Tails From The Bird & Buffalo

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OI, NUTTER & THE STAR-SPANGLED BANANA
2008-05-12 13:15:00
BIRD: Buffers, are you decent?BUFF: I've got a pair of Bart Simpson boxer shorts on, if that's what you mean.BIRD: Did ya celebrate Mother's Day, then?BUFF: Sure, I always celebrate Mother's Day in my skivvies, you great gormy plank.BIRD: How is your mum, by the by?BUFF: She's old, Birdy. Ancient and creaky, like. Her only topics of conversation relate to her precarious health, which I have inherited.BIRD: Oh, how so?BUFF: The bloody gout, Birdman. It has returned with villain zeal and I am contemplating self-amputation.BIRD: Blimey. Not of your Freddy, I hope!BUFF: No, Berky, of my fookin' knee. Feels like there's ground glass in my knee, turning it into hamburger.BIRD: Hors alor! Does it hurt, like?BUFF: Is the bear Catholic? Does that old dopesucker Winslow Pope shit in the woods?BIRD: Are those rhetorical questions, Buffers?BUFF: No, Einstein, those are the questions that plague me eternally when I'm contemplating self-mutilation, you flaming twit.BIRD: Uh, tell me more ...
More About: Banana , Star , The Star

GREAT TITS COPE WELL WITH WARMING
2008-05-09 14:10:00
SPOKESBIRD FOR THE BRITISH GREAT TIT ASSOCIATION SAYS "BRING IT ON!"IN A 90-SECOND INTERVIEW WITH BRIAN GREAT TIT SENIOR IN A GARDEN AT AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION IN EAST FENWICK, BRIAN REVEALED HOW GREAT TITS EVERYWHERE ARE REVELLING IN GLOBAL WARMING. BRIAN: See, the way I see it, we're laughing, innit. The hotter it gets the more caterpillars there are and we like our caterpillars, right? I mean, there's so many caterpillars hanging out now, it's hard to know where to turn! Normally, right, we eat 70 of the little buggers a day, yeah? Now it's up to 120 plus. All different sizes and colours too! This morning, yeah, when I woke up and rolled out of the birdbox, I thought I'd kicked the proverbial bucket bath and gone to Twitter Heaven. I must've ate about 6o of 'em before me afternoon siesta alone. Gave me terrible wind, mind. Couldn't stop farting. It was enough to wake the robins, I tell ya. Anyway, global warming - bloody marvellous, specially since I used to get a cold ...
More About: Great , Tits , Cope

NOTES FROM THE ORIFICE # 2
2008-04-30 12:34:00
IN WHICH BIRD GETS TO SEE THE COMPANY DOC...LOOPY LOO (DA LINE MANAGER): So why do you want to see the company doctor?BIRD: I told you in the email, I am TOTALLY stressed out. I'm cracking up. I can't function. I can't sleep at night. I can't focus. I feel TOTALLY trapped. If I don't get help soon, I don't know what I might do. You've gotta help me. Please. Please let me see him. Please.LOOPY LOO: We feel an appointment with the company doctor is inappropriate at this point. We'd like to stick to the three-month review period. Have you tried gardening or Su Doku to relieve the tension?BIRD: Now why didn't I think of that! Loopy, I can't wait three months, that's gonna be too late. I need to see the doctor NOW.LOOPY LOO: Tiddlywinks might work too. Well, anyway, these are your options - we can put you in touch with a free confidential counselling service, or you can go and see your own doctor, or you can practise deep breathing whilst sitting on a marble floor.BIRD: I'm g...
More About: The Office , Notes

EINSTEIN'S LAST THEORY INNIT
2008-04-17 13:18:00
BIRD: Wot's happnin', dude?BUFFALO: Nuffink much. Just reading about that darty old muff muncher Bertie Einstein .BIRD: Eh? Xplain, plis, Lucy.BUFFALO: Great new bio just out - Einstein: Quantum Chick Magnet. Did you know, Birdy, that Einstein married his second wife Elsa cuz she was well endowed, like?BIRD: Great fornicating follicles, Buffters! Is nothing sacred?!BUFFALO: He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection.BIRD: Fascinating stuff.BUFFALO: For real. This came to be known as Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty.BIRD: Rimshot!

FIVE REASONS TO GET OUTTA BED IN DA MAWNIN'
2008-04-16 13:08:00
ER... WOT YER THINK, BUFF? WILL ANY OF THESE GET YA OUTTA BED?1. You'll get fired if you don't.BUFFALO: Nope.2. Your heart will become even weaker than it already is then it'll give out altogether.BUFFALO: Years of unbridled rogering and solvent abuse will get me first, Birdy, so wot's da hurry?3. Someone is stealing your car.BUFFALO: Dude, it's insured!4. There is a special package at the door.BUFFALO: I've got all my movies from NetFlix so I don't give a feck!5. The bed is on fire.BUFFALO: Yeah, that oughtta do it!
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FIVE THINGS NOT TO SAY AFORE YE CROAK
2008-04-15 12:33:00
IF YOUSE THINKING 'BOUT KICKING DA BUCKET & WANT TO BE WELL REMEMBERED, LIKE, DON'T SAY NONE O' DESE:1. DAVE (HALIFAX, ENGLAND) TO HIS BELOVED NANCY: "At least I won't have to fake my orgasms any more!"2. BERYL (SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE) TO HER HUBBY OF 60 YEARS, NIGEL: "How I've put up with your ugly mug and farting for England all these years I'll never know."3. JEAN-JEAN (BELIZE) TO HIS EGYPTIAN POODLE: "Zis is le end, mon pooch. After toi, non?"4. BORIS KOKBLOWNOFF (KRASNODAR, SIBERIA) TO TWIN BROTHER ALF: "Tell Lenin I miss him and don't forget to feed the swans on the lake, twin comrade of mine!"5. WALKING TEPID (SOMEWHERE ON LAKE MICHIGAN) TO WAVING BULL IN SKY: "Rising Turd has come for me, I go now to Universal Flush. Geronimo!"
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FIVE FILMS TO SEE BEFORE YOU DIE
2008-04-10 15:40:00
1. BAMBI - The first time interspecies love was taken seriously - "Thumper, I think I love you..."2. DAS BOOT - For making subtitles cool again! - "Dive! Dive! Der feckin' Englischen want us get-toten, ja!"3. LASSIE COME HOME - For giving unwanted twerps everywhere hope - arf, arf!4. GET CARTER - Michael Caine, innit - "You''re only supposed to blow the bluddy doors off!"5. DEBBIE DOES DORSET - Cos nobody does Dorset quite like Debbie - "So little time but still haven't blown Bournemouth. Ick!"
More About: Films , Das Boot

MAXIM & UDDERS ON INSOLENT RUDDER
2008-04-06 23:42:00
BIRD: Shameful self-emulation, I know, but have you heard about Maxim Ripyorebollokov's Notes From Pubistan in the excellent mag Insolent Rudder at http://www.insolentrudder.net?BUFFALO: Birdy, you know what happens when you introduce a character within a character.BIRD: Dude, it's not me. Not the REAL me. And Maxim's a pal. In need.BUFFALO: Now hold on there, buddy. Am I talking to you, Maxim, or Stu?BIRD: Eh? Me, natch. Why'd you ask?BUFFALO: Cos I just don't know any more. And what's the deal with the editor of Insolent Rudder at http://www.insolentrudder.net? This Tim Ljunggren dude... Isn't he the Sage of Sweden?BIRD: Is he? Who told you that?BUFFALO: You did, you plank!BIRD: Oh. You know, I really don't know. I mean, I've parleyed with him on Skype and all and NOTHING he said led me to believe he's in any way a Swede-oh.BUFFALO: Tim Ljunggren?BIRD: No, dude! The Sage of Sweden!BUFFALO: Jeez, Birdman. I feel like I don't know my ass from my Freddy these...
More About: The Office , Udders

INTERNATIONAL DISTURBED BUDDIES DAY
2008-04-04 12:17:00
THIS BLOG HAS RECEIVED HUNDREDS OF MESSAGES OF SUPPORT FOR THE BIRD AND BUFFALO ON THEIR DAY - INTERNATIONAL DISTURBED BUDDIES DAY. HERE IS A SAMPLE:SAMMY, BRIGHTON, ENGLAND:Dudes,I know you're total whack jobs but keep up the blog, OK? I love it. It takes me to another place whilst I can't physically get there cuz I've got these belts holding me down. Give my regards to Dale when you see him next. PS Ever tried geraniums? They're seriously yummy!DAVE, FLORIDA:Dudes,I feel your pain, dudes. Want me to shove my shotgun up your asses and pull the trigger? Gimme your address, I'll be round REAL soon.JANET, ALASKA:Dudes,Have you ever thought about what it's like to be a squirrel without a Freddy? I do wonder sometimes. I hope the surgery works, don't you?FRED, CALIFORNIA:Dudes,You've helped me rediscover myself in a refreshing way not unlike that of a pixie in the long grass. My case comes up on Tuesday.JUAN, BARCELONA:Dudes,I worship the cyber space upon which you def...
More About: International , The Office , Tube

THE PROUST OUTSIDE WITHIN
2008-04-03 16:14:00
BIRD MET MARCEL PROUST LAST NIGHT WHILST WALKING THE MIND. HE REMINDED HIM OF A CHANGE IN THE WEATHER AND... BIRD: In the mirror every reader finds herself in him. PROUST: Time passes, and little by little everything that we have spoken in falsehood becomes true.BIRD: Regress. Regress. To recreate second nature composed of masterpieces and neurotics is merely an instrument of the mind that is not going to last, right? PROUST: Wow. But I don't understand.BIRD: Habit is happiness, don?t you know?PROUST: You mean we become moral when we are unhappy.BIRD: Of course not, you wombat. You know, I really do think final decisions communicate strength within the cruelties of enchantments and powers which serve unhappiness and other inedible delights, don?t you?PROUST: Didn?t I say something like that once?BIRD: Don't be silly, what I said was profound. How vain you are!PROUST: It?s just we do not succeed in changing things according to our desire, but gradually our desire changes.BI...

TWINSPEAK
2008-03-31 14:06:00
BUFFALO: Hey, buddy! Fancy seeing you here. Get this, dude. I've got a date with Audrey Horne.THE HUDSTER: Audrey Horne? That name sounds familiar. Did we go to school with her?BUFFALO: Nope.THE HUDSTER: Well, where's she from, then?BUFFALO: Twin Peaks , berky.THE HUDSTER: Waa? Twin Peaks? Like the fookin' TV show?BUFFALO: Aye.THE HUDSTER: Audrey Horne, huh?BUFFALO: Right.THE HUDSTER: Dude, wasn't she the chick that could eat a cherry and tie the stem in a knot with her tongue?BUFFALO: Jawohl, Mein Herring.THE HUDSTER: What was her name? Her real name, I mean.BUFFALO: Sherilyn Fenn.THE HUDSTER: Sherilyn Fenn. Hey, she was the smokin' hot chick that had the hots for Kyle McLaughlan, right?BUFFALO: The very one.THE HUDSTER: She had incredible eyebrows. So you're telling me that you have a date with Sherilyn Fenn?BUFFALO: No, you plank, get the shit out of your ears, I have a date with Audrey Horne.THE HUDSTER: Oh, OK. Right, dude, Audrey Horne, the fictional character.BUFFALO: Th...
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NOTES FROM THE ORIFICE # 1
2008-03-13 16:05:00
IT'S A MODERN ORIFICE, ER... OFFICE. NO, MAKE THAT ORIFICE. WHERE BIRDY EKES OUT HIS LIFE AND DREAMS. AND THE UDDER DAY...BIRD: Busy day today, eh?VICKY (DA DUTY EDITOR, D'UH!): Yeah. You know, Birdy, I just feel so fulfilled here, like if I hadn't stepped through that door all those years ago...BIRD: 20 to be precise.VICKY: That I would never have known that I'd feel...BIRD: Older?VICKY: I don't feel older. Do I look older? BIRD: Vicky, you look great. We should go out for a drink sometime then take it from there.VICKY: No, really, do I look older?BIRD: Vicky, you look good enough to eat. Shit, what am I saying? I'm really sorry. My line manager's warned me about this.VICKY: I don't think I look so bad, considering.BIRD: Horse play. Intimacy. Longing. Relating. Sharing. Being. With another employee.VICKY: Do you know how much I earn? It's about twice what you get. Does that make me twice as important, eh? I think it does.BIRD: Vicky, you are three times a...
More About: The Office , Notes

HOGGING THE HOG
2008-03-09 13:29:00
I'm high on the hogThe hog likes meAnd I like heOver here little hogCome hog meGentlyBIRD: Bootiful, Fifi. Woolly bootiful.BUFFALO: Yup. Sorry, gotta run. Laters.BIRD: The grimulations of an active bowel.BUFFALO: In the one eyed land of the king the constipated is unshaven, or sumfink like that.BIRD: Been in the raspberry dip again, I see.BUFFALO: An active behind leads to active mind.BIRD: Can't argue with that. But where have all the good times gone?BUFFALO: It's coming, dude. Tally-ho, Mr Toe.BIRD: Jam at eleven.BUFFALO: Arf, arf!

METAFIZZICKLE PREMONITION IN SLUMBERLAND
2008-02-13 12:48:00
BUFFALO: You OK dere, Birdy?BIRD: Nah. Can't sleep.BUFFALO: Wassup?BIRD: Had this dream.BUFFALO: Oh, yeah. Bout wot?BIRD: Phil Ossifee. Me and Wittgenstein were shooting da breeze, like.BUFFALO: Jeez. Metafarcical, like. Go on.BIRD: Well, Lud was saying that philosophical problems are not solved through finished experiments, and facts are not things, but are still useful.BUFFALO: Fook! You lost me past the ice cream parlor there, Binky.BIRD: So I said what about the directives? We point out directives then withdraw dissatisfied due to words and pieces of failures being similar.BUFFALO: Dude, wot the fook are you talking about?BIRD: Patience, o bovine one, I'm getting to the punch line. So Lud said "The meaning of a word is to be defined by the rules for its use, not by the feeling that attaches to the word."BUFFALO: O Jeez!BIRD: So that got me thinking. What support does that word have? Moreover, what rights does that word have? Does that word have a say in being used? Are we not ...
More About: Premonition

REASONS TO BE TEARFUL PART 1
2008-02-12 13:14:00
BUFFALO: This just in from the head doc: Inappropriate or exaggerated responses to situations; excessive restlessness; drowsiness; worrying excessively; reduced confidence; mood swings; indecisiveness; poor concentration; trembling, sweating; lethargy; social withdrawal; irritability or anger; intoxication; dramatic weight loss or gain; change in personal hygiene or dress; feeling helpless or hopeless; being isolated; threatening or dangerous behaviour; bizarre behaviour or thinking and recurring bouts of emotional diarrhoea. Dude, I'm fooked!
More About: Reasons , Part

BANGED AGAIN! @@banged.com
2008-02-11 13:53:00
WARNING: PARENTAL ADVISORY, UH DERISORY. THIS EXCERPT CONTAINS THE YO! SEAL OF APPROVALTHE ARSE**** LITERARY REVULSION GOES ON, FROM BANGED!, A STORY WITHIN A STORY WITHIN A VANILLA FUDGE BOMB OF THE SYMBIOITIC UNKIND. OUR HEROINE IS ABOUT TO FIND OUT JUST EXACTLY WHAT MAKES THE FREDDY TIME BOMB TICK...But Bo wasn?t listening. For every x there?s a y. For every positive there?s a negative. For every up there?s a down. You get the idea.?But I want my Clarissa back!?Still Bo said nothing.?What the ****?s going on?? Chuck blurted out from the corner of the mirror.Carla stroked the smooth tip of her new-grown member. ?Sorry there, Chuck, it would appear that I?m not a woman at all, but a? well, uh, transsexual. Yeah, that?s the one. I?m on gender reassignment. A man trapped in a woman?s body. How?d ya like my Freddy?? She swung it up and down. ?Kinda cute, ain?t he? 12 inches of pure pleasure. Don?t it make ya want to just get down and give it a good suck??Chuck took a few...

THE GREATEST SENTENCE EVER WRITTEN Q BUFFTERS
2008-02-07 13:53:00
AS VOTED FOR BY THE WORLD FORUM FOR PHILOLOGICAL UNIVERSALITY IN THE ORIFICIAL MINDI might as well stick a Roman candle up me ass and expect to speak fluent Latin.BUFFALUS INTELLIGENTUS
More About: Written , Sentence , Greatest

BANGED! AN INSERT @
2008-01-28 14:37:00
FROM THE SHORTLY TO BE PUBLISHED AND ENDOWED WITH MANY ACCOLADES NOVEL BANGED! ANOTHER IRRESISTIBLE BIRD & BUFFALO ARSE***K LITERARY REVULSION.Chapter 14a Section 7Airports. F***ing airports. Can?t escape them. Tedium city. But this was the only way she?d unscramble her head. Once she was safe in the Village, with the Reconfigurator, everything would go back to the way it had been only a few months ago ? boring and predictable but somehow far more desirable than this aimless rampage of crime and mind f***s. The Village. Five hours by air, then a short trek in the desert. Flo had often talked about it. Said it would be their little secret. Said if things ever got really f****ed up, she had to make her way there and ask for Viscount Framlingham.And now there were two hours to kill before the flight that would bring her back to dear old safe sanity in suburbia. How she wished Bo was still around. She fancied a Bo bang. One of those really filthy, disgusting no-holes-barred ones tha...

OF LIBRARATORIAL PORKING Q REGGIE CHIVERS
2008-01-17 14:17:00
BIRD: You OK, dude?BUFFALO: Do I sound OK? Of course I'm not OK. I'm fookin' depressed, OK?BIRD: Not cos they're closing down yer library, like?BUFFALO: Yes, cuz they're closing down my library. I've spent many a happy hour there. You know what they say about gal librarians with glasses, doncha? Well, it's all true. They go like rockets. Stick a strap on 'em and they could work for NASA.BIRD: So you're sad that the site of your despicable acts with bespectacled damsel librarians whose names you no longer recall will be reduced to bubble rubble, innit?BUFFALO: Not just that. I discovered Joyce there. And Henry Miller. And Reggie Chivers for chrissakes.BIRD: Reggie who?BUFFALO: Oh, don't give me that shit. Reggie Chivers, author of The Porking Principle.BIRD: Sorry, dude, you lost me past the greyhound track.BUFFALO: Oh, come on. It's a seminal work of the taffeta underground.BIRD: Taffeta wot? Xplain, pliz, Lucy.BUFFALO: Jeez. The Porking Principle, in a runt shell, is thi...
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MOVE ALONG, FOLKS, THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE
2008-01-06 18:46:00
AND THE WINNER OF THE PUT BOUVET ISLAND ON THE MAP BEFORE IT GETS NUKED OR COLONISED BY GIANT UDDERS SELF ASSESSING RETURNABLE VERSE GOES TO...MOVE ALONG, FOLKS, THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HEREWhere to now? she said Mind the hole he said I'm already in
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ODE TO CELERY Q SAVE OUR VEGGIES
2008-01-03 14:48:00
An Ode to Celery Oh, thou supremestalked usefulvegetable.I do desireyou
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A CHRISTMAS SCENE Q TOBY IN THE PANTRY
2007-12-18 13:15:00
WATSON: I say, Holmes.HOLMES: Yes, Watson?WATSON: You haven't, have you?HOLMES: Not yet, but I was thinking about it.WATSON: Shall we?HOLMES: Well, I don't see why not.WATSON: One, two, three...(RIPPING SOUND)WATSON: Toby , you filthy mutt!HOLMES: Abominable hound!WATSON: Whiffy woofer!HOLMES: No more beans for you, my lad.WATSON: Hudders, take him away.HOLMES: Lock him in the pantry and throw away the key.WATSON: Serves him right.HOLMES: Quite.WATSON: I say, Holmes.HOLMES: Yes, Watson?WATSON: I can feel another one coming on.HOLMES: Me too.WATSON: But now there's no Toby to take the flak.HOLMES: Indeed.WATSON: What to do what what what.HOLMES: Open the window quick and get the bellows ready.WATSON: Top hole!HOLMES: Quick, I said!(WINDOW IS FLUNG OPEN, FOLLOWED BY LOUD RIP)HOLMES & WATSON: Ahhhh...WATSON: Merry Christmas , Holmes!HOLMES: Merry Christmas, Watson!WATSON: Ablutions at eleven.HOLMES: Not half!
More About: Sherlock Holmes , Scene , Pantry

FIRING BLANKS IN A WINDY CRESCENT AT CHRISTMAS TIME IN THE MORNING
2007-12-17 14:28:00
FIRING BLANKS IN A WINDY CRESCENTAT CHRISTMAS TIME IN THE MORNINGI wasfiring blanksbut she didn't seem tomind
More About: Christmas , Time , Morning , Windy , In The Morning

WHAT'S FOR TEA, DORIS?
2007-12-10 14:02:00
THE RUNNER-UP IN MARTHA'S MUFFINS SIMMERING GENTLY POETRY OF THE LOST MILLENNIUM SPONSORED BY YouBoob IS...WHAT'S FOR TEA, DORIS?Safe inthe glowOfADung Beetle'sPooWhat's for tea,Doris?

NetFlix Fix Q Sparky Nooks
2007-12-09 14:31:00
BIRD: Buff, what's Sparky been up to lately?BUFFALO: Fookin' up, as usual.BIRD: What's he done now?BUFFALO: I've been waiting all week for my first DVD from NetFlix . It finally occurred to me that bonehead might've intercepted it. Sure enough. The flaming twit didn't even bother to read the address label. He sent it back, because HE hadn't ordered it.BIRD: Have you properly chastised him, then?BUFFALO: No, it does no good. He just stands like a plank, inscrutable as a bleedin' Buddha. Doesn't matter if you praise him and give him a dog biscuit or smack him upside the head with a snow shovel. No reaction. It's inhuman, like.BIRD: What about his cooking? Has it improved at all?BUFFALO: Not a bit. Every day when he returns from work he nooks some kind of vile concoction in the nooker. No idea what it is, but it smells like the toxic residue from the horse-knacking factory. I have to fumigate the oven before I can use it, and I'm spending a small fortune on room deodorizers. ...
More About: Netflix , Lube , Nook

MAMMARIES WON'T LET YOU DOWN
2007-12-06 12:44:00
BUFFALO: As you may have guessed, I didn't hang myself after all.BIRD: Glad to hear it, dude.BUFFALO: Although I should have.BIRD: What stopped ya, like?BUFFALO: Mammaries , I mean memories.BIRD: Ah, memories. They won't let you down.BUFFALO: Even though most of them are bad ones. Horrorshow nightmares, like.BIRD: But at least they're yours.BUFFALO: And they keep coming back, stabbing me when I'm not looking. BIRD: Wot, memories?BUFFALO: Mammaries.BIRD: Mammaries?!BUFFALO: Mammaries, memories, aren't they the same thing, all things sagged and done? I just know that if Mom hadn't denied me that lactose at birth, I'd be a happier bison now. Dad always said jugs would be my downfall.BIRD: Dude, you're not making much sense.BUFFALO: Every time I try to reach out to them they elude my touch, fall out of focus, slip softly away leaving no trace. I've spent my life trying to grasp them, trying to BE with them. But no, they don't want me, they never did, and here I am again, clutch...
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HOT GROG SAVE ME Q 911
2007-12-04 13:02:00
BUFFALO: Damn, nose stuffed up, head throbbing, muscles aching, eyes burning... and no lemons or whisky to make hot toddies with. Sonofabitch. No choice but to make a lemon and likker run, I guess. Hmmm. Let's see... there's some gin, but no whisky... blackberry brandy; God no, if I start on that, I'll do the whole pint and then I'm screwed, blue, er, black... black and blue. No, what I need is hot buttered rum - fookin' GROG! Yes, that's the ticket, hot grog with butter and biscuits. I can drink it and bathe in it. Okay, shower, fook the shave, off to Kroger's and the likker store. If that turd calls me "Boss" again I'm decking him. I don't know what's worse, "My friend" or "Boss". On second thoughts, maybe I'll just hang myself from the highest beam. But I can't find the rope I'm looking for, a classic Sacre Bleu Velveeta Rope (in Latin, an SPQR). All the others are much too scratchy (and tacky). When I finally do hang myself, it will be with the utmost style and deco...
More About: Tube , Save , Martha , Save Me , Grog

A BLOGO BY ANY OTHER NAME
2007-12-03 14:18:00
BUFFALO: Wot a logo! Wot a logo! All the girls I've ever known have loved woodpeckers. Or is it woodies and peckers? It's been so long now. Anyhoo...BIRD: A pecker made of pine even, hence the expression, pining for you!BUFFALO: The Plywood Pecker. . . good name for a bar.BIRD: Serving fresh woodies daily.BUFFALO: Made my vanilla sundae, innit.BIRD: And my raspberry cheesecake.BUFFALO: And don't forget the mugs, thousands of them, floating into space.BIRD: To educate and alleviate the asses.BUFFALO: Quite right, Lee. Expressing our infernal gratitude to the Foxy Finn for immortalizing us in pen, ink and drool. BIRD: And so she has. A blog isn't a blog without a good logo. BUFFALO: A blogo, like. BIRD: Egg-zack-lee! Aren't you the clever Buff? BUFFALO: Well, I don't have a brain the size of a pea, innit? BIRD: You filthy beast! Jeremiah, fetch my Hawkin gun! Take that, you cowardly bovine! BUFFALO: Ouch! That hurt!BIRD: Film at eleven.BUFFALO: Arf, arf!

BOUVET ISLAND BOOGIE
2007-12-01 13:53:00
BIRD: Yup, it's true, Buff. We have officially become the cultural ambassadors for Bouvet Island . And henceforth they have agreed to replace their flag with our logo.BUFFALO: Wikkid! Now wot about da chicks, like, innit, wasshappin, dude?BIRD: Been at the sherry trifle again, I fear. It's uninhabited, like. But I'm sure Miss Bouvet Island, 2007, a vegetarian, will oblige with the formalities.BUFFALO: Nice! Anyone for seconds?BIRD: Yaaap!BUFFALO: Three cheers for the logo and Marja, the whizzo with the coloured stick! Hip, hip...B&B: Hooray!BUFFALO: Hip, hip...B&B: Hooray!BUFFALO: Hip, hip...B&B: Hoorayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!BUFFALO: Oh, fudge rocket, I've soiled myself.BIRD: Nice! Film at eleven.BUFFALO: Unlimited T-shirts, mugs and assorted memorabilly-ya at twelve. Arf, arf!

SEAHORSES ONLY GRIN WHEN THEY'RE READY
2007-11-26 13:53:00
The seahorse leaptupfrom thetoilet bowlAndnibbledthepork sausagebutwhat agrin
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