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contest one. cranelegs answer of the week
2008-02-23 14:52:00
a new little feature with a great prize* for the winner.i give an answer, you provide the witty or right question.(cranelegs jeopardy, you might call it—after all, everyone has an answer, but few have a question)and the first answer is: '70% at least once a day.'good luck!the winning question will be posted with next week's answer on 2/23.*to receive a prize will require an address, non-public obviously.
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518. puddles
2008-02-18 15:21:00
it's been raining a lot lately, and when it rains, there are puddles, and i haven't met a puddle yet that i didn't get an urge to jump in like a six year old, except i don't anymore.and when i ask myself why, i really don't have an answer other than this adulthood thing, which always seems to have a cloud of severity about it whenever i want to indulge in such matters.

517. the sushi bar tip dilemma
2008-02-17 16:33:00
it happened again last night.how do you tip at a sushi bar?if you put the tip in the jar on the sushi bar, the waiter/waitress think you stiffed them.if you put the tip with the bill, the sushi chefs think you stiffed them.if you spilt it up, they all think you're cheap.the best i can do is wait until both are in earshot and say loudly, thank you very much! (and wait for eye contact).that's when i deftly display the money i'm leaving with the bill and the money i drop in the jar.but that's a lot of work and not always practical.there's got to be a better way.i suppose not caring so much might be one of them.
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516. two reasons to go to the movies at 3:45 PM
2008-02-17 02:58:00
1. no one else is there.2. there is no one else there.
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515. benny and andy discuss big technology
2008-02-16 02:35:00
benny asked, how big do you think the internet is?andy thought for a second and then said, it's bigger than brooklyn but smaller than alaska.then benny asked, do ya think that's bigger than the world wide web?andy said, nope! the www is bigger than europe and new zealand combined.then benny said, but i think that is the same size as alaska, if you squish them together.then andy said, well it doesn't matter cause hd is bigger than both.so benny prodded, well, how big would that be?and andy thought again and said, probably australia.then benny said, australia ... that's big.then andy said, yeah, that's what i'm talking about.and that was the end of their discussion of big technology things.
More About: Technology , Andy , Benny

514. what do you call'em?
2008-02-14 01:34:00
what do you call that person who is so much a part of you that when they're not nearby, you kind of feel out of sorts, not yourself, partly cloudy?"valentine" seems as good as any.well that settles it then.you are my valentine, keaton.simple like that.

(from the files) 206. the feminist holiday
2008-02-13 15:22:00
it's pretty safe to say that most feminists recognize valentine's day as the only official holiday off from the cause.
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513. birds of a feather
2008-02-10 18:21:00
when i was growing up, the creed of folks who would segregate those who had the audacity to reject their place was, birds of a feather flock together.i wouldn't think much about it except i overheard someone say it just the other day.it is a tough observation of nature to argue otherwise.but if you watch birds, you notice that there are a lot of different kinds, more like an infinity different kinds, which gets me wondering that some birds must be flocking somewhere with birds of a different feather.and any self-respecting bird watcher worth his or her salt would tell you, thank god they do, or it would be a pretty sad state of affairs for their hobby.so it might be best for folks who want to legitimize their prejudice and bigotry to steer clear of natural observations, since this all appears to be pretty much a human endeavor.
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512. the grocery store line
2008-02-10 16:20:00
when a person lines up behind me in a grocery store, i feel obliged to tell them that they have just chosen the slowest line.and when i do, they say, how can that be? this is the shortest line.then i say, oh yes—it will be! that is a certainty!then after everything is said and done, and i'm packing my jar of tomato sauce and package of meatballs in my environmentally friendly, canvass bag an hour later, i look back at the person i tried to save.they usually sigh and ask, who are you? what is your name, grocery-store-line seer?i smile with a nod and touch to the brim of my villanova dad baseball cap, and say, you have a good day, ya hear?and then i turn and exit out the auto-sliding glass door to jump in my hybrid prius and ride off into the carbon heavy sunset.just like i always dreamed of as a kid.
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(my first post from 4/7/07) 1. the brain, check-in counter
2008-02-10 16:10:00
i wanted to pull out my first post that started the pond to see how i have grown as a blogger and humorist. to see how i have improved my craft, if you will.commentary to follow.1. the brain, check-in counteron my way out of the movie 300, i stopped at the brain, check-in counter to retrieve my mind.i noticed i was the only man on line.eventually, i handed my ticket to the check-in person.i said, number 26. it's the small one, light gray, smells like garlic.when she handed me my brain she said, that'll be three dollars.then she said, you know it's small enough that you really don't need to check it in sir, after all, you are, you know ... a guy.i said, gee thanks for the tip.and then i gave her an extra buck.hmm ... oh well, maybe this improving one's craft notion is much to-do over nothing.
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511. why the economy is tanking
2008-02-10 15:45:00
i was bellyupped this past thursday, when i eavesdropped on a conversation between two business people sitting nearby.business person one said, so i want to touch base with you to make sure we are on the same page regarding our project plan.business person two said, well i insist on reaching out to you to level set our game plan.then business person one said, isn't that the same thing?then business person two said, not necessarily.then they agreed to disagree.and that's when it struck me, with numbskulls like these two in charge, no wonder the economy is tanking.
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510. quite conflicted
2008-02-09 14:50:00
if push came to gunshots, i'd have to say that i'm a partly cloudy/half full type, which i think most would agree makes me quite conflicted.

509. home alone - episode four
2008-02-09 14:39:00
store bought sauce with store bought meatballs on a box of pasta that didn't start out green, accompanied by a store bought container of leaf debris, drowned in store bought salad dressing, all washed down by an ipa, long past its born on date, and purple wine.what a belly full of pleasure before i settled in to watch hostel II on pay per view.i'm not sure what kept me awake more all night, the indigestion, or the bright lights, or the axe i kept under my pillow (don't believe in guns).personally, this home alone stuff isn't what it's cracked up to be.but i'll never tell keaton that.
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508. bush sure is a good disaster declarer
2008-02-09 14:34:00
dubya is very good at going places and declaring disasters, you know, as if the poor folks there don't already know, which i guess makes him the deciderer and declarerer.so i'm figuring, it's only a matter of time before he declares his administration a disaster.which get's me thinking, gee, how's fema going to clean the mess up?that should be a very interesting day.
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507. a bad seed
2008-02-09 14:23:00
my pseudo step-daughter, alex, is in london.she calls it a semester abroad.from all reports, she is learning alot, some of it even from classes.she's been gone about four weeks now, and i finally got a voicemail from her.it was a reaching out of sorts to acknowledge my influence on her.she called from a slot machine to tell me i was right, gambling sure can be fun, except i'm not sure that's exactly what i told her.she had just won 15 pounds.i think under today's exchange rate, that is about $900,050 or something.she wants me to take her to Atlantic City the day she returns.between that and the so-called encouragement of my son to play online texas hold'em to earn college spending money, and i'm pretty sure that qualifies me to be called a pretty bad seed by the mothers and extended families of these innocent youth.
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(from the files) 302. anna nicole
2008-02-08 04:47:00
[i wrote this shortly after anna nicole's death. it's not very funny. sad really.]the police officer said, okay folks. break it up. go home. it's over. nothin' more to see. she's gone for good now.an onlooker said, hmm, where can we go now?larry king said, well we're headed over to brittany spears' house. you can follow us there.the onlooker said, yeah i hear she's a real mess.and off they scurried into the night.
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506. first thing to come to mind
2008-02-08 03:19:00
i thought, hey let me try to write the first thing that comes to mind.so i have emptied my skull of noise.it is quiet.here i go.hold on'here it comes.it's ... it's ...fungus cracks.well, that was just a stellar idea. just stellar.
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505. simplifying can be so complicated
2008-02-03 19:10:00
keaton and i are amidst a simplification campaign, preparing to make a move someday.we don't know where to yet but that seems to be the least of our problems.it's the process of thinning out the stuff.lightening the load so to speak.trimming the fat to put it another way.simplifying.but when i can't part with a pair of so called antique wooden dumbbells i bought in a barn in maine back in 1973, the difficulties begin.and she has her limits too.but i think there is hope.we agreed recently to throw out an old broken transitor radio that only picked up signals from the sixties.it took some tough posturing and negotiating but it was done.unfortunately though at this rate, i'll be buried with those precious dumbbells of mine before we get anywhere soon.
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504. old hoggie and the lucky hockey puck
2008-02-03 15:16:00
i come from a clan of giant football fans.superstitious is our middle name.and we are pulling out all the stops tonight.new england hasn't a chance.it's time to place my lucky hockey puck in the mouth of my brothers mounted ten pound bass, named appropriately, old hoggie.the last and only time this was done, the rangers beat vancouver in game seven to win the stanley cup.and it hasn't been used since.the last opportunity was that super bowl when the giants lost to the ravens.i couldn't find the puck, hence the loss.but it has been located since.and now it is time.good riddance patriots and all your winning ways!
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503. bean soup
2008-02-03 15:09:00
i don't have bean soup much.but when i have it, i love it.that is until i'm reminded why i don't have it much.you know, with all the dead people and pets in my wake and all.
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502. mud finnegan and the half sandwich
2008-02-02 15:53:00
i was 9 years old.mom wouldn't let me see the alamo with the gang cause it was too violent.i said, mom, i'm running away. i'm going to pennsylvania to be a farmer.she packed me a baloney sandwich, asked if i had clean underwear on, and made me promise to write her when the potatoes came in.then she pushed me out the door, pointing to the west.i went around the block to the park before making my turn to the delaware, about 63 miles away.when i got to the park entrance, i saw mud finnegan at the bench carving his initials.i stopped to talk to him cause he was 11 and new everything.i asked, hey mud whatcha doin'?he said, f***in' carvin' my f***in' initials dipsh**.[mud had a way with words.i think he honed this skill at his private catholic school, holy name art thou, or something like that.]he continued on, what the f*** do you have in the f***in' bag?i said, oh it's a baloney sandwich. my mom packed it for me. i'm runnin' away.he looked me up and down with those crooked ey...
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501. benny has a way of explainin' things
2008-02-02 03:34:00
so i said, hey benny, it's been a while, how you've been.benny said, as content as a tick in a blood bank.he always says stuff like that.he has a million of those little gems.that's what makes him benny.and when he blurts one out, i have to laugh.cause they tickle me for some reason.i mean they're so lame.a tick in a blood bank.that's pretty lame.
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500. time to take stock
2008-01-27 16:30:00
well cranelegs pond has reached a blogging milestone of sorts, 500 posts.and it's time to take a break.maybe a long break.we'll see.it's also time for me to take a moment to thank all my friends at cranelegs pond, those who post and those who quietly read and return to quietly read some more.it's been fun.i hope for you as well.thanks again!
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(from the files) 231. beauty supplies (see #51)
2008-01-27 16:14:00
keaton said, i need to buy some beauty supplies.i said, i find the idea that 'beauty has to be supplied' to be troubling, don't you?she said, i suppose it almost makes you want to quack too.the urge suddenly overcame me, but when i spyed the frozen pork chop in her pocket, i decided against it.so instead i said, no not really. i guess if i have to use a comb, it's only fair that you use a bag full of beauty supplies.then she made a move for the pork chop.and i quickly added, like a sandwich bag—not a shopping bag.she pulled her hand back. and i had dodged a grizzled bullet.
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(from the files) 51. one day
2008-01-27 16:05:00
one day, no matter what i did, i couldn't get keaton to laugh.i finally asked, what's up?she said, i'm just in a foul mood.so i began quacking.then she hit me unconscious with a frozen pork chop.
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499. cranelegs pond endorses ...
2008-01-27 15:39:00
"hoochie mama! vote obama!"that is the cranelegs battle cry.he is:a person who rallies us with hope rather than huddles us in fear.a person who lifts us by ideas rather than pulls us by threats.a person who speaks a collective voice rather than tells us apart.a person who sees us all rather than looks for himself.to some he is untested.to me he is untainted.to some he is too young.to me he is so fresh.to some he is black.to me he is, so what.i do not pretend for a second that should he somehow become president that it will be easy for him to move the immoveable in congress.it will be difficult.it will take time.it will require a contentious 2010 change in guard.but should that occur, this country will be in fine repair.and some would say, he can't do it.to quote the man, yes we can.
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498. baking in the son
2008-01-27 15:16:00
my son, a last year student, took me to see the villanova/notre dame basketball game yesterday.other than the final score, it was a great day—i think my son is fully baked.he is negotiating a tricky deal with his apartment's cable tv provider.this is something i never thought i'd see.you know, negotiating adult household deals.but he is.i'm not sure which class he learned it in but he did all the same.great job villanova!he's ready.that and a firm handshake on job interviews and he's baked through and through.(not that i'm complaining, but nothin' for nothin', the oven was a little pricey—but well worth it)
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497. the other side of the moon
2008-01-26 14:15:00
when i look at a full moon, i wonder if the other side is where all those fashions go from fashion shows, because they surely don't seem to be anywhere here on earth.
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496. a favorite summertime thing
2008-01-26 14:11:00
a favorite summertime thing is to eavesdrop on the conversation between the backyard maple and an intruding thunder storm.
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495. just as good as them
2008-01-26 14:08:00
sometimes i see someone on tv or hear someone on radio and think, why them not me, because, other than the talent part, i'm just as good.
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