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(Hunk of the Week, 19)
2009-06-13 13:51:00
Sweetie's Hunk of the Week is Jason Patric.You/Sweetie Know Him As: The original good-guy vampire who was, despite being an undead soulless creature, actually kind of sweet and handsome. (Hmm... is there a trend in Sweetie's Hunks?)I know him as: As the vampire from The Lost Boys, also. Let's face it: that's the only movie Jason Patric ever made, as far as anyone is concerned. And that was made, like, 100 years ago. It might as well have been one of those stereogram shows on a Magic Lantern in the 1880s.Thing That Makes You Go Hmmm about him: Mostly this: Is he still alive? Let's check... I'll just google Is Jason Patric Still Alive?... and, it's a link to a Lost Boys DVD. Proving my point about how we know him, but not proving that he's actually still alive. The only other results on that page are a CNN interview transcript in which I bet he talked about The Lost Boys, and some more DVD results. But no proof he's alive.The Reason I Tell Myself Sweetie Likes Him: ...

I'm trying to get the message out to warn humanity.
2009-06-13 13:44:00
What's the single greatest problem facing humanity today? If you said "finding good, low-priced used Mazda Parts," well, I have to tell you that you're wrong. Sure, finding good cheap auto parts online WAS a problem, but it's not any longer, because if you just go to quality auto parts.com,(or, as the net puts it, www.qualityautoparts.com) you can find and order parts for your car or truck online and save tons of money. Which can be handy, in a couple of ways. Or a three-ful of ways: First, it can be handy if you're a fixer-upper kind of guy: you know what parts you need and you know how to put them in, so why pay premium prices? Getting them online is cheaper and cheaper is better.Second, if you use a mechanic, you can order the parts yourself and avoid a hefty markup on them: Again, cheaper = better.Third, if you get your auto parts online, you'll not only get the right part cheaper, but you'll have a working car for when the Earth must face the ACTUAL greatest proble...
More About: Message , Humanity , The Message

Plus, "Escalate" isn't really the right word in the first place. (First T
2009-06-12 13:42:00
The other day, Mr F and I were watching Jeopardy! while playing "Circles" -- that's his game where he runs circles around something. In this case, he was running circles around Frankencouch, and I joined him while we watched Jeopardy!.As the two of us ran circles around Frankencouch, Alex Trebek introduced a category called "Uppers and Downers" and one of the questions was something like "Shoppers encounter this to move from one level of a mall to another." The answer was escalator, but that got me thinking, and what I thought (as we ran in circles, furiously) is this:Isn't it only an escalator when you use it to go up?Coming down, it should really be a de-escalator.
More About: Word , Place

Plus, James Bond shouldn't drink so much.
2009-06-12 13:35:00
Two things bug me about spy movies.First: WHY ON EARTH would a spy need to excel at everything and draw attention to himself? When James Bond goes and dances a tango and then plays that video game against the host and has EVERYONE in the room looking at him, doesn't that blow his mission?Second: CELL PHONES DON'T WORK THAT WAY, Jason Bourne. In the movies, spies need to make a call and not be traced, so they walk up a mall kiosk and buy a prepaid cell phone, tear it open, and start calling. Have you ever actually SEEN someone use these, though? Not only does it take roughly three hours for the bored college kid to ring up your order, and not only do you have to use a machete to open that package, but then you have to put in the battery, charge the phone, program the little card, and probably log online to start up your account. The Boy got himself a prepaid cell phone and it was TWO DAYS before he could use it, and then he's always going to get new cards to "re-up" his min...
More About: Drink

I blame the schools for this. And maybe the Rotary Club. (Commutation 13)
2009-06-11 15:41:00
Today, just before I got to the parking garage, I got behind a car that had this bumper sticker:Evolution is a theory. Kind of like gravity.That's a dumb bumper sticker. I believe in evolution; I'm not some flat-earther who's offended by the idea that there were fish that became humans. But that bumper sticker shows why "scientists" have made a huge error in deciding to just make things up: people no longer understand science.In real science -- sans quotation marks, a theory is something that has not yet been proven. It's a hypothesis-- an idea you have that you hope to prove through experimentation.Evolution is a theory because it hasn't been proven. While Darwin's finches are a compelling case for evolution, they are a compelling circumstantial case -- meaning more than one inference is available from the facts.That's what "circumstantial" evidence is -- you can draw more than one conclusion from it. If you hear a gun shot and run into the room and I'm standing ther...
More About: Schools , Club , Rotary Club , Blame , Rotary

Attention Anyone Who Likes Little Kids, Books, Great Rock and Roll Music, H
2009-06-10 18:29:00
Remember how The Great est Rock Band In The History of Ever, Murder Mystery, agreed to autograph my book Eclipse and then let me auction it for charity?The auction will start this Sunday -- that'll be the first time I can set it up-- and, again, all proceeds from this auction will go to benefit Mateo and McHale Shaw. You'll be able to bid on a genuine copy of my book, genuinely autographed by genuine members of The Greatest Rock Band In The History of Ever, and you'll get, in return, an awesome book, autographs, and the good feeling that comes from helping some very deserving little boys.So until then, enjoy these Murder Mystery songs, and check here for details starting Sunday:"The World" by Murder Mystery. (You can click here to buy their CD.)"Love Astronaut" by Murder Mystery.Click here to go to Murder Mystery's Myspace page.Take a Book For Charity is my program in which I am asking that various organizations do something neat with my book, Eclipse, and then send it to me t...
More About: Music , Kids , Books

Quote of the Day, 28:
2009-06-09 22:34:00
"I could see you as a Leo."-- Sweetie, to me.We were giving the Babies! a bath last night and talking about people's names and nicknames, and when I mentioned that I couldn't see one of the partners at my office with a different name, Sweetie said "That's because you only know him by his name." Her contention was that people don't seem to fit other names because I already know them by the name they have -- so in my mind it doesn't feel right to say that a "Tim" would be a good "Roger" because I already know "Tim" as "Tim."I said that was wrong, and that I could see other people having other names. I told Sweetie she would have made a good "Jennifer" or "Stephanie," for one thing. Then I asked her what names she thought might fit me, and she said the Quote of the Day.To which I responded: "Like Leonardo... like DiCaprio?"She immediately said: "No, not him." (A little too quickly, for my taste) and then said "Just Leo.""Like Uncle Leo?" I asked. She said, no, not him eithe...
More About: Quote Of The Day

Sweetie was wise to take away my credit cards.
2009-06-09 22:23:00
Sometimes I think I enjoy planning and dreaming about vacations as much as I enjoy actually taking vacations. Okay, that's not true. But I do enjoy planning vacations and thinking about the vacations I might take and the places I might stay, like the klamath falls resorts I could go visit.Have you SEEN the places you could stay around there? Check this out:And this:and this:Those are all views of the "Running Y Ranch," a full-service resort I found today. It's in what's called "Southern Oregon's Cascade Mountain" range, just across the border from California. But I don't care. It could be in the "Sea of Tranquility" range just across the border from the moon and I'd want to go there. (Although in that case, I'd also want a spacesuit.)Here's a big selling point: 300 days of sunshine a year. Three hundred! With scenery like that, and even more to do, like golf, riding, spas, bird watching... and even an "adventure outfitters." I don't know what that is, but the Ran...
More About: Credit Cards , Credit , Cards , Wise

I had trouble making up my mind. (Sunday's poem, 18).
2009-05-24 14:38:00
Cows In Art Class by Charles Bukowskigood weatheris likegood women-it doesn't always happenand when it doesit doesn'talways last.man ismore stable:if he's badthere's more chancehe'll stay that way,or if he's goodhe might hangon,but a womanis changedbychildrenagedietconversationsexth e moonthe absence orpresence of sunor good times.a woman must be nursedinto subsistenceby lovewhere a man can becomestrongerby being hated.___________________________________ ______________________Here's the poems I considered for today: Recessional, by Kipling, a couple by Dylan Thomas including Fern Hill, and then Hymn by Poe, before settling on Cows In Art Class, which I picked simply by title. Before I read it, I felt like maybe Bukowski and I would have something in common because he was writing about cows and I once wrote a song about cows, but my song was a lot happier and more upbeat than his poem.I also disagree with his conclusions. But it's a great poem.Also: I'm working on my own po...
More About: Mind , Poem

I'd be Tactical Dad!
2009-05-24 14:30:00
You're either the type of person who knows what an AR 15 sling swivel is, or who DOESN'T know that. That's how I'm dividing humanity up this morning. Two groups: People who have an actual, bona fide, non-creepy use for night vision goggles, shotgun adcessories, gun slings, and the like... and people like me, who will simply look at those things, the morning after we fall asleep watching "Mission: Impossible III" and wonder what it would be like to have that kind of job.It's impossible, in fact, not to hear that Mission:Impossible theme as you look over the GG&G website. GG&G sells tactical gear -- the kind of stuff that would be worn by Ethan and crew as they run around an abandoned warehouse setting up remote-control machine guns, planting explosives, cutting the lights, and then rescuing that girl from Waitress. (That's as far as I got before I fell asleep.) And their website makes it cool to look at that stuff even if you don't have that type of job. Pictures...

Did you know pizza can be eaten for ANY meal? (Sweetie's Hunk of the Week,
2009-05-23 13:55:00
Sweetie's Hunk of the Week this week is Dane Cook!You/Sweetie Know Him As: Probably as a friend on MySpace. At last count, Dane Cook had over 2 1/2 million friends. They, like you and Sweetie, probably love him because of his hilarious stand-up comedy.On an entirely unrelated note, last night, for a snack before bed, I had a bowl of Cap'n Crunch cereal at 10 p.m.I Know Him As: Not as a MySpace friend, since my account keeps getting Phished, so I can't post these cell phone pics I took of me and my broz at a party. No, I know Dane Cook as the amusing stand-up guy, too, the guy who tells those funny jokes about wanting to go on a heist with a monkey, or how his dream house would have a trap door. Yep, he's a laugh riot. Dane Cook is about the funniest guy around. That's why everyone loves him.On another unrelated note, I recently decided that McDonald's Cheesburgers could be a dessert! Talk about innovation.Thing That Makes You Go Hmmm About Him: Nothing. Nothing at al...
More About: Pizza , Meal

My yard: Scenic Tourist Destination (Someday. Not now.)
2009-05-23 13:45:00
Last summer's big project was tearing down the old shed and building the Sorta Great Wall. And surviving in the face of what could have been very, very vicious raccoon babies.Mission Accomplished! And this year, the goal is: Finish The Path To Nowhere. See, after we tore down the shed, we had a garden path that led from our house to... nothing. It had previously led to the shed, but now, sans shed, we had a path to nowhere. The Boy and I couldn't tolerate that, so we ripped up those bricks and hauled them around and began building another path, one that would wind through the backyard (which someday will be a beautiful garden instead of the ragged growth of $1.00 Wal-Mart trees it is now) and after winding through the garden, would loop back and rejoin the sidewalk around the house.Only... we didn't have enough bricks, so instead of the Path to Nowhere that previously led to the Shed, we have the Path To Nowhere that leads to nothing.This year, though, we are definitely goin...
More About: Destination , Yard , Tourist

Finally, it's that Plants & Submarines Story!
2009-05-21 17:06:00
Question: When is a plant like a nuclear submarine?Answer: When they're both school projects I have messed up.Last week Friday, I took the day off from work, a move that will have profound implications on the scientific world for years to come, although I could hardly have guessed that when I first took the day off.The day off had profound implications because it led to Middle asking me to "keep an eye" on her science project, which is "growing a plant."That may not seem too scientific, but I guess by the watered-down standards Middle's school is now imposing, it's a pretty tough project. Granted, kindergartners also grow plants for science projects, but who am I to argue with education professionals? If they think not actively interfering with a natural process equates to learning something about science, then I should just go with the flow.Besides, as it turns out, that whole not interfering thing is a lot harder than it looks.Middle had been growing her Science Project Pla...
More About: Story , Plants , Submarines , Finally

I would have gone with semicolons. 'Cause they're cool. (Mourning Gnus,
2009-05-21 15:28:00
It's casual Thursday... because ordinarily I wear polo shirts only on Fridays, but tomorrow I've got to go to court, but Monday is Memorial Day, after which I let myself dress casually most days in the office, until Labor Day... Oh, never mind. Here's the Mourning Gnus!Things That Are No Longer News, One: A guy won American Idol. Yeah, yeah. Wake me when something happens. Let me put this in perspective for you people that still think American Idol matters:Total Sales of Albums by Kelly Clarkson: 10,149,745.Total Sales of Albums by Carrie Underwood: 9,627,054.Total Sales Of Everyone Else Ever To Appear On American Idol, combined: 23,940,518.Total Sales Of Albums by the group "Ace of Base," all-time: 23,000,000.Total Sales of the Single "If I Didn't Care," by the Ink Spots, all-time: 19,000,000.Quick -- name a song by any person who ever appeared on American Idol. Couldn't do it, could you?Weird Trivia I Found Out While Researching That Last Story: A band called the "1910...
More About: Cool

It was a tactical Pop Tart (Cinnamon Flavored -Tactical, to be precise.)
2009-05-21 15:20:00
What tactical gear do you wear for your job? For me (today) it's a tactical blue-striped polo shirt, and tactical black pants with a tactical bit of Pop Tart frosting tactically smeared onto the leg...Oh, who am I kidding? My job doesn't require tactical gear. I almost never have to dodge bullets, rappel down walls, sneak up on bad guys, engage in a heated armed standoff, or drive 100 miles per hour down the road while trying to catch a fleeing, monkey-driven van full of bank robbers. (That last reference courtesy of Dane Cook.)And sometimes I envy the guys and gals whose jobs do require those things -- people who get to shop at LA Police Gear and not look ridiculous doing so. I get jealous of people who can wear tactical pants, who carry Versipacks that have a special holster for their weapons, who need specialized incandescent flashlights and tactical Under Armour. I get way jealous of how cool their jobs must be: get up, order a bunch of stuff off of LA Police Gear, then ...
More About: Cinnamon , Precise

I'd make a "2001" joke, but I bet he gets sick of those (Take A Book For Ch
2009-05-21 13:29:00
Even as we speak, my book, Eclipse, is winging its way to New York for autographing by Murder Mystery (a/k/a "The Greatest Band In The History Of Ever") and when I get that back, I'll auction it as promised...... but I'm still continuing to try to get others to Take a Book for Charity, and I'm pleased to report today that the arduous process of becoming a MySpace friend to Gary Lockwood is now complete; I have become a friend of Gary Lockwood -- star of 2001: A Space Odyssey -- and have today posted a comment on his MySpace page asking him to join Murder Mystery (The Greatest Band In The History of Ever) in helping me help Mateo and McHale Shaw pay their medical bills.I will keep you posted on Mr. Lockwood's response. Will he help out -- and maybe make himself, in so doing, the Greatest Actor in the History of Ever? Stay Tuned!Also, here's a link to Murder Mystery's MySpace page. Go listen to their music or buy their album or go to their shows or do all three. They rock.Ta...
More About: Joke , Make , Sick

Question of the Day, 60:
2009-05-20 16:53:00
Am I a good person because I take my shopping carts to that little pen in the parking lot?Shopping carts and stores present any number of moral questions that you probably haven't thought about before, but which I, and maybe Nietzsche, have spent lots of time pondering. Everyone is supposed to put their carts in the little pen the stores put out for that purpose. But a lot of people don't; I'd say maybe a majority of people don't do that, but instead leave their carts wherever they happen to be. Which means that as far as society is concerned, not taking carts to the holding area is normal behavior. So if I take my cart back to that pen, does that make me better than most people... i.e., a good person?And, on a related note, just how much effort does society, or goodness, demand with respect to the morality of shopping carts? I ask because of this: There's a grocery store we sometimes go to where they don't have that little pen anywhere; your options are "take the cart al...
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Another small business takes a hit in this economy.
2009-05-20 16:45:00
I was thinking of getting into the fashion designer business -- specifically, the maternity fashion designer business. It seemed easy enough to me: Just take a lot of material, preferaly with a dorky flower pattern on it, and then sew it into a roughly-tent-shaped pattern, and voila, maternity clothes.That's what it appeared to me that maternity clothes designers did, judging by the maternity clothes that Sweetie always wore, and the ones I've seen worn by friends and coworkers and people on the street.So this morning, I was all set to begin my new and totally easy career, and I thought "I'll just check out where I'm going to be selling these tents... I mean maternity clothes," and I come across this website called "Kiki's Fashions Maternity."Dang, was all I thought. This site blew my plans out of the water. They had not tents, but actual stylish maternity clothes, things that pregnant women could wear and still look good. Like this:What's the deal with that? There's no ...
More About: Business , Economy , Small Business , Small

Of Bendicular Donkasauri (Mourning Gnus, 5/20/09)
2009-05-20 15:17:00
Gnu fact of the day: Gnus are also wildebeests!Do they really call a car engine a 'donkasaurus' in Australia? Coming soon: The 1,000,000th English word, expected to arrive in our language on June 10, at 10:22 a.m., according to the Global Language Monitor. Of course, the Global Language Monitor, a self-appointed monitoring body that apparently consists of one guy who's trying to sell you a book, also said that the 1,000,000th word would arrive on April 29th. Or April 24th. Or May 4th. Whatever, right? If it's science it doesn't have to be right.That doesn't keep the Global Language Monitor from having a countdown clock of sorts, a clock that's based on scientific-sounding words and everything, marking the days until English reaches a million.But what if I mess it up? What if I invent a word right now? What if I look at the twisted paperclip I was chewing on yesterday and call it a bendicular paperclip -- and define "bendicular" as "an adjective describing the peculi...
More About: Mourning

Awesome Covers Of Already Awesome Songs, 2
2009-05-19 23:45:00
I'll get more substantial posts on here soon -- I swear. There's a good one coming up about plants and nuclear subs and all. I've just been busy.But not so busy that I couldn't find number two of the awesome versions of already awesome songs. Here's Dolly Parton doing Collective Soul's "Shine" :Did you ever wonder what ever happened to Collective Soul? I didn't until just now today. So I googled it and found... this website, which wondered the same thing.Then I googled "Collective Soul" and found out from their website that they're actually starting a tour, which sounded exciting, until I found out that the tour will stop in Idaho, which removed all the excitement from me. Idaho's always had that effect on me. Just mention Idaho and everything seems a little less exciting. Doesn't matter what it is: Band tours, potato chips, Season 3 of Lost on DVD... mention it in the same breath as Idaho and the luster just fades.But then I found out that Collective Soul released...
More About: Songs , Awesome , Covers

Fun-Iverse is copyright 2009, "Thinking The Lions." All rights reserved.
2009-05-19 23:36:00
I've been writing a lot about Kissimmee on here lately, and there's a reason for that: It's because Kissimmee is awesome.It's awesome because Kissimmee is like the nexus of the Fun-iverse. The Fun-iverse is like the universe, only more fun, and who would want to live in the universe when you could be in something that's more fun?Kissimmee has more fun in it per square inch than any other part of the universe, and that's scientifically provable. It's located more or less in between and around and underneath and on top of 1 jillion waterparks, amusement parks, golf courses, lakes, and shopping malls.1 jillion is a lot, but I'm not exaggerating. And these aren't crummy little amusement parks that you're used to in Ohio, or Nebraska, or Prague. These are theme parks and waterparks like Wet 'n Wild -- a waterpark near Kissimmee which has "Der Stuka," a waterslide that sends you down a 250-foot, almost-vertical waterslide.Does Prague have "Der Stuka?" I think not.We went ...
More About: Rights , Lions , Copyright , Thinking

(Mourning Gnus, 5/19/09)
2009-05-19 20:15:00
I actually had to work a little this morning -- but if they can have "Showbiz Tonight" on at 11 a.m., why can't you get your Mourning Gnus in the AfterGnu-n?I'll get around to ruling you tomorrow: I like to watch the trends, and the latest trend in governing is to do it later. We are a Procrasti-Nation, apparently: Wisconsin this week enacted a ban on smoking in the workplace; it takes effect in July, 2010. Over in D.C., ObamAmerica has cleaned up fuel economy standards -- beginning in 2012. Or 2016. Whenever they get around to it.Before you accuse me of being too critical, keep in mind that Obama's fuel efficiency law follows up on a 2007 statute that required a 40% fuel efficiency increase in cars -- by 2020. That law was never actually enforced, though I'm sure this one will be.I have the EXACT same problem: Jessica Biel has bravely shone a spotlight on one of the most difficult problems facing people like her, and me: being too hot. "It really is a problem," Jessic...

I'm also pretty good at "Makeover Doll."
2009-05-19 20:07:00
My sister and her daughter are staying with Mom right now, and her daughter -- my niece -- is away from her friends and a lot of her toys, leaving her with a lot of free time and not as much to do.So I thought "Hey, I'll show what a cool uncle I am" (as if she doesn't already know) "and find some games for her to play." Then I did what I always do and Googled my question, which in this case was "Where can I find some Girl Games for my niece to play?"That, in turn, led me to "Easy Girl Games," the website -- www.easygirlgames.com -- which, I learned, has (you'll never see this coming) Easy Girl Games. Games that girls might find fun and which are quick to learn and fun to play; lots of point & click stuff about Barbies and fashion and celebrities, with nary a truck in site.Don't get me wrong -- I'm not being sexist here. I'm the guy, after all, who let his son bring a Holly Hobby doll grocery shopping with us. But my niece doesn't want to play with boy toys or boy game...
More About: Pretty , Good , Makeover , Doll

If nobody cares about it, why am I posting it? Do you really need to ask t
2009-05-18 13:44:00
News Nobody Really Cares About, Part One: "Angels and Demons" apparently beat "Star Trek" at the box office over the weekend, in a battle of sequels to movies that weren't any good in the first place. ( I'll exempt "The Wrath of Khan" from that because I saw it when I was younger and am nostalgic, plus I don't want to get spammed, as I'll note below.) Trek took in only $43 million to Angels' $48 million -- but what went unreported entirely was the 197% increase in box office experienced by The Cross: The Arthur Blessit Story. (That movie, a documentary about a man who literally walked around the world carrying a cross, actually sounds pretty good, though.)News Nobody Really Cares About, Part Two: Do you know who won the Preakness this weekend? Probably not. Do you know where the Preakness is held? Probably not. That's because there's only one horse race America cares about, and that race is Cannonball Run IV: Horsing Around, in which Burt Reynolds and a new all-star c...

In a pinch, I will accept Florida or San Diego as a substitute for Hawaii.
2009-05-18 13:35:00
It's no secret that I try to use my blogs as a way to promote my writing, and myself, and in doing so get myself rich and move to Hawaii , where I could spend my time writing on my deck while I look out at the ocean and maybe also at a volcano (but not an active one.)So I'm always on the lookout for things that can help me do a better blog, or promote it better, and when I find those things, I like to share them with you. Like the latest thing that I've found to help make a better site: the webhosting reviews and information at WebHostingGeeks.com.I found my webhost-- blogger -- entirely by accident. I had decided to write a blog, and "Blogger" was the only site that I knew of that allowed me to do that. (This was back in 2005, before the "internet" really caught on.) It's worked out okay, but that's by chance, and who wants to leave it to chance when we're talking about making money and/or moving to Hawaii? Not me, and not you.WebHostingGeeks.com takes that element of cha...
More About: San Diego , Florida , Diego , Accept

Quote of the Day, 28
2009-05-18 13:27:00
"You're always telling me these interesting things about sports and then when I try to talk sports with you, you're like... Joe Theisman."-- The Boy, when I tried to tell him about an article I read this weekend. To celebrate our anniversary, I took Sweetie out Friday and one of the things she did was get a manicure. She asked if I minded waiting and I did not because they had an issue of The New Yorker just sitting there, which meant that I got to read a fascinating article about why David beats Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell.The article focused on how a junior high girls' basketball team had used the full-court press to win its way to the championship, and I used the article to explain another "interesting thing about sports" to The Boy the next day, after he had the gall to tell me that there's never anything interesting in The New Yorker. It was after my story that he gave the Quote of the Day, apparently as a put-down, and then he left before I could tell him about the neu...
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Question of The Day: 59
2009-05-17 14:31:00
How much do you have to buy at McDonald's to use their playland without being a freeloader?Yesterday was kind of chilly, so rather than take the Babies! to the playground, we went to McDonald's to play on their playland. Ordinarily, if I take them there, it's around lunch and I just buy a Happy Meal and they play and eat the french fries, but I feel kind of guilty because there's two of them playing, but I only bought one Happy Meal. Then again, the two of them are only 2 1/2, apiece, so that's like one 5-year-old kid playing, right? Should it go by age? Or weight? Or height? Maybe for every 3 years of age, people should spent $4.00, or something.Then, yesterday, the math got harder, because we got there about 9:45, too late for breakfast and too early for lunch, and I didn't want to order coffee. So I bought a soda, and then as an afterthought threw in some McDonaldland Cookies. Then we went to the playland and the boys ran and played and climbed while I sipped my soda...
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Hey, I Think I Love You!
2009-05-17 14:20:00
We went to Hollywood on vacation about 8 years ago, and I spent our entire time there looking about for celebrities: movies stars, rock stars, Johnny Carson, ANYONE. All in vain -- the closest I came was Sweetie said that Craig Bierko shoved The Boy in an airport, and everyone else (but not me) saw one of the Williams sisters on the street as we drove by.That lack of celebrities in Hollywood may be caused by the fact that they're all in Kissimmee, Florida, as I found out recently -- which makes all the more reason to go there.The Kissimmee area already has more or less one theme park for everyone in America: Busch Gardens, SeaWorld, Gatorland, Disney and all its incarnations, plus water parks and golf courses and more malls than you could shake a stick at. (Why would you shake a stick at a mall? What's that gonna prove?) And now it's got celebs. Tons of celebs. Celebamundo, so to speak. Athletes: Tiger Woods, Larry Bird, Dwayne Johnson (he's kind of an athlete, right?) A...
More About: Love , I Love You

This is what I REALLY learned in school (Sunday's Poem, 17)
2009-05-17 13:52:00
Why Latin Should Still Be Taught in High School by Christopher BurskBecause one day I grew so boredwith Lucretius, I fell in lovewith the one object that seemed to be stationary,the sleeping kid two rows up,the appealing squalor of his drooping socks.While the author of De Rerum Natura was making funof those who fear the steep way and lose the truth,I was studying the unruly hairs on Peter Diamond?s right leg.Titus Lucretius Caro labored, dactyl by dactylto convince our Latin IV class of the atomiccomposition of smoke and dew,and I tried to make sense of a boy?s ankles,the calves? intriguingresiliency, the integrity to the shank,the solid geometry of my classmate?s body.Light falling through blinds,a bee flinging itself into a flower,a seemingly infinite set of textsto translate and now this particular configuration of atomswho was given a name at birth,Peter Diamond, and sat two rows in front of me,his long arms, his legs that like Lucretius?s hexametersseemed to go on forever...
More About: Poem , Learned

No more sleepless nights.
2009-05-17 13:42:00
Look around the room you're sitting in right now. How many different ways could someone get into that room -- someone you don't WANT getting into that room?I'm in our living room, 'puting away, and there's the front door over there, and then behind me are two long thin windows and then over by the dining room table are two windows that are big and let in lots of light and also are only 1 1/2' off the ground, perfect for climbing into. Each of those are hidden by bushes or around the side of our house away from the street lights.The more I think about it, the more our house is a security nightmare, and you know when I think about it the most? Those nights when everyone is asleep and I'm reading in bed and I think I hear something downstairs, and I instantly have to wonder if someone got into the back door in the playroom, the door we never use but which might have been unlocked... and then I have to wonder if I'm going to be able to protect my family and what I could do to...
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