Funny Pics And VideosFunny Pics And VideosThis blog is an effort to collect some funny things related to life... 
Articles
I'm so fat that...
2007-06-01 13:55:00 When I dance I make the band skip.My cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.When I go to the zoo the elephants throw me peanuts.My graduation picture was a aerial photograph.My driver's license says picture continued on other side.When I ran away they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton.When I get in an elevator it HAS to go DOWN!Instead of being born with a silver spoon I was born with a silver shovel in my mouth.They have to grease the door frames and put a Twinkie on the other side to get me through.I could become rich and sell shade.My belly button doesn't have lint - it has sweaters.And you think YOU'RE fat? fatjokes More About: That
Bungee Jumping
2007-06-01 08:12:00 bungee jumpingjumpingpriceless More About: Bungee , Jump , Ping , Jumping
How To Change Your Oil
2007-05-31 12:04:00 Women:1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.2. Drink a cup of coffee.3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.Men:1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.3. Open a beer and drink it.4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.7. Place drain pan under engine.8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.9. Give up and use crescent wrench.10. Unscrew drain plug.11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.12. Clean up.13. Have another beer while oil is draining.14. Look for oil filter wrench.15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.16. Bee... More About: Change , Chang , Chan
If Microsoft were GM
2007-05-30 11:27:00 Microsoft should make cars, GM should make software:At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.5. Only one person at a time could use the car, u... More About: Microsoft , Micro , Were
Creative Advertising
2007-05-29 14:19:00 advertising More About: Creative , Advertising , Advert , Vert
viralink-to-increase-page-rank
2007-05-29 13:47:00 Hi Friends...!!Here is another spin-off of the link train. I have to admit, I am impressed with the novelty of the scheme! Great cool job Andy! For us new bloggers, it could be quite beneficial for long term SEO reasons. It?s very straight forward and could bring in a nice haul of backlinks if everyone uses it right.It?s called ViraLink (great name!) and was masterminded by Andy Coates. Be sure to read the post about it over at his blog, as you may not understand it at first, but I assure you this could be a nice little link builder here. Instructions below:???copy and paste the Viralink and instructions below this line???Below is a matrix of 120 stars, I have already added a link to my blog onto one of the stars, all you need to do is copy and paste the grid into your blog and add your own link to one of the other spare stars, and tell others to do the same!Viralink**************************** ***************************************** ***************************************** ********... More About: Page Rank , Page , Rank , Ease
What Kind Of Farter You Are?
2007-05-28 11:36:00 *Vain: You love the smell of your own farts.*Amiable: You love the smell of other people's farts.*Proud: You think your farts are exceptionally fine.*Shy: You release silent farts and then blush.*Impudent: You boldly fart out loud and then laugh.*Unfortunate: You try really hard to fart, but you poop instead.*Scientific: You fart regularly but you're concerned about pollution.*Nervous: You stop in the middle of your fart.*Honest: You admit that you farted but offer good medical reasons.*Dishonest: You fart and then blame the dog.*Foolish: You suppress your farts for hours.*Thrifty: You always keep a couple of good farts in reserve.*Anti-Social: When the need arises, you excuse yourself from the room and fart in private.*Strategic: You fart and then conceal it with loud coughing.*Sadistic: You fart in bed and then pull the cover up over your partner's head.*Intellectual: You can determine from the smell of any fart exactly what food item had been consumed.*Athletic: You fart at th... More About: Fart
Four Sophomores
2007-05-26 12:43:00 At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes, mid-terms, and labs, etc., that each had an "A" for the semester.These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to drive up to Charlottesville to the University of Virginia and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the hard partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were e...
Spare Some Change
2007-05-26 08:52:00 dogstrampbegging More About: Change , Spar , Chang , Chan , Some
Just Smile
2007-05-25 15:11:00 How does a man show he's planning for the future?He buys two cases of beer instead of one.~~~~~How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.~~~~~How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?Three, if you slice them very thinly.~~~~~What are a woman's four favorite animals?A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and a Jackass to pay for it all.~~~~~What did God say after creating man?I can do so much better.~~~~~What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?Exchange him.~~~~~What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?His wife is good at picking out clothes.~~~~~What should you give a man who has everything?A woman to show him how to work it.~~~~~What's a man's idea of a romantic evening?A candlelit football stadium.~~~~~What's the best way to kill a man?Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to ... More About: Smile
The Sins of Three Nuns
2007-05-24 13:52:00 There are three nuns and a Mother Superior. The Mother Superior tells the three nuns that before they can receive their Saint name they had one final test. She told them to go commit one sin so that they would not have urges to be bad.After the three nuns return, the Mother Superior says, "Did you commit your sins?" They all shake their heads yes. The first two nuns are crying, the third is giggling.The Mother Superior says to the first one, "What sin did you commit child?"The first nun answers with tears in her eyes. "I was just rotten, I picked flowers from someone's garden."The Mother Superior says, "Go drink the Holy Water and it will be alright." The third nun is dancing around in laughter.The Mother Superior asks the second one. Her whole body is shaking and she is crying. "I stole candy from a baby."The Mother Superior says, "My child, drink the Holy Water and you are forgiven.The third nun falls on the floor hysterically laughing. The Mother Superior is disgusted and asks, ... More About: Sins , Three
The Perks of Being 40 & Over
2007-05-23 14:48:00 *Kidnappers are not very interested in you.*In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.*No one expects you to run into a burning building.*People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.*There is nothing left to learn the hard way.*Things you buy now won't wear out.*You can eat dinner at 4 PM.*You can live without sex but not without glasses.*You enjoy hearing arguments about pension plans.*You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.*You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.*You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.*You sing along with elevator music.*Your eyes won't get much worse.*Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.*Your joints are a more accurate meteorologist than the national weather service.*Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.*Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.funny jokesjokesold age More About: Bein , Being , Perks
Qn & Ar
2007-05-17 15:17:00 Q: Why do women have smaller feet then men?A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.Q: Why do men pass more gas than women do?A: Because women don't shut up long enough to build up pressure.Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, which do you let in first?A: The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.funny jokesjokes
Words Women Use
2007-05-16 08:53:00 Vocabulary Lesson For Men:Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with '"Nothing" usually end in "Fine."Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.Thanks: A woman is thankin... More About: Women , Words
Top 10 Things Only Women Understand
2007-05-15 08:25:00 10. Cats' facial expressions.9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.7. Fat clothes.6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell.4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.3. Eyelash curlers.2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.AND, the Number One thing...1. Other women.girlwifewomanjokes More About: Women , Things , Only , Thing , Understand
Never Go For Dieting
2007-05-14 14:43:00 bikinidietingmodelmodelling More About: Ever , Dieting , Never
Love Principles
2007-05-14 13:17:00 Romance MathematicsSmart man + smart woman = romanceSmart man + dumb woman = affairDumb man + smart woman = marriageDumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy~~~~~Shopping MathsA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.~~~~~General Equations & Statistics*A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.*A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.*A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.*A successful woman is one who can find such a man.~~~~~HappinessTo be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.~~~~~LongevityMarried men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.~~~~~MemoryAny married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.~~~~~Propensity To ChangeA woman marries a man expecting he wil... More About: Love , Principles
Kidnapping
2007-05-13 13:02:00 There was this blonde who needed money badly. She then decides to kidnap a little boy. She finds a boy then she brings him to the playground, She explains to him that she has kidnapped him for money, then she writes a ransom note saying that she has kidnapped their son and she demanding $10,000 cash. She wants it in a brown paper bag under the pear tree in the park, The blonde signs the letter THE BLONDE!! She then pins the letter to the boys chest and sends him home...The next day the blonde goes to the pear tree to find the brown bag under the tree with the $10,000 in it with a note that reads... How could you do this sort of thing to a fellow Blonde??!!blondekidnappingjokes More About: Kidnapping , Ping
Finally Uncomfortable
2007-05-12 16:16:00 beautifulblondeboobsbroken More About: Finally , Fort , Fina , Ally , Comfort
Men Prefer Dogs Over Women
2007-05-12 10:08:00 Few reasons why men prefer dogs over women:Dogs love it when your friends come over.Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.Dogs think you sing great.Dogs don't cry.Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.Dogs are excited by rough play.Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.Dogs love red meat.Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.Anyone can get a good-looking dog.If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.Dogs don't shop.Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.Dogs never need to examine the relationship.A dog's parents never visit.Dogs love long car trips.Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.Dogs like beer.No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.No dog eve... More About: Women , Over , Refer
Pregnancy Humour
More articles from this author:2007-05-11 10:19:00 Pregnancy Questions & Answers:Q: Should I have a baby after 35?A: No, 35 children is enough.Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?A: Childbirth.Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?A: Yes, pregnancy.Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?A: When the kids are in college.humourpregnancywoman More About: Humour , Pregnancy , Humo 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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