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Latest Best Bits
2020-10-02 20:22:00
Welcome to The Best Bit of the Internet!Latest update: Vic Gallium disses Cuba Gooding Jr in Suck My Hollywood.
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The Grim Reaper of Blogs
2008-03-08 05:30:00
Death.He comes to all us all in the end, scythe in hand, ready to help us shuffle off this mortal coil whether we want to or not.What a dick.For The Best Bit of the Internet, today heralds the day the Grim Reaper of Blogs reaches out with his mighty weapon (no laughing at the back, there. This is serious) and extinguishes all life from the poor, old blog.Which is a rather noncy , puffed-up way of saying I'm no longer updating this site.It was fun while it lasted, but now The Best Bit of the Internet has outlived its purpose. I'm far too busy writing The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely and my personal blog, Digital Sickbag to even care about this place any more.I know, its sad.Still, whilst The Best Bit of the Internet crumbles into ashes, something else will rise from them - Phoenix-like - and issue forth new life and new possibilities...Which is a rather noncy, puffed-up way of saying I've got a new site in the works. Look at this:Intrigued? No? WELL YOU BLOODY SHALL BE.ga...

Still the Best
2008-01-23 16:36:00
Hello! We're still here!We haven't all fled to the Caribbean, or been swallowed by sharks or anything, in case you're wondering. We've just been busy, is all. Geez, give us a break already. No, YOU shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP.That's it! We're going to mother's.While we're at mother's, sobbing away and eating ice cream by the gallon, you might like to visit our other spectacular sites, where we've been as busy as ever:The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely - the exhilarating, erotically-charged exploits of a Victorian aristocrat.The Carrotty Kid - kung-fu carrot based cartoons.Digital Sickbag - the virtual vomitings of some sickly sod.i done a comic - foul-mouthed comic strip fun.We shall return!See you soon!

Ray the Otter: Fez.
2007-12-07 05:28:00
For more Ray the Otter , and other assorted curse-filled cartoons, visit i done a comic, by Stu Munro.Oh, and wish him a Happy Birthday while you're there.And call him a shit-bag.- Fanton.

Best or Worst: Mugs.
2007-11-28 15:17:00
BEST or WORST?Welcome to yet another new column for The Best Bit of the Internet, where we will review products for YOU so you can decide whether or not to buy them, as our opinions are ALWAYS RIGHT and should be adhered to RIGIDLY.Today, we take a look at MUGS.We don't know about you, but we are fed up of pouring scalding hot drinks into our cupped hands, just to enjoy some tea or coffee. There has to be a better way to enjoy our favourite drinks, without winding up in the Emergency Ward?Well, now there is - mugs. These drinking vessels purport to eliminate those burnt-hand blues by providing a receptacle in which hot beverages can be stored, ready to be drunk at your leisure. So, does the mug work, or are they making mugs of us all?DesignThe mug certainly looks nice, having been carefully crafted out of ceramic materials and rounded off with a lovely glazed finish. A sole handle sits on the side, lending the mug an economy of design that only adds to its charm. Unfussy, uncomplic...
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You Are Going Straight to Hell because You Will Not Touch Yourself.
2007-11-27 15:29:00
God is angry. God is very angry. It doesn't pay to make God angry. You wouldn't like him when He's angry.God is angry because, despite His best efforts, and all His hard work, some of you out there still refuse to touch yourself.Look between your legs. Go on, get up off your chair, pull down your trousers (or lift up your skirts) and take a look.See that thing between your legs? That is no accident of design. God did not slip with His Almighty Holy pencil while sketching out His blueprint for mankind. That thing is there for a reason. And no, I'm not referring to urination. Touch it. Touch it gently. Feel that pleasant sensation? That is God's way of telling you that you should touch yourself more often.I hear fellow Christians claiming that touching yourself is a terrible, ugly sin. Those people are WRONG, and God shall strike them down. If God had meant for masturbation to be a sin, He would surely have made your genitals boiling hot to the touch, or made them shrivel up and ...
More About: Hell , Straight , Goin

The Best Bits of the Internet that We Didn't Do 2
2007-11-21 15:03:00
Hello and welcome again to The Best Bit of the Internet 's 'The Best Bits of the Internet that We Didn't Do...2'! (APPLAUSE, CHEERING).Right! Without further ado, here are some things we've found on the internet that we didn't do, but are still Quite Good nonetheless. Soooooo....Pringle BellsSome of our good chums are in a band, and as such they like to make music. One of the musics they made recently was a Christmas-themed jingle for everyone's favourite tube-based snack, Pringles, as part of a competition run by the crunchy crisp corporation. Below is the band's masterpiece, set to a lovely animated video involving snowmen. And crisps. Watch it, love it, and then why not vote for it on the Pringles site, so that they might win and maybe treat us to a delicious Pringle. Do it, or little baby Christ will cry for all infinity.Crispy Christmas Vote for this video at the Pringles Jingles site!SnowfunYeah, we know, we know. We've run articles about this virtual snowman maker bef...
More About: The Internet

The Best Bits of the Internet that We Didn't Do
2007-11-09 18:21:00
Although we here at The Best Bit of the Internet are generally responsible for all the best stuff on the web, sometimes other people do things that are not too bad, and definitely worth a look. So, sit back, relax and pull down your pants as we share with you some of the best bits of the internet that we didn't do, in our new weekly column we call:The Best Bits of the Internet that We Didn't DoDaveulaThis short film, made as part of a university project by some friends of ours, asks that age-old question: what would you do if you thought your mate was a vampire? We've all been there, right? Writer/director/star Tom Butler has done a sterling job on a budget of three pounds fifty-five, and produced a funny film for you to enjoy now:Although we did not make this film, we heartily endorse it anyway. Not least because we did do a bit of writing on it, and generously donated our old flat for some of the location filming. We're nice like that. Hooray!Filthy SnowmenPeople of high virtu...
More About: The Internet

BNN: Terrorist Leader Skeletor Arrested
2007-11-09 02:30:00
The Best News NetworkLos Angeles, CaliforniaThe War on Terror claimed another victory last night, after the sensational arrest of terrorist leader and skeletal super-villain Skeletor, following a sensational raid on his LA apartment, late last night.Skeletor - real name Keldor - was led away in handcuffs by police, after officers were tipped off about his location by concerned neighbours.Got him...an officer leads Skeletor to an awaiting police car."There had been a lot of loud music and shouting coming from his apartment," neighbour Jutt Firwad told BNN. "I went to complain about the noise, and couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Skeletor standing there, larger than life! He told me to f*** off, and waved a staff in my face, saying he was gonna zap me, so I ran back to my place and immediately called the cops."The police arrived on the scene promptly, along with the FBI, and some SWAT teams. Mr. Skeletor apparently tried to evade capture by riding off on a large, purple panther, b...
More About: Arrested , Terrorist , Leader

The Best Fun: Build a Snowman Without Freezing Your Balls Off
2007-11-07 02:58:00
So, it is November; the nights are getting darker, a chill fills the air and Winter's ice-cold hands will soon be upon us, like some kind of zombie bastard clawing at your face, trying to feast on your warm, squidgy brains.But you know what else Winter brings, right? Yup - SNOW!Snow is great fun. You can compact it into balls and hurl it at the heads of unsuspecting relatives, you can write your name in it or you can eat it in a desperate bid to stay alive when you find yourself trapped on a mountain, having already eaten your best friend who gave his life so that you might live. Ah, yes. Great times.Another reason that snow is so fucking ace is that you can use it to make snowmen. Or snow-women. Or snow people-of-no-specific-gender, if you wish to be politically correct. You freak.But what if you like to build snowmen, but don't like freezing your bits off in the ice-cold air? What if you are allergic to snow? What if snow terrifies you beyond all belief? What if snow killed your...
More About: Balls , Build , Snowman

Suck My Hollywood: Shove Your Pen Up Your Ass
2007-11-04 02:08:00
So, the Writers Guild of America has called for strike action by its 12,000 members this Monday, all because they think writers should get more money or some such shit.Fucking writers.I've had nothing but fucking trouble with these pencil-dicked pen-pushers. I remember back in 1993, having a really rough fucking time trying to get a writer to stick to my vision for a movie I had greenlit called Tank vs Tank. It was an idea put to me by my good friend and fellow producer LeonHeimlich, about a crazed Soviet agent trashing downtown New York with a big, fuckin' tank. The only guy who could stop this crazy Commie was a US tank commander called Karl Tank, a bad-ass with a dark past and an addiction to crack cocaine. Cue lots of spectacular tank chases, shit blowin' up and Karl Tank fuckin' some chick on the roof of his tank. It was a license to print money, as far as I was concerned.So, I sent the synopsis to this fresh, new writer called Teddy Lunge, who had just written an Oscar-nom...
More About: Hollywood , Suck , Olly , Hove

The Best Advice: Making Money
2007-10-26 03:22:00
The Best Bit of the Internet Presents:THE BEST ADVICE1. Making a Shitload of Money on the InternetYeah, you've heard it all before. You've probably all read John Chow, or Problogger or any of the other countless blogs and sites all offering you fail-safe advice on how to find your riches in the virtual hills of the internet.Well forget them. Those guys? Pfffft. They don't know their assholes from their SEOs. Luckily, The Best Bit of the Internet is on hand with REAL advice on how to make those big bucks. Trust us, we know what we're talking about. We all have solid-gold trousers on, and drink champagne from glass slippers all day. SO LISTEN UP!Step One: FORGET CONTENT! Dullards often say, 'Hey! If you write consistently good, well-written content, people will find it and you will soon rake in the cash!'WRONG!People don't have a clue. People know SHIT. People pay good money to watch Rob Schneider movies, or to go to James Blunt concerts. People are STUPID. Don't try to pander...
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Suck My Hollywood: What the Fuck is Wrong with Cuba Gooding Jr?
2007-10-02 19:12:00
Once every two months, my ex-wife and all-round bitch Loretta lets me spend a weekend with our son, 8 year-old Tad.Tad is a really good fucking kid, who is already just fucking nuts about movies. The little son-of-a-bitch is gonna grow up to be a sexy, Hollywood super-producer just like his dad, I swear.So, last weekend I took Tad to see that fucking Daddy Day Camp, a sequel of sorts to that shitty Eddie Murphy flick, Daddy Day Care. It was a piece of shit movie, predictable and stupid and just...well, shit. Even Tad said it was, "more painful than a fissure in the ass." (He's a bright kid, is Tad). Daddy Day Camp marks the umpteenth consecutive crappy role for Cuba Gooding Jr, who's career seems to have gone down the toilet quicker than Godzilla's first shit of the day.I mean, what the fuck is wrong with Cuba Gooding Jr, anyway? Since picking up an Oscar for his performance in Jerry Maguire, the asshole has churned out dud after dud after dud. He did that crappy gay boat film, t...
More About: Suck , Wrong , What the fuck

The Best is Back!
2007-09-21 15:49:00
Hello, and welcome back to The Best Bit of the Internet!Yes, like a sexy phoenix from the flames, The Best Bit of the Internet has risen once more, nearly two months after being shot dead by trained assassins.With so many (fucking BRILLIANT) ideas bubbling away in our collective heads, we here at Crazy Kids Productions (that's us) decided that rather than constantly making new blogs and sites for everything (only for them to then go unattended for months when we get bored of the idea), we'd much rather just reinstate The Best Bit of the Internet to house them all again, under one roof. ONE REALLY EXCELLENT ROOF!Just below this post (probably one of the BEST posts you've ever read, right?) you'll find new Anthology of Awful, Take Life From Behind, and Carrotty Kid; as well as all-new additions to the Best Bit roster, like Stink Crescent Meadows, Suck My Hollywood and The Shits O'Clock News.Bloody hell, there's some good stuff right there.So: we're back. Keep watching this very...
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The Carrotty Kid: Cobbzilla - The Animation!
2007-09-21 15:48:00
Hey, best buddies!Regular followers of The Best Bit of the Internet may have heard us go on about our web-comic The Car rotty Kid, and may well have seen the fantastic pilot episode (and then pooped yourself with delight), but now we present to you more animated carrot fun, with the carrotty cartoon we call 'Cobbzilla', once again animated by the supremely delicious Mike Whaite.Click the image below to enjoy the first part of this cartoon EPIC - and enjoy!For more Carrotty Kid, skip on over to his website at www.thecarrottykid.co.uk - or TASTE the PAIN.- Fanton.
More About: Animation , Imation

Suck My Hollywood: Son of a Pitch
2007-09-21 14:20:00
There's an old saying in Hollywood - "If you're gonna fuck a chick, make sure sure she has no dick." Which is real good goddamn advice, but that's not what I wanna talk about today.The old saying I'm talking about is this: "If you wanna get rich, learn how to pitch". This is abso-fucking-lutely true.In this town, you can have the best fucking idea for a movie ever, but if you can't present it to some suited-up cunt in the boardroom, then you're fucked. Learning to pitch your idea in a way that makes anyone who hears it instantly cum in their pants is the key to success in Hollywood.I've been pitching shit for years now, ever since I was a wide-eyed kid trying to break into the industry. I can still remember my first successful pitch back in the Eighties, when I pitched the idea for Kick Doctor to the head of Felch Films, Jeff Spazzmeyer. "He's a doctor," I said, "and he knows martial arts. He gets fed up of tending to the victims of a gang war in his city, so he goes out to...
More About: Suck , Pitch , Olly

Ray the Otter - Kitty
2007-09-21 14:19:00
i done a comic and Ray the Otter are © Stu Munro 2007.For a whole bunch more Ray, visit i done a comic today!
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The Shits O'Clock News: Opinion Box
2007-09-21 14:17:00
The Shits O'Clock News Opinion BoxThe recent suicide attempt by Zoolander and Royal Tenenbaums star Owen Wilson is obviously a terrible and tragic event, but what do YOU think about it? The Shits O'Clock News hit the streets to find out."It's a cocking disgrace," said Mr. Marty Fuck, a dick polisher from Verwood in Dorset. "Why did it have to be poor Owen Wilson? He is brilliant, and has a fantastic wonky nose. Why couldn't it have been someone shit, like Rob Schneider or Martin Lawrence? It's fucking crazy."This statement was echoed by a Miss Lucy Plops, of Birmingham. "A cunt like Vinnie Jones or the Wayans brothers should have been in that hospital now, driven to slashing their wrists in the realisation that they do nothing but inflict utterly shit movies on the movie-going public. Owen Wilson is too ace to be there."Owen Wilson - 'excellent'."If there was any justice in the world, Jude Law would have not only overdosed on drugs, but then ran onto some train tracks and ex...

Suck My Hollywood: FUCK Hollywood
2007-09-21 14:16:00
Fuck Hollywood .Yeah, that's right. That's what I said. Fuck Hollywood. Hey, that's what I do, each and every motherfuckin' day. I take Hollywood, lift up Hollywood's skirt, pull down Hollywood's panties and fuck it hard on my desk. And I don't stop fuckin' until Hollywood is my fuckin' BITCH.Hey, you don't like it? Then fuck you too.I'm Vic Gallium, Hollywood super-producer. You all know the name. You know when people say, "Yo! He's the man!" Well, I'm the motherfuckin' man they're talkin' about. Me. I'm THE man. The man behind such big-cocked, huge-balled movies as Jet Cops, Bent Steel, Tank vs Tank, Shoot First (and it's sequel, Shoot Second), Punching Hard, Kick Doctor, Crankshaft and Double Barreled Bastard - all of which have netted a shit-kickin' $3.5 billion dollars at the box office. So yeah, damn fuckin' straight I'm the man.Over the next few weeks or months or however fuckin' long I keep this shit going, I'll be taking you all behind the scenes of mo...
More About: Suck , Fuck , Olly

Stink Crescent Meadows: How's The Kids?
2007-09-21 14:14:00
How's The Kids ?
More About: The Kids , Cres , Mead

The Shits O'Clock News: Wanker Walks Free
2007-09-21 14:10:00
London, UKA blunder by the stupid fucking police force has allowed part-time rocker and full-time twatstick Pete Doherty to walk free, after having been arrested on suspected drug offences on Monday.Dickwad Doherty, 28, singer with such shitty bands as the Libertines and Babyshambles, was arrested Monday after performing at the V Festival, but the charge of breaching conditional bail was dropped after police failed to produce Doherty before court within the 24 hour time period. The useless twats.Pete Doherty, probably off his face on sherbert, or something.In a statement, Metropolitan Police confessed they had made an error. "Yeah, we fucked it up," a spokesman told the press. "We could have put that tedious little cunt Pete Doherty away, but as we are a bunch of fucking retards, we sort of forgot we had to get him in front of a court within 24 hours. Boy, are our faces red!"There is still hope, however, as waste of skin Doherty is still waiting to be charged on previous accounts of...
More About: News , Free , Wanker , Walks

Take Life From Behind : Two Steps Forward
2007-09-21 14:06:00
Think about this, friends. Only a short while ago you were in bed, not standing, and not at all ready to take on life.Now look at you! You're out of that bed, and completely stood up, ready to look life in the face and scream, "I am coming to get you, life!"That's great. It really is. Now onto the next part of my program - it's time to get moving!It's all very well being awake and out of bed, standing up vertically on your own two feet. But all that means approximately diddley-squat if you're not prepared to go anywhere. So, let's stop standing still, and start not standing still.It's a harsh fact of life, but a lot of people can spend their entire lives standing still and not moving, which is fine if you're a living statue or artist's model, but otherwise it is NOT FINE. No one got anywhere standing still and not moving, you know. And that, my friends, is cast-iron, stone-clad scientific FACT.So, here is what I want you to do. I want you to move your feet. Not at the same ...
More About: Life , Forward , Steps

Anthology of Awful: Terror Tree
2007-09-21 14:04:00
Trees.They are our giant, wooden friends, providing us with the very air we breathe, our shelter and our firewood. There is nothing at all BAD about trees, is there?Or is there?For Janet Hotpoint, a housewife from Dorchester, a tree was to prove to be something altogether more sinister...Janet Hotpoint was a receptionist at a busy PR firm, a job which kept her terribly busy during the day, and which left here exhausted by the time the evening set in. Suffice to say, Miss Hotpoint was eager to collapse into her bed after a hard day's receptioning, and drift off to a peaceful slumber.On this occasion, however, peaceful was the very thing her slumber would not be. For, at around midnight, she was suddenly awoken by a tapping upon the bedroom window.Tap. Tap. Tap.Janet Hotpoint sat bolt upright, her heart pounding in her chest. What was that awful noise? Was there someone at her window, trying to break in? Was it a phantom, trying to drive her from her home? Or, worse still, could it b...
More About: Terror , Tree , Anthology , Holo , Awful

The Shits' O Clock News: Breaking Wind
2007-09-21 14:00:00
Jamaica, the Americas.Jamaica is bracing itself for the onslaught of Hurricane Dean, as the big fucking storm heads straight towards the Caribbean.The country is on full alert as the 145 mph winds advance onwards from the Caribbean Sea, having already ravaged parts of the Eastern Caribbean, blowing shit over, smashing stuff and generally causing a right fucking mess.A woman prepares herself for the oncoming storm, by putting up her umbrella.Meteorologists are helpfully warning that the hurricane, due to strike in the next few hours, could be "potentially catastrophic", as opposed to one of those fucking hurricanes which are "potentially lovely and nice."The US is also on full alert and standing by, ready to fly in aid when the storm strikes, "if necessary". How they define "necessary" is not yet clear, but from the shitty, slow response to Hurricane Katrina two years ago, Jamaican authorities are not holding their breath.Hurricane Dean - probably named after Eastenders' star Dean G...
More About: News , Clock , Wind , Breaking , Brea

The Shits' O Clock News: US Cut Rates or Something
2007-09-21 13:57:00
New York, USAEconomies worldwide showed signs of recovery this morning, following the cock-awful stock market crash on Thursday which saw billions of dollars wiped off of share prices, causing many rich cunts to drop their cigars in horror, and leading to some even spurting out a mouthful of champagne, as they saw their shares tumble to the ground like a whore's knickers.In order to reverse the decline of that terrible day - now known as 'Shit Thursday' by traders - the US Federal Reserve cut the rate at which it lends to commercial banks, or some such shit that we don't fully understand, to be honest.Whatever the fuck they did, it seemed to help, and the 0.5% cut saw shares open higher in Wall Street, London and across Europe.Some bastard looking like someone shat in his sandwich. "I'm fucking relieved," one stock market trader told the Shits O'Clock News . "I was about ready to jump out of a fucking window. But now, I won't have to. I probably wouldn't have anyway, as this ...
More About: Rates

Closing For Business
2007-08-08 02:16:00
Bad news, everybody!The Best Bit of the Internet is to be no more, as we have been bought out by a sinister, clandestine lovely new corporation called gaup enterprises, inc., an organisation which allegedly definitely produces some of the finest comedy blogs on the internet.As they snap up us, Lord Likely, i done a comic and The Carrotty Kid, in their eagerness to hold a monopoly on all laughter ever, we have been told that we will be closed down, to make way for their own blog here.Obviously this is terrible news, but apparently all the old stuff you loved (or hated) will now be available through their website, so you can still be guaranteed to get yer chuckles there.So, we're done for. We'd just like to thank you all for humouring us as we humour you, and before we go we'd just like to take a moment to say something to our new owners: you're a bunch of complete and utter (post terminated by gaup enterprises, inc.)
More About: Business , Sine

Movie Review: The Simpsons Movie
2007-07-25 03:19:00
The Simpsons Movie , Cert. PG, 87 minutes, dir: David Silverman.The Simpsons finally make the leap to the silver screen...or should that be the YELLOW screen (as they are yellow)?No, you're probably right.Anyway, The Simpsons Movie is here at last, is the general gist of what I'm trying to say, and happily I can also add to that the following: it's good. Very good.When Lake Springfield's levels of pollution reach alarmingly dangerous heights, Springield is put on 'Code Black' . ("Code black? Oh, man. Black's the worst colour," says Lennny, before turning to Karl and adding, "...no offence.") This means that the lake is out of bounds as a dumping ground for the town's inhabitants, but of course, while the townsfolk adhere to this new rule, it only takes one certain Homer J. Simpson to shun the new rule, leaving Springfield to be ruled as an environmental danger and placed under a large dome....cue antics.This film is a slender 87 minutes long, and rolls along at a fair old pac...
More About: Movie Review , Review , The Simpsons

The Carrotty Kid Returns With A Vengance Again
2007-07-24 04:37:00
Hello!Crazy Kids Productions is proud(ish) to unleash the all-new, all-singing, all-karate-ing Carrotty Kid website onto the internet.Click the banner below for a fine selection of kung-fu comics, games and cartoons.We hope you get a KICK out of it. Hahaha! Kick.
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The Life Moronic: Will the Real MandMs please stand up?
2007-05-10 01:41:00
Good evening.Something very upsetting has happened.While recently shopping for chocolatey treats I purchased a packet of MandMs. Upon arriving home I noticed they had been labeled "Choco MandMs". Choco? Since when was a superfluous prefix needed? MandMs have always been chocolate! The colour of the packaging denoted the original or the peanut variant.It's my belief that the Peanut addition of the MandM brand has become so popular that they have eclipsed the original to become the default MandM. This situation has to be rectified. What next? Will they rename the original KitKat "KitKat Small"?This is entirely the fault of Wispa Gold. In the early 90s, Wispa introduced a new variety of thier bubbly bar with a caramel filling. The success of this paved the way for Wispa Mint. Aero was soon to follow with Orange and then Mint. The success of bastardising the brand led to the eventual introduction of the almighty KitKat Chunky. The king of bastardised brands.Now you can hardly find an o...
More About: Life , Real , Stand Up , Stand , Stand-Up

i done a comic: Natural Born Kittens
2007-05-10 01:32:00
From the bowels of i done a comic.
More About: Comic , Natural , Kittens , Natur , Natura