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Sweetie wouldn't know funny if it ... I'd better not finish that. She read
2009-05-16 18:47:00
Sweetie's Hunk of the Week is Andy Samberg.You/Sweetie know him as: That guy who sings all those funny songs with Justin Timberlake -- and, you know, Justin Timberlake ought to just go ahead and join the cast of Saturday Night Live, shouldn't he?I know him as: The only reason that anyone pays attention to "SNL" anymore. I tried watching it with Sweetie last week because she wanted to see what song Samberg and Justin Timberlake would do, and it was painful. That "Target Girl?" Dumb. And Seth Myers' news jokes went downhill with that Elliott Spitzer skit. I was certain he'd lost a bet with someone and was forced to air that.Thing That Makes You Go Hmmmm About Him: This:Also, he once had filming of a comedy skit interrupted when Kiefer Sutherland saw the skit, which featured a (fake) mugging, and leaped out of his car to try to help the (fake) victim. Honesly!Reason I Tell Myself Sweetie Likes Him: I assumed it was because he's funny. Actual Reason Sweetie Likes Him: And ...
More About: Funny , Read , Finish

Sound investment advice and strategies contained in this post! (Thank me l
2009-05-16 18:40:00
Right now, you don't want to be investing too much in the stock market. Yeah, buy some stocks and bonds for when the market rebounds, but for the meantime, and for short-term money, keep it in banks and make sure that you're always getting the best rate on your savings and CDs.You can do that -- get the best rate-- the easy way: Get in your car every morning, and drive to every bank in a 50, or maybe 60, mile radius around you. At each bank, stop in and find out what their rates are on a variety of money products, then go to the next one. Keep copious notes. By about noon or so you should have hit them all. Then go back over them to make sure the rates have changed. By 5 p.m., you'll know where to put your money and ...... what? Of course that's the easiest way. It's ridiculous to think that... The Internet, you say? Sure, that's good for looking at funny videos of kittens, but how can it help me with?Really? A whole website with online CD rates that lets you compare...
More About: Advice , Investment , Post , Sound , Strategies

Another Morning (From The Cheesecake Truck To The End Of The Line, 4)
2009-05-15 22:00:00
Just before I got married to Sweetie, I made a mixtape to take on our honeymoon road trip to New York. The other day, I found that tape and decided to tell the story of our honeymoon through the songs on that tape. This is part 4. Click here for the table of contents.I got out of the car. It was dark. We were exhausted. I didn't know what to do. Somewhere there was the sound of metal scraping and I heard cars in the distance -- cars that I imagined were heading to nicer hotels in nicer parts of nicer cities.I looked around and made sure that Sweetie locked the door without my having to tell her to lock the door. There were a few people up on the balconies of the second floor that were looking at us. The hotel was set up in a three-fourths square around the parking lot. Three sides of the square were the office and hotel rooms, two levels, the kind of old hotel where the doors open onto a balcony or sidewalk instead of into the interior. The fourth "wall" was the entrance to...
More About: Truck , Morning , Line , Cheesecake

How about this: A supermodel in a swimsuit, saying "You could be kissin' m
2009-05-15 21:47:00
When we were in Florida last year, I couldn't believe that nowhere was there a t-shirt, hat, or other souvenir/tourist-y thing making some kind of pun or play on the name "Kissimmee." I mean, if people can make up 3,300 puns just on the word Nashville (seriously -- check it out yourself if you don't believe me) can't we come up with one great pun or slogan or shirt or poster for the name Kissimmee?I'm just thinking about it because I wrote that earlier post when I got all excited that we might get to go back to Kissimmee this year, thanks to the contest they're having, giving away three weekend getaways for two, and two weeklong-getaways for four (it's not that confusing if you read it aloud) and, having entered myself, I started thinking that we just might get to go back sooner than I thought.Go back to Kissimmee right in the hottest part of Wisconsin's summer, escaping our unbearable humidity to spend a glorious week in Florida's waterparks and pools. They say it's not ...
More About: Swimsuit , Supermodel

Says You!
2009-05-15 21:13:00
I've been remiss in responding to comments and emails so I'm going to hit a bunch of them in a row right away:Lisa Pepin -- frequent commenter/Excellent Writer/pumpkin souffle maker (didn't think I read the archived stuff, did you, Lisa?) has offered up a little piece to help me keep my chin up as I try to get published. She writes:To help in your continuing quest to keep your spirits up as you wait to be published (and to get you to read this book) here is the "Thomas Paine" entry in the 'P' chapter of A.J. Jacobs's book The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World.Paine, ThomasWhen Thomas Paine died, most American papers reprinted an obituary from the New York Citizen that said: "He had lived long, did some good and much harm." Today he's a beloved Revolutionary War hero; back then, the majority thought him a scoundrel.His life had more ups and downs than the upper Ural mountain range. He failed at an impressive number of jobs -- he o...

I go in big for the tourist stuff.
2009-05-15 20:30:00
We went to Florida last year for our family vacation, and it was one of the best vacations ever.Most of the vacation was centered around theme parks -- two in particular: SeaWorld and Gatorland. Between petting sting rays and riding roller coasters and walking through the phenomenal shark exhibit at Seaworld, then watching the gator show and feeding alligators and looking at giant pythons and the other exotic animals at Gatorland, we could have been happy for the whole four days we were there.But we didn't stop at that. We also went to two different malls for Sweetie and the girls so they could shop while me and The Boy and the Babies! bummed around and looked at the stores where you can go surfing IN THE STORE, and we enjoyed the sun and warmth while swimming in the pool at our resort, and we went out to eat three meals a day, and packed in a lot more sightseeing then someone should be able to do in four days.In fact, we ran out of time, because we didn't get to try the golf co...
More About: Stuff , Tourist

You did great with "Hawaiian War Chant," now try this... (Mourning Gnus, 5
2009-05-15 13:34:00
I'm off of work today, but that doesn't slow me down bringing you the Thinking The Lions update! Here's your Mourning Gnus for 5/15/09)Finally, there's a use for the Internet: Ever wondered where the potato in that potato chip you're eating (for breakfast? What's your deal?) came from? Me neither. But Lay's thinks you did, and so they created the Lay's Chip Locator, kind of like an Amber Alert for potato chips. Just take that bag of potato chips, type in your Zip Code, and the first three digits of the product code, and the Hubble Space Telescope will zoom in and shoot a topless photo of Carrie Prejean.Hey, how 'bout that running joke?I kind of thought that being disease-free was already part of the deal (Fort Lauderdale excluded:) To lure tourists back to their pristine beaches, awesome shopping deals, and hidden crushing poverty just outside the tourist cities, Mexico is doing something even more dramatic than expelling Heidi Montag -- resorts there are offering "fl...
More About: Great , Hawaiian , Chant

The more invitations you send out, the more guests. The more guests, the m
2009-05-15 13:25:00
Middle is graduating in less than a month, and that means that the Invitations to her graduation party needed to go out soon. Luckily, I'm on it. I have a note near my desk to go look for invitations sometime next week, if I'm not too busy or distracted. (It doesn't say that on the note; it just says "INVITE." The rest is implied.)It's not like it's a big deal to get them. Sweetie is on me about it because she's not living in the 21st century, like me. Sweetie is still stuck in the Olden Days (2002) when to invite people you had to go to the store, look at the four packs of invitations they had (blank, wedding, balloon, and, for some reason, "starfish," in case you were inviting people to the ocean) and then take those home and write on them and mail them out.Me, I'm living in the Now (2009): When I can go to Storkie.com and create my own invitations. Or holiday cards. Or thank-you notes. Or Announcements. Basically, if I need to send it to someone, I can get it fr...
More About: Guests , Send

"Murder Mystery" Thinks Little Kids Are Worth Helping! (Take A Book For Cha
2009-05-14 19:38:00
Henceforth, the group "Murder Mystery " will be referred to as "The Greatest Band In The History of Ever."Murder Mystery, you'll recall, was asked if they would mind signing a copy of my book so that I could auction it off on eBay and donate the proceeds to Ryan and Angie Shaw. I emailed them that request to their MySpace page the other day.Murder Mystery replied today with this:Hey Briane,Thanks for gettin in touch. Sure, we'll help you out. Send a copy of the book to me here:Adam Fels[the address is only for me!]Cheers,AdamHow cool is that? Plus, Adam (that's Mr. Fels to the rest of you) was all calling me by my first name. We're pals, now. Internet pals. I am Internet pals with a rock star. And not just any rock star -- a member of The Greatest Band in the History of Ever.In short order, I will be sending off a copy of the book, and then I will auction it and the Shaw twins will have a little more money. All thanks to Murder Mystery... say it with me:The Greatest Band In...
More About: Kids , Book , Worth

I really like the piano part in the song. (Mourning Gnus for 5/14/09)
2009-05-14 16:06:00
I got what I wanted for my anniversary. No, not that. I got Chick-O-Stick bites! Now here's your Mourning Gnus for 5/14/09:Commercial Watch: The hottest trend in commercials? People drawing stuff magically. The UPS Whiteboard commercials, beer commericals with "Air Drawing," and now a Zantac ad with a woman magically drawing in the air. What's it all mean? Simply that the people who grew up watching or reading Harold And The Purple Crayon are now (a) running the ad agencies and (b) tapped out for ideas.I, on the other hand, have a great mind for commercials -- just the other day I dramatized one for Sweetie called "Avoid the Waft," about how baby powder could be used to avoid unpleasant odors. (I am so fun to live with...)No, I'm not going to post the topless pictures of her. Even as we speak, astronauts are repairing the Hubble Space Telescope. Teams of astronauts are going to make five spacewalks to fix up the Telescope responsible for finding out how old the Universe...
More About: Song , Piano , Part

Me plus a lamp = hilarious, not secure.
2009-05-14 15:25:00
From time to time, our home security takes what I'll refer to as "kind of a lapse." That is, sometimes, our home isn't secure at all.Take last summer, when our garage door opener broke and we had to manually work the garage door -- which didn't lock. Anyone, for a week or two, could have opened up the garage door, gotten into our garage, and had all day to remove stuff (or pick the lock on the inner door, a lock that's pretty flimsy anyway.)Or the time a few months back when none of the kids could find their key, so their answer was "let's just leave the front door unlocked at all times including 2 a.m. on a Friday night."It's things like that which make me lie awake at night and worry that at some point, I'm going to be trying to watch The Colbert Report and suddenly instead of dozing off to the mellow sounds of conservative japery, I'll be re-enacting a scene from The Hills Have Eyes. And it's things like that (those fears, not that movie) which make me want to use on...
More About: Hilarious , Lamp , Secure

I even know exactly what I'm going to tell my boss: It begins wtih [unprin
2009-05-13 15:27:00
It's my anniversary... and here's the gnus for today:Okay, I get the hint, hold the extra cheese: Massachusetts is going to become the second, or third, or somethingth, state to fight obesity by requiring fast food restaurants to list the calories in your meal... this time at drive-through windows, too. It's a great idea because absent that information, I'd have no idea that this:...could in some way lead to obesity. (That, by the way, is the Carl's Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger -- 1,520 calories of what scientists refer to in technical terms as "deliciousity.")I think states should take the opposite tactic: Post pictures of the foods you want to eat next to elevators, and say stuff like If you take the stairs, you could eat THIS.Just don't take my perfect lottery story: In lottery-winner fake-story updates (remember, when you win the lottery, you have to make up an improbable story about how you came to win the lottery, because it's not enough just to win a lot of money, ...
More About: Boss

Ninety-Four, Part Fourteen: Wherein I Write Some Papers And Mention George
2009-05-12 15:58:00
Everyone has one year in their life that has a greater impact on them than any other year. Mine was 1994. Once a week, I'll recap that year. This is part 14; click here for a table of contents. I did take a class when I was in D.C. We all were required to take one class for credit, and my class had something to do with foreign policy or the foreign service.I don't remember much about the class. I remember the class room -- but maybe I only remember the class room because all class rooms look alike, more or less, don't they? I bet right now you're picturing a class room with a green "blackboard" in the front of it, and wooden desks with wooden chairs smoothed until they feel like plastic, sitting on dull-gray-metal stumps, desks with rounded edges and a little ridge at the top of the front of the desk to hold the pen or pencil you'll use. Desks that open up to put your papers in them.If you did, congratulations -- that's the room I remember my class in D.C. being held in....
More About: Write , George , Part , Papers

No one sings alone: (Mourning Gnus, 5/12/09)
2009-05-12 15:27:00
You're not a star if I've never heard of you: Detroit Mayor Dave Bing, described as an "NBA Star," is the third mayor of Detroit in the past 8 months. These were his qualifications for Mayor as described by a Detroit columnist on April 23:...Bing looks fit, is said to play a mean game of tennis, has no known history of serious illness and has not stumbled badly while campaigning.Setting that bar pretty high, eh, Detroit?Roger Clemens Still Thinks Someone Out There Will Believe Him (Other Than ESPN): As a new book hits the stores delving into allegations about whether Roger Clemens was, in fact, one of the 53,000,000 baseball players to use steroids in the past 20 years, Clemens is taking to the airwaves to defend his name again.Remember that lawsuit Clemens filed to clear his name? Clemens' lawyer, Rusty Hardin, told reporters recently that he wasn't aware of any new developments in that suit. He probably just forgot about how a federal judge dismissed many of the claims, a...
More About: Mourning , Sings

Science, not "science."
2009-05-12 15:18:00
As you know, I follow science closely. Not "science" in quotes -- "science" is the stuff made up by "scientists" who claim there were "velociraptors." I don't follow that, except to make fun of it.No, I follow science, and that's why I got in my Google alerts the CryoCell Press Release announcing that there's been a breakthrough in stem cell research.They've determined that adding menstrual blood cells to umbilical cord blood increases the production of progenitor cells. That's a whole lot of science at once, so I'll boil it down: They can make more cells that grow into mature blood cells, through a process used by CryoCell.This isn't the controversial kind of stem cells you're thinking about; this is umbilical and menstrual blood stem cells, the preservation and storing of which don't pose the same ethical issues other research methods might.Not only are there fewer (or no) ethical issues, but the research has the potential -- and I'm quoting from the press release h...
More About: Science

I'm not sure what I've got here is math. It may be anthropology. (Take A
2009-05-12 13:52:00
I've been trying for two weeks now to get in touch with Gary Lockwood -- who you'll know as "the other guy in 2001: A Space Odyssey." I had figured to contact all three of the stars, but Gary Lockwood has stumped me, mostly because of MySpace.See, the only (easy) way to get in touch with Gary Lockwood is through his Myspace page, which required me to try to remember my old Myspace password. When I couldn't do that, I had to re-log in and then look up Gary again and try to send him a message... but I couldn't because he's "set to away." Whatever that means.So his Myspace page said I could leave him a comment, only to do that you have to be "friends" with someone. I sent a request to friend Gary Lockwood, but he hasn't answered yet.So for now, I'm stymied by Gary Lockwood, and I moved on to the next group on the list: Murder Mystery, the band. They also have a Myspace page, which you can find here. More importantly, they have a song, "Love Astronaut," which I think is am...
More About: Math , Anthropology

Because sometimes I listen to the news on the way into work... (Mourning Gn
2009-05-11 19:03:00
This is a new thing I'm trying out. Bear with me.Mourning Gnus for 5/11/09:Story that shows people don't get it: Them: The Washington Nationals might pay as much as $50 million to sign college pitcher Mark Strasburg. Me: If he's smart, he'll use $40 million of that at least to ensure that the rest of the major league teams sign college-level hitters instead of the pros he'll face otherwise. There are 902 college baseball teams, with 9 starters each, for 8,118 starting college baseball players. Major league rosters have 25 active players, for each of 32 teams -- or 800 players in the majors at any one time. That means that Strasburg will next year be facing the top 9% of baseball players -- not the mediocre college hitters he's compiled a good record with.Betcha Didn't Think Of This Before I Brought It Up: The zoo in which that orangutan escaped had sharpshooters ready with tranquilizer darts in case the orangutan went on a rampage -- to protect the zoo-goers who remain...
More About: News , Work , The News , Listen

Question of the Day: 58
2009-05-11 00:38:00
If you jump up in the air in a spaceship, and just stay free-falling while the spaceship keeps moving in the same direction, eventually would you drift towards the back of the spaceship if you waited long enough?See, if you're standing, say, in a bus, and you jump up, technically you jump up-and-forward -- because the bus and you are traveling forward, so you jump in an arc and land in the same spot on the bus because you're moving forward at the same rate as the bus.But that's for a short jump, when your inertia carries you forward while gravity carries you downward.But say it's a really long jump... like in space. So I'm on the space shuttle, heading towards Jupiter, and it's under full throttle, and I jump up. And stay up. For days, weeks, months, years. The space shuttle continues to accelerate, but I don't, right? Or does the air push me forward?Because I think eventually I'm going to be smushed against the back of the space shuttle.This question occurred to me dur...
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Plus, the Smashing Pumpkins do the "Hokey Pokey." It's Radi-some (That's R
2009-05-11 00:31:00
There's a lot to take care of before you get married. You've got to rent a tuxedo, find a church and a reception hall, hire a DJ (or a band -- but I'd probably go with a DJ, because you're going to get a greater variety of music, plus people really like to do the "Chicken Dance" at weddings, and what band is going to do that well?)(Besides Smashing Pumpkins , of course. They do an awesome "Chicken Dance," but I think they're broken up) and pick out a cake and hire a photographer and the invitations -- don't forget those, and while you're at it, swing by the record store to pick up that "Smashing Pumpkins Greatest Hits CD" to see if that one blogger was lying about how they did a great version of the Chicken Dance) and also the flowers, got to have flowers...It gets so busy that you might just forget the most important thing: The Bride! Just kidding! You've got her -- she's the one that's making you go get all that stuff, and the one who's saying "What are you doing mes...
More About: The Smashing Pumpkins , Pokey

Mom, Thrice Over: (Sunday's Poem, 16)
2009-05-10 13:30:00
Poems About Moms!To My Mother by Christina RossettiTo-day's your natal day;Sweet flowers I bring:Mother, accept, I prayMy offering.And may you happy live,And long us bless;Receiving as you giveGreat happiness._______________________________ _________________________________________ ___Mother Doesn't Want a Dog by Judith ViorstMother doesn't want a dog.Mother says they smell,And never sit when you say sit,Or even when you yell.And when you come home late at nightAnd there is ice and snow,You have to go back out becauseThe dumb dog has to go.Mother doesn't want a dog.Mother says they shed,And always let the strangers inAnd bark at friends instead,And do disgraceful things on rugs,And track mud on the floor,And flop upon your bed at nightAnd snore their doggy snore.Mother doesn't want a dog.She's making a mistake.Because, more than a dog, I thinkShe will not want this snake.___________________________________ ________________________________To My Mother by Robert Louis Ste...
More About: Poem , Thrice

Do they have pie in the World of Warcraft?
2009-05-10 13:23:00
I've never played World of Warcraft , or any online roleplaying game... yet. But now I'm thinking maybe I could do with yet another thing to distract me from actually getting any work done at the office.I'm thinking that because I heard about "BuyMMOAccounts.com," a site that sells 60-day game cards for World Of Warcraft. WoW has 11 million people playing it right now, and almost all of them pay a monthly fee to do that. But with the BuyMMOAccounts.com Game cards, you can pay just $29.99 and get emailed a card to play WoW without paying a monthly fee... setting you above the suckers who are giving in to the Man, and getting your card emailed to you, so no waiting in line (like the Man wants you to). BuyMMOAccounts.com also sells accounts for WoW, which is the real appeal; instead of trying to build up your character the old-fashioned (i.e., boring, long, expensive) way, you can purchase a Level 80 Death Knight and begin with THAT, or get yourself the burning crusade cd key so ...
More About: The World , World of Warcraft

Sweetie's Hunk Of The Week (15)
2009-05-09 14:11:00
Sweetie's Fifteenth Hunk Of The Week is Christopher Meloni!You/Sweetie Know Him As: The intense, brooding, muscular, blue-eyed, handsome, hunky, (these adjectives brought to you by Sweetie) Elliott Stabler on Law & Order: SVU (not to be confused with Law & Order: Still the Original, Still The Best, or Law & Order:The One That Nobody Watches, or Law & Order: Actually, We're a CSI, but Thanks for Thinking of Us)I know him as: Well, that Stabler guy, too, because he's on our TV screens roughly 98% of the time, thanks to DVRs and reruns. He's embedded in my brain. Sometimes I think he's part of the family and say "We can't start dinner until Christopher Meloni gets here."Thing That Makes You Go Hmmm About Him: According to his IMDB sheet, he was a "Cooties Spokesman" on Wonder Showzen.Also, his IMDB sheet begins his "minibiography" with this phrase: With his piercing, blue-eyed glint, brawny looks, cocky "tough guy" stance and effortless charisma, Christopher...

The Garden State Is Calling!
2009-05-09 14:04:00
I read all the time about people going to great lengths to find a job these days. The woman who put up a billboard telling people to hire her. The man who stood outside of Las Vegas with a sign that said "Will Work For Work," people like that.(And that last guy is a little confused, too. "Will Work for Work?" Great. Come on over and mow my lawn. The job is its own reward... literally.)I don't know why they're going to those extremes, when they won't work and when there's a much easier and better way to go about finding a job: Have the New Jersy Chamber of Commerce find one for you. The New Jersey Chamber of Commerce has set up a site to find New Jersey Jobs right online -- matching you with your perfect job in what might be the perfect state.Yeah, you heard me right. New Jersey is "the Garden State " and they mean i9t -- it's got serene, beautiful landscapes, beaches, and you can get to New York City and enjoy access to that without having to, you know, LIVE there. And...
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The Cubs Think Signatures Are More Valuable Than Little Kids' Lives. (Take
2009-05-08 13:27:00
I got the answer from the Chicago Cubs yesterday. Remember, I wanted the Cubs to take a book -- which I'd give them free of charge -- and have some baseball players sign it - -and then give it back to me, at which point I'd auction it off and give the money to Mateo and McHale Shaw to help cover their medical bills.Total cost to the Cubs for that effort? Some ink and a few seconds' of time. The Chicago Cubs are a sports team valued at $448,000,000 dollars, and a team which will pay their players more than $130,500,000 this year alone. So let's see what the Cubs had to say about having a bunch of millionaires sign a book:I suppose I could have offered to send them the pen, too? And maybe driven down there to move the players' arms as they signed, so that there was no cost?Also, do you get the feeling that Mr. Anonymous Community Affairs Department Writer didn't read my letter?UPDATE: When I went to Digg this post, I found this link as one of the similar ones. So the Cubs...
More About: Kids , Lives

Awesome Covers of Already Awesome Songs (1)
2009-05-07 19:02:00
Albert Pla, "Walk On The Wild Side."I love the song Walk On The Wild Side, but I love this song even more -- and it's weird. When I listen to this song, I can't actually remember how the lyrics to Lou Reed's version went.And while I can't remember how the lyrics to the original went while I listen to Albert's version, I can picture me and a dog, maybe a medium-sized dog, walking along a train tracks. Well, I'm walking, and the dog is running and bouncing and jumping, and I'm throwing sticks for it, and we're also walking towards the sunset. Or maybe it's the sunrise. Is that weird? I'm going to go with no, it's not weird.
More About: Songs , Awesome , Covers

Quote of the Day, 27:
2009-05-07 15:45:00
"That's when old guys like us feel the need to take a nap."-- Old guy on elevator, yesterday.Look, can we all agree to just not lump each other in with potentially-insulting comments? I would never dream of going around saying Hey, bald guys like us need to stick together, or Wow, who'd have ever imagined a couple of longtime nose-pickers would both end up in the express lane of the grocery store?But others do that all the time. Like the actual old guy on the elevator yesterday. Riding up to a court hearing (I won!)(Of course!)(But I'd been thinking I was gonna lose!)(So it was cool!) I yawned on the elevator. Then the Actual Old Guy said something about not getting him started yawning, too, and I said "You'd think I'd be more awake at 3 in the afternoon.And that's when he said his little quote, lumping me in as an old guy like us, but I am not an old guy. He was an old guy. He had the old-guy haircut -- balding but trying to grow it long to point out that while he could...
More About: Quote Of The Day , Quote

Coupons can do ANYTHING!
2009-05-07 15:36:00
I get my coupons the old fashioned way-- I take the old ones I've had in a drawer since 1993, scan them into the computer, change the expiration date to something in 2011, and then also put in the fine print the phrase: By accepting this coupon you are agreeing to make the presenter a 98% owner of all stock in your corporation.That's why I'm now the CEO of four different ice cream franchises. Look for "Ben & Jerry & Briane's" Ice Cream to hit the shelves this year.But there's a way easier way to do it, one that doesn't involve facing potential federal indictment. (Try and get me, coppers! I've got enough Chunky Monkey to take you all down.)Simply go to EZCoupons earch.com -- a site that, as it promises right in its name will allow you to... wait for it... do an Easy Coupon Search! Let's say you were shopping for a laptop for Middle's graduation, approaching in about a month, and you wanted to save some money on it but the method you first suggested (taking someon...

The Rum Punch Review: "Chronicles Of The Lensman, Vol. 1" (Part 3)
2009-05-06 17:30:00
Part one of this review is here.Part Two is here. Confused about what a "Rum Punch Review " is? Click here.This is the longest book review ever, I bet, by now.Part of the problem is that I read slowly, and I also get distracted by other things, like trying recently to begin converting all the videos I have of the kids into a DVD with music and such, an endeavor that for various reasons (reasons which are completely unrelated to software pirating) required me to take my office laptop home briefly and then bring it back to work.I read slowly because I only get a chance to read late at night, which works well for pulpy serials like this, but also which means that I have to repeatedly renew the book from the library, too, and we all know my troubles with them (they're still claiming that I haven't returned Baby Galileo even though I paid the fine for it), which then makes me nervous.But it's worth all the trouble, because Chronicles of the Lensman Vol. 1 is good. So good that for a ...
More About: Part , Part 3

Seriously, though, what do you suppose is up with that guy's family?
2009-05-06 17:24:00
True story: About two years ago, Sweetie and I went to a wedding and I was sitting and talking to total strangers (as one does at weddings) while Sweetie minded the Babies!.She came over to me at one point and asked if I would hold Mr Bunches, as she had to go to the bathroom. I agreed and she handed him off, gave me a kiss and headed away.One of the men at the table said "Was that your daughter?"Which was startling because, first, Sweetie had kissed me on the lips, so what kind of family did this guy come from, and second, there is no way that I look at least 16 or more years older than Sweetie.That's what I thought, anyway. Then I looked in the mirror and thought: Oh. Well. I see where he's getting that from.Which is why I'm reading up on the Wrinkle Cream Reviews over at WrinklesErased.com. Attack one problem first, is my motto: Work on the wrinkles, then work on the bags under my eyes, then the gray hair, then the balding, then eventually... well, you get the drift.The c...
More About: Family

Google Waffle Update: zzuf 2-aludoM
2009-05-05 16:00:00
You should definitely keep linking to me with the phrase "sticky waffle sandwich" and let me know about it...Am I second, or third? I can't tell. If I google sticky waffle sandwiches, without quotes, it shows me at third. But if I google "sticky waffle sandwiches" with quotes, then Google tells me that there's no results for the term with quotes... but I'm second.Then, if I reverse it like they would in Australia and New Zealand and google sandwiches waffle sticky, I'm eighth, which I guess means that people in the Southern Hemisphere don't like me, or waffles, or both. I hate to think I've alienated a whole hemisphere when I really meant to only alienate Peru, but there you go.I thought about what might happen if I really reverse it, and google sehciwdnas elffaw ykcits, but then I got scared: What if doing that sets off an anti-matter like reaction that creates a microgoogleblackhole and sucks all the information in the world into it?Then I thought: Screw that! Would ...
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