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Rules For Puppies
2007-09-11 15:25:00
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up. I will not roll on dead birds, fish, rodents, etc. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food. And should I forget, I will not lick my human's face after eating "Kitty box crunchies". The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose against her bottom end. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. I ...
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Husband Wife
2007-09-10 14:45:00
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All-Time Best Oxymorons
2007-09-10 14:41:00
Act naturally Found missing Resident alien Advanced BASIC Genuine imitation Airline Food Good grief Same difference Almost exactly Government organization Sanitary landfill Alone together Silent... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]
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All-Time Best Oxymorons
2007-09-10 14:38:00
Act naturallyFound missingResident alienAdvanced BASICGenuine imitationAirline FoodGood griefSame differenceAlmost exactlyGovernment organizationSanitary landfillAlone togetherSilent screamLiving deadSmall crowdSoft rockNew classicSweet sorrowChildproofSynthetic natural gasPassive aggressionTaped liveClearly misunderstoodPeace forcePlastic glassesTerribly pleasedDefinite maybePretty uglyWorking vacationExact estimateMicrosoft Works
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Enjoy A Dog Ride
2007-09-07 13:06:00
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America 2001
2007-09-07 12:30:00
Let's see if I understand how America works lately... If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant. If your teen-age son kills... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

America 2001
2007-09-07 12:25:00
Let's see if I understand how America works lately... If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant. If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock 'n' roll music or musician he liked.If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company. If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education. If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender. If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones. If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television. If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer. And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the d...

Monitor Man
2007-09-04 15:14:00
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Dictionary of Dating
2007-09-04 12:50:00
Dating: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]
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Dictionary of Dating
2007-09-04 12:46:00
Dating: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.Easy: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.Eye Contact: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.Friend: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.Indifference: A woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."Irritating Habit: What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.Nymphomaniac: A man's term for a...
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What Will Be The Next?
2007-09-02 10:34:00
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Few Facts About Marriage
2007-09-02 10:25:00
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. ~~~~~ Marriage is an institution where two people come together to joint solve the problems they... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]
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Few Facts About Marriage
2007-09-02 10:23:00
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.~~~~~Marriage is an institution where two people come together to joint solve the problems they never had before they got married.~~~~~A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."The mother agrees.The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."She immediately replies, "The one in the middle.""That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?""I don't like her."~~~~~Q. What's the difference betweena boyfriend and a husband?A. About 30 pounds.~~~~~Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and t...
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Let Us Travel In A Desert Ship
2007-08-31 12:16:00
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She Could Love You...
2007-08-31 09:51:00
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he says, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]
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She Could Love You...
2007-08-31 09:49:00
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he says, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"God replied, "Go on Adam, but be quick. I have a world to create."So Adam says," When you created Eve, why did You make her body so curvy and tender unlike mine?""I did that, Adam, so that you could love her.""Oh, well then, why did You give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?""I did that Adam so that you could love her.""Oh, well then, why did You make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?""Well Adam, No. I did that so that she could love you."
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Camel Drinking Cold Coke
2007-08-30 14:44:00
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Kids And Condoms
2007-08-30 11:26:00
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]
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Kids And Condoms
2007-08-30 11:23:00
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see.", replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and ask, "Why are there 3 in this package?"The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.""Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks "Then who are these for?""Those are for college men", the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.""WOW!" exclaimed the boy;" Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men, One for January, one for February, one for March..."
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Oh Shit... My Husband !!
2007-08-28 09:31:00
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She Was A Damn Blonde
2007-08-27 15:09:00
She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. She thought General Motors was in the army. She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here,"... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]
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She Was A Damn Blonde
2007-08-27 15:05:00
She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. She thought General Motors was in the army. She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius." She tripped over a cordless phone. She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said, "concentrate." She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. She studied for a blood test. She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train." She sold the car for gas money! When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home. When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front." She se...
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Sexy Lips of Miss Froggy
2007-08-26 15:16:00
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Newly Coined Words & Terms For The 21st Century
2007-08-15 13:40:00
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Ego Surfing: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on, looking... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]
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Newly Coined Words & Terms For The 21st Century
2007-08-15 09:47:00
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Ego Surfing: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on, looking for references to one's own name. Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. GOOD Job: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again. Beepilepsy: The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of speech in mid-sentence. Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets. SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppres...
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Body Builder Baby
2007-08-12 14:06:00
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A Definition of Marketing that makes Sense
2007-08-12 09:55:00
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."That's Direct Marketing . You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed."That's Advertising. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number.The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."That's Telemarketing. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."That's Public Relations. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.She walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed."That's Brand Recognition.
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An Anagram
2007-08-09 11:47:00
An anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever.? George Bush -- rearrange the letters -- He bugs Gore.? Dormitory -- rearrange the letters -- Dirty Room.? Evangelist -- rearrange the letters -- Evil's Agent.? Desperation -- rearrange the letters -- A Rope Ends It.? The Morse Code -- rearrange the letters -- Here Come Dots.? Slot Machines -- rearrange the letters -- Cash Lost In Me.? Animosity -- rearrange the letters -- Is No Amity.? Mother-in-law -- rearrange the letters -- Woman Hitler.? Snooze Alarms -- rearrange the letters -- Alas! No More Z's.? A Decimal Point -- rearrange the letters -- I'm A Dot In Place.? Eleven plus two -- rearrange the letters -- Twelve plus one.? Presbyterian -- rearrange the letters ? Best In Prayer? And for the grand finale:President Clinton Of The USA-- can be arranged into -- To Copulate He Finds Interns.
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Some Old Customs And Traditions
2007-08-08 09:27:00
Here are some "old wives tales" and old customs and traditions:A bride is lucky if she wears old shoes. If a cat sneezes on the day before a wedding, the bride will be lucky in her marriage. A young bride would wear her hair long and loose as a symbol of her youth and innocence. It was OK for a woman to propose to a man during a leap year. If the groom drops the ring during the ceremony, the marriage is doomed. If you see a rainbow on your wedding day, it is a good sign. If you see a black cat on your wedding day, it is a good sign.
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Funny Medical Definitions
2007-08-07 09:03:00
Benign: What you be after you be eight. Artery: The study of paintings. Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria. Barium: What doctors do when patients die. Cesarean Section: .A neighborhood in Rome. Catscan: Searching for kitty. Cauterize: Made eye contact with her. Colic: A sheep dog. Coma: A punctuation mark. D & C: Where Washington is. Dilate: To live long. Enema: Not a friend. Fester: Quicker than someone else. Fibula: A small lie. Genital: Non-Jewish person. G. I. Series: World Series of military baseball. Hangnail: What you hang your coat on. Impotent: Distinguished, well known. Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work. Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane. Morbid: A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates: Cheaper than day. Node: Was aware of. Outpatient: A person who has fainted. Pap Smear: A fatherhood test. Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative: A letter carrier. Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery. Rectum: Darn near killed him. Secretion: Hiding something. Seizure: Roman emperor. Tablet...
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