Nate is a BlogNate is a BlogNate is a Blog provides its readers with one funny post a day. If you like to laugh you'll love Nate is a Blog. If you don't like laughing, see your physician. Articles
Believe it to Beaver
2007-06-06 07:56:00 An article in CNN.com said quoted today, "During the first GOP presidential debate last month in California, three Republican candidates raised eyebrows by indicating they did not subscribe to Charles Darwin's theory of evolution, a widely accepted scientific concept about the origins of life." Here are 10 more things those republican candidates secretly (or not so secretly) don't believe in.1. Gravity.2. A woman's right to vote.3. Democracy.4. That every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.5. Affirmative action.6. If you hold your face like that for too long it will freeze that way.7. Santa.8. You must wait 1 full hour after eating before you go swimming.9. Paying it forward.10. Love after love. More About: Beaver
Freed Willies
2007-05-30 23:24:00 A headline on CNN.com today read "Whales May Have Slipped Into Ocean Before Dawn." The story goes on to say that two whales that had gotten lost and ended up near the Golden Gate Bridge may have found their way back into the Ocean on Wednesday morning. Rescuers had planned on returning them to their rightful home, but when they showed up this morning the Whales were already gone. A search for them yeilded no results and it is believed they are back in the wild. But don't be surprised if next summer there is a Free Willy 4 in a theater near you. More About: Lies
10 Movies I Wish Hollywood Would Make
2007-05-29 05:45:00 1. Hannibal Lectern: A movie about a podium that eats people as they try to give speeches.2. Pulp Diction: A movie about two guys with really bad vocabularies.3. Lamp Before Time: A movie about how fire was discovered by three young dinosaurs.4. Rakes on a Plane: While walking through the aisle of a jetliner, Samuel L. Jackson continuously steps on rakes, causing them to hit him in the face over and over until he finally yells "I'm tired of all these Mother F#%*in' rakes on this Mother F#%*in' Plane!5. Pirates of the Carabiner: Captain Jack Sparrow climbs the 7 Deadly Trees in search of gold.6. Schindler's Lisp: A Nazi struggles with his inability to pronounce the word "execute."7. So I Married an Axe: A complete shot by shot re-make of Mike Meyer's "So I Married an Axe Murderer" only this time his love interest is an axe.8. 3 Men and a Kid: A re-make of the 3 Men and a Baby movie, only instead of a baby, it's a goat!9. Mortal Wombat: Cute and cuddly little wombats destroy eac... More About: Hollywood , Movies , Make , Holl , Would
Are You Healthier Than a Fifth Grader?
2007-05-24 03:46:00 So I'm strolling through grocery store, and by that I mean I was fighting traffic in an extremely aggravated manner and cussing out little stay at home moms as they amble down the aisles with no real sense of direction, and what do I find? Maybe the greatest food item endorsed by a redneck comedian ever! Jeff Foxworthy "Premium Quality" Beef Jerky. YESSSSSS!!!! A quote from Jeff says that this beef jerky is so good you'll want to eat it naked. I highly doubted that. Of all the foods in the world that I would consider it a faux pas to eat while naked, jerky really takes the cake. But once I got home and opened up a bag of Jeff's Jerky, oddly enough I found myself wanting to remove articles of clothing. Don't worry, I was able to maintain control. But damn, it is good. My Wife and I seriously considered going back to the grocery store, and filling a shopping cart with it, and then having a week's worth of meals that consisted solely of Jeff Foxworthy Beef Jerky and potato chips.... More About: Fifth , Heal
Ode to the Helicopter Hangy Thingy
2007-05-17 05:57:00 Okay, so officially they're called skids, but I want to pay tribute to those landing bars that are on the bottom of Helicopter s that are always being hung onto by action heroes. Can you imagine what our world would be like if we didn't have those? Well, I guess first of all, there would be 100% more helicopter crashes because without those there is no way you can land a chopper safely. But besides that, just think of all the time a villain would have gotten away because the hero didn't have anything to grab onto and then climb up and kill the bad guys. Those hangy thingies are the unsung hero of the crime fighting world.When I originally set out to write this post, I had grand visions of posting a bunch of pics from classic action flicks where a hero is hanging from the skid of a helicopter. But I spent approximately 3 hours scouring google images and could not find one satisfactory pic. This makes this famous helicopter part even more majestic. Now, like Unicorns, we know that t... More About: Thing
if I say so
2007-05-14 07:59:00 I've come to a realization that anytime I make a declaration that I'm going to do something, I don't do it. It's not that I am not trying to do it. I fully intend to do it. But invariably, something gets in my way. Case in point: I recently declared that I was going to take a hiatus from this blog. After a couple of weeks, I missed it so damn much that I started writing it again. So then I declared that I was going to start writing this blog regularly again. And now...it's been 6 days since my last post. And let's face it, I was pretty much just phoning it in on those posts. At first I thought this was a horrible character flaw on my part. Look at me! I'm the guy who can't make good on any of his promises. But then I realized, even if I promised to be a slacker, I couldn't live "up" to that. So maybe my curse, is really my power. Maybe I can use this power for good. Maybe I can start declaring that I am NOT going to do certain things that I do want to do. For instance, I am...
Just Nuke It!
2007-05-07 19:36:00 In an article in news.sky.com scientists claim to have created a machine that can give you an 8 hour sleep in just 3 hours. Using a technique called Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation the scientists can induce slow waves like the ones your brain gives off when you are in your deepest sleep. "The TMS device sends harmless magnetic signals through the scalp and skull and into the brain where it activates electrical impulses." It's kind of like sticking a frozen pizza in the microwave and having a tasty treat in a matter of minutes. Only instead of a frozen pizza, it's your brain!So is this a good idea? Or a bad idea? Let's weigh the pros and cons together.Pro: No more sleepless nights.Con: No more "sleepless night" excuses.Pro: Great for making sure your buddy doesn't wake up before you finish drawing on his face.Con: I'm usually that buddy.Pro: More time to get stuff done.Con: More time to feel bad about how much you haven't done.Whenever technology like this is invented, I alwa... More About: Nuke
3-Duh
2007-05-07 18:27:00 According to this article in the NY Times we will soon be able to download 3-D plans for different objects, and physically print them right in our own homes! So for example, if you lost the battery cover to your cell phone, boom! You can print a new one. Currently the going rate for one of these 3-D printers is about $15,000 but some companies hope to make them available for the low low price of $4,995 by the end of the year. And you know the price is only going to keep going down. I can't wait to get one of these bad boys. Here are first ten 3-D objects I would print.1. Nunchucks: Duh!2. Mustache: I would put myself in the printer like a piece of paper, and have the mustache printed right on me!3. 2-D printer: I still don't have one of those.4. Egg McMuffin: Mmmmmm...5. iPhone: obviously.6. Unicorn: They exist now!7. Bottle of Mt. Dew: 3-D refreshment.8. 3-D glasses: That way I can see everything I've printed.9. Trash can: I have a feeling there's going to be a lot of mistakes....
Houston...We have a question.
2007-05-03 06:04:00 An article on CNN.com yesterday announced that NASA was dealing with a lot of uncomfortable questions. Among these questions were if they were one a 3 year mission to Mars and an astronaut died, should they dispose of the body, and if so, how? Another question they are tossing around in their think tanks is how should astronauts handle their sexual needs during an extended space mission? (Remember, things are messier in zero gravity)Here are 10 more awkward questions I'd like to see NASA deal with:1. After 2 years of space travel, is it okay to tell your co-astronaut that he has been saying your name wrong since you first launched?2. What is the best way to tell a fellow astronaut that their breath stinks? Can you ask him to wear his mask the whole time?3. In space, if you smelled it, did you dealt it?4. Is it still okay to refer to black holes as "black"?5. When getting back into the space ship after walking on the moon, do standard "shotgun" rules apply?6. Is it okay to yell "fi... More About: Question , Have , Quest , Houston
BTE candidate
2007-04-29 23:04:00 So...YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! This is definitely a candidate for Best Thing Ever. It's called "The Avenging Unicorn," and if you go to the website that is selling it you'll see that it comes with "4 magical horns and 3 figures to impale." In the picture the impaled figure of choice is a mime.If I had to choose between the ability to grow a nunchucks mustache and being able to summon a beautiful white unicorn to come to my aid and impale whomever I wish, I'm not sure which one I'd go with!The only thing better than a unicorn that impales people upon my command, is a unicorn with nunchucks instead of a horn, that chucks people to death upon my command. More About: Candidate
Blogstache Day 5
2007-04-28 20:53:00 I don't think I'll ever have a real mustache... More About: Logs
The League!
2007-04-26 23:19:00 Video Game Baseball season has just begun, and it's getting real! My friends and I play a video game called MVP '06 NCAA Baseball. We take it pretty seriously and we've decided to document our digital season and are even keeping stats. It's going to get pretty tense. Here are two profile videos for two of the players. Enjoy. More About: League
Honesty
2007-04-26 02:48:00 I LOVE this picture. This is an ad that you will find at the Goodwill stores. In an age where everything gets spun by the media and perfectly sculpted models sell everything from toilet cleaners to hot pockets, it's nice to know that one company is still keepin' it real. More About: Honest , Nest , Honesty
Blogstache Day 2
2007-04-25 18:06:00 It is now Day 2 of my attempt to grow a mustache. Get the latest update on my progress here. More About: Logs
Hat Head
2007-04-25 06:51:00 It must be cool to be able to wear a hat and not worry if it is going to mess up your hair. But I bet it sucks to be bald and always feel like you need to wear a hat. More About: Head
Blogstache
2007-04-25 03:50:00 I'm always talking about how I can't grow a mustache. Well now it's time for me to put my money where my upper lip is. Today I started a .mac blog called "Blogstache." It'll be a daily update of my attempt to grow a mustache. It's going to be a sad sad story. More About: Logs
You'll Go Blind
2007-04-24 00:06:00 Great! Throughout my childhood I was told that if you stare at the sun you will go blind. And now, not only does NASA want me to stare at the sun, they want me to do it in 3D!!! According to CNN.com, NASA has released a series of three-dimensional images of the sun that were taken by twin spacecraft.But that's not all. NASA is also encouraging their astronauts to run on the moon while holding scissors, and to cross through an asteroid belt without looking both ways. Thanks NASA! More About: Blind
What kind of Pirates ARRR you?
2007-04-21 20:14:00 I just read on CNN.com that Pyratecon, a weekend long Pirate convention, is headed down to New Orleans. This is pretty awesome. I love pirates. But the article goes on to say that part of the convention will include going to schools hit by Katrina to give aid. Excuse me? Look, I'm all for helping out the victims of Katrina. But if you are going to spend a weekend trying to be as piratey as possible, spreading good will and helping out others is not the way to do it. Pirates are all about plundering and pillaging and taking whatever they can get for themselves. "Take what you can. Give nothing back!" What's next? Is there going to be a NAMBLA convention where people dress up like pedophiles and then go spend a day volunteering at a Senior Citizen home? Or maybe a Hooker convention where they go to schools and teach abstinence. All I'm saying is comic book geeks don't go to comic book conventions to get laid, and pirate geeks shouldn't go to pirate conventions to give aid. More About: Rates , Rate , Irate
My Dreams Come True!
2007-04-20 23:21:00 So I just saw this on CNN.com. In Chicago, they are planning on building a 2000 foot, 150 story, twisting skyscraper. It will be the tallest building in the US. But that's not the best part. Look at it! It's a big Unicorn horn! It's so beautiful! I am so jealous of the 1,200 residents that will get to live inside this magical creation! I can only imagine how glorious the inside of this building will be!10 Best Things About Living in a Unicorn Horn1. Terrorists can't destroy this building because Unicorn horns are impervious to evil.2. None of the residents will ever have a need for viagra.3. You never have to tell people your address. You can just say, I live at the Unicorn horn and they know exactly what you mean.4. You can finally put up all those paintings of unicorns without it seeming gay.5. Free pot of gold at the end of every hallway.6. When you go into the basement, you are in the Unicorn's brain!7. You don't have to worry about water building up on the roof of the bui... More About: Dreams , Dream , True , Come
Colored Couch
2007-04-20 08:24:00 CNN.com reported this headline today: Chinese Translation Error Blamed For Slur on Sofa Label. A couch that was being delivered to a black family raised quite a stir when the 7-year-old daughter saw that it was labeled "Nigger Brown." The mother complained to the furniture store who blamed the supplier. The supplier pointed out that the mistake was a result of an old Chinese translation software that translates the Chinese symbols for "dark brown" into this more offensive English translation. The supplier explained, "We're not racist. We just have a chink in our system. I'm sorry, I mean kink in our system." More About: Couch , Ouch
Don't let me die!
2007-04-20 04:34:00 So I just found an awesome website called funnyordie.com. It's produced by Will Ferrell and his peeps and basically it is a host site for funny videos. At the end of each video you can vote either "funny" or "die." If you do really well then Will Ferrell comes to your house and kisses you on the lips (that's an assumption, but I think it's a safe one to make.) If enough people vote for your video to die, it goes to the crypt. I've posted some videos up on the site. Some you have seen here. Please click on the links below and if you think they are funny vote for them by clicking on "funny" in the video player. If you don't think they are funny...simply walk away. Thanks! And make sure you go to the site!AutotapeGet RhythmFigures of ActionIf I had NunchucksTelling JokesReese's Quail Cups
Battle!
2007-04-20 00:57:00 In the blog forums at bloggeries.com I posted a challenge to other would be funny bloggers to see if they thought their blog was funnier than mine. For several days everyone cowered behind their keyboards, but finally one brave soul has stepped forward to put me in my place. He goes by BP Perry and his blog is http://ittodbtbia.wordpress.com. Now, if you are reading my blog, chances are you are biased. But go check his blog out. Read a lot of his entries. And then let us know what you think. You can email me at nateisablog@gmail.com to tell me who's blog is funnier. I won't be hurt if you say he is funnier, I'll just be inspired to work harder (but don't just say that so that I work harder). More About: Battle
"Please, Play Hard To Get"
2007-04-19 21:30:00 I caught this headline on CNN.com today: Antwerp Zoo asks visitors not to stare at the chimpsOne chimp in particular, named Cheetah, was raised by humans but is now integrating into the ape society and the zoo officials fear too much human bonding will delay the chimp's progress.I've always had a problem with zoos because they are not interactive enough. Why the hell can't I jump in the lion's den and reenact my favorite story from the Bible? Why isn't there a set of vines over the alligator pit so that I can swing across like Tarzan? And if I provide my own mice, why can't I feed the boa constrictor? What good is it to have all these animals trapped in cages if we can't play with them? All we can do is look! But now we can't even do that.The Antwerp Zoo, in Belgium, has placed a sign outside the chimp exhibit that asks visitors not to stare at the chimps. Their new motto should be, "Nature, Get a Glimpse!" What the sign actually says is, "Look away when the animal seeks to... More About: Play , Hard , Please , Lease , Ease
BTE!
2007-04-18 18:36:00 I feel like such a fool for not thinking of this earlier, but this is quite possibly the Best Thing Ever! Mustchucks! How powerful would I be if I could grow nunchucks right on my face! Watch out evil-doers! Puberty has hit, and it hits hard!
Global Warming: Another Perspective
More articles from this author:2007-04-18 08:08:00 While scientists continue to pour on irrefutable evidence that Global War ming is indeed a reality and something that we as a society need to fix, Politicians and Religious leaders just don't want to give in. For every logical and rational argument that science puts out there, politics lashes back with a crazy and unfounded counter-point. But the facts are adding up and the politicians are running out of crappy excuses for the sudden rise in temperature. So I came up with a new one, that just might work.Consider this: Perhaps Mother Earth is simply having hot flashes. Put into the perspective of the timeline of the entire Universe, Mother Earth is at about that age where she should be experiencing Menopause. Her bodies of water are going through some changes, but this is totally normal. Lots of women go through this natural change everyday. And Nature is prepared for this shift. In fact, this isn't the first time Mother Earth has experienced this sort of thing. Think back to when t... More About: Another , Ming 1, 2, 3 |
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