Zoe's DadZoe's DadBe careful what you wish for....reflections, musings and a cry for help from a stay at home father of 5. Humorous anectdates of a dad taken hostage by his children. Articles
I Don't Do Anything.....
2008-06-19 06:19:00 I file them in like little ducks. Everywhere. It's a scene of repetition, an endless replay loop of loading and unloading, filing in and out from car to door and back again. I'm kind of used to it now. It's commonplace. This morning I had some information to pick up from the church office. I've been conned into leading the 3-4 year old class at this year's Vacation Bible School. (God bless my mother-in-law!) And so each morning next week I'll be leading a group of 3 and 4 year old children in their daily Bible School activities for St. Mary's Catholic Church. It's kind of funny. My sister-in-law said, "Wait. Aren't you Methodist?" "It's worse than that," I replied. "I'm Baptist."So as I pick up my information packet this morning the woman at the church office proclaims, "My, don't you have a lot of helpers." To which came the following responses:Zoë: I help a lot. I made Daddy... More About: Baptists
Lullaby
2008-06-17 15:54:00 Vince is playing upstairs, songs familiar, forty years familiar, yet timeless and with each play exciting and new. Above the calming melodies children are laughing. Mischievous squeals followed by "sshhhes" and "be quiets". The chandelier in the dining room occasionally rattles, jarred from the playful bouncing upstairs. Baths were skipped fatigue having won out over model parenting. Teeth were brushed. I take solace in that.Not so very long ago the iced tea I'm enjoying would taste salty and of olives, burning ever so sweetly as I swallowed. I'd have finished two (or three) and be heading to the deck for some fresh air. I'm content this evening to listen to the music and the laughter of children who should be sleeping. Yeah. I'm OK with that. More About: Lullaby
Andy--Revisited. A Father's Day Repost
2008-06-15 07:24:00 Father's day. Dad's all across the country will be heading out to the golf courses and ball parks, lakes and rivers, or just to the living room to veg out in the Lazy Boy with a frosty adult beverage sporting that new paisley necktie because--well it's dad's day and that's what dads get to do on their day, right? I've got other things that need tendin' cause well, I just do. So I thought I'd repost from last year my thoughts on Father's Day. I think it still rings pretty true and it captures what I really feel about Father's Day. Happy Father's Day. (originally posted June 16, 2007--Thanks for the Warning, Andy ) Warhol once said, "In the future, everyone will be world famous for 15 minutes." I've spent my entire life trying to figure out how I was going to leave my mark, my signature. How will the world know that I was here? What will be the Legacy of Ed? I'm nominal, at best when it comes to sp... More About: Children , Father , Andy Warhol
Koot Little Skirrell
2008-06-12 19:13:00 It's O-Tay little skirrell. It's O-Tay. Aww, what a koot little skirrell.Zella, what are you talking about?What do you have there?Aww,Zella! (exasperated) That's not a squirrell. It's a chipmunk.And it's dead! Would you please stop hugging it!
That'll Teach 'Em....
2008-06-08 02:13:00 I've got a bird in my attic.Damn thing flew in thereCouldn't find his way out.He died.I left him thereAs a warningTo any other birdsWanting in........I've got flies in my attic......And a rotting bird carcass.
I've Got the Answers
2008-06-06 15:26:00 Many of you may have read about this contest over at Whit's place. What? Who's Whit? I'm not quite sure that question deserves an answer, rather a swift slap across the face and quite possibly some spittle in the eye! Whit's the man--he says so himself. Anyway, seems Whit has offered a little contest to all five of his readers that offers not one, not two, not three---it goes on--but eleven books. Real books with pages that are made of real paper (I can only assume paper as I have not actually seen these books myself, nor do I have actual proof that the books are real--but why would Whit lie?).All you have to do is answer a few simple multiple choice questions, compose a short essay and in no fewer than ten words (no more either) describe why Whit is the man. I'm about to give you the opportunity of a lifetime. Why? Because I care. It's what I do. I'm a carer..er type of caring person that cares about things an... More About: Answers
Breakfast Conversations
2008-06-05 21:14:00 Conversation at at breakfast yesterday morning between Zoë and Zane on their last official day of school.Zoë: What's that?Zane: It's a tag that goes on a zipper.Zoë: Where did you get it?Zane: My fourth grade buddy gave it to me.Zoë: Man, I wish I was in kindergarten.Zane: Yeah. It's good times. More About: Breakfast
What Did We Forget?
2008-06-04 11:24:00 Let's see. Do we have everything we need?Hey, guys. Can you stop that, please? Cat food..Dog food...Bird seed....(Why don't we call it bird food? Really. We're feeding the birds this stuff not growing birds. We don't plant the seed we put it in handy little feeders and the birds come to eat it. It's bird food!)Guys! Please stop that.Help me out here. Did we forget anything?Milk....Cereal....*Cue the crash*Guys!!!*Cue the screaming**Cue the blood*OK. So we forgot gauze bandages and...Band-aids.....That's right. In the check-out lane Zane and Zia were having a little wrestling match. One thing lead to another, Zane tackles Zia and she slams her head into the metal storage bin. I had to head over to the pharmacy department and get bandages to patch her up in the store before we could leave. Turns out, it was just a small cut and only needed two stitches.My wife put them in herself. I m...
Breaking News!
2008-06-03 10:32:00 Some of you may find what I am about to reveal to you a bit alarming. Shocking really. But I feel it my duty inform. You see, I don't just pose pithy little stories about my kids. Every once in a while I am bound by some weird conviction to actually provide content. Information. Learning. So here it goes.Boys are different from girls.And the crowd screamed----What? What??? That's crazy talk!But I'm here to tell you that it is true. And although there may be some readers who have already glommed on to this little nugget of information I offer just one example to those who may still be doubting.Last evening, our baby sitter was performing at a local talent competion. She won People's Choice Award at the same competion last year and was performing this year as a courtesy--an encore we'll call it. I had planned on bringing all of the kids but Zander seems to have developed a fever of unknown origin. ... More About: News , Breaking News , Breaking
It's All About the Journey
2008-06-02 11:30:00 Alright, kids. Here's your choice. We can go to see the log cabin where Abe Lincoln was born .....or....Yeah??....(There was feigned enthusiasm somewhere deep within. I could feel it. What they really were thinking was. Dad, I'm not so sure I want to hear what choice number two is because quite honestly, choice number one SUCKS!!)Or we could go to Dinosaur World.Ooh!! Yea!! Dinosaur World. Dinosaur World. Dinosaur World!! Dinoworl! (Zella and Zander chimed in--they had no idea what Dinosaur World was. They were just following the crowd. Typical!)The kids could not have had more fun. Dinosaur World is your typical tourist trap oasis tucked into the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains somewhere along interstate 65 in nowhere Kentucky. The kids were able to follow a winding path through the woods where life sized replicas of dinosaurs greeted them around every bend. They paused at each one sc... More About: Journey , The Journey , Dinosaurs
We're Gonna Need a Turkey
2008-05-27 22:21:00 I am ever amazed at the resiliency of my children. God bless them, they keep me strong.A conversation this morning with Zane (5 years old).Me: Hey, Buddy. We're going to have to miss your big poetry readings and songs this Friday.Zane: Why?Me: Well....remember your Uncle Monty called this morning about my mom, your grandmom?Zane: Yeah...Me: Well, man. She passed away this morning. We have to go down to Louisiana.(Zia chimed in) Dad, I'm sorry about your mom.Me: Thanks, Zia. Me too.Zane: Yeah, me too. Sorry, Dad. (short pause) Oh, we need a turkey!Me: What?Zane: Yeah, whenever someone dies you need to bring food.Me: Good point, Zane. Good point indeed.My mother passed away this morning. I'm off to Louisiana to say goodbye to her in a religiously appropriate manner. Oh, and find a turkey! More About: Turkey , Gonna
....Six? Hey Wait a Minute!
2008-05-20 20:52:00 People laugh when they see me counting my children in public. It may even go so far as to perpetuate some of the negative stereotypes many have of men as bungling and inept fathers. Guys seemingly overwhelmed at the prospect of having to actually spend time with their children. I don't really care what they think. One of my assigned daily jobs is loss prevention. I'm charged the lives of five wonderful children and my goal each day is to see to it that five wonderful children are safely tucked into their beds at night.However, I would like to offer that my obsession with counting my children does have it's benefits. Advantages if you will. I was reminded yesterday of Zander's first haircut. As is the norm, all five kids and I had piled into the van and headed off to Cookie Cutter Kids. This place is fantastic! As soon as you walk into the door you are greeted my an enormous indoor slide and climbing apparatus. My ... More About: Minute , Wait
.....Five
2008-05-19 10:46:00 One, two, three, four.....Zoë, where's Zia?I don't know?Here I am.Five. Good. OK Zia, I was just checking.Two minutes later.One, two, three...Zander. Get back here! four.....Zane. Have you seen Zoë?No.There she is. Five.Zella. Get back over here. No, Zander. You need to stay in this area with Zella. Zoë. Help Zia. She's stuck again.A woman who had been watching me frantically try to keep my five scurrying dervishes within eyesight amongst the maze of climbing chambers and hordes of other children in the play area finally asked, "How many are you trying to watch?""Five," I sighed and tried to force a smile. She just laughed, I think at me, and walked away.The kids had a relaxing day at the zoo yesterday. I counted to five.......a lot! I still have a headache this morning!
I Suck as a Scribe
2008-05-15 03:17:00 Zane is studying the life cycle of the caterpillar this week. They even have a few caterpillars in the classroom and a couple have already formed a chrysalis. I asked him what was the difference between a chrysalis and a cocoon. He said, "it's the same--isn't it?" "I don't know, Dude. Weren't you paying attention in class when they went over that? You tell me. Why are we paying all this money to send you to school if your aren't going to pay attention in class?" I replied. (I didn't know the answer but I felt with some crafty blaming and guilting I could avoid having to expose my inadequacies in the insect world.) I've come to find out that the real difference is that moths form cocoons by wrapping themselves up in their silk prior to making their pupa. Butterflies don't. They have silk they just don't wrap up like the moths do. It's all very complicated stuff and better suited for discussion in... More About: Photos , Suck , Scribe
What About Tomorrow?
2008-05-13 10:45:00 My son, God bless him, has decided that our archaic and wasteful ways must come to an end. He feels we have not been good stewards of our resources and has instituted some changes.Him: Dad, why don't we recycle?Is there ever an acceptable answer for not doing something that will benefit our household, our community or the environment? Really? Is because I'm a lazy slob going to cut the mustard here? What about because our little village does not have a recycling program and we have to haul our recyclables 10 miles to the nearest drop off facility? No, I'm pretty much stuck.Me: You're absolutely right, Buddy. We should recycle.That's all he needed to hear. The very next time we took a trip to Lowe's he was all over the task of selecting bins to start our recycling campaign. We chose three basic plastic storage containers and he wasted no time labeling them. Paper, Cans and Plastik. It was official then.&nbs... More About: Tomorrow
Because I Said I Would
2008-05-07 11:27:00 I'm not here. Really. Trust me, my trip fails miserably in comparison to RTK's vacation in Hawaii. In fact, why don't you head over to Rattling the Kettle and see where I've gone.
Sorry, Gotta Clean House---Literally!
2008-05-03 08:46:00 Unbelievable! Just two days ago every single shoe was in it's proper place, in it's proper room, with it's proper owner. Just two days ago! I just spent the last 20 minutes rounding up every shoe from downstairs. Here they are.....And, all five children are currently wearing a pair of shoes. You can only imagine what the rest of my house looks like. Sorry, no post today. I've got to clean house. Why don't you hop on over to Jeremy's place at Discovering Dad. Jeremy's been running a series called Spotlight on Dads and has chosen me as this weeks subject. Hey, someone had to slum it up--there's some seriously, seriously great dads highlighted in the series thus far. I'm honored to be in their company. More About: House , Clean , Literally , Gotta
Dichotomy: The Optomist and the Realist
2008-05-02 12:19:00 A small front made it's way through our fair city yesterday. Nothing significant. No harsh rains or drastic temperature changes. Nothing inclement. Fair winds and warmer weather. My son bounded through the door, home from his morning kindergarten class and immediately spied the kite. Why it was there or from where it came I've no idea. He was a man on a mission. The wind was blowing. We had a kite. It needed flying.To the yard we ran and in no time Spidey (it was a Spiderman Kite) was sailing above us occasionally looping and dipping only to surge back high above. But not high enough. I instructed Zane to run inside and get the other spool of twine. Two hundred fifty feet is fine, for a beginner. We were seasoned having logged a grand sum of ten minutes. We were going higher. In no time he was back and the extra 500 feet was quickly attached to the end of our line. We watched in a...
Today Belongs to Zia
2008-04-28 11:32:00 <!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->I wasn't quite finished with the mowing when I looked up and noticed my wife walking across the yard to me, arms waving to get my attention. She was waddling really as she was, I believe the saying is "great with child." She had just returned from her weekly visit to the OB and I assumed was letting me know she was back home and wanted to know what I had planned for dinner. She's thoughtful like that. Being that I had been mowing for the last three hours (hey, it's a big lawn) I had surely given some thought to the matter of dinner and would have a hearty meal whipped up before the hum of the mower had died completely. I knew immediately that she was not flagging me down for the purposes of discussing dinner preparations. Something else was going on. "Doc says the amniotic fluid level has decreased significantly since last weeks' visit and that the uterine wall has a marked area of thinni... More About: Today
Zula's Lazy Cobbler
2008-04-26 06:10:00 My complete mangling of the English language is no more apparent than when I wish to put into words sincere emotions. Emotions of love, remembrance, gratitude. I've been trying for almost a week now, starting and stopping, deleting. A lot of deleting. For some reason I didn't want this one to pass, though. Bear with me. This past Monday, the 21st, my Grandmother would have been.....well, really old. She passed many years ago. I no longer celebrate the day save to note that it would have been Mammaw's birthday. I think of her often but something caused quite the pause just yesterday. Our fruit trees are blooming and that means in just a few short months--Mammaw's Lazy Cobbler! That's right. My grandmother made some of the best fruit cobbler I have ever tasted, or will ever taste for that matter. I suppose a lot of it has to do with the fact that she didn't have to work at making food taste good....
It'll Be Earth Day Tomorrow, Too
2008-04-22 11:37:00 Intended to inspire an awareness of and an appreciation for the Earth 's environment, Earth Day is celebrated today at it has been each April for the past thirty eight years. A grassroots campaign initiated back then served as a wake up call of sorts to help people to realize the impact of our actions on the planet and give the environment a national spotlight. A movement was born and today Earth Day is celebrated not only in America but in countries all over the world. But are we really doing right by our dear Mother Earth?People take to the streets celebrating, organizing rallies, staged marches on political institutions, speeches, concerts and festivals. One can don their favorite "Be Nice to Your Mother" t-shirt pack up the ice chest and Styrofoam plates with plastic sporks, maybe even the hibachi, and head off to the park with thousands of other like minded enlightened to listen to your favorite bands perform their favorite tunes at ear bleed... More About: Carbon footprint , Environmentalism , Tomorrow
It's the Most Important Meal of the Day!
2008-04-20 19:50:00 Peace, Dude! More About: Cooking , Breakfast , Meal
Lost in Translation
2008-04-17 14:05:00 As I often do when it's just the twins and myself in the car I turn off the radio and drive in silence eavesdropping on the conversation taking place just behind me. It's a foreign language, mind you, scarcely intelligible mumblings and loosely formed consonant and vowel sounds. Much is lost in translation but they seem to understand each other. At least that's what I thought until this morning.Zella: Wa di d? ar ssay?(Me thinking to myself: Ohh I know this--pick me, pick me!! Woof, Woof)Zander: Bar. Bar. (Good job, Zander--I thought to myself. A dog does say bark.)Zella: No. Wa di c? ar ssay?!Zander: Moooo(Me thinking still--I'm not so sure that's what she's saying, buddy.)Zella: NO! NO! NO! A C? AR! A C? AR!! Silence. Silence. Silence. Then....Zella: Rooom, Rooom(What does a CAR say?)Zander attempted to say something, I can only imagine in... More About: Lost , Translation
The Incredible Likeness of Me
2008-04-16 09:38:00 Thanks once again to Pat over at Annoyingly Boring I find myself in a position where a response is in order. You may remember, his photo of the goldfinch at his bird feeder was the impetus for me getting my own bird feeders filled. The kids and I have been enjoying watching the birds feed, as have my cats. Each day the feeders seem to be alight with increased activity and watching the blue jays, cardinals, woodpeckers, wrens, morning doves and finally goldfinches return to the yard has been good for my psyche. Something about standing at the kitchen window with a fresh cup of morning coffee and watching the birds eat seems to make me feel good. I am also happy to report that as of yet, no feathers are missing from any of the birds that have chosen to dine at Casa de Zoë's Dad.Anyway, it seems Pat, after watching the great piano showdown has found a striking image likeness for myself. Pat feels there is an uncanny resemblance between myself ... More About: Piano , Incredible
Demoralizing Dad---The Piano Showdown
2008-04-14 09:36:00 There are two schools of thought on the whole let your kids win thing. One states that you should never let them win. They should have to earn it just as in real life. It builds confidence, strength, character and a greater appreciation of the victory. The other school of thought is to toss in the towel, let your kids win every once in a while. It builds confidence, strength, character and a greater appreciation of the victory. I'm torn on the whole issue. While I'm all for winning and building up of a child's confidence, I also believe that losing builds just as much confidence and strength of character. It takes a lot to come in second or third. I'm an also ran, always have been. As our local paper would recount our high school track and swim meets listing top finishers in each race, they also had the kindness to publish the names of all of the competitors in each race--the also rans. That was me. I never ... More About: Piano
Virgin Ears
2008-04-10 00:58:00 Me: That's a new cup. What is it?Her: It's the supposed to be the new coffee from Starbucks. I'm hoping they just forgot the Equal (she says adding some to the cup) because it tastes like a-s-s. (spelled).Me: Good luck with that.Not so very long ago my wife and I were able to converse freely, adult stuff with adult words. We spoke above innocent ears that were oblivious to the words or context of our conversation. As those ears grew our conversation methods evolved and we found ourselves spelling words deemed inappropriate for virgin ears. We may have to stop talking altogether. Case in point:Moments after the above conversation took place Zia pipes up. Mom, Mom, Mom...I know how to spell coffee.Her: Really? Let's hear it.Zia: A--S--S!! More About: Virgin , Ears
You are so Going to Lose!
2008-04-08 20:29:00 Stagnant. Stalled. Halted. At an impasse. Distracted. Amotivated. Indifferent. She just won't do it! I don't want to. I'm not going to! These are just a few of the words or phrases that I could use to describe the current state of Zoë's piano lessons. It would appear that as the temperatures rise outside her willingness to apply energy towards practice inversely falls. Two weeks in a row she has failed to meet her contracted practice commitment of 90 minutes. (That's a week people, not a day!) My frustration level is at an all time high. Pressed for solutions, I expressed my concerns to my wife. Make it fun she said, otherwise she's going to hate it and we'll lose her forever. No easy task, mind you because right now, I'm not having fun. I'm still looking for ideas (begging really.) But this is what we did today and she really seemed to have fun.....again.A little con...
Watching the Wheels
2008-04-05 02:52:00 Sometimes, things just hit me in the right manner. They seem to appropriately apply, I guess you could say. Mostly it's music, but it could be other things. A book, an article, a comic strip, a quote or quip. Even a word or sentence. Like I said, it could be anything but mostly it's music. I'm in the van the other day which is not so unusual as I spend a great deal of time in my beloved Grand Caravan and the station plays a song I have heard countless times over the last twenty five or so years. I've never given it a second thought, never considered the words or the meaning. Never attempted to dissect what was going on in his head when he wrote the song. Oh, there's plenty of conjecture about what he meant and what he was trying to say. I've just never paid it any mind. Still haven't. And probably won't. You see, the song hit me in just the right way the other day and I was able to appreciate it's... More About: Kids , Watching , Wheels
A Light at the End of Winter
2008-04-03 13:42:00 Old Man Winter may not be asleep just yet, but he's definitely sporting his Superman pajamas and sipping on a warm glass of milk. The last embers of the fire are smoldering, covers have been turned down, he's finished reading Goodnight Moon and The Velveteen Rabbit and eaten of the chocolate left on his pillow by housekeeping. Yes, folks, winter is coming to an end here in America's Armpit and I could not be more excited. It's been long, harsh, physically and mentally draining. Frigid temperatures, snow, ice, sleet, rain all repeated in a dizzying cycle over the past five months. But the thick gray clouds of winter gloom and misery have broken and for two days consecutively the sun has been shining bright.Oh, it's still chilly (31 this morning) and the heater is still on but I can see the light at the end of winter. Really?, you ask. It's 31 degrees, you say. On my thermometer that's still freezing. What makes you th... More About: Flowers , Baseball , Ice Cream , Light
Catharsis
More articles from this author:2008-04-01 10:00:00 Laughter fills the room where children are playing oblivious to my exasperation. Lessons have ended far from complete. I clear the table. Distracted, detached or otherwise completely uninterested in either content or purpose they have moved on. Wooden puzzle pieces clank to the floor as they are dropped from their formed cutout containers. Crayons and colored pencils are scattered around the room as they would rather toss undesired hues than set them aside. Crumpled scraps of paper dot the floor, artwork in various stages of completion. A trail of books leads to the shelves from which they were housed, a trail that most assuredly will remain as the need to re shelve is clearly not a priority. Squabbles escalate. Declarations of "Mine!" become shouts then screams. Eventually tears. "I'm sorrys" and "that's OKs" are exchanged. Hugs. The cycle repeats itself. Typical. Unable to see the importanc... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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