the Lazy series to Tuesday . I’m still incredibly sore and tired from our weekend shows — all my fault. I took over making the set lists and put myself in all the physical games. Oy. There was a moment on Friday night where three of us had to do an interpretative dance of the Gettysburg Address. I was Lincoln dancing to Tchaikovsky’s “Trepak” — or the Russian dance from The Nutcracker. There is supposedly video and I hope to get a copy of it. I will indeed post it if I do. And now for this week’s selection — yet another video. You’ve seen the Josie & The Pussycats and the Mars Forever Cartoon Network Groovies and here is another. I know Craig hates this series and thinks that Jabber jaw should have his fins cut off, served as soup and left to die of asphyxiation at the bottom of the sea; however, for me the show was a staple of my childhood and this song by Pain is fun as is the video, so there!...
Look What I Got
2007-08-31 22:39:00 Grabbing the mail when I got home this afternoon, I noticed there were a couple of hefty packages. My hands were already full, so I didn’t look right away. I started to noticed a peculiar smell. “Is that the odor of a sweatshop filled with children?” I asked myself. Curious, I sorted through the mail and found this: “Now who could have used their own children to send me a package,” thought I. The only way to find out was to open it. And THIS is what I found inside: Uh, heh. Heh. You weren’t supposed to see that. THIS is what I found inside: A new book? By Rob… uh… By Diesel! Now how did I get that? Oh, yes, the brainwashing sessions. The horrible repeated watching of Waterworld. The agonizing albeit delicious pain of the electrodes to the nipples. That’s right, just like a zombie, I ordered it via the Internet. “Wait! Wasn’t he supposed to sign it?” SQUEAL! He did! Except that I can’t really make it ou...
A Classic Movie For Modern Times
2007-08-31 08:00:00 The brain, she is fried from trying to get this show together tonight, but I’ve been on a blog roll (pun intended) all week and didn’t want ruin it by being tired. That’s for wimps. Instead, I’ll leave you with a move idea. Hmm, it’s really just one line for the remake, but it’s the penultimate one. Imagine Gone With The Wind updated and placed in an urban setting with a meth lab at stake. As the female lead begs her man to give up his rap career and be a daddy to his babies, he turns on her before he leaves and says: Shit, girl. I don’t give a fuck! Maybe putting one of the caps into her posterior (know wha’ I sayin’?) before lighting up his crack pipe on his way out. Or not. Like I said, I’m tired. Have a great Labor Day (or outside the U.S. Regular Old) Weekend everyone! When Animals Improv II - tonight and tomorrow night at the Avenue Theater. Listening to: “Disarm” - Smashing Pumpkins More About: Movie , Classic , Times , Modern , Modern Times
And I Got My Education In This State
2007-08-30 08:00:00 Like with that and the video do make those with the beauty contest-type girls believe in the stereotypes under, uh, for them that have digged them in the hole that dug. I sincerely hope this is just taken out of context or that she froze up on stage; however, that didn’t stop me from sending this atrocity to Hot Doctor Wife to vent about the fact that these girls are competing for a scholarship to learn. Holy Air Brain! We should really give the losers a scholarship and the winners a job. Or better yet, give me the money. I want to go back to school to finish my degree. I qualify! I can easily point out the U.S., South Africa and Iraq on a map. Now don’t hate me because I’m smart — hate me because I’m pretty, too. Isn’t there a scholarship out there that people who are passionate about broadening (huh, I said ‘broad’) their education? In fact with me being 40 — and supposedly more responsible — I would make the perfect stu... More About: Education , State , Duca
Larry Craig Needs Some Improv Classes
2007-08-29 08:00:00 Finally caught, Senator Larry Craig has been exposed (huh, I said exposed) before with only rumor. I mean there were reports back in October of last year by Pam’s House Blend and Blogactive, so this news (yawn!) is not surprising. What is surprising is a seasoned Senator not being able to come up with anything other than the old I-was-looking-for-a-piece-of-paper excuse. C’mon! You were tapping your foot. There are tons of reason for doing this (and, by the way, thanks so much for blowing that code. Huh, I said blowing.) Here are five I came up with off the top of my head: You were listening to a kick-ass Molly Hatchet song on our iPod shuffle (see, it’s so small you could easily have “lost” it) and were just toe tapping You thought there was a scorpion in your shoe from your recent camping trip and were testing your shoe delicately so not to arouse (huh, I arouse) its ire You were going through your next speech and needed to count the beats to wait b... More About: Classes , Larry Craig , Improv
Lazy Tuesday: Sing Me Spanish Techno
2007-08-28 15:06:00 Yes, you read that right — Lazy Sunday is now Lazy Tuesday . I’m glad you asked. As many bloggers know, weekend Internet traffic is the pits because most people — get this — walk away from their computers to do something else on the weekends. Whatever. And there is the fact that I work a 14-hour day on Mondays, so this lessens the desire for a more in-depth writing effort on Monday night. No, no, I have more drafts in the hopper than Richard Simmons has had dates with women. With that in mind, here is your first Lazy Tuesday inspired by a recent Saturday Spin over at Central Snark about the band, The New Pornographers. No, they make music. Anyway, DJ Lampsha told me to check out a video they put together for my favorite song, “Sing Me Span ish Techno ”. It’s a classic — a coming-of-age story even. Here for your visual and aural pleasure is one of the catchiest song of last year complete with a video that would make M. Night Shyamalan pro...
Eleven People Desperately Need Your Attention!
2007-08-27 17:40:00 DENVER - Eleven attention whores need you this weekend to help them get their fix. Why, yes, I am one of the proud attention whores! The thing is that my improv troupe, Monkey’s Uncle, and our sista group, The Rodents Of Unusual Size, are teaming up for two — TWO — weekend shows this Friday and Saturday. I guess you could say that I’m whoring our attention whoring and seeing how many times I can work the word whore into a blog post. We’ve even placed the time so you can easily work it into your busy social-weekend calendar. Today - Thursday: Gather up your posse. Friday and/or Saturday: 5:30: Dinner at your favorite restaurant (Hamburger Mary’s is just up 17th as is Steuben’s, but you can still go to your favorite restaurant.) 7:00: Arrive at Avenue Theater to support a locally-owned art establishment (sorry, learned guilt from my Mormon mom) and two troupes who just happen to be local as well. 7:30 - 9:15ish: Laugh at the antics of two anim... More About: People , Attention , Rate , Tent , Desperate
Baby?s First Prostate Infection
2007-08-23 20:09:00 It’s official. I’m old. After three weeks of feeling run down and discomfort — down there — I figured last Thursday that I might have an urinary tract infection; however, when I described my constant need to pee, the hardships of doing so and the feeling that I was never quite done, the doc said, “Nuh-uh, it sounds like you have a prostate infection, you old fogy. You should probably feel the need to yell at kids on your lawn, too.” He said it also explained the intense burning of my… uh… let’s just say that what should have been extremely pleasurable almost immediately turned into extremely painful. Whoever said ‘pain is close to pleasure’ never had a prostate infection. Lucky jerk. Now before I get any more jokes claiming it’s due to “butt sex”, let me stop you right there and remind you that a massaged prostate is a healthy — and happy — prostate. So there. Now let me amp up the ‘... More About: Baby , Infection , Prostate , Prost
Go F*ck A Headphone
2007-08-22 17:43:00 Many of you may have noticed that yesterday saw the release of a new Beck single. This one-off single — “Timebomb” — was a quickie done in four weeks with a supposedly somewhat famous cast of back-up singers (Rhianna was a name dropped). If you listen to the song, you can… oh, you want to hear it? Here ya go… [Please visit the post to listen to file] Okay, after listening to the song, it’s quite obvious that Beck has been listening to a lot of The Go! Team meaning he’s suddenly decided to relive some high school days and, like, totally make, like, a high school marching band song so he can live out his dreams of being flag girl screaming with the band, “We got a timebomb! We got a timebomb! Tick! Tick! Tick! Tick!” to not only build school spirit, but to totally psyche out the rival high school. OMG! It’s all fresh and tight, you know? What is interesting about his new song is the lyrics are his least obtuse. It’... More About: Headphone
OSR: Stardust
2007-08-20 16:33:00 One Sentence Review: Stardust While Narnia lost its heart in its cold CGI characters, Stardust’s heart shines brightly because it remembers to add humor and whimsy in its epic telling. Thanks, Craig, for recommending it. If you’re in Denver and need to unwind and laugh, PLEASE why not come to Monkey’s Uncle monthly show tonight! It’s funny for only $6! Listening to: “The Apartment Song” - Tom Petty
Roundup - Week Of Aug 11
2007-08-18 16:10:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. The quickest roundup ever… Need the answers? Puntabulous explains your existence in this simple forum. Kitten attack! Like touching stories about Moms? Robert has a great one. Hyena sex! Like touring colleges? Bossy doesn’t either. Bossy had to go with her teenage son. Baby attack! Like commercials of questionable intent? Spencer found one for Alan Cumming’s new fragrance. (Spencer, iTunes started to play “Bunker Hill” when I started this part. Boo-weee-ooooo!) Love attack! Looking for an easy art program? Say No To Crack has finally found something better than Photoshop and it was on their computer the whole time! And finally… Clizbiz had quite the intimate time with her garden recently (no, not THAT kind of time) and discovered the various personalities of the things growing there. …and scene. Listening to: ... More About: Roundup , Week
Guess The Song: A Meme Game - Year Two!
2007-08-17 14:13:00 Phillip and ToonsNTunes have kept this meme alive and well. I checked and today is the anniversary of when I first did it, so as an annual event, here is “Guess The Song 2: Electric Boogaloo”. No, there are no songs from either Breakin’ or the sequel in the list. This time I did it a little differently. I put the 14,705 songs on Eduardo on random and waited for a song that most would have a chance of having been heard (read: the first 20 songs have hit the charts — except #4 which was too funny to pass up) and to the heck with the obscure stuff that only I would get. All you have to do is put your guesses (title & artist) in the comment section. If you are right, I’ll give you credit and put up a link to your blog. Most importantly — have fun! Uptown. Downtown. -songtitle- drives ‘em wild with his run around style. Inside. Outside. -songtitle- sends ‘em silly with his starshine-shimmy-shuffle smile. Mama done chased -songtitle- d... More About: Meme , Game , Year
Valerie Bertinelli Approved This Post*
2007-08-16 19:37:00 Have you ever wanted someone who has committed an atrocity to get their comeuppance with gusto? Me, too. So I’ve come up with a way to deal with one criminal element — the date rapist. We put them on national television in yet another reality television series. Take a suspected serial date rapist, put him in a situation where he thinks that he’s drugged some unsuspecting victim, and tape it in a slightly grainy albeit artsy style a la “Candid Camera”. This way he’s not only caught in the act, but there is visual proof. As our alleged rapist closes in on his prey, the action stops. Before the show was even put into production, we’ve made a special hire. We will, of course, have to dig him out of 20+ years of obscurity, but it will be worth it because as we nervously watch the predator — tension mounted high — a whispered voice will say: We’ve replaced John Smith of [insert address in your town here to increase fear], pho... More About: Post , Valerie Bertinelli , Erie , Prove , Valerie
An Antisocial Review
2007-08-14 15:58:00 I swear some of my most inspired and funny writing ends up in comment sections of blogs. Not that I mind terribly as I get giddy if at least one person laughs as those tiny comment boxes force me to edit my wit with this old entertainment adage in mind: ‘Time is money. Fast is funny.’ The latest I left was a review on a self-publishing retail site called Lulu.com. Diesel’s book of comedic writings (read: blog posts) is now available for purchase and as a favor to one of my blog buddies, I reviewed it for the site. It was one of those rare moments where something simply flows from you. I struck on the word ‘love’ and then tried my damnedest to sound like your typical gushing albeit pompous critic. “Wait,” you ask. “How can you review a book you’ve never read?” Ah, I have! It’s all on his blog — somewhere. If you want to take to time to use the search form and look them all up. How gauche. No, it’s much bett... More About: Review
Lazy Sunday: The Mysterious Ticking Noise
2007-08-12 14:00:00 Huge thanks go out to Chris for finding this one. Craig, you are going to LOVE it! Listening to: “Two Way Action” - Andrew Bird’s Bowl Of Fire More About: Sunday , Mysterious , Noise , Teri , Myst
Roundup - Week Of Aug 4
2007-08-12 01:35:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. The big news is that Scott-O-Rama is back from hiatus and he’s been posting like crazy. Here’s a video of George Carlin laying it on the line and his choice for the Democratic presidential-wannbe. Welcome back, Scott! Hermit took a quick break from building his Hermitage to capture this incredibly beautiful shot of some flowers set against the Colorado dusk skyline. It’s now the desktop picture at home and at work. I know of three people who had car accidents yesterday. Here’s Ed’s story. My favorite movie of the year (so far) just got a release date on DVD. Squeal! Phillip put together this lovely piece about coming across a dying dragonfly and ponders whether or not to put it out of its misery. The Rose Report is back! Three of my friends and I decided that we were all very much like The Golden Girls. Hayes is definitel... More About: Roundup , Week
National Duran Duran Appreciation Day
2007-08-10 17:25:00 Say a prayer coz I’m not kidding. Today is National Duran Duran Appreciation Day. Read all about it on Waking Up With Morning Song. Listening to: “Nice” - Duran Duran More About: Reci
My 5th Grade Nickname
2007-08-10 06:19:00 I was 10 years old when I got it. It was my second year at Calhoun Street Elementary in Anderson, South Carolina and I was in Mrs. Allen’s fifth-grade class. I was very shy after learning in the fourth grade that my thirst for knowledge wasn’t a sure bet for social status. No wait, it was a sure bet to be at the bottom — loathed and disliked for being a brain. I started to keep more to myself. Back then I was into science. I wanted to be an astronaut — something that was probably left over from watching the moon landing when I was two. No, the real one. The staged one was canceled before it aired by NBC because the effects back then were just not realistic enough so all the networks put up money to shoot the human race to the moon simply to sell commercials. Capitalist pigs. I digress… We were learning about the weather including a project to keep track of the temperature. Oh, how I loved going out to check the temperature. I shuddered as each hour pass...
?Semones, Howard!? Called Professor McGonagall
2007-08-08 00:23:00 The sorting hat says that I belong in Ravenclaw! Said Ravenclaw, "We’ll teach those whose intelligence is surest." Ravenclaw students tend to be clever, witty, intelligent, and knowledgeable. Notable residents include Cho Chang and Padma Patil (objects of Harry and Ron’s affections), and Luna Lovegood (daughter of The Quibbler magazine’s editor). Take the most scientific Harry Potter Quiz ever created. Get Sorted Now! “…clever, witty, intelligent, and knowledgeable.” Yeah, I’m all that and a cushion of whoopie. And make similar noises on occasion. Thanks, Kath. That was fun! Listening to: “Heavy Weather” - Jarvis Cocker More About: Howard , Fess
Jacob Grenz
More articles from this author:2007-08-07 17:04:00 I posted my interview with Denver musician Jacob Grenz over on Waking Up With Morning Song. He’s another in what seems to be a string of former Jevovah’s Witness who are coming to grips with their sexuality and finding acceptance outside of the community in which they grew up. Jacob turned most of that energy into his music. He was very sweet and more grounded than you would expect from a musician / model. Yes, there is a bit of man flesh posted with the interview. (There. I’ve just given WUWMS its biggest day of hits ever.) Other than that, I have one funny thing to share. This morning Eduardo played Nine Inch Nails’ “Starfuckers, Inc.” back-to-back with Carpenters’ “Superstar”. I laughed until I realized how eerily appropriate the two songs are to one another. Listening to: “Sick Of Elephants” - Andrew Bird 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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