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The Last of the Hunter-Gatherers
2010-10-14 02:51:00
There was a leak in the basement.  An easy fix, so I was told.  The water expansion tank — whatever the hell that is — was leaking.  Had been for some time but what had started as an occasional drip had become constant. It needed replacing. “It’s a simple procedure.  Unscrew the old tank and screw on the new one.  Piece of cake.  Five minutes and done.  Ten tops.” There is No Such Thing as an Easy Project That’s been my mantra for as long as I can remember.  I hung a porch swing once.  The hooks were already in the ceiling.  The only thing I had to do was literally hang the porch swing. Which I did. And as I sat on my freshly hung porch swing watching the cars and the neighbors go past, waving and exchanging pleasantries, it happened.  The porch swing came crashing down from the ceiling leaving me sprawled on the floor, dazed and feeling fortunate that I had not broken my leg. It took no fewer than 4 trips to the hardware store to get...
More About: Hunter

He Who Throws Stones Loses Ground
2010-10-12 14:41:00
There are times that life seems to fly past and I am helpless to do anything but watch.  And then there are days like today.  Days that I am stuck in reverse, repeating tasks that I had thought complete.  It’s an unsettling trend. Speaking of Unsettling I started laundry this morning which is nothing truly out of the ordinary.  I’ve got 5 kids — they generate filth.  Problem is, I took a load directly from the dryer and put it into the washer. Unfortunately, this can not be immediately attributed to the fact that I am losing my mind.  Well, not entirely. Seems I had made the transfer from washer to dryer some time ago (read at least two days) and forgot to start it.  There are times when the inability to smell comes in very handy for I am quite certain that the pile of wet clothes festering in the dryer for two days was ripening up quite nicely. I’ve got a “List of Things That Need Being Done” next to the calendar in the kitchen and duti...
More About: Ground

I Had a Moment
2010-10-05 15:29:00
I had returned from school drop off duties last Friday morning and was minding the twins.  And by minding I mean trying to keep them from destroying the house or each other.  They are flourishing in the increased attention they receive each morning when the older kids have left for school and before they head to their afternoon Pre-K classes.  Two little personalities taking on new life unencumbered by oppressive older siblings. The first order of the day completed, my focus shifted to our inoperable shower and the plumber that had arrived to fix it. I ushered him upstairs where he had commenced to cutting a hole in my wall in order to access the faulty thermostat and water control valve.  The valve had stopped working leaving us with two options for water temperatures, hot or cold.  No combinations or blending of the two.  In a manner typical of the way I fix problems I simply turned down the thermostat on the hot water heater.  A comfortable shower setting.  Worked well i...
More About: Moment

Hunker Down Kids, Winter is Coming
2010-09-29 16:19:00
I think it’s over. I am bummed. But I try to keep my chin up, spin the positive and move forward.  Move on.  Change is inevitable.  And constant.  The ebb and flow of a life lived.  And despite the finality some change brings, life will certainly move on.  And I’ll be there with it. I had to turn on the furnace. In freaking September!! Summer has officially ended!  And despite the constant blur that is my memory of this summer, I shall truly miss it.  It’s never long enough, but then again, is anything that we sincerely enjoy? The falling leaves are now acting in concert with the dips in temperatures and our thoughts have shifted from pools and sun screen to goblins and elves.  Anticipation of the seasons ahead leave little time to mourn seasons past. I suppose that’s for the best. Yesterday, on the ride home from school, the kids began eagerly discussing possibilities for wintertime activities.  Zane has already begun flag football.  Zoë wants t...
More About: Kids , Winter

What is an Ollie, Anyway?
2010-09-14 15:06:00
I fell yesterday.  Not in one of those cool, slapstick type of falls that has you bumbling and stumbling ten or twenty feet and then eventually losing it spraying arms and legs in every direction as you land in a humiliated heap.  It wasn’t even one of those “ooh” falls.  You know, where everyone who happens to witness the event immediately and uncontrollably lets out an “ooh!” because they know from the reverberating thud that, “that had to hurt.” It was humiliating all right, but no one saw it.  It was humiliating because it was one of those slow motion, old man falls.  No grace.  Uncontrolled but stiff.  It played out like an embarrassing  stop action scene and what seemed to take minutes was in actuality over in a few seconds. As I lay there on my back at the bottom of the skateboard ramp, my board rolling down the driveway, all I could think was, “Ed, you’re a fucking idiot!!” I’m not so sure I was refer...

I’m Going to Need Some Trophy Polish
2010-09-09 17:05:00
The phone rang about 12:45.  This is not particularly significant for our phone typically rings throughout the course of the day.  It’s but one of the many ways that we keep in touch with the world around us.  So the phone ringing at 12:45 caused little reaction in me other than the immediate thought that I should answer it. A quick glance at the caller id told me it was my mother-in-law.  Again, no significant reaction.  I talk to my mother-in-law on a daily basis.  I figured that she was probably calling to let me know she would be bringing the kids home from school.  In fact, I may have uttered a tiny, “Sweet!” just before I answered. “Hey, Ed.  Where are the twins?” “They’re right here with me.  Eating lunch.  Why?” “Weren’t they supposed to start school today?” “No.  They start on Friday.  They may start on Thursday but the teacher said she would call if that’s the case.” “Well...
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Holes
2010-09-09 03:35:00
I have 20 tons of gravel sitting in my front yard.  Check that.  I have 20 tons of worthless gravel sitting in my front yard.  Never mind how it got there. I also have this cistern at the back of my house.  Check that.  I have a worthless cistern at the back of my house.  I’m pretty sure I know how it got there.  It’s obsolescence has made it worthless. I shall add it to the list of worthless things I have presently laying about my yard.  For some reason, I shall call it lunacy, I decided that the worthless gravel in my front yard could have value, worth if you will. I decided that the twenty tons of worthless gravel in my front yard would make for a perfect filler to the worthless cistern in the back of my house. And so I commenced to filling the wheel barrow, one shovel at a time, on average 20 per load, and carting the said worthless gravel from the front of my yard to the worthless cistern in the back of my house. Dig, shovel, empty, cart, tip and repeat. Man...

Feeling Kind of VanWinkle-ish
2010-09-07 14:45:00
In the immortal words of Rip Van Winkle, “What’d I miss?” Two months seems like twenty years.  Longer, really. I had no intentions of a layoff.  No grand scheme to stop the chronicles.  There was no clever, well thought out plan to rejuvenate tired old bones.  It just worked out that way.  (Of course, it didn’t help that I had no desire to write either.) We spent the better part of, and by better part I mean entire, summer parking on the curb and walking around a mud pit of incompetence.  Yeah, it sucked! I spent my summer plagued by an incompetent concrete contractor.  It was a bitterly painful experience.  Bitterly expensive as well.  For I learned that no matter how badly one idiot can mess things up that there are people, competent people, that are capable of cleaning up messes.  Rectifying wrongs.  Fixing things. Competence has a price. Oh, and satisfaction. It took our new contractor one week to do what the other guy could not manage i...

At What Price?
2010-07-14 16:48:00
I snapped this photo at the Tate Modern in London just hours prior to hopping on a train at Kings Cross bound for Newcastle.  It’s a Warhol.  I’m not a huge Warhol fan but I thought it was kind of cool.  The entire room was dedicated to Andy and the walls were covered ceiling to floor with these pink cows on a stark yellow background. Little did I know then that these cows would play such a significant role in my very immediate future. I hate cows.  Unless of course, they are carved up moderately thick, marinated in Dales and seared to medium rare perfection on an open flame. In that scenario, I think I could say that cows are pretty cool. I have just returned from merry old England having walked its width.  The width being roughly 89 miles from Newcastle Upon Tyne (at the North Sea) to Bowness on Solway just past Carlisle to the west and the waters of the Irish Sea. It hurt. I followed the path of Hadrian’s Wall or, as it shall be forever remembered by me, Th...
More About: Price

Don’t Forget About Your Blends
2010-07-01 04:50:00
“I want to read this book!”  Zander emphatically stated his position to Maura.  “How do you read?” “Well, Zander.  You have to sound out the letters and put them together.  Ask your brother Zane how he learned to read.” “Zane, how did you read?” he asked in his most innocent little boy voice. “Uhm.  Well.. you just…” It’s hard to explain dogged tenacity to a four year old.  That’s how Zane learned.  The kid literally willed himself to read.  He pushed harder than either Maura or I could have imagined pushing a kid to learn.  He flat out wanted it and refused to believe that it was beyond him.  He never became frustrated over long or difficult words.  He plowed ahead. His work has payed off in spades.  At the ripe old age of not yet 8 here’s a smattering:  Harry Potter (the series), Percy Jackson (the series), Lemony Snickets — books 1 and 2 (he kind of lost interest), some series...

Peace, Love and Karma
2010-06-26 17:03:00
There’s something uplifting about watching a hippie hi-five strangers.  You can’t help but smile, maybe even laugh out loud.  I suppose the end is achieved, at least in their minds, good karma spreads. Karmic Hi-Five We went to ComFest yesterday.  Set up camp under a nice shady tree and chilled with about 10 or 12 thousand other people looking to do the same.  About 30 yards from us a small band of merry parked themselves by the sidewalk, a main corridor to all places Fest, and simply hi-fived every single person that passed them by.  For over 2 hours!  It was one of the coolest things I saw all day. As ComFest stories go, that would have been a sufficient one to bring back with us.  The take-home message being that being good to other people is a good thing to do.  It makes them happy. The story, however,  will forever pale in comparison to the reason we will always remember this year’s ComFest. The Andy Shaw Band was performing on the Gazebo Stage in a ...
More About: Peace , Love , Karma

Maybe In French?
2010-06-22 04:18:00
The boy sings constantly. Zander. He sings Incessantly.  Little tunes he makes up in his head or a phrase he might pick up from a song on the radio that he puts on an endless loop.  He’ll sing, content in his own little world, completely oblivious to what’s going on around him .  Often times he will sing as he’s engaged in other activities completely unaware that he’s doing it. It’s an endearing trait.  When it’s not totally grating on my nerves, that is.  But mostly, it’s endearing. This afternoon as I was straightening up in the living room Zander entered singing one of his little songs.  I couldn’t quite make out what he was singing — nothing unusual — but the tune was catchy.  This one was a bit different though as it seemed a tad forced and he kept stopping and starting over again. He let out an exasperated little huff and I asked, “What’s wrong, Buddy?” “I can’t sing it in Spanish,...
More About: French

Not Just Another Sunday in June
2010-06-20 07:01:00
In the interest of being more environmentally friendly, this post contains no less than 98% recycled content. The Adventurers Father’s day. Dad’s all across the country will be heading out to golf courses and ball parks, lakes and rivers, or just to the living room to veg out in the Lazy Boy (well, the lucky ones have Lazy Boys.  My wife has deemed the chair a God-awful eyesore and refuses to allow one in the house.) with a frosty adult beverage sporting that new paisley necktie because–well it’s dad’s day and that’s what dads get to do on their day, right? Me?  I’ve got other things that need tendin’ cause well, I just do.  Actually, my slate is pretty clear today.  I’ve got nothing to do and all day to do it.   Either way, I can’t be bothered with being creative.  So I thought I’d repost from last year (or the year before, or the year before ….) my thoughts on Father’s Day.  I think it sti...
More About: June , Sunday

Plantains have a similar effect — but different.
2010-06-18 05:01:00
Food is funny.  Not in the funny ha, ha kind of funny but funny in the way that simple foods or particular food items can open floodgates of memories. That kind of funny. Loving life! I had the pleasure of swimming in such memories this evening.  The summer’s first watermelon did not disappoint.  It was red like you would expect a watermelon to be, sweet and juicy.  I should add delicious in there as well because it was, well — delicious! Zella tackles the melon with abandon. We took to the deck after dinner because I knew it was going to get messy and I didn’t need the stress in my clean kitchen. The kids had a blast chomping and spitting seeds.  And generally making the mess I knew they were going to make. He says he got some in his mouth -- I'm not sure. I soaked up the cool waters of memories distant but not so far that they were without the warmth of emotion that pleasant memories tend to hold. My mother was able to visit our home just once before...
More About: Effect

It’s Been a While. You Look — Different.
2010-06-14 06:13:00
I have seen the future. It’s disturbing. Actually, it wasn’t the future. It was the present. The now. Today. The thing about it, it wasn’t even my present.  It certainly was close, though.  It essentially shattered the visions I held within my mind of how the present appears.  At least how I interpret it to appear.  Put a pretty big spin on the past as well. And now, I’ve got an image stuck in my head and it’s eating away at my insides.  Gnawing at me.  Peeling away the person I perceive myself to be and leaving me feeling a bit exposed.  Worried that I am as starkly changed. And feeling a bit helpless regardless. comment. share. peace.

On the Origin of Zander
2010-06-11 13:27:00
The lifeguard at the pool shared with me a very interesting conversation that she had recently held with Zander. Seems Zander struck up the conversation after noticing her shiny new engagement ring. Zander:  Ooh, that’s a pretty ring! LG:  Thank you, Zander. Zander:  Does that mean you’re getting married? LG:  Yes I am. Zander:  My mom and dad got married.  My dad gave my mom a ring.  Then my mom gave my dad a ring.  Then they kissed. LG:  Really! Zander:  Yeah, and when they kissed my egg wiggled.      And here I am! From the mouths of babes. comment. share. peace.

Bad Ways with My Good Graces or Fess Up and No One Has to Get Hurt
2010-06-09 22:48:00
I’ve had visitors today.  Uninvited visitors.  I’m typically a pretty amicable host and will go out of my way to make sure that my guests are comfortable.  OK, so that may not be entirely true.  I mean, chances are you’re not going to get my last Izze and if for some reason I happen to divide the last steak, my portion will most assuredly be a tad larger than yours.  But you’re not going to starve or die of thirst. Hell, there’s even a pretty good chance you can sit in my chair.  (I don’t really have a chair but if I did, I’d probably let you sit in it.) But I get to keep the remote. Today’s uninvited guests, however, have pretty much crapped all over my proverbial welcome mat.  They are no longer welcome here and I swear as God is my witness if I they don’t leave — and soon — there’s gonna be a killin’. I Don’t Know has stopped by and he brought his annoying little buddy, Not Me.  I despise ...
More About: Hurt , Good

Cuteness ….. that is all.
2010-06-06 04:48:00
Rocking the Shades comment. share. peace.

Rain, Rain Go Away!!!
2010-06-04 15:44:00
There were no fewer than nine (9) items on my to-do list this morning.  Nine fairly specific things that absolutely had to be completed before 8:00 am.  Why yes, I do tend to procrastinate.  Why do you ask? To make matters worse, I turned the alarm off rather than hitting the snooze.  I hadn’t even made it out of bed and was already an hour behind schedule! My super senses kicked in, however, and I fortunately was able to get the kids up in time for school.  School such as it is these last few days.  Zoë and Zane were actually instructed to bring board games today as essentially they were going to be doing nothing that would in any way, shape or form resemble education.  They’ve been playing games all week!! Zia is the only one that will be receiving any benefit from having gone to school today and that is only because she’s going on a field trip to the zoo!!  (I volunteered to chaperone that one but so did about 40 other parents so I got bumped.  Still ...
More About: Rain

Thanks, Mel
2010-06-03 13:33:00
I’m not quite sure how to file this little gem. Parenting fail?  Parenting success?  Oh dear Lord what have I done?  Another reason I should not be fully entrusted with the care and supervision of my children?  Or simply, a proud father moment? I suppose you could find arguments for all of them.  It warmed my cockles whatever the case.  (And whatever cockles are.) I mentioned Zia’s Poetry Slam earlier this week.  Well, as per the norm I attended with the raccoons in tow.  Zander and Zella were actually behaving pretty nicely for a change.  We were seated in the school commons area at a table.  Zander to my left and Zella across the table in front of us, her back to us and facing the stage where Zia and her classmates were doing their thing. They clapped appropriately in the appropriate places and sat quietly in the places where it was appropriate to sit quietly. About half way through one of the poems Zander leaned toward me and completely out of the blue whisp...

The Spoken Word
2010-06-02 14:25:00
To their tremendous credit, it was not dubbed a graduation ceremony.  In fact, the certificate each child received mentioned nothing of the finality of the kindergarten era.  It was rather an award, individually created for each child specifically designed with their unique personality in mind. Zia’s? I know what you’re thinking, but no. Zia’s certificate stated that she was receiving the Aim for the Sky Award for always working hard and trying your best. It fits. Aim for the Sky! I spent yesterday morning at a Kindergarten Poetry Slam.  Or Throwdown.  I actually think it was simply called the end of year Poetry Buzz.  Whatever it’s name,  it was kind of cool and hep — and by cool and hep I mean it was cute in the way that 20 some odd 6 year old kids wearing yellow construction paper hats with cut-out bumblebees buzzing above their heads reciting a year’s worth of poems in unison is cool and hep. As parents, we got to clap our appreciation...
More About: Word

Officially, It’s Summer. Somewhere!
2010-06-01 19:19:00
Remember when you were a kid?  And on the last days of school instead of doing anything that resembled schoolwork, you took inventory?  And turned in your books?  Played mind numbing games to pass those empty last days and hours? That’s where I am. Except I’m not in school. The kids have one more week — five days really.  I stopped caring last week.  Who am I kidding?!  I stopped caring sometime after the Easter break.  It’s been a long school year and I seriously lost focus.  This past weekend did not help. Summer May Commence! The swimming pool opened this past Saturday!  The kids usually start asking when the pool will open sometime in February.  That’s about the time I start longing for it, too.  The weekend gave us perfect weather and we availed ourselves.  Maybe a bit too much my sunburned shoulders are reminding me but it was a blast none the less. Any concerns about whether the kids would need to readjust to the life aquatic vanish...

Minus One
2010-05-14 14:11:00
Thursdays come and Thursdays go as Thursdays are wont to do.  Yesterday was just such a Thursday.  It has gone now and I’m kicking myself for it. Though surely it will return as my calendar tells me I should expect another Thursday next week and another the next. But yesterday’s Thursday is gone. Most days I’ll remember for the things I did.  Accomplishments.  Yesterday will more likely be remembered for what I did not. I forgot to take a picture!  It never even crossed my mind.  132 consecutive days I’ve taken a photograph.  132 days into Project 365. And yesterday I just forgot! I dawned on me this morning.  I tried to recall the picture I had taken yesterday and was drawing a blank.  Understandably so as I had not taken a picture.  Not even with my crappy cell phone camera. Nothing. Just two days ago I had this little exchange with Kerry Hughes.  She’s been doing a similar project but using her iPhone for the photos.  Some of them &mdash...

Notes from the Trail
2010-05-13 18:24:00
… all hands fold As the two year old says grace. She says help the starving children to get well. But let my brother’s hamster burn in hell! … John Hiatt, Your Dad Did That has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but it made me smile this morning so I thought I’d share. My kid says I talk to much, my wife says I’m too nice.  I don’t believe either one of them.  People approach me with the mundane shit that happens to be going on in their lives, I don’t seek them out.  But I guess I will oblige the conversation.  If it makes someone feel just a little bit better about their day, about themselves,  because they got to release just a little bit with someone whom they felt was listening well then I guess I can live with that. I met a guy this morning while taking a walk.  I noticed him from a pretty good distance and knew instantly that he was something of a kindred spirit.  His green t-shirt stood out, distinct in an otherwise sea...
More About: Notes

Another Close Call
2010-05-12 15:20:00
“So Zia, what’s this I hear about you kissing a boy at school today?” “I didn’t kiss him!!” “So what’s the story?” “Well, I was helping Sam with his work and he said, ‘I should give you a kiss’ and I was like, ‘EWW, NO WAY!!’ and then he was like, ‘HOSEA!!’” “Then what happened?” “Then we started laughing and the whole class was staring at us and we got embarrassed.” “Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t kiss him because you’re too young to get married.” “I wasn’t going to marry him!” “Well if you kiss him then you have to get married.” “Dad!! That’s not right.  You kiss Mommy.” “Yeah, and look at us — we’re married!” “Oh. (pausing) That was a close one.” comment. share. peace.
More About: Close , Call

Give Me a Number
2010-05-07 03:16:00
“You got a budget?  I mean, where do you want to be?  Give me a number here.  You know,  something to work with.” I did.  He glared at me.  “You asked.” He sighed heavily, and picked up his calculator and commenced to cyphering. I suck when it comes to negotiations. Seriously. I suck. I was talking with one of the other mothers at school (Not that I’m a mother, because I’m not.  I’m actually a father.  I suppose I should have said, I was talking with one of the other parents at school.  That would be more correct.) and she lamented the fact that she does not have a decent camera.  Actually, she relayed the chastisement from her children who had recently informed her, “Mom, do you realize that there are no pictures of your middle child?”  It was a sad story. “I’ve got a camera at home.  I never use it.  It’s old, but it takes great pictures.  I’ll give it to you.” “Ed,” she ...

More You
2010-04-28 18:49:00
Today, the world is yours. Go ahead and scream!!! Yesterday was a lot like today, but different.  The sunshine made it feel warmer than it probably was.  Bulbs and shoots in every corner of the yard dared to bloom announcing the arrival of spring.  Announcing the arrival… Chores needed tending.  The marks of winter lay strewn about reminding us that the winter is not only cold, but cruel.  Spring reminds us that there are beginnings.  Renewal.  Life. I had dared to tackle the yard, to keep at bay acres of green that refused — that refuses — to be limited to a medium-height deck setting.  You reminded me then, as you still do now, that there were more important things. The lawn could wait. The fluid that so gently cradled you last week was now gone.  The doc said we could wait, but that he had people ready.  You were ready and made it pretty clear that patience would never be one of your strong suits. You announced your presence that beautiful spring eve...

What Have I Done!!
2010-04-26 22:43:00
Hadrian's Wall “Fancy a walk?” It was a simple question, short and to the point.  An e-mail from an acquaintance.   Granted, the guy’s a lunatic but he’s got an oddly compelling personality — the kind of guy with which you can picture yourself spending an evening or sharing a cup of coffee. Or a stroll. “Sure,” I responded. And that was that.  Dan, you may know him from All That Comes With It, has organized a charity walk in support of the Joseph Salmon Trust and I am honored to have been asked to participate.  Well, I was honored last June when he asked me.  Now, I’m hearing a Talking Heads tune repeating on an endless loop, “My God, what have I done!!” In just over two months from now, I’ll be walking the entire width of England, more specifically, the 84 miles of Hardrian’s Wall in support of the Joseph Salmon Trust.  The wall — essentially in ruins today– was built in 122 AD by the ...

Some Days are Stones
2010-04-22 15:40:00
Some days are diamonds.  This is not. I woke this morning with the image of Joe Cool dancing to a melody Schroeder was banging out on the piano.  I hit the snooze because it’s what I do.  Snoopy stopped dancing and I got ten more minutes.  Happy feet can’t be still, though and when he started again I got up. The day ahead was full of promise.  Of hope.  Of field trips and new shoes.  Of sack lunches and smoothies.  Little things that mean worlds to little people who mean the world. The world turns — quickly. Why’s fall from trembling lips as tears fall from sad eyes.  How comes are without explanation.  There are no answers — none  suitable. I’m sorry will have to do. Today is Earth Day and I’m going to be digging a hole though I’m not planting a tree.   Rather I’ll be saying goodbye to a sweet friend, and the greatest attack cat ever. Goodbye, Cinnamon comment. share. peace.
More About: Days

Somewhere Ages….
2010-04-19 07:05:00
To roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I —- I bent down to tie my shoe and lost my balance.  I grabbed for a branch to no avail and fell headlong into the fucking stream.  Now I’m soaking wet, bruised, and so far from either path that even if I did find my way back I wouldn’t know which way to turn once I got there. The delusions of control, the fuzzy feelings way deep down that let me rest peacefully each night are slowly eroding away.  My life as a Rockwell painting is becoming a Dali.  Or a Pollack.   Maybe it’s the onset of spring, the final push toward the promise of summer.  Patience is an ideal and my children live in the I want it now.  They grow restless with anticipation, weary of the toils of an unusually long school year, and by restless I mean annoying. They are at each other constantly.  Yelling, hitting, pushing, fighting, arguing.  Crying, whining, pouting, sulking.  And by constantly I mean IT NEVER STOPS!!!  Their behavior is bad...