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Bar : A blond male
2007-06-06 19:51:00 Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car", he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"The third, a blond male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have to laugh when I think about it", he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece. I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least five boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis!" More About: Blond , Male
Bar : Stolen car
2007-06-06 19:51:00 A man walked out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A street cop on his beat sees the guy and approaches him."Can I help you, sir?" said the cop."Yesssh! Ssssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replied.The policeman asked, "Where was the car the last time you saw it?""It wassss at the end of thisss key." the man replied.About that time, the officer looked down to see that the man's dick was hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.He asked the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"The man looked down woefully and without missing a beat, moans "Oh, God. They got my girlfriend too!" More About: Stolen
Bar : A muscular man
2007-06-06 19:49:00 A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?"The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times."One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream."So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes."So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.She said, "You now have 3 wishes."I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger."She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there na... More About: Muscular
Old Age : Heart attack
2007-06-06 19:46:00 While visiting his niece, an elderly gentleman had a heart attack. The woman drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.After what seemed like a very long wait, the E.R. doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle's brain is alive, but his heart has stopped.""Oh, dear," cried the woman, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock, "We've never had a Republican in the family before!" More About: Heart , Heart Attack , Attack , Atta , Old Age
Old Age : An old geezer
2007-06-06 19:43:00 An old geezer in an old people's home takes a fancy to a woman who is also staying there. One day he plucks up the courage to go and talk to her and after a while he says he would like to make love to her. She agrees that when everybody else goes on a day trip they both stay behind at the home and get down to it.The old man goes to the woman's room and asks her how she likes to be made love to. She tells him that she loves a man to go down on her and asks him if he would mind. He says he would love to do that for her and goes for it.After about 30 secs he comes back up and says that he is sorry but it just smells too bad down there. She thinks for a minute and tells him that it must be the arthritis. He looks and her confused and states that surely you can't get arthritis down there and even if you could it wouldn't cause that smell.She says "No it's the arthritis in my shoulder, I can't wipe my ass properly!" More About: Geezer , Old Age
Old Age : Turning eighty
2007-06-06 19:41:00 An old man went in to see the doctor and said, "Doc, I'm turning eighty tomorrow. I've hired a hooker for the night, and I'd love to do it just one more time before I die. Can you give me something that'll get me up?"The doctor smiled. "I don't normally prescribe this stuff, but I think in your case I can make an exception for one night."Later that night, out of curiosity, the doctor phoned the elderly man and asked, "How's it going?" "Fabulous," the old man said. "I've cum three times already.""That's great," the doctor said. "the hooker must be astounded.""Not exactly," the old man said. "She's not here yet." More About: Turn , Eight , Old Age
Old Age : Elderly sex
2007-06-06 19:40:00 An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him.After they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her cloths. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him.She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina".The old guy says "God, I hope so, you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen." More About: Elderly , Old Age
Four advantages of breast milk
2007-06-02 19:17:00 The student - not necessarily a well-prepared student - sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. Um. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more he sighed. He frowned. He scowled. Then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly he scribbled his definitive answer: 4. Available in attractive containers. More About: Milk , Breast , Brea , Breast Milk , Advanta
Women's English
2007-06-02 19:12:00 Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You'll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful You have to l... More About: English
Doctor & Lady patient!
2007-06-01 18:46:00 Doctor & Lady patient! A woman visiting her doctor's office suddenly blurts out, "Doctor, kiss me!" The doctor looks at her and says that it would be against his code of ethics to kiss her. About 20 minutes later the woman shouts again, "Doctor, please, kiss me just once!" Again he refuses apologetically but says that as a doctor he simply cannot kiss her. Finally another 15 minutes pass, and the exasperated woman pleads with the doctor, "Doctor, doctor, please kiss me just once!" "Look," says the doctor. "I am sorry. I just can't kiss you. In fact, I probably shouldn't even be in bed with you." More About: Doctor , Patient
Indian Veggie Answers
2007-06-01 18:35:00 Q. What did the lonely banana say?A. I'm a"kela".Q. What did the green peas say?A. Nothing. They just "mutter"ed.Q.What did the potato say when it answered the phone ?A. "Aaloo?"Q. Where do cauliflowers hang out?A. In the Gobi desert.Q. What are call-boxes for ghosts called?A. B(h)oothsQ. What kind of sweaters do grapes wear?A. Angoora More About: Indian , Answers
Jane with bad back at the doctor's place
2007-05-25 19:55:00 Jane went to her doctor complaining of a bad back. After trying every remedy that he knew, her doctor finally said, "Tell me, Jane, how do you have sex?""I always have it doggy fashion", she said."Ah, that's it!" said the doctor. "Why don't you try having it on you back?""Have you ever smelled a labrador's breath?" said Jane. More About: Back , Place , Jane , Doctor , Lace
Ghost Whisperer - Sexy
2007-05-19 19:40:00 Watch More Bebo Tv More About: Ghost , Sexy , Ghost Whisperer , Whisperer , Whisper
Naughty SMS joke
2007-05-18 18:35:00 Dur gaon mein 1 basti thi,Jahan randiya sasti thi,Unki gaand mein itni masti thi,Jitna dalo utna hasti thi. Tum bhi bahut haste ho,usi gaon ke lagte ho. More About: Joke , Naught
world biggest bra
2007-05-17 17:33:00 bra bra bra bra................................... More About: World
Mallika Sherawat visiting gynaecologist
2007-05-12 17:32:00 Mallika Sherawat went to the gyno for an examination. As the doctor moved his head down betwen her legs he said excitedly, "That's the biggest one I've ever seen! That's the biggest one I've ever seen!" "You didn't have to say it twice!", she said with embarrasment. "I didn't!" he replied. More About: Mallika Sherawat , Mall , Visi , Visit , Logi
Naughty SMS joke
2007-05-12 17:30:00 Dur gaon mein 1 basti thi, Jahan randiya sasti thi, Unki gaand mein itni masti thi, Jitna dalo utna hasti thi. Tum bhi bahut haste ho, usi gaon ke lagte ho. More About: Joke , Naught
Difference between erotic and kinky
2007-05-12 17:25:00 What's the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken. More About: Difference , Ferenc , Ween
Man worried about small penis size
2007-05-12 17:23:00 A young man went to the psychiatrist complaining that he was getting married and he was worried about the small size of his penis. The psychiatrist advised him to go and stay on a dairy farm, and every morning, dip his penis in milk and get is sucked by a calf. Some time later, the young man met the psychiatrist in the street. "How's the marriage going?", asked the psychiatrist. "I never got married", said the young man. "I cancelled it and bought the calf." More About: Small , Size , Mall , Penis , Worried
Professor's definition of a kiss
2007-05-12 17:09:00 Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways: Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte. Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing. Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines. Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart. Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts. Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria. Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction. Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic. Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned. Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply. Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability ... More About: Kiss , Definition , Esso , Fess
Little Johnnie learning about pussy & bitch
2007-05-12 16:54:00 Little Johnnie was learning new words. "Mum, what's pussy?" Mother pointed at the cat and said, "That's a pussy." "Mum, what's a bitch?" Mother pointed to their female dog and said, "That's a bitch." Johnnie wanted to confirm this information with his father. "Daddy!" he said excitedly, "What's a pussy?" Father pulled out the centrefold of the Playboy magazine and drew a circle around the appropriate part. "Son", he said, "that's a pussy." "Well, Dad, what's a bitch?" "Everything outside the circle", replied his father. More About: Bitch , Learning , Little , Learn , Litt
Grandpa marrying young nymphomaniac
2007-05-12 16:52:00 Grandpa had just told them the news - he was getting engaged to a twenty five year old nymphomaniac. The family was very concerned. His eldest daughter spoke confidentially to him. "Dad, we're most concerned that sex with a girl like that could prove fatal.""So what?", said Grandpa. "If she dies, she dies." More About: Young , Grand , Marry , Mania , Marrying
Old bloke making love to young woman
2007-05-12 16:49:00 The old bloke was a bit embarrassed, but he had to see the doctor. "I'm worried, doc", he said. "I met this twenty five year woman last night and she made passionate love to me. Since then, my old fella has swollen to twice its normal size, its become red and itchy and there's a discharge beginning to appear." The doctor examined him. "You'd better sit down", he said. "You're about to cum." More About: Love , Young , Woman , King , Maki
Grandpa marrying young nymphomaniac
2007-05-12 16:46:00 Grandpa had just told them the news - he was getting engaged to a twenty five year old nymphomaniac. The family was very concerned. His eldest daughter spoke confidentially to him. "Dad, we're most concerned that sex with a girl like that could prove fatal." "So what?", said Grandpa. "If she dies, she dies." More About: Young , Grand , Marry , Mania , Marrying
sms
More articles from this author:2007-05-12 16:31:00 Nowdays 80% of women are against marriage as they have wisend to the fact that for 200 grams of sausage i'ts not worth buying the entire 1, 2, 3 |
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