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Shame on America (Saturday Edition) Sunday: Be A Grown Up About Taxes, Woul
2008-10-11 16:24:00
I don't have very much time because I'm babysitting today and will be rooting on my brother in the Chicago Marathon on Sunday , so here's a special edition of Shame on America Sunday -- the Saturday Edition. I'll make it quick:Be a grown up about taxes, will you? That means just shut up and pay them. You don't have to like it. You don't have to pay more than your fair share. But, like getting up and going to work, like pretending to like green beans so the kids will eat them, like all the things adults do that they don't really want to do but if adults don't do them, who will, you have to pay taxes.Here's why: You like the stuff the government gives you. It's that simple. You don't gripe when the book store makes you pay for your books. You don't try to weasel out of paying the tab when the bartender serves the mojitos. Nobody ever complains about the cost of an ice cream cone.But everyone whines about taxes and tries to shift them off -- let the corporations pa...
More About: Taxes , Grown

She made it sound like I was 7 feet tall.
2008-10-11 14:55:00
I met Sweetie at work. She worked at a law firm where I clerked when I was a law student ('clerking' is law student language for "being paid $10 an hour to do stuff that in a year we'll charge $220 per hour for." Remember that when you hire a lawyer.) I like to think it was love at first sight. I went there for the interview and noticed right away this beautiful legal secretary. Later on, I told her, "I went home and immediately told my roommate that they had a hot secretary working there." Romantic, right?Sweetie later told me that she noticed me right away, too. She said "I told the other legal secretary that they interviewed a really tall guy." So you can see, we were meant for each other.It's not always that easy, though. Not everyone just walks into love. If you haven't met your own Sweetie or your own Really Tall Guy yet, take a gander at "True." True is a dating sight that lets you search and meet people for free - -I always like to emphasize that, because it's...
More About: Sound , Feet , Made

18 down, 9,087 to go!
2008-10-10 20:56:00
I'm going to head on down to Chicago this weekend to watch my brother -- the one who can't give directions to the beach and thinks sharks and hurricanes are no big deal -- compete in the Chicago Marathon.I'm a little confused as to how I watch someone compete in a 26 mile race, since I don't intend to run along with him. But I'll figure that out when I get there, I assume, and I'll be ready to holler at him as he goes by mile 13.6. I'm also not sure if I'm supposed to have some official duties here; he mentioned, in June, that people who watch sometimes give the runners encouragement AND refreshments, like Gatorade or beef jerky or something. I don't know -- I was having trouble paying attention at the time because I hadn't slept in four days.Anyway, to celebrate that, I'll post song 18, the song I listen to most often when I go running, because it provides that jolt of adrenaline that's necessary for me to start running, or keep running, or, most days, just to think a...

Or, you know, just take a day off of work and drive to Minneapolis, the who
2008-10-10 20:51:00
You don't think these things will be necessary until one day someone calls you up and says that there's an insurance policy that was held in your grandfather's name and that the benefits can be paid out once there's proof of death. Or until you're trying to show the bank that the joint account you had with your parents can now be paid over to you.Or whatever other reason you have for needing a death certificate or proof of death. In our mobile society, the odds are that family members or friends who have passed away did so in a city that's remote from where you are. So instead of having to drive to that town to get the official records, why not just get the free death records available online from Freedeathcertificate.org?A name, an approximate age, and a state are all you need to get the basic information for free, and from there, a nominal charge can get you more - -quickly and easily and cheaply!
More About: Drive , Work , Minneapolis

17 down, 9,088 to go
2008-10-10 01:22:00
This is the song I WISH I was listening to: I'm Waiting For The Man by Velvet Underground.Unfortunately, I'm NOT listening to that, because I'm at home working on my laptop, and The Boy is doing the cleanup after a dinner of macaroni and cheese, butterscotch pancakes, and toast (I cooked, and it's grocery-shopping day, which explains that dinner), and since The Boy is doing the chores he gets to choose the music and so as a result of that, I am NOT listening to Velvet Underground and I AM listening to a bunch of Pink Floyd.

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.
2008-10-10 00:56:00
Imagine having twin two year old boys. Now imagine taking them trick-or-treating. Fun, right? Lots of fun -- getting them dressed up, walking with them holding your hand, up to the door, ringing the bell for them, and having them say "Trick Or Treat," which for Mr F and Mr Bunches, at this point, would be more like "Car," the main word Mr F says, or "Baby," the main word Mr Bunches says.Now, imagine that before that, you have to take those twin boys, get them dressed up, put them in the car, then load them into the stroller, then get them into the store, then try to pick out a costume from a rack of junky costumes that have been picked over and wrecked already, all the while trying to keep those boys from fighting each other or escaping from the stroller and going off to live a life of two-year-old fulfillment, which generally means pouring milkon their heads?There's an easier way: go to this Halloween Costume Store and order your costumes online. It's way way easier; no stro...

Here's why I'm not here more often.
2008-10-10 00:47:00
While I haven't written here on "Thinking The Lions" as much in the past week or two, that doesn't mean I haven't been busy.Sports have kept me going, what with the new Good Luck Charm search and the official NC! Predictions for how the baseball championships will play out -- don't miss out on my patented never-fail 100% accurate (margin of error +/- 68%) system; it's the only one of its kind, and you can only get it on Nonsportsmanlike Conduct!Also, October is Book Month on The Best of Everything. That means that this month is The Best of Everything about Books -- but don't worry, it's fun and interesting -- like The Best Book To Read if You Were A Kid Who Pretended To Be A Superhero.I've also been putting in installments of Rachel's adventures in Chicago, New York, and Hell, as she tries to escape from the Reverend Tommy and find Brigitte and her octopus. That will all make sense when you read the most entertaining story around, Lesbian Zombies Are Taking Over The World!

Sorry, ladies -- the Jet you can partially own is not Brett Favre.
2008-10-09 02:20:00
How'd you like a piece of an private jet?At first, I'm sure you said "What would I do with a piece of a private jet? Throw it at Tina Fey when she does that annoying thing she does, what's it called, oh, yeah, existing. What," you're saying "would I do with a piece of a private jet except maybe throw it at Tina Fey for her existing?"But you're thinking the wrong way -- you've got to think of having a "piece of a private jet" not so much in the physical "here's-the-tail-part" sense but in the more economical sense of fractional aircraft ownership through Legendary Jet.With Legendary Jet's fractional private jet ownership program, you have all the plusses of private jet ownership minus all the minuses. You get a jet available 365 days per year on 8 hours' notice, and they take care of the rest -- maintenance, crew training, security, FAA compliance, all that.It's like owning the whole plane -- the fractional part comes with the cost, because you pay only a "fraction" of t...
More About: Brett Favre , Ladies , Brett , Favre

15 and 16 down, 9,089 to go
2008-10-08 21:18:00
I was listening all day to the Regina Spektor album I finally broke down and went and bought after listening to her songs all day yesterday, when A Guy At Work came in and we began talking about music and it ended up with me telling him that Graceland by Paul Simon was the only album that I'd ever listened to on which I'd liked every single song. Not a weak song on that album.So in honor of that, here's the best one off Graceland, Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes.A Guy At Work was incredulous, though, and mentioned The Beatles. I fended him off by pointing out that on Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, the song Within You Without You ain't that great. But then I stopped to consider Abbey Road and I think maybe Abbey Road is the other album on which there is no bad track and I like every song on it. So here's song 16, the best song off of that album, Oh Darling:

Be like Pip: Have Great Expectations
2008-10-08 21:09:00
Oldest has herself into one of those relationships that people get into over and over -- a relationship that's not great, but not terrible, either. It's just okay, fair-to-middlin', as our forefathers might have said.Should she, or anybody, expect to have fair-to-middlin' relationships? Or should everyone have Great Expectations when it comes to romance? I think it ought to be the latter. Specifically, anyone looking to fall in love and have something better than ... just okay... ought to check out Great Expectations Dating Service.Great Expectations for singles is a premium Internet dating service -- but an Internet dating service that has actual physical locations around the country, and Member Services at those locations. Those local member services people provide personal customer service to you, so no hassling through the Internet and email and all that; there's a live person waiting to help you meet your dream guy or dream girl.Those local locations also have meet &a...

14 Down, 9,091 to go. (This song is a pretext!)
2008-10-07 19:36:00
The main reason I picked today's song, Fidelity by Regina Spektor:Is because I have been listening to a lot of Regina Spektor lately on Youtube, as I ponder buying one of her albums; I began listening to her on Youtube because I have the song Fidelity on my iPod (it's number 14 of 9,105) and I like that song, so I went and listened to other songs by Regina Spektor on Youtube, and then I found this song,Which is That Time, by Regina Spektor, and which I've now listened to about five times in a row, and each time I've listened, I've laughed when she got to the part where she says "So cheap and JUICY!" so I decided that I had to post this video, here, because that's the line in the song that pushes the song from good to great, but I don't have That Time on my iPod, and I do have Fidelity on my iPod.So I posted Fidelity as a pretext to posting That Time.But, Fidelity also has some meaning today, because I had to interview someone by phone the other day, and that someone then was ...
More About: Song

Plus, Sweetie actually is the one who made the bed.
2008-10-07 18:18:00
I used to always insist on staying in a hotel when we went on vacation. I did that because I thought "I'm on vacation; why should I have to cook and clean up instead of relaxing."But then, the last vacation I took, instead of a hotel, I rented a place for the days that we were there. I did it because it was a lot cheaper than staying in a hotel room, and I wanted to save money for the fun stuff on the vacation. And guess what I discovered? There isn't that much benefit to staying in a hotel. All I was giving up was continental breakfast in the morning -- doughnuts and coffee, big whoop!-- and a maid making the bed and putting out fresh towels.What I got in exchange, though, was a full-sized spot to spread out in-- a couple of bedrooms, a living room, a full kitchen with a full-sized oven and a refrigerator, and two bathrooms, all for less than the hotel charged me. Yeah, I had to make my own bed, but the trade-off was worth it. I could cook if I wanted to, but I didn't hav...
More About: Made

Gooshing My Way Through A Problem.
2008-10-06 18:31:00
We went to an apple orchard on Saturday, which was fun but I couldn't really relax because a portion of my mind was occupied with the Library Problem .The Library Problem is this, in a nutshell: how long can I keep an overdue book before it becomes more cost effective to either go buy it myself or claim I lost it and pay the Library for it?The Library Problem arises a lot, these days, because I'm making more and more use of the Library since I discovered that I can make them do all the work for me by going online and requesting books. At our library, you can set up an account and then go online and click on books and CDs and videos and they'll set them aside and email you when they're ready for pickup, so I can get all that stuff without having to go wander around the library myself and look for them; that's important because, to be honest, libraries have a way of sucking the fun out of things, even relatively cool libraries like the one I go to, with its open layout and comput...

What happens on December 21, 2012?
2008-10-06 18:22:00
Here's something not to think about: Why would a calendar end?The Mayan calendar, created centuries ago, extended out and out and out well beyond the lifetimes of the Mayan people who created the calendar. The Mayans forecast ahead in their calendar for centuries, extending their calendar for a hundred generations...... and then stopped their calendar, on December 21, 2012.Why? Did they get bored? Did they figure well, that's enough? If they did those things, wouldn't they have stopped at the end of a year, or earlier? Why go out 2,012 years and 351 days?That mystery is the heart of the 2012 prophecy discussed in the new book Spiritual Wisdom for a Planet In Peril: Preparing for 2012 and Beyond. In this book, Laura Dunham (a teacher/financial planner who went into the ministry) discusses various prophecies and portents-- like the Mayan Calendar's abrupt end-- and what they might mean for the world, as well as how to prepare yourself for what might be coming in just a litt...

13 down, 9,092 to go
2008-10-06 17:02:00
Continuing today's theme of songs that sound inspirational and will make what you're doing seem more significant-- while also tapping into my secret life in which I pretend that my life is actually a movie and people are watching it, which makes me wonder if they would be watching it with interest or simply watching it because they happen to be in the theater and can't leave because they're on a date -- comes song number 13:Our Life Is Not A Movie Or Maybe, by Okkervil River.And because I always want to know, I checked and there is really an Okkervil River -- it's outside of St. Petersburg, and there's also a story by that name. The story, according to NPR:"follows the plight of a middle-aged bureaucrat and his obsession with an obscure singer. When the vocalist turns out to be a timeworn shell of her former self, the story becomes a meditation on how art stands apart from those who create it."Which means that not only is this a good song, but it's also a song that fits i...

Also, the Babies! like to tear up the newspaper and throw it at each other.
2008-10-06 16:55:00
I have a tough time getting caught up on the news nowadays. I used to get my news from a couple of different sources -- newspapers, magazines, and television. But over the past year or so, each of those has dropped out as a source of information for me.Newspaper s went first; I began sleeping in a little more each day -- instead of getting up at 6 a.m. and reading the paper and having a leisurely morning, I now get out of bed around 7:57 a.m. and rush to get to work by 8:30, where I walk in every day and mumble something about the terrible traffic.Magazines were next; I tried following sports with sports magazines, but The Boy gets home before me and gets to them first; then they disappear into his room, and I don't like to go into his room because the sheer magnitude of disarray in there convinces me that entropy is not only increasing -- it's increasing exponentially and is centered in The Boy's room. Plus, he has fossilized Cheetos in there and I disapprove of that.Televisio...
More About: Babies , Tear , Throw

12 down, 9,093 to go
2008-10-06 15:38:00
If your day is seeming a little boring, or commonplace, or otherwise insignificant, I've got the cure for you, and the cure is song 12 in my Wowbaggerian countdown.Whenever you think that what you're doing is not that important or will not matter all that much in the long run, try this: Cue up the song "All These Things That I've Done," by The Killers, and then try to synchronize your movements to the beat of the song.I did that, this morning, getting out of Vuey and walking into work to begin a dreary day of "working." I synched my closing the door, my putting my briefcase strap over my shoulder, my walking up the stairs, to the beat of the song, and... Voila! instant significance.Try it now, and see:And, just for the fun of it, I've found and included an acoustic version, too -- to make your life not only significant and important -- but sensitive and touching...Bumblebeez: Bumblebeez by brianefp Get this custom shirt at ZazzleDo you like sports? Do you like Gisele Bun...

Move into your own house, not somebody else's.
2008-10-05 20:53:00
Sweetie and I like to take drives around our city and look at all the houses in the various neighborhoods. We've done that more and more because the older kids are almost out of the house -- Middle's going off to college next year, and The Boy the year after that -- so we'll have just us and the Babies! at home. We've been thinking about getting something newer and a little smaller than our current house.And the more we drive around looking at houses, the more we realize that if we move, we want our next house to be perfect -- and just us. Why live in someone else's dream house, we think when we could live in our own?That's what got me reading the Schumacher Homes Press releases. Schumacher Homes is a custom-built house company; they'll come and build just the house you want, with the features you like for your family; they do it with your involvement in the planning and a host of cutting edge technology, like the "quote my home now" program that lets you get instant fee...
More About: House , Move

Shame On America Sunday: Paul Newman Edition.
2008-10-05 19:28:00
Paul Newman was on the cover of virtually every magazine, this week-- because he died; people in America paid attention to Paul Newman this week because he was no longer alive.America didn't celebrate Paul Newman much in recent years, because Paul Newman was not doing anything America felt like celebrating. He wasn't flashing his private parts, he wasn't walking down the red carpet, he wasn't even acting that much.In his past few years, Paul Newman, who acted less and less as he grew older, spent more and more of his time, and more and more of his money, on charity work. Charity was so important to him that his daughter Melissa Newman said philanthropy, and not acting, should be what Newman was remembered for. It may well be what Newman ultimately is remembered for, but it's a guarantee that it's not what he was known for, because as good as he was at acting and as good as he was at philanthropy, Newman suffered from a notable lack of skill at self-promotion.Paul Newman's ...
More About: Sunday , Paul , Edition , Paul Newman

Take that, Wachovia!
2008-10-03 17:38:00
The mortgage "crisis" isn't affecting only the United States -- amidst all the talk of whether Congress will or won't bail out American banks and lenders and brokers, the US is losing sight of the fact that the problem extends beyond our borders and across the oceans.You'd know that if you read the articles on Mortgages For Business. Mortgages for Business is an award-winning UK mortgage company focusing on buy-to-let mortgages and commercial mortgage broker business; they've funded over 2 billion pounds of buy-to-let mortgages in 2007 alone. So they're uniquely qualified to let the world know how the worldwide banking problem is affecting their products.According to the articles I read on their site, the buy-to-let market is doing fairly well; the National Landlords' Administration said the outlook is strong, and I think they're right about that -- they point to student housing and immigration as indicators that the rental market will remain pretty good even though there ...
More About: Wachovia

Help me out over on the sports blog!
2008-10-03 17:34:00
Hey, everyone -- I know you love reading Thinking The Lions (or else why are you reading this?) and hearing what's going on in my life; but I don't just write to relate my adventures in velociraptor debunking. I think about other things, like things that are The Best, and about Sports .Which brings me to my point, here. For the past several months, I've used Gisele Bundchen as the good-luck charm on my sports blog (I explain why here.) Now, I've decided it's time to move on and pick a new charm for that blog. So head on over there, look things over, and let me know who you think should be the new Nonsportsmanlike Conduct! Good Luck Charm!
More About: Blog

John COUCH Adams is the guy you want.
2008-10-02 17:01:00
Any number, anywhere, easily and quickly and cheaply. That's the promise that's fulfilled by the 50 State Phone Book that you can access online now.No more searching around for the right phone book -- something that's impossible to do if you live in Clinton, Wisconsin, and want to look up a number in Riverside, California. What, do you keep phone books around for all the mochazillion municipalities in the country?No more having to sort through multiple John Adams numbers -- there are probably 150 John Adams living in any given city, and how are you supposed to know which one is the John Adams you want (the one who discovered Uranus) as opposed to the boring John Adams who was president?No more wondering who it was that called you -- reverse lookup at the 50 State Phone Books is here. Try that in your local phone book-- try looking up someone in your phone book by their phone number.The 50 State Phone Book lets you look people up, look area codes up, look up actual other phone b...
More About: Couch

I've won an award!
2008-10-02 16:05:00
Do you read every post on here -- and on my other blogs? You should. I spend a lot of time on each and every thing I write, even the posts that look a little dashed off and even the ones that are brought to you by various people who advertise on my blog and make it possible for me to keep doing this and making a little money off of it; it's a labor of love, yes, but I need to get paid, too, and so I take ads and I write them, because those advertisers make it possible for me to provide all of this, everything I do, to you for free.But I want you to read those ads, too -- so I work hard to make them fun and entertaining and informative and I'm selective about what I advertise for.All that work has paid off by making this a great blog -- and by me getting an award. IZEA, the company that helps connect me with advertisers, has named me the "Postie of the Month," recognizing particularly Thinking The Lions and The Best of Everything for the hard work.So thanks, IZEA, for that award...
More About: Award

I might get myself a new one, too.
2008-10-01 18:58:00
If there is one thing that's in demand at our house, it's cell phones. I've got mine, and I'm always happy with whatever cell phone I've got. But that's me. I'm not Sweetie or The Boy or Middle or Oldest,all of whom need new cell phones, apparently constantly -- and make it known to me. So I'm always on the lookout for a good cellular phone sale, because I'm always hearing about who needs or wants a new cell phone. The most recent was Middle, who announced that she wanted a new phone yesterday; specifically, she wants a "Sidekick," which is as far as I can tell the hot phone on Gossip Girls. That announcement sent me off looking for free Verizon cell phones, because Sidekicks can be expensive -- as can all cell phones, as I know, because I'm always shopping for them. We just got Middle a new cell phone last year, after all, and now she wants to upgrade.Sweetie, on the other hand, I'm sure would like to just keep a single cell phone around. Hers keep having mishaps...

11 down, 9,094 to go.
2008-09-30 22:48:00
Everyday I talk to Sweetie around the time I eat lunch, and each day I ask her how the Babies! are doing. Usually, her answer is "fine." Some days, her answer is that they lost a sock. Today, her answer was:Mr F figured out how to use the water dispenser on the refrigerator, so he was running that and splashing it all over and getting himself and the kitchen soaking wet.I figured that was about the worst of it, so I said, simply "Cute." Then she added: Plus, he had water running into him and was drinking it out of his sleeve.So I'm both sorry I missed that and glad to be at "work" today, where the most onerous thing I have to do is occasionally type up a letter or take a phone call, and mostly watch videos, like the two I have today.I hope that at least one of these appeals to Sydney Airport, but that's not why I'm putting in 2 songs from my iPod at once. Nor am I concerned about running out of time. If I do one or two of these per week, I will finish up -- assuming I add ...

If it's not Bill Pullman, then perhaps you could get that one guy who playe
2008-09-30 19:42:00
One sure way to avoid paying a lot for prescription drugs is to go to college, get a degree in chemistry, go to work for a major drug maker, learn the ins and outs of the trade, then, one day, stay a little late and sneak out all the secret formulas, after which you move to Rio de Janeiro and start up your own drug company, far from pesky things like the U.S. Department of Justice and patent laws and things like that.Another, perhaps slightly easier and just-a-little-more-legal, way to save money on prescription drugs, is to get them online and pay only a fraction of the price you might otherwise pay going down to the corner drugstore.Say you want to get some Cialis, for example, and you have your prescription for it. You could hop into your car and drive to that corner drugstore and pay a lot for that prescription, plus maybe run into your nosy neighbor who will wonder just what kind of prescription you're getting... or you could buy Cialis online at eDrugstoreMD.eDrugstoreMD is ...
More About: Bill , Bill Pullman

9 down, 9,096 to go.
2008-09-30 05:22:00
Sometimes, the littlest thing really makes or breaks a song for me.Take song number 9, which is "Beautiful World," by Colin Hay -- you'll know him as "that guy who liked vegemite when he was with Men at Work", although maybe he didn't like vegemite. I can't remember how that song went, exactly. It was something about a woman who just smiled and gave him a vegemite sandwich.I guess, in the end, the song leaves it kind of up in the air as to whether the singer liked vegemite or not. I got the impression that he did, but on reflection, I'm not so sure. I'm also not sure what vegemite is, but I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't like it, because the root of the word is "vegetable," and so I can't say that I'm inclined to like it right off the bat, even if the "vegetable" in vegemite is, say, corn or radishes, vegetables that I like.Radishes may not be a vegetable. I'm not sure about that, either.The point of all this is that Colin Hay sings "Beautiful World," and the song is p...

Pest control you can live with.
2008-09-30 05:13:00
I've always been told that every house has mice living in it, something that I don't like to think about too much. I've also been told that mice will eat almost anything -- plants, dairy, meat, whatever you've got. And while they only live about four months, they have 5 or 6 babies beginning at about five weeks old.So if you find one mouse, odds are you're maybe 5 weeks away from having 5 or 6 mice -- and 10 weeks away from having 25 or 36 mice. Nice.So I don't want even a single mouse in the house -- let alone 25 or 36 or some exponential number of them. And I do what I can to avoid that: keep floor clean, don't leave the cereal out, stuff like that. Beyond that, though, I'm in a bind because I don't want to use a lot of chemicals to help with the pest control. We've got cats and babies! and even though I don't mention it a lot, I consider myself something of an environmentalist in that I'm in favor of having an environment. Exterminators are out, then. And I ...
More About: Live , Pest , Control , Pest Control

Are you reading one of the greatest stories ever?
2008-09-30 05:02:00
Temporary Anne: Famished is nearing completion on my horror site, AfterDark -- where the scariest things you CAN'T imagine live.Temporary Anne, you'll remember, is the woman who found out she could trick the minions of Hell through cannibalism, and she's been surviving just that way for nearly a century -- getting away with it until Mephistopheles caught up with her and made her a deal: she could stay out of Hell so long as she provided him bodies. Now, though, she might have found herself a loophole-- one that will let her eat again...Read Temporary Anne: Famished only on AfterDark!
More About: Reading , Stories , Greatest

Even the raccoons know to demand references.
2008-09-30 04:51:00
When the raccoons ate a hole in our roof just before last winter, we were lucky to be able to find a good contractor, using the tried-and-true method of asking our neighbor, who had just had roofing work done, two questions: was the guy any good? and was he affordable?Based on her say-so, we hired our guy, and he did the roof, and it's held up pretty good so far. Unlike our neighbor's roof, which did not hold up, even though it was done by the same guy. I saw her roof having troubles, shingles falling off and more work being done, and I really began to worry -- and I began to realize that maybe asking a neighbor is not the number one way to find a roofing contractor.A much better way to do that is to go to ContractorsUSA,info; through them, you can find a qualified contractor to give you a roof shingles estimate and make sure that you get the work done right based on that estimate.ContractorsUSA.info, right through their website, lets you find a qualified local roofing company...
More About: References , Demand