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Writer's Hell
2007-07-01 14:35:00 A writer died and St. Peter offered him the option of going to hell or to heaven. To help decide, he asked for a tour of each destination. St. Peter agreed and decided to take him to hell first. As he descended into the fiery pits, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes by demons. "Oh, my," the writer said, "let me see heaven." A few moments later, as they ascended into heaven, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes by demons. "Hey," the writer said, "this is just as bad as hell." "Oh, no it's not," St Peter replied, "here your work gets published!" More About: Hell
Bum Proof
2007-07-01 14:32:00 A bum asks a man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum said, "No." The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?" More About: Proof
Traffic Stop
2007-07-01 14:31:00 Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. "Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later .." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test." Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me???!!!" More About: Traffic , Stop
Bad Genie
2007-07-01 14:30:00 A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, "And what will your third wish be?"The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?""You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing,because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left.""Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women.""Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever. "That was your first wish, too!" More About: Genie
Cowboy and Preacher
2007-07-01 14:29:00 One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him." So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay." More About: Cowboy , Preacher
This is Good
2007-07-01 14:28:00 There is a story about a king in Africa who had a close friend that he grew up with. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!" One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail. About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took them to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing ... More About: Good
Stay Away from Wife
2007-07-01 14:27:00 "Uh Oh!" said an ardent young man reading a letter.His friend, standing near him, said, "Bad news?""Disturbing news, anyway," said the young man. "It's from someone who says if I don't stay away from his wife, he'll kill me.""In that case, if I were you, I would stay away from his wife.""Gladly, but who? The letter is anonymous." More About: Wife , Away , Stay
Friendship sms n jokes
2007-06-23 19:52:00 PATH OF FRIENDSHIP The sun is glazing, upon the sunlight i see the path of our friendship shining brightly knowing that it is so great to have a friend like YOU! :) ? NIGHT PRAYER Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen. ?ABOUT ME Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, Spontaneous, Good Looking, Nice Friends, Charming, Funny, well... Enough about ME! How about you? ? GOOD TASTE A phone is a form of communication, a kiss is a form of affection. A picture is a form of remembrance, CHOOSING me as ur FRIEND is a form of.. ehem GOOD TASTE! ? BE MY FRIEND If U need a friend and there are a hundred steps between us, you can take the 1st step to get near me and i will take all 99 step to be there for you. ? RULES TO BE HAPPY 6 rules to be HAPPY: Free your heart from hatred; Free your mind from worries; Live simply; Expect less; Give more & Always have ME as UR FRIEND ... More About: Jokes , Friendship , Ends , Ship
funa
2007-06-23 19:51:00 A RING A ring is round and has no end.... and that's how long I'll be your friend. ?WONDERFUL FRIEND There is a gift that gold cannot buy, a blessing dats rare & true, dats the gift of a wonderful friend like the friend dat i have in u! ?WAT U SEE Wat u see as truth wat u see as lies remember that true friendship never dies although we may change & drift apart, ill always value u deep within my heart! ? FATE 2B FRIENDS A friend is never a coincidence in your life, they are meant to enter your life to bring you joy and laughter. So, i will treasure the friendship between us. ? WHAT YOU SAY Everyone hears what you say... Friends listen to what you say... Best friends listen to what you don't say... ? FRIENDSHIP MEANS... I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry, I cry. U laugh.. I laugh. U jump out of d window.. I look down n then.. I laugh again.. hahaha ? ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU... Friends are like stars. You can't...
Friendship sms n jokes
2007-06-23 19:49:00 NEVER LOSE ME! We gain and lose things every day. But trust me on one thing: YOU WILL NEVER LOSE ME! I will always be there as a friend! ?BEST FREN A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. ?SHOOTING STARS The times we shared is like shooting star... the time is short but really beautiful moments.... Forever engraved in our hearts.... Friends forever~!!! ? KEEPING A FRIEND KeEping a FRIEND is As Difficult AS losing one. U sacrifice A lot To keep them. I may not have sacrificed enuf 4 u... but in my HEART I swear I'm keeping U.. ? PROMISE We've known each other by CHANCE, became friends by CHOICE, still friends by DECISION. And when we say FRIEND FOREVER, that's definitely a lifetime PROMISE! ?FLOWER If friends were flowers I would not pick you! I'll let you grow in the garden & cultivate you with love and care so I can keep you as a friend 4ever!! More About: Jokes , Friendship , Ends , Ship
Friendship sms n jokes
2007-06-23 19:48:00 NAKED GUY: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. GAL: If I see you naked, I'd probably die laughing. ? MAKING LOVE After making love, wat r u tryin to say? I love u? Wrong! 1 more time? Wrong. U r so pretty?Wrong. I'm so tired? Wrong! The answer is tissue...tissue...plsss!!! ?KISS A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum. what is a kiss without a tongue. ?PAINTING A man was looking at a painting 4 a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he answered - waitng 4 autumn. ?FALLING APART Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt N a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off. I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom. ?HOME EARLY 1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.' More About: Jokes , Friendship , Ends , Ship
Friendship sms n jokes
2007-06-23 19:46:00 FRIENDS ALWAYS In this WORLD, where everything seems UNCERTAIN, only one thing is DEFINITE. You'll always be my FRIEND, beyond WORDS, beyond TIME & beyond DISTANCE! ?ANGEL FRIENDS I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends. I'm surrounded by angels but I call them my best friends. ?OUT OF MY CONTROL Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control. ? MEMORY LASTS FOREVER A memory lasts forever, and never does it die. True friends stay together and never say good bye. ? FRIENDSHIP The ship that will never sink is my friendship with you. ? NEVER SPLIT I met U as a stranger, I leave U as a friend, as long as the world stands, our friendship nv ends. All friends nv split N even if they do they will meet again. ?NEVER LOSE TRUE FRIENDS I always thought loving some1 was the greatest feeling, but I realised tat loving a friend is even better, we lose ppl we love but we n... More About: Jokes , Friendship , Ends , Ship
Friendship sms n jokes
2007-06-23 19:44:00 PRICELESS GIFT FriEndSHiP iS A PRiCeLeSs GiFt tHaT cAn'T Be BoUgHt Or SoLd, BuT To Have An UnDeRsTaNdiNg FriEnd iS FaR MoRe WoRtH tHaN GoLd~! ?SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED If you need advice, text me... If you need a friend, call me... If you need me, come to me... If you need money... ........... THE SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED! ? COMPARE FRIENDSHIP is like a tree... It is not MEASURED on how TALL it could be, but is on how DEEP the ROOTS HAVE GROWN... ?FRIENDS 4 LIFE Without humor, life sux. Without courage, life is hard. Without love, life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible! ?COMPUTER A good friend is like a computer; me 'enter' ur life, 'save' u in my heart, 'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2 opportunities & never 'delete' u from my memory! ?FRIENDS ALWAYS In this WORLD, where everything seems UNCERTAIN, only one thing is DEFINITE. You'll always be my FRIEND, beyond WORDS, beyond TIME & beyond DISTANCE... More About: Jokes , Friendship , Ends , Ship
Friendship sms n jokes
2007-06-23 19:30:00 FRIENDSHIP TEST... thE tEst oF fRiEnds Hip dOseN't cOmeS wHen u R 2GethEr. It cOmEs wHeN u ParT waYs & u ReaLizE tHat dEsPitE tHe dIsTanCe, thE fRiEndshIp iS sTilL tHeRe... ?FRIENDS True friends are like Diamonds... they are real and rare. False friends are like leaves... they are scattered everywhere. ?F.U.C.K REMEMBER: if u need a FUCK, u can always count on me bcoz F.U.C.K stands for FRIENDS U CAN KEEP. Fuck 4ever, & promise me that we FUCK till eternity! ?FRIENDSHIP IS.... FRIENDSHIP isn't how U forGet but how U forGive, Not how U liSten but how U UnderStand, Not what U see but how U feel, and not how U Let Go but how U hold oN!!! More About: Jokes , Friendship , Ship
love's sms n jokes
2007-06-23 19:15:00 Definitions :Home : A place where you can scratch where it itches.Doctor : A person who cures the ills by pills, and kills by his bills.LOVE : Loss Of Valuable EnergyWIFE : Worries Invited For Ever More About: Jokes
love's sms n jokes
2007-06-23 19:14:00 ADVICE ON LIVING Dance like no one's watching; sing like no one's listening; love like you can't get hurt, and live like there's no tomorrow. ? QUICKSAND LoVe iS LiKe QuiCkSanD - ThE DeEpEr yOu FaLL iN iT ThE HaRdeR iT iS tO GeT OuT. ? IN MY ARMS You showed me how it is to be loved. Now I know what really love is. 1 day we will be together forever. I can't wait to hold you in my arms again. ? WHAT IS TRUE There's a warmth in my heart. It haunts me when U R gone. Mend me 2 ur side and never let go. The more I live The more I know, wat's simple is true, I love you. ? FLAME OF YOURS I feel something in my heart, it's like a little flame, every time I see you, this flame lights up, this flame is special for you, because I LOVE YOU! ? If love were to be taxed,I would be the highest tax payer.?you can't buy Love... but you can pay heavily. ?Common sense is common, but... the use of common sense is uncommon !!!!?Promises are like babi... More About: Jokes
Mobile Post
2007-06-23 00:03:00 A woman had triplets, she named them Mat,Pat & Tat. She fed Mat from left tit....... Moral of the story : No Tit for Tat. (Blogged from my mobile on SMS) More About: Mobile , Post , Mobi , Bile
women Jokes
2007-06-21 13:20:00 A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".Again, there's a bright flash ... and then his legs fall off! More About: Jokes , Women
Computer's Full Form
2007-06-21 13:18:00 PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry AcronymsISDN ; It Still Does NothingAPPLE ; Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing EntitySCSI & nbsp; System Can't See ItDOS Defunct Operating SystemBASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry ControlIBM & nbsp; I Blame MicrosoftDEC ; Do Expect CutsCD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in MonthsOS/2 & nbsp; Obsolete Soon, Too.WWW &nbs p; World Wide WaitMACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs More About: Full , Form
jokes
2007-06-21 13:14:00 Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry,but I'm going to have to let one of you go."Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority."Female Employee: "And I'm a woman."Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with anage discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."...To which they all turn to look at the helpless young,white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds:"I think I might be gay..." More About: Jokes
joke
2007-06-21 13:11:00 An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lotsof friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed.Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes!The guest, asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes of laughing and whipping his eyes, the doctor said:"I'm just thinking of my buddy who will be 50 next week, who is a gynecologist!" More About: Joke
Women : Lexus car
2007-06-21 13:05:00 A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman."Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"He answers, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price." More About: Women
Women : Ninth baby
2007-06-21 13:01:00 One day, shortly after having her 9th baby, the good Irish lady ran into her parish priest. He congratulated her on the new offspring then said, "Isn't having nine babies a little much?""Well," she said, "I don't know why I get pregnant so often, it must be something in the air.""Yes," said the priest, "your legs!" More About: Women , Baby
Women : Smartest woman
2007-06-21 12:59:00 A plane with 4 passengers is about to crash, but has only three parachutes. The first passenger says "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me. I can't afford to die." So he takes the first parachute and leaves the plane. The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am the most ambitious woman in the world. I am also a New York Senator, a potential future President, and above all, the smartest woman in America." She grabs the second parachute and leaves the plane. The third passenger, The Rev. Billy Graham, says to the fourth passenger, a 10 year old school boy, "I am old and I don't have many years left. As a Christian I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The boy says, "It's okay. There is still a parachute left for you. America's smartest woman took my school backpack." More About: Women , Woman , Martes
Women : Rejection lines
2007-06-19 19:56:00 The top 10 rejection lines given by women. 10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo playing geek in 'Deliverance')9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (I don't want to do my dad.)8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)6. I've got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)5. I don't date men where I work. (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.)3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail ... More About: Women , Line , Lines , On Line , Rejection
Women : Getting women hot
2007-06-19 19:54:00 There are three guys, an Italian, a Frenchman and a Texan. They are all discussing what they do to get their women hot.The Italian says, "First I light a candle and drip hot liquid wax all over her body, then I follow with a tender nibbling at each spot of wax until they're all gone. Then she's hot!"When the Frenchman was queried he replies, "First I take a bouquet of roses and I pull all the petals off and sprinkle them all over her body. Then I go all over her blowing them off, one at a time. When I'm through, she's really hot!"The previous two gents now ask the Texan what he did to get his woman hot. He replied, "Well I don't do anything that exotic! What I do is, I pick her up and throw her on the bed, grab her by the ankles and fuck the shit out of her. When I'm done, I wipe my dick on her new curtains. Man, does she get hot!" More About: Women
Women : Miss Bigtits
2007-06-19 19:50:00 After traveling a few blocks, Miss Bigtits realized she had no money and, immediately informed the driver."You'd better stop. I can't pay you and it's ten dollars already," she said.The driver checked her out in the rear-vision mirror. "That's okay," he said. "I'll turn down the first dark street, get in the back seat and take off your bra.""You'd be cheating yourself," she replied."This bra is only worth five dollars." More About: Women
Bar : Five shots of whiskey
More articles from this author:2007-06-06 19:54:00 A guy walks into a bar and orders 5 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "5 shots?""Yes", the guy says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender replies, "hell let me buy you 1!""No thanks" the guy says, "If 5 don't get the taste out of my mouth, then the 6th wont matter!" More About: Shots , Hots , Five 1, 2, 3 |
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