Zoe's DadZoe's DadBe careful what you wish for....reflections, musings and a cry for help from a stay at home father of 5. Humorous anectdates of a dad taken hostage by his children. 
Articles
A Year in the Life--Album Style
2008-07-16 19:14:00 Inspiration comes. Sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't, I have found a nifty little trick is to steal from those in the blogging community. OK. stealing is bad. I'm borrowing, drawing inspiration, building upon the foundations that have been laid before me. I got this from Mr. Big Dubya who apparently got it from Jason who got it from a website he appreciates. You see, it's not really theft if the original dudes all get their due credit, right? Kind of like it ain't plagiarism if I put a footnote. Anyway, the rules of this little exercise are pretty simple: pick your favorite album (or what would have been your favorite, had you been of age) from every year of your life. I fudged this just a tad. Although I would like to think of myself as someone with a very eclectic taste in music (no rap--no country--a guy has to have boundaries), my wife would argue that my tastes are pretty mainstream and ho-hum at b... More About: Life , Style , Album , Year
Dan and His Lunatic Fringe
2008-07-14 17:44:00 He doesn't appear to be backing down. He mentioned quite some time ago that he was going to do this. Quite some time ago, it was safe to boast of this as quite some time should pass and our memories would fail us. Yet he has reminded us of his claims, an ever present gnat buzzing always just beyond the swatter. At times, his voice has been soft, like a whisper. Other times, loud and booming. He just couldn't let it go. And now, the time has come. It is as they say time to put up or shut up. I think a more commonly known allegorical reference may have something to do with moving one's bowels or vacating the porcelain seat but since this is a family friendly place, I shan't make such references.Dan and his mates, ten of them I believe, maybe just seven. Could be just Dan. I'm not really sure who has committed but they all should be committed for even suggesting such lunacy. You see, Dan and his mates are about to e... More About: Fringe
Sunday Sonnets--Waking in a Dream
2008-07-13 06:26:00 There's something to be said for Sleep Late Sunday s. The kids anticipate it's arrival almost as eagerly as I. A lazy day with no schedule. No practices or agendas. Just sleep in and go where the day leads us. We normally begin our day with my now world famous from scratch pancakes. It's kind of morphed into a whole experience. The kids will often help with the ingredients and pancake mixing. Sausage sizzles and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee lifts everyone's spirits. Jazz plays softly in the background. It has become one of my favorite family experiences. Ah yes. Sleep Late Sunday. Today's Sunday Sonnet (penned just moments ago) was inspired by the unexpected. I really slept in this morning. It felt good.Waking in a Dream Something surreal about sleeping in,Like waking in a time warp, groggy.Stumbling towards the bedroom doorHesitant, unsure of what lies beyond.It's quiet. Did th...
Manly Validation
2008-07-11 07:56:00 I have spent the better part of this morning begrudgingly sorting through and folding the mounds--literally mounds--of clean laundry. I readily admit that folding and putting away said folded laundry is far down my list of things I enjoy doing each day. Truth be told, it's not even on the list, unless that list would be the list of things I absolutely despise doing but I do anyway because it's in the job description that I, like a fool, failed to read before signing up for this gig.I came to a few realizations this morning, First, my wife was right (how many times you gonna hear that, Honey?). My obsession with kids wearing socks during the summer has got to stop. I despise folding the whitewash and socks just add to that pile. The kids don't keep a pair of socks on for a full day anyway. If they do make it through the day, they are so full of dirt and grime that there is not a washer or detergent made that will ever sufficiently clean th... More About: Roses , Laundry , Validation , Weeds , Manly
Best Day---EVER!!
2008-07-09 22:00:00 Every day above ground is a good day. My mom used to tell me that. Of course, she also used to tell me that Brussels Sprouts were good for you and that sour kraut would put hair on my chest. What did she know? Today marks the fifteen thousand six hundred and ninety fifth day (that's 15,695 days or 301 dog years) that I have spent atop this little orb. It truly is a good day. Maybe the best day ever!I may also be celebrating on the 14th in honor of my mom.. That's Bastille Day but for some reason my mom always got my birthday mixed up with the French holiday. Seems like every year the 10th would roll by and I had no cake or presents, not even well wishes. Then on the 14th---SURPRISE!! I can't remember the last time she got it right. Funny, the things that hold memories. Today is my birthday. Now let's go eat some cake!
I Smell a Coup
2008-07-08 05:04:00 Quiet moments. Solitude . A good cup of coffee. These things make me happy. These things are seldom found in my household. Except for the coffee. That's always here. My mother-in-law might tend to disagree with me on the coffee, she thinks I make it too strong. I prefer the term bold. Then again, she prefers Instant so I don't really count her as a credible critic.This morning I was enjoying a rare hat trick--quiet, solitude and coffee. My wife had to be at work early and woke me to braid her hair. That's right. I braid my wife's hair. What's more, I do it well enough that she entrusts her golden locks to my groggy hands before she heads out of the door to face a discerning world. I'm a man of many facets. In fact, later today I'll be painting my daughter's fingernails. Welcome to Salon de Ed. Back to the hat trick.Unable to return to sleep, I made my way downstairs for... More About: Coup , Smell
Whew! Do Not Go In There!
2008-07-01 06:03:00 There's something to be said for a good purge every once in a while. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning bulimia here. Or any other self destructive means of dealing with severe body dismorphic disorder. Maybe purge is not a good metaphor. How about there's something to be said for a big fat steamy one every once in a while. Wait, I suppose that, too could fall into the whole eating disorder realm what with laxative abuse and what not. The point I'm laboring to make here is that my mind is a bit cluttered and I feel the need to release some of the incongruent tangents. The fragments of thought processes that lead nowhere and are basically taking up space in my head. Great! Now I've added--find a metaphor for purging the random thoughts in my head without appearing to condone body dismorphia--to the list. If someone has a better metaphor, please help me.1) My gutters need cleaned. No metaphor here.&nb... More About: Babble
Sunday Sonnets--A Refreshing Shower
2008-06-28 22:00:00 My kids get frightened during thunderstorms. The lightning startles them and the claps of thunder elicit screams. I could watch it rain all night. I love the way night time is broken by momentary flashes of brilliant white light and I could listen to the rolling thunder on an endless replay loop. Rain drops on a metal surface somehow soothe me. And nothing compares to the exhilaration of watching a storm cross a body of water making its way to the screened porch where you safely can absorb it's power and beauty. It rained last Wednesday night. A good rain, hard with plenty of lightning and rolling thunder. I sat, alone in my living room as the family slept and I enjoyed every bit of it. Images of my youth flashed with each bolt of lightning and the booming thunder turned the pages as I watched the storm. And I listened. It was pretty cool.This week's Sunday Sonnet was inspired by last Wednesday's thunderstorm.A Refr... More About: Shower , Thunderstorms
Still Jammin--a Repost
2008-06-28 05:39:00 Dad! We're all up. Come on!Coffee.Da-aadd!Zoë, I need coffee.I've got to admire her spunk. For some crazy reason we look forward to this weekend all year long. Comfest. The name says it all, doesn't it? What? It doesn't? How about Community Festival? Better? As far as Zoë is concerned, anything that deems itself worthy of the name festival demands her presence. The girl likes to party!And so it shall be. We are preparing ourselves this morning for the 8th consecutive trek to Comfest. Damn the weather reports. There's a festival happening out there and we're off to be festive. I'll let you know how it goes. Until then, why don't you read about last year's Comfest. Rather than link it (I know, we get lazy and hate to click a link) I'll just repost. Enjoy, and hope your weekend is as festive as ours.Jam On, You Hippie Freaks! (originally posted June 24, 2007)The s... More About: Festivals
Move Along, People. Move Along.
2008-06-26 03:55:00 It's been a while since I've ushered you guys away from here. I don't like to do it for a number of reasons. First, I'm not very good at self promotion. Oh, I've done it but it's uncomfortable and not really who I am. I prefer that people come here to see what my children have done and the crazy spin I may have been able to put on their daily adventures. I don't sell anything and there are no ads to click on my blog. There was a time and I'm not saying there won't be again, but for now I like it this way. I like the fact that if you come to me you get me. Not a pitch. I truly appreciate every one who takes of their time to visit here and even more so, leave a comment. I think people in the blog world call it validation. Me? I just enjoy your company. I really, really do.That being said, I'm gonna send you away today. Over to Quirkee.com. You may have noticed the link in the sidebar referrin... More About: People , Move
Every Once in a While.....
2008-06-25 04:06:00 Stop it, Naer. (That's how Zella refers to her twin brother, Zander. Naer. It's pronounced something like NAIR but with more of an emphasis on an e sound as opposed to what the short i does to air. Nay-er with less of a y. Try it. Naer. Naer. Oh forget it. By the time you figure out how she does it she will have mastered the next phonetic phase in her development and the word will be lost forever.)Stop it Naer.I wan dat. I WAN daaatt!!Naer, no!!! (Crying ensues and more arguing. More words are exchanged but quite honestly it's hard enough to decipher when they are speaking without tears and whining.)There's no real point to the argument. Is there ever really when two year olds are involved? I suppose my point in relaying is that the scene above is repeated daily at least three or four times, often more but seldom less. It would seem that I am forever engaged in a struggle to keep the peace ...
Don't Drink the Water
2008-06-24 11:11:00 Boys will be boys. How many times have I heard or used that phrase in my lifetime? Exponentially more so as a parent. Little boys like mud, bugs, animals, teasing little girls, sports, tackling things, kicking things---the list goes on. Just yesterday Zoë ran into the house to let me know about the mouse in the yard. They had tried in vain to get Ariel, the cat, interested in chasing the thing but she wouldn't. The mouse was just sitting there.I came outside just in time to stop Zane's outstretched arm from picking up the--not mouse but--huge rat that somehow found it's way into the yard and had decided to park itself under the bird feeder as it was providing a ready source of food. Dear Lord, Zane! Don't grab that! That thing will gnaw your arm off! It was huge! Half the size of Ariel. No wonder she wasn't interested. She was scared to death!Suffice it to say that Mr. Rat has supped for the las... More About: Drink , Water
Sunday Sonnets
2008-06-21 19:30:00 In an effort to stimulate stagnating brain cells and hopefully spawn some creativity, I am working on a little thing I think I shall call SUNDAY SONNETS. Essentially, Sunday Sonnets will be a brief collection, quite random, of events or happenings around here in a loose verse form. And no, I will not adhere to the truest definition of a sonnet as being a verse or song of 14 lines of iambic pentameter. I'm not a poet--hell, I'm not even a writer--but then again you already know that, don't you. My initial offering, though not labeled as such, would have to be last week's "That'll Teach Em".This week's Sonnet addresses the ever dwindling rodent population around Casa de Ed. For discussion purposes let's just assume that rabbits are rodents, OK? I'm a dad not a zoologist. Though zoo keeper would not be too far from an apt job description.RODENTS BEWARE Rodents, beware.Though extremely cute and cuddly, your safetyCan not be as... More About: Dogs , Cats
I Don't Do Anything.....
2008-06-19 06:19:00 I file them in like little ducks. Everywhere. It's a scene of repetition, an endless replay loop of loading and unloading, filing in and out from car to door and back again. I'm kind of used to it now. It's commonplace. This morning I had some information to pick up from the church office. I've been conned into leading the 3-4 year old class at this year's Vacation Bible School. (God bless my mother-in-law!) And so each morning next week I'll be leading a group of 3 and 4 year old children in their daily Bible School activities for St. Mary's Catholic Church. It's kind of funny. My sister-in-law said, "Wait. Aren't you Methodist?" "It's worse than that," I replied. "I'm Baptist."So as I pick up my information packet this morning the woman at the church office proclaims, "My, don't you have a lot of helpers." To which came the following responses:Zoë: I help a lot. I made Daddy... More About: Baptists
Lullaby
2008-06-17 15:54:00 Vince is playing upstairs, songs familiar, forty years familiar, yet timeless and with each play exciting and new. Above the calming melodies children are laughing. Mischievous squeals followed by "sshhhes" and "be quiets". The chandelier in the dining room occasionally rattles, jarred from the playful bouncing upstairs. Baths were skipped fatigue having won out over model parenting. Teeth were brushed. I take solace in that.Not so very long ago the iced tea I'm enjoying would taste salty and of olives, burning ever so sweetly as I swallowed. I'd have finished two (or three) and be heading to the deck for some fresh air. I'm content this evening to listen to the music and the laughter of children who should be sleeping. Yeah. I'm OK with that. More About: Lullaby
Andy--Revisited. A Father's Day Repost
2008-06-15 07:24:00 Father's day. Dad's all across the country will be heading out to the golf courses and ball parks, lakes and rivers, or just to the living room to veg out in the Lazy Boy with a frosty adult beverage sporting that new paisley necktie because--well it's dad's day and that's what dads get to do on their day, right? I've got other things that need tendin' cause well, I just do. So I thought I'd repost from last year my thoughts on Father's Day. I think it still rings pretty true and it captures what I really feel about Father's Day. Happy Father's Day. (originally posted June 16, 2007--Thanks for the Warning, Andy ) Warhol once said, "In the future, everyone will be world famous for 15 minutes." I've spent my entire life trying to figure out how I was going to leave my mark, my signature. How will the world know that I was here? What will be the Legacy of Ed? I'm nominal, at best when it comes to sp... More About: Children , Father , Andy Warhol
Koot Little Skirrell
2008-06-12 19:13:00 It's O-Tay little skirrell. It's O-Tay. Aww, what a koot little skirrell.Zella, what are you talking about?What do you have there?Aww,Zella! (exasperated) That's not a squirrell. It's a chipmunk.And it's dead! Would you please stop hugging it!
That'll Teach 'Em....
2008-06-08 02:13:00 I've got a bird in my attic.Damn thing flew in thereCouldn't find his way out.He died.I left him thereAs a warningTo any other birdsWanting in........I've got flies in my attic......And a rotting bird carcass.
I've Got the Answers
2008-06-06 15:26:00 Many of you may have read about this contest over at Whit's place. What? Who's Whit? I'm not quite sure that question deserves an answer, rather a swift slap across the face and quite possibly some spittle in the eye! Whit's the man--he says so himself. Anyway, seems Whit has offered a little contest to all five of his readers that offers not one, not two, not three---it goes on--but eleven books. Real books with pages that are made of real paper (I can only assume paper as I have not actually seen these books myself, nor do I have actual proof that the books are real--but why would Whit lie?).All you have to do is answer a few simple multiple choice questions, compose a short essay and in no fewer than ten words (no more either) describe why Whit is the man. I'm about to give you the opportunity of a lifetime. Why? Because I care. It's what I do. I'm a carer..er type of caring person that cares about things an... More About: Answers
Breakfast Conversations
2008-06-05 21:14:00 Conversation at at breakfast yesterday morning between Zoë and Zane on their last official day of school.Zoë: What's that?Zane: It's a tag that goes on a zipper.Zoë: Where did you get it?Zane: My fourth grade buddy gave it to me.Zoë: Man, I wish I was in kindergarten.Zane: Yeah. It's good times. More About: Breakfast
What Did We Forget?
2008-06-04 11:24:00 Let's see. Do we have everything we need?Hey, guys. Can you stop that, please? Cat food..Dog food...Bird seed....(Why don't we call it bird food? Really. We're feeding the birds this stuff not growing birds. We don't plant the seed we put it in handy little feeders and the birds come to eat it. It's bird food!)Guys! Please stop that.Help me out here. Did we forget anything?Milk....Cereal....*Cue the crash*Guys!!!*Cue the screaming**Cue the blood*OK. So we forgot gauze bandages and...Band-aids.....That's right. In the check-out lane Zane and Zia were having a little wrestling match. One thing lead to another, Zane tackles Zia and she slams her head into the metal storage bin. I had to head over to the pharmacy department and get bandages to patch her up in the store before we could leave. Turns out, it was just a small cut and only needed two stitches.My wife put them in herself. I m...
Breaking News!
2008-06-03 10:32:00 Some of you may find what I am about to reveal to you a bit alarming. Shocking really. But I feel it my duty inform. You see, I don't just pose pithy little stories about my kids. Every once in a while I am bound by some weird conviction to actually provide content. Information. Learning. So here it goes.Boys are different from girls.And the crowd screamed----What? What??? That's crazy talk!But I'm here to tell you that it is true. And although there may be some readers who have already glommed on to this little nugget of information I offer just one example to those who may still be doubting.Last evening, our baby sitter was performing at a local talent competion. She won People's Choice Award at the same competion last year and was performing this year as a courtesy--an encore we'll call it. I had planned on bringing all of the kids but Zander seems to have developed a fever of unknown origin. ... More About: News , Breaking News , Breaking
It's All About the Journey
2008-06-02 11:30:00 Alright, kids. Here's your choice. We can go to see the log cabin where Abe Lincoln was born .....or....Yeah??....(There was feigned enthusiasm somewhere deep within. I could feel it. What they really were thinking was. Dad, I'm not so sure I want to hear what choice number two is because quite honestly, choice number one SUCKS!!)Or we could go to Dinosaur World.Ooh!! Yea!! Dinosaur World. Dinosaur World. Dinosaur World!! Dinoworl! (Zella and Zander chimed in--they had no idea what Dinosaur World was. They were just following the crowd. Typical!)The kids could not have had more fun. Dinosaur World is your typical tourist trap oasis tucked into the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains somewhere along interstate 65 in nowhere Kentucky. The kids were able to follow a winding path through the woods where life sized replicas of dinosaurs greeted them around every bend. They paused at each one sc... More About: Journey , The Journey , Dinosaurs
We're Gonna Need a Turkey
2008-05-27 22:21:00 I am ever amazed at the resiliency of my children. God bless them, they keep me strong.A conversation this morning with Zane (5 years old).Me: Hey, Buddy. We're going to have to miss your big poetry readings and songs this Friday.Zane: Why?Me: Well....remember your Uncle Monty called this morning about my mom, your grandmom?Zane: Yeah...Me: Well, man. She passed away this morning. We have to go down to Louisiana.(Zia chimed in) Dad, I'm sorry about your mom.Me: Thanks, Zia. Me too.Zane: Yeah, me too. Sorry, Dad. (short pause) Oh, we need a turkey!Me: What?Zane: Yeah, whenever someone dies you need to bring food.Me: Good point, Zane. Good point indeed.My mother passed away this morning. I'm off to Louisiana to say goodbye to her in a religiously appropriate manner. Oh, and find a turkey! More About: Turkey , Gonna
....Six? Hey Wait a Minute!
2008-05-20 20:52:00 People laugh when they see me counting my children in public. It may even go so far as to perpetuate some of the negative stereotypes many have of men as bungling and inept fathers. Guys seemingly overwhelmed at the prospect of having to actually spend time with their children. I don't really care what they think. One of my assigned daily jobs is loss prevention. I'm charged the lives of five wonderful children and my goal each day is to see to it that five wonderful children are safely tucked into their beds at night.However, I would like to offer that my obsession with counting my children does have it's benefits. Advantages if you will. I was reminded yesterday of Zander's first haircut. As is the norm, all five kids and I had piled into the van and headed off to Cookie Cutter Kids. This place is fantastic! As soon as you walk into the door you are greeted my an enormous indoor slide and climbing apparatus. My ... More About: Minute , Wait
.....Five
2008-05-19 10:46:00 One, two, three, four.....Zoë, where's Zia?I don't know?Here I am.Five. Good. OK Zia, I was just checking.Two minutes later.One, two, three...Zander. Get back here! four.....Zane. Have you seen Zoë?No.There she is. Five.Zella. Get back over here. No, Zander. You need to stay in this area with Zella. Zoë. Help Zia. She's stuck again.A woman who had been watching me frantically try to keep my five scurrying dervishes within eyesight amongst the maze of climbing chambers and hordes of other children in the play area finally asked, "How many are you trying to watch?""Five," I sighed and tried to force a smile. She just laughed, I think at me, and walked away.The kids had a relaxing day at the zoo yesterday. I counted to five.......a lot! I still have a headache this morning!
I Suck as a Scribe
2008-05-15 03:17:00 Zane is studying the life cycle of the caterpillar this week. They even have a few caterpillars in the classroom and a couple have already formed a chrysalis. I asked him what was the difference between a chrysalis and a cocoon. He said, "it's the same--isn't it?" "I don't know, Dude. Weren't you paying attention in class when they went over that? You tell me. Why are we paying all this money to send you to school if your aren't going to pay attention in class?" I replied. (I didn't know the answer but I felt with some crafty blaming and guilting I could avoid having to expose my inadequacies in the insect world.) I've come to find out that the real difference is that moths form cocoons by wrapping themselves up in their silk prior to making their pupa. Butterflies don't. They have silk they just don't wrap up like the moths do. It's all very complicated stuff and better suited for discussion in... More About: Photos , Suck , Scribe
What About Tomorrow?
2008-05-13 10:45:00 My son, God bless him, has decided that our archaic and wasteful ways must come to an end. He feels we have not been good stewards of our resources and has instituted some changes.Him: Dad, why don't we recycle?Is there ever an acceptable answer for not doing something that will benefit our household, our community or the environment? Really? Is because I'm a lazy slob going to cut the mustard here? What about because our little village does not have a recycling program and we have to haul our recyclables 10 miles to the nearest drop off facility? No, I'm pretty much stuck.Me: You're absolutely right, Buddy. We should recycle.That's all he needed to hear. The very next time we took a trip to Lowe's he was all over the task of selecting bins to start our recycling campaign. We chose three basic plastic storage containers and he wasted no time labeling them. Paper, Cans and Plastik. It was official then.&nbs... More About: Tomorrow
Because I Said I Would
2008-05-07 11:27:00 I'm not here. Really. Trust me, my trip fails miserably in comparison to RTK's vacation in Hawaii. In fact, why don't you head over to Rattling the Kettle and see where I've gone.
Sorry, Gotta Clean House---Literally!
More articles from this author:2008-05-03 08:46:00 Unbelievable! Just two days ago every single shoe was in it's proper place, in it's proper room, with it's proper owner. Just two days ago! I just spent the last 20 minutes rounding up every shoe from downstairs. Here they are.....And, all five children are currently wearing a pair of shoes. You can only imagine what the rest of my house looks like. Sorry, no post today. I've got to clean house. Why don't you hop on over to Jeremy's place at Discovering Dad. Jeremy's been running a series called Spotlight on Dads and has chosen me as this weeks subject. Hey, someone had to slum it up--there's some seriously, seriously great dads highlighted in the series thus far. I'm honored to be in their company. More About: House , Clean , Literally , Gotta 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 |
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