The Web Pen Blog The Web Pen Blog A humorous blog by an improv comedian who is trying to script things that are made up. Get yourself a sardonic pop-culture hug. Articles
Cameron?s Birthday Celebrations
2007-08-06 18:49:00 First. Yes, I did get a haircut. Friday was Cameron ’s 30th birthday and I wanted it to be somewhat special, so after work I went to pick him up and drove him to the first of two stops — Meininger Art Supply. Once inside, I stopped a few aisles up the main thoroughfare, turned around and grabbed his hand. He had a choice. I told him I had $150 to spend on him, so he could either get a new easel or a big pile of art supplies. He went for the art supplies. We spent the next hour shopping around for canvas, paints, brushes and cleaning supplies. It was like he was a kid again, which made me very happy. Our next stop was the restaurant that has won Westword’s Best Japanese Restaurant for eleven years running — Domo. There is a reason for that. It’s outstanding. Plus, I was forced to use my limited chop stick skills which needed much improving anyway. Our waitress was extremely personable, plus she loved that fact that we actually talked to her and made her f... More About: Celebrations , Birthday , Brat , Amero
Roundup - Week Of July 28
2007-08-04 16:00:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. There was a lot of good reading this week, so let’s just start. First, I want to publicly congratulate Spicy on his wedding to his now husband, D. The description is so well written that you feel as if you are there. Many happy years, guys! Speaking of marriages, Jeff had a great tribute to his wife who he describes as MILF. Yes, she actually is a very purdy lady. Ouch. “Y.M.C.A.” not about cruising? Both Pam and G-A-Y have their doubts. You know how warnings about questionable content make people click faster? Well, here is a guest post on The Cult of Qelqoth about a fantasy rape. Doggy Poop. An animated adventure? Yes. Like airline humor? Kevin posted a great zinger. Let’s talk media: Well, smurf my smurf and call me Smurf. “The Smurfs” are finally hitting DVD. Now we can finally count all of the gay references Va... More About: Roundup , Week , July
Electro Deluxe Mix
2007-08-03 08:00:00 Yeah, yeah, it’s been forever and two minutes since I did a music mix for you people. This was inspired by my faithful iPod companion, Eduardo. Whilst at the video store, he played a track from Peter Gabriel’s soundtrack for The Last Temptation Of Christ and then went into Kelly’s “Txt Msg Brkup”. I was working and missed the transition which is always a good sign that it will work mixed together. It did. I’ve always been a fan of electropop starting with my love of The Human League, so I took Kelly’s song as a springboard and decided to make an all-electronic mix. I didn’t necessarily pick the biggest songs by some of these artists, but went more for a general feel and mix-ability plus with this I got to play with sound effects and loops in Garageband for the transitions because they are mostly electronic, too. It was great fun. So go clay your hair into a swooping bird style, put on some eyeliner, lipstick and blush, and break out th... More About: Electro , Deluxe
The Simpsons Stole My Soul
2007-08-02 08:00:00 I completely forgot that I did this until tonight. At The Simpson Movies, an sPhone in the film turned me into a completely animated character much like Cap’n Crunch does to those poor children in his commercials. Howard as a Simpsons character No, that iPhone ‘joke’ wasn’t in the movie. I just had nothing better to post today. Waaa-waaa-waaaaah. Yes, I have a pair of Converse shoes that blue color. You can make yourself into a Simpsons character over at the movie site. Listening to: “Alien (Live)” - Erasure More About: Soul , My Soul , The Simpsons
Look At Me Turning A Phrase
2007-08-01 19:11:00 How many of you go back to a blog to see if the author has responded to your comment? Hands? I see. Well, I do it all the time. One of my favorite gay news blogs Good As You (G.A.Y. — get it?) handles news of prejudice, non-acceptance and cruelty to the GLBT community with the perfect balance of seriousness, humor and satire. It’s a joy to read. They (although I’m convinced that they are like The The and there is only one ‘they’) recently posted about the Church Of Latter-Day Saints’ (The Mormons!) release of a pamphlet about how to deal with same-sex attraction (they recommend denial). As a recovering Mormon myself, I saw so many of those pamphlets. They have a pamphlet for everything. “How To Skirt Around Talking About Your Secret Underwear With The Crosses Over The Nipples To Your Non-Mormon Friends”, “Explaining To Your Kids That The Bread At Sacrament Is Not Really The Body Of Christ And They Are Not Cannibals”, and my... More About: Look , Turn
One Of Many Reasons
2007-07-31 22:30:00 Here is Aimee Mann during her recent European tour outside of a peep show in Lisbon where she was performing. I’m kidding! I don’t want the Penn family after me. Look at her smile though! This would be a great picture for the back of a CD. Very joyous. You can see other pictures of her tour on her site. Read about other musical joys at Waking Up With Morning Song. Listening to: “I’ve Been Losing You” - a-ha More About: Reasons
Deep Thoughts
2007-07-31 19:16:00 After the food poisoning incident, I started on some new medication which has been kicking me in my cracked moon for the past week and a half. Still it’s better than food poisoning. The meds have sapped my energy and it’s hard to create motivation not to mention turn the funny on; however, due to the suppression of my humor gene, I’ve made some insightful insights. No, I was sober when I noticed these. I recently decided that the first time it cost me over $40 to fill up my tank, I was going to buy a bus pass. It happened in June. Here’s the deal — a monthly 2-zone bus pass is $30. I’m spending $80 a month in just gas alone to drive. Even better is the fact that I live near both jobs and can do a full circle from home to full-time job to part-time job and back to home in a matter of minutes, so I’ve been trying to leave the car at home and “reduce my carbon footprint”. In other words, taking the bus is extremely easy for me due t... More About: Thoughts , Deep Thoughts , Deep
OSR: The Simpsons Movie
2007-07-30 19:20:00 One Sentence Review: The Simpsons Movie Almost everything you’d expect from a “Simpsons” episode only it’s on a wet-dream-sized television screen. Listening to: “Through Being Cool” - Devo More About: The Simpsons Movie , Simpsons Movie
Roundup - Weeks of July 7-27
2007-07-28 08:00:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. Hooray! A roundup! I chalk it up to being sick and then moving the site to a new host. So with those excuses in place… Who knew someone I know knows that she knows Phyllis Diller quite knowingly? Were you part of the crowd avoiding hearing anything about The Deathly Hallows? So was Bobbarama. Here is one of Spooky’s funniest animations. Scot found this very funny commercial about online dating. Need to know the latest about Tampax? Bossy has the gory details. Spencer posted these two great videos side-by-side — they’re musical and funny. Pam found out that Bush’s current disapproval rating has only been beaten by two other Presidents. …and finally, Denver blogger Big Daddy found this Dunkin’ Donuts commerical that made me laugh so hard, it made me sad and cry. Listening to: “Cataracts” - And... More About: Roundup , July , Round , Weeks
Tome Of Mirth
2007-07-26 18:27:00 Antisocial Commentary Release Party Some may have noticed a certain guy who shows up in the Roundup on occasion. He certainly gets mentioned when I plug humor-blogs.com because he runs it and has made a nice community of people who are and who think they are funny — I’ll let you judge which category this blog belongs in. Over the past few months of getting to know him via email and his blog posts, I’ve developed a little bit of a blog crush on him. No, it’s not sexual. You people are terrible! It’s one of those crushes where you are attracted to his T&A. Of course, I mean Talent & Autographing. If you haven’t read Mattress Police, you should. He has a great way of making the mundane funny. Or as I’ve rewritten “Candy Man” from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Who take the mundane Sprinkle it with odd Cover it with cardboard And be a writing god …I never claimed to be a poet. So here’s the deal. He is a...
An iPhone Stole My Soul
2007-07-25 22:57:00 Rick and Alf — formerly of Oddville fame — decided to come to the Monkey’s Uncle show last Monday night merely so Rick could show off his new iPhone. I just received an email which included first-hand proof that my soul has been officially stolen by Apple’s new technical wonder: Don’t try to turn your computer screen to the side to see it in portrait view. That only works with the iPhone. Listening to: “Spinning” - Christopher Cross More About: Iphone , Soul , My Soul
Irony
2007-07-25 18:13:00 My doctor recently moved his practice to National Jewish Medical And Research Center and I went to visit him soon after the food poisoning incident (which was probably caused by something I ate on that Thursday and not Friday) in his new digs. National Jewish is strangely laid out compared to other medical centers, but, after being there for five minutes, I realized the simple logic of it and the place was then a breeze to navigate. In the center of the building is a huge waiting room with at least six doors connecting it to other areas. I took my paperwork to the woman at the podium — almost as if she were our Maitre De — who then had me seated. National Jewish is known for its respiratory knowledge which is the reason Andrew Speaker, the TB guy and personal injury lawyer (Iron y alert!), was here in Denver. The room was filled with the elderly all on oxygen. Yes, I asked the same question — why the hell are you in Denver? As I meandered through the crowd, my eyes ...
Changing Hosts
2007-07-24 17:03:00 Fair warning. I’ve put into motion a change in hosts, so the site and the blog may be unavailable for a time over the next couple of days. I’m going to have to turn off comments as well until the blog is situated again. Thank you for your patience and the fact that I can’t hear the grumbling. UPDATE: The move is finished and the blog is noticeable faster now. Honestly, I’m surprised I got it all done in a 7-hour time period. Listening to: “You Look So Fine” - Garbage More About: Changing , Chang , Chan , Hosts
OSR: Two Harry Potters
2007-07-23 19:07:00 One Sentence Review: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix The darkest and best-paced film in the series thus making it highly enjoyable. One Sentence Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Shades of Orwell with a heavy dose of Alan Moore’s fascist vision, this book — intentional or not — sharply mirrors the events of today’s political environment thus making it a truly satisfying end to an entertaining series. Listening to: “The Other End (Of The Telescope)” - ‘Til Tuesday
Current Ad Slogan
2007-07-22 00:11:00 In the immortal words of Carls, Jr. Don’t bother me. I’m reading. Listening to: “Bye Bye Baby” - Ok Go More About: Current , Slogan , Logan
Sling Shot Around The Sun
2007-07-20 16:51:00 I just thought of a great way to keep people away from the blog for at least a week. Starting tomorrow, I’m thinking about blogging my thoughts as I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Cool idea, huh? Millions of people will stay away in case I spoil anything! The power! The power! ... More About: Shot , Round , Sling
Sometimes Food Isn?t Good For You
2007-07-16 19:14:00 Here are the three things I ate on Friday: Chef Boyardee Speghetti and Meatballs Burger King Chicken Sandwich and Fries Marie Callendar’s Beef Tips and Potatoes One of these things kept me in bed all weekend due to a massive amount of… uh, well, you know what food poisoning does to you. My guess is — in the ... More About: Food , Good , Some
Dedications
2007-07-13 16:01:00 The other day I found my copy of Madonna’s third album, True Blue, which I hadn’t listened to in many years. It’s her biggest selling album internationally and — I’m probably going to have demerits punched into my gay card for this — has held up as well as Kathleen Turner for the past 20 years. For those that do, remember the stink that “Papa Don’t Preach” raised about someone not having an abortion? In this current political climate it would be praised, I’m sure, if you can get past Madonna’s whining. It’s her equivalent of complaining to Uncle Owen that she wanted to go to Toshie Station and pick up some power converteeeeeers. “Open Your Heart” still has those annoying keyboards. “True Blue” and “Jimmy Jimmy” try to make the 50’s cool (with “Jimmy Jimmy” sounding like a Devo reject), but unfortunately Blondie had been doing that nearly 10 years before and e...
OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!
2007-07-12 08:00:00 It’s a new Aimee Mann song! With a funny video to boot! No… Words… Should have sent a pretty and talented singer/songwriter. Song’s called “31 Today”. Be a part of the cool crowd and watch it.Read more musical funny over at Waking Up With Morning Song. Listening to: “If I Could Talk I’d Tell You” - The Lemonheads
Slogans I Would Love To See: Marie Callendar’s
2007-07-11 15:58:00 Special thanks to Hayes for finding a ‘mom’ font for the slogan. Hungry for more? Try the amusitizing menu at Humor-Blogs.com. Listening to: “Why Don’t You Do Right?” - Sinead O’Connor More About: Love , Marie , Slogan , Allen , Would
The Dreaded Chapter Twenty-Seven
2007-07-10 14:04:00 It’s entitled: “The Lightening-Struck Tower”. It’s THAT chapter. It’s the reason I’ve only read Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince once. The event at the end of that chapter is the reason I laid on the couch wiping tears out of my eyes during the final three chapters of the book. Yes, this is a total confession post. Make fun all you want, but it’s not my fault I fell into such a melancholy stupor. It’s J.K. Rowling’s. She is a manipulative, little bitch. Oh, how I love and loath her! No, I won’t give it away and will speak of the character only in non-gender specific terms. Let’s just say I predicted it was going to happen before Book 5, but was incorrect about which book it would happen in. I was told it was going to happen right before I started to read Book 6 but — to be honest — I think it made reading the book even worse since I knew it was going to happen. Now that I’m re-reading the entir... More About: Twenty , The D , Chapter , Went
Top 10 Of 2007: 2nd Quarter Check-In
2007-07-09 18:30:00 I forgot to update this on the 2nd. This is going to be a slow week on the Web Pen as I’m trying to make sure the Monkey show is ready to go before the 21st as I will be spending that weekend reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows whilst listening to Aimee ... More About: Check , Quarter
Lazy Sunday: Someone To Love
2007-07-08 17:37:00 Here’s the first single from Fountains Of Wayne’s latest album, “Traffic And Weather”. The album isn’t the best they’ve done, but this single is outstandingly fun and bittersweet at the same time. It also shows they still love The Cars, which is a good thing in my book. Listening to: “Chains Of Love (Live)” - ... More About: Sunday , Lazy , Some
Roundup - Week Of June 30
2007-07-07 15:26:00 The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere. Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here. Good morning and welcome to The Round up . I hope you find your stay pleasant. First up is the Diesel lovefest: He proclaimed The Web Pen Blog the featured humor blog of the week at Humor-Blogs.com. Uber-cool in ... More About: June , Week
If Eddie Murphy Can Do It?
2007-07-06 21:26:00 I just got this bit of news from The Hollywood Reporter: Walt Disney Pictures and Robert Zemeckis’ ImageMovers Digital will make “A Christmas Carol,” starring Jim Carrey as Scrooge, the Ghost of Christmas Past, the Ghost of Christmas Present and the Ghost of Christmas Future. Why not just use Peter Jackson’s Hobbitizing special effects and he ... More About: Eddie Murphy , Murphy , Eddie
Totally Forgot
2007-07-06 17:11:00 I made the finals again over at Diesel’s recent caption contest. Why not head over and take part? And again you don’t have to vote for mine just because you clicked from here. Really. I won’t hex you or anything. And I know a few now from the number of times I’ve read the ... More About: Ally
Please Welcome To The Stage?
2007-07-06 15:33:00 Cameron and I came up with a new drag name. Wednesday, we saw a double feature of Transformers and Ratatouille and, afterwards, we stopped by his place to pick up the steaks that I had requested for grilling. I don’t eat much beef, but was craving a steak. He had them marinating in wine, ... More About: Stage , Lease , Ease
Presume vs Assume
2007-07-05 14:00:00 Cameron and I had a discussion about the two words last night. I presume you are assuming a comfortable position in which to comfortably read. As you can see by that last sentence, Cameron said he was taught that assume means that you take on the characteristics of something. When I checked with Oxford, they ... More About: Assume
OSR: Transformers
2007-07-05 00:32:00 One Sentence Review: Tran sformer s Kicks some serious blockbuster ass and drags the 13-year-old out of you even if it’s kicking and screaming to stay in. Listening to: “Go Your Own Way” - Fleetwood Mac
WebPentionary
More articles from this author:2007-07-04 14:30:00 EFFICIOUS (ee-FISH-us) adj. [Please visit the post to listen to file] 1. The state of being aggressively productive. 2. Effectively mean; bitchy beyond reproach; cuntlike -Origin: 2007; Efficient + Vicious -Example: Ann Coulter is quite efficious in her attacks on John Edwards. -Related forms efficity, noun Listening to: “Original Sin” - INXS 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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