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Shame On America Sunday: Four Questions To Ask When Someone Asks For Help.
2008-09-28 16:08:00
NOTE: If you read all the way to the end, you will see my bailout plan that will not cost the taxpayers anything and will definitely work. Butyou have to sit through some rhetoric, first.Shame On America Sunday is about contrasts -- about the comparing of two things that exist, side by side in America; the fact that those two things could exist, side-by-side, is why America, the richest greatest proudest country in the history of the world, should be ashamed of itself.Today is no different. Well, today is a little different, because today, I'm starting with the little guy first. Usually, I begin where people's attention is always focused: The rich, the powerful, the famous, the spoiled-brat-kids/Tonight Show hosts who waste money, the selfish greedionaires.I'm going to reverse that today. He owns a house:Here's Michael "J.B." Schaffner of Nocona Texas. "J.B" is a trucker hauling for a small company. Back in May, "J.B." was one of the organizers of a convoy to Washington D...
More About: Questions

7 down, 9,105 to go -- plus how scientists almost blew up the world!
2008-09-23 19:06:00
There was a week or two ago a lot of concern over the start-up of the Large Hadron Collider and whether it would create a massive black hole that would swallow up the earth and we would all be either crushed or transported to a new dimension where we would finally meet V.I.N.CENT and the rest of the crew of the U.S.S. Palomino , which sounds cool except that I think we would also run into Maximillian and Dr. Reinhardt, and they were evil, so it wouldn't be a paradise or anything.As it turns out, we were not swallowed by a black hole-- yet -- but that doesn't mean that the public didn't have reason to fear, given that "scientists" in the 1940s detonated the first atomic bomb despite worrying that doing so might ignite the entire atmosphere and destroy the world. They just went ahead and did that, without even warning us -- so would you expect them to tell you that the world just may be swallowed up by a black hole? Of course not. They're too busy pretending velociraptors exis...
More About: World , The World , Scientists

Nothing Went As It Was Supposed To, and Everything Was Perfect.
2008-09-08 17:12:00
For those of you out there who aren't as experienced or capable as I am, let me give you a simple rule to follow: 99% of life boils down to proving your kids don't like the things they say they like.I devised that rule this last weekend, when I finally won my nearly two-year-old battle with The Boy about whether he likes pepperoni pizza or not. He doesn't like it; I know that, and he knows that but won't admit it. I know he doesn't like pepperoni pizza because nobody over the age of 12 likes pepperoni pizza; pepperoni pizza exists solely for little kids, who eat it because it looks like polka dotted pizza and little kids like polka dots. Grown-ups and big kids don't eat pepperoni pizza because it doesn't taste good.I proved this weekend that The Boy does not actually like pepperoni pizza, despite his insistence that he does actually like pepperoni pizza. I don't know why he's clinging to it like a security blanket, but he is, and it's been my mission in life to prove...
More About: Perfect

Shame On America Sunday: Cindy McCain Edition
2008-09-07 18:37:00
I came to a realization this morning, a realization that cemented my resolve to, every Sunday , highlight one way in which America is letting us down -- allowing some people to live selfish lives at the expense of others, when there is more than enough wealth in America to allow everyone to live a decent life.The realization was this: I subscribe to Newsweek magazine, and read it pretty much cover to cover every week. Despite that, and despite reading our daily paper, and despite listening to news-talk all day at work and watching CNN Headline News while I get ready for work, I had no idea what Barack Obama's health plan was when I wrote the first Shame On America Sunday a few weeks ago. Not through a lack of trying -- like I said, I keep up with the news pretty well. But the news isn't keeping up with the news. The news is focused on things like (from a recent Newsweek) stories about how often Joe Biden says "literally" in his speeches.That's why Shame on America Sunday is n...
More About: Edition

Shame On America Sunday: Housing Edition
2008-08-30 21:43:00
As I said last week, I don't like to get too serious or too political on my blogs. But the people who are supposed to be serious and political and take on weighty issues are too busy debating... nothing. Fiddling while Rome burns. So until America lives up to its promise and takes care of everyone and makes sure that everyone enjoys basic human dignity and comfort, I am devoting every Sunday to Shame On America Sunday. I may have erred slightly in taking on Barack Obama in the first Shame On America Sunday, as people thought it was a political attack. It was not; it was an attack on a rich man who was using money to do rich man things while poor people suffered. My point about Same Ol' Obama is that he spent millions to have a fancy party for his supporters, while people like the Shaws have to pay for medical care for their kids out of their own pockets.I stand by that; if Same Ol' Obama really wanted to make a difference, he'd have invited Ryan and Angie Shaw onto that sta...
More About: Housing , Edition

Brothers In Harms.
2008-08-26 16:27:00
I took this picture this morning on my way into work. Though you can't tell from the picture, the license plate on this car says "PSLM24."Unless the driver was trying to say something about PeaS, I think the plate means "Psalm 24," which says in part (I looked it up):Who shall ascend into the hill of the LORD? or who shall stand in his holy place? He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully.It's lucky for PSLM24 that the Bible says very little about whether or not bad drivers will be ascending into the hill of the LORD, because I snapped this picture after PSLM 24, who was sitting in the bus lane, stuck behind a bus that was letting passengers on, and who, frustrated at that jerked his wheel to the left, squealed his tires, cut off an entire lane of traffic, and gunned his car forward.Apparently, "he that hath clean hands" can use them to more effectively grip the steering wheel when he also hath roadeth rage.Dri...
More About: Brothers

Delicious cookies = My archenemy.
2008-08-26 15:16:00
I've been sort of struggling along with "The Baby Workout" as my weight-loss plan. I lost weight a long time ago the hard way -- a strict diet of mostly salad, and lots and lots and lots and lots of running.Then I got older and a little (a lot) lazy and we had new Babies! that gave me an excuse not to exercise as much and they like cookies, so I give them cookies and have to have a little myself, right? And it all adds up to my pants somehow shrinking in the wash-- they must have shrunk because they're a little tight -- and I try to pick up the pace a little and take the boys to the park to get a little exercise.It's a slow road, though, and I blame the cookies for being so delicious. But what am I supposed to do? I don't want to go on one of those diet plans like Jenny Craig or Weight Watchrs. I'm not sure they're for me and I'm not sure they'll do what they promise to do.There is, though, another option I just heard about: The Fat Loss Guru. I've been reading thei...
More About: Cookies , Delicious

Shame On America Sunday: Barack Obama Edition.
2008-08-24 18:29:00
I try not to be too political or topical or, frankly, angry, on my blogs. I try that in part because there are people whose job it is to be political and topical, people who pay attention to politics and business and other news that in theory qualifies them to talk about politics and business; I mostly pay attention to what's on my iPod and comic books.But I can't help it; I've boiled over and I can't contain it anymore, and the people whose job it is to be political and topical -- the politicians and editorial writers and reporters and other people who are supposed to be doing something good for the world -- are fiddling while Rome burns. They are fretting over flag pins and medal counts at the Olympics while the United States of America , the greatest country ever embodying the greatest concepts of the human race-- slowly rots from the inside.And I can't stand it anymore. I'm tired of just making jokes about mystery writers and pizza while people struggle to pay medical bi...
More About: Barack Obama , Barack , Obama , Sunday

5 down, 8,010 to go
2008-08-22 15:20:00
It's Friday morning. I have an easy day ahead of me. The price of gas dropped. Any day now, they'll start running new episodes of "Battlestar Galactica." And, Mr F has stopped throwing cactus at me.That's the way to end the week. The only thing that could make it better is this song:"Speak To The Sky," By Rick Springfield. Have a great weekend!Down... To Go...is my way of killing time in between longer pieces -- I'm going to eventually list every song on my iPod. Why am I so short on time? Because of my awesome parenting skills -- as recounted in The Egg Salad Incident. Balding: Hope by brianefp Get this custom shirt at ZazzleMy first book of essays is out! Click here to buy Thinking The Lions, And 117* Other Ways To Look At Life (*Give Or Take)Or, click here to find out how you can win a free copy!Do you like stuff? Do you think things are The Best? Then you should be reading The Best Of Everything! Why? Because Our Opinions Are Righter Than Yours! The Best Ols...

He also does a couple of numbers from "Cats."
2008-08-22 03:52:00
A few years back, we took the kids on a brief trip to Chicago. We saw some sights, looked around at things like Soldier Field and the Sears Tower, went to the Art Institute, and finished off the trip with a family trip to watch the touring company of "The Producers."Coming out of it, we all agreed, except The Boy, that it was a great show. The Boy held fast and said that he didn't like those musicals."You liked it," I told him, and he said no, he didn't care for those songs."You'll be singing one of those songs before you even know it," he said. We all walked on and looked for a place to get dinner, but before we'd even reached the end of the block, I heard from off to my left The Boy, softly singing "Springtime... for Hitler, and Germany," and when we called him on it, he was embarrassed.Embarrassing The Boy is pretty much the perfect way to end a really good vacation. Still, like most vacations, it could have been an even greater one. With only a limited time in Chicago, ...
More About: Cats , Couple , Numbers

Thinking The... People Who Move Places From Alaska Ought To Re-Register The
2008-08-21 00:10:00
When I was a kid, we'd go on vacations and play "The Alphabet Game," where you had to find letters of the alphabet, in order, on signs and license plates, and "The License Plate Game," the goal of which was to find all 50 states' licenses on the trip.I know what you're thinking, too, and the answer is, yes, those were the most creative names we could come up with. If we had invented "Monopoly," it would have been called "The Buying Properties Game."There were always two licenses that were the hardest plates to find: Alaska and Hawaii. They were the hardest because, in the case of Hawaii, who drives a car here from Hawaii? Only those people in Bedknobs and Broomsticks, I presume. Or Speed Buggy.In the case of Alaska, the licenses were hard to find because nobody actually has ever lived in Alaska, or if they did, they were eaten by polar bears.Now, though, Alaska plates are not hard to find; I see them all the time driving around town here in Wisconsin, and not the same car, e...
More About: People , Places , Move , The People

You are smart about reading my stuff, but not about money.
2008-08-21 00:09:00
You're not smart about money. Face it. I know I'm not smart about money. I thought I was. I mean, I'm a lawyer and I help people who owe money and help save their houses and sue debt collectors and everything. But I'm not. I'm not smart about money. I know I'm not smart about money because I found out what my Bills IQ was from, appropriately enough, BillsIQ. A "BillsIQ" is a measure of what you really know about money, as opposed to what you think you know. And what I found out is I don't know nearly enough about it.But I'm getting better, and smarter, because of BillsIQ. Thanks to their help and advice and programs, about everything from Debt consolidation to Debt relief-- all kinds of Debt help, really -- I know more now than I ever did about things like Credit card debt and the good and bad ways to Consolidate debt.BillsIQ is good with that stuff, and stuff like Credit counseling or even information about Bankruptcy.Thanks to BillsIQ, I'm more knowledgeable than e...
More About: Reading , Money , Smart , Stuff , My Stuff

Thinking The Lions, and 117* Other Ways To Look At Life (*Give Or Take)
2008-08-18 16:49:00
My first collection of essays,Thinking The Lions , and 117* Other Ways To Look At Life (*Give Or Take)Is available for purchase through Lulu.com; get to it right away by clicking here.To celebrate, and to shamelessly promote it, I'm having a contest. Click that link (or this one), to see the picture on the front cover of the book, and then come up with a caption for the cover photo (Note: The photo on this entry is not the cover photo, so don't try to take the easy way out!)The winner will have their caption promoted on each and every one of my blogs, plus will win a free copy of the book!To submit your caption, leave it as a comment here, or email it to me at"thetroublewithroy[at]yahoo.com"(You know the drill -- put in "@" for the bracketed stuff!)Contest ends August 31!

Has anyone ever stopped to consider that I might be pro-Oxidant?
2008-08-16 05:07:00
As science gets less scientific, food gets moreso. Why? Why does food have to be so... enhanced? And not good enhancements, either.Sweetie and I went grocery shopping last night. On a week like this, that qualified as a high point for us. Sweetie's had an especially rough week of it, beginning with Mr F trying to get out of going for his nap by head-butting her so hard that she almost had to go for stitches. She called me at work to tell me about it, and this is what I heard:"I may neev to vo vor svives."She turned out to be okay, and didn't need to go to the emervenvy room. Having to onlyput ife on her lif was probably the high point of her day, given how the week went. The news was so bad this week that at one point I told Sweetie, quite seriously, that I might have to stop calling home from "work", and then told her, too, also seriously, that I was going to have to have her stop calling me.I wasn't going to stop the calls because I was "busy." Reading Wonderella, blog...

Bottomnotch is a good thing in some circumstances.
2008-08-16 05:00:00
My usual method of getting around these days is on foot, pushing Mr F and Mr Bunches in their stroller; this mode of transportation has all kinds of benefits like... getting to stop to pick up whatever it is they've thrown (like sandals, or their sippy cups, or my cell phone) and like... being really really slow and inefficient.When I'm out pushing them around, trying to make it up the hill without having a stroke, I like to imagine other possible methods of transportation, like maybe driving around in a supercharged hotrod car.I could do that pretty easily -- all I'd have to do is stop by Superchargerpros.com and order the parts I need, like a Nissan Supercharger or any other supercharger for any other make of car I might want. While I'm on the site, I could pick up the other parts I need, since I couldn't find a better source than Superchargerpros.com, what with their topnotch customer service and bottomnotch prices. Yes, I said "bottomnotch." You don't want TOP prices, y...
More About: Good , Thing

Thinking the... Nephew Could Have Come Up With A Better Name Than This.
2008-08-14 18:30:00
Our brother-in-law, who I look up to because as a carpenter, he actually works, whereas I "work," comes from a family of farmers. His family recently bought some new cattle and as a special treat, each of the kids was allowed to name a cow.Their middle kid, who I'll call "The Riddler" because I introduced him to riddles last year and he took to them like a duck to water (or like a Batman villain to Batman villain-ry), promptly named his cow after... Sweetie.We've all tried to convince her that it's probably a compliment -- but at the same time, we've all told her at least it wasn't me, which sort of undercuts our persuasiveness.She may not like how that sounds, but Sweetie may like "How The Day Sounds" Why do you do things? If you want to know the best reason for doing anything ever, read "Now That's A Reason." Punk Rock Pickle:Take That, Salad!bybrianefpGet this custom shirtat ZazzleDo you like sports? Do you like Gisele Bundchen? Do you hate sports blogs, though? Then re...
More About: Thinking

If I'd won the $25, and invested it at a good interest rate, I wouldn't hav
2008-08-14 16:59:00
As kids, we used to go about one time a month to Bingo night at the Church. Churches don't do Bingo anymore; it's all been taken over, I think, by casinos and online gambling and stuff.We loved Bingo night, though. It was a fun time to spend with not just mom and dad, but also aunts and uncles and cousins that came. We could play our own cards, and while the stakes weren't all that high, they were high enough for 10 year olds -- winning $25 as a kid is a lot of money.The final game of the night was always "Blackout," where you had to cover every number on your card. I loved "Blackout," because it was so tense. I'd be 1 or 2 or 3 numbers away from covering the card, and each number that was called out, I could feel everyone in the bingo hall hold their breath, waiting to hear someone yell "Bingo!"Bingo night at church may be a thing of the past, but there's something that's keeping it alive: Disney Bingo on DVD. The Disney ScreenLife DVD Bingo game uses clips from Disney...
More About: Interest , Good , Rate , Interest Rate

4 down, 8,000 to go.
2008-08-14 16:45:00
I've figured it out. I'm counting through songs at the rate of about 1 per week, so I'll finish this in just 15.3 years! Except I keep adding songs to my iPod, too.Today's song is "Off the Ground" by Paul McCartney. I've got this song on my mind today because The Beatles came up in conversation the other day. We were joking about Ringo Starr's appearance on Larry King Live because Ringo was all cranky. (I saw it the "The Soup" -- I'm not old enough to watch Larry King). The Boy said that Ringo shouldn't be so cranky since he's the only living Beatle.I was going to remind The Boy that Paul McCartney is still alive, but then I remembered... Paul is dead! In the whole world, only The Boy was not fooled by the massive publicity campaign put on by the Fake Paul Society.Sometimes I forego the music and spend quality time with the family -- like I did when I went for Sundaes In The Park With Sweetie!Important Mug Important by brianefp Get this custom mug at ZazzleRach...

I still know most of the words to all the songs in "Pete's Dragon."
2008-08-14 16:32:00
One great thing about having little kids again is it gives me a chance to revisit all the great old Disney classics -- and some of the newer Disney classics. I've always loved Disney cartoons and movies, but without little kids, I don't get much of a chance to watch them. Now, though, with the Babies! it's pretty much all Disney, all the time.Which is excellent, because I get to introduce them to my favorites characters and songs, which are, in no particular order:1. The dragon in "Pete's Dragon ."2. Hercules3. Apu the Monkey in Aladdin.4. Song: "Kiss The Girl" from The Little Mermaid.5. Song: "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid.6. Emperor Cuzco7. Kronk.8. Song: "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" from Mary Poppins.9. Wart from The Sword and The Stone.10. Merlin from The Sword and the Stone.and let's not forget the Pixar ones:11. Buzz Lightyear.12. Song "You've Got A Friend In Me" from Toy Story.13. Nemo.14. Hopper from "A Bug's Life." (He's the only vil...
More About: Songs , Words

Thinking The... Science May Be Over, But Lisa Loeb's Still Got It.
2008-08-12 14:55:00
Was it only six short months ago that "scientists" got bored and decided to just start making stuff up again to try to fill the lonely days between research grants? We all remember those heady days when "scientists" got tired of pretending that velociraptors actually existed and instead pretended that planets didn't exist, or did exist, or existed in another dimension, or something. Frankly, I'm still confused by it all. But at least some good came out of all that "science," and that good is that Lisa Loeb really did write that song about how to remember all 417 planets, planetary-sized objects, objectary-sized planets, sizedary-objectified-planets and the rest of the crazy mishmash we call "the solar system" and "scientists" call "that thing we hope they never pay attention to as long as they keep giving us money."The song is called "11 Planets" for some reason; why it's called that is not clear, since there are according to "science" 12 planets and according to "fact" only 9 pl...
More About: Science , Thinking

The Papaya Personality.
2008-08-11 15:36:00
It's hard to cook for a family; everyone has their likes and dislikes, some of which appear to be entirely random. I've many times wondered if the kids decided one day that they needed a personality of some sort, and that the best way to have a personality would be to like or dislike a kind of food.It's easy to create a personality, after all. I've done it lots of times. I invented a new signature for myself when I was 19. I read an article about how people with flourishes and flashy signatures are optimistic, energetic people. I wanted to be optimistic and energetic, too, but that's a lot of work, always being upbeat and doing stuff. So instead of becoming optimistic and energetic and hoping my signature followed suit, I sat down for about a half-hour and worked out a new signature with flourishes and doohickeys and things, and once I had that down, I assumed that the optimism and energy would ultimately result.I also made myself a fidgeter because a long long time ago, I read...
More About: Papaya , Personality

3 down, 7,949 to go.
2008-08-10 17:27:00
A task more daunting than what it takes to become a monk... posting and talking about every song on my iPod...Last night, for about an hour, I played "Box" with Mr F. using the box leftover from a tv we bought to replace their old TV, which broke. When we went out to get the new TV, I mentioned to Sweetie just how different things were now, since when I was a kid, we didn't have our own TV and if we had, our TV breaking would certainly not have been deemed an emergency requiring people to try to go replace it that same night."Box" is a pretty easy game; Mr F stands in the box, and I put things in it, like a beach ball or a plastic firefighter, and he throws them back out because he wants to be the only thing in the box. Then, periodically, I shake the box and yell "Earthquake."I'm saying all that because there's nothing else I've got to associate with today's song, which is "Bobby's Spacesuit" by Cloud Cult. This is also the newest song on my iPod.I can/We CanBuy this shirt he...

Thinking the... cereals stay crispy in milk, but not in your pants.
2008-08-08 15:49:00
This morning, I let Mr Bunches play in our room while I finished getting ready for work. I brought with him the last of his breakfast, a handful of mixed cereals - the really healthy kind, like "S'Mores Cereal" and "Marshmallow Mateys."When it was time to head out, I had to bring him back downstairs, and I've been trying to be a better husband lately; my theory of being a better husband is to try to do the little things (because it's easier than the big things, and less expensive than flowers.) So I made sure that I picked up what was left of his handful of cereals, but then I had no place to put it while I carried him downstairs.So I put it in my pants pocket, and then forgot about it until I got to work and realized that it was all crushed up in there, so now I'm nicely dressed but I smell like Cocoa Puffs.Thinking the... appears in between longer entries. In the past, I've been Thinking The ... The Hold Steady's Citrus, and it made me all angsty but hopeful; when I've had ...
More About: Pants , Milk , Cereals , Stay

A lot of living but not much of a life.
2008-08-08 15:39:00
Mindful Living TV has arrived and is ready to help you experience your life, not just get through it.Lives today are hectic: we drive, we email, we talk on cell phones, we grocery shop garden give the babies a bath help with homework fill up the gas tank call our mortgage lender brush our teeth set up the new DVD player shop for birthday presents stop off for water softener salt make a few phone calls before leaving the office... your life is probably a lot like mine; the details may differ but the gist is the same. With all that going on, we do a lot of living but have very little life.Mindful Living TV is going to change that. Life style expert Dr. Kathleen Hall created the Mindful Living Network to teach people how top ay attention to their life, and has set up a website to promote that approach and features innovative, creative shows that will teach anyone who wants to know how to live happily and healthily and balance all the competing factors in their life.They've got inform...

TV Shows I'll Write Someday (#2)
2008-08-06 17:02:00
This is going to be a colossal hit: Judge Mommy: A stern but loving judge presides over a real courtroom where real disputes between real children are presented by the kids themselves. Who really had the skateboard first? Who called shotgun just before they got into the car? Who's a giant stinkwad? Let Judge Mommy Decide!Will "Judge Mommy" be bigger than Celebrity Court? We'll see. The Boy sings instrumentals in the shower? Really?Great Mistakes:Great Mistakes In History: Letting Favre Go.bybrianefpDesign Customized Shirts At zazzle.comDo you like sports? Do you like Gisele Bundchen? Do you hate sports blogs, though? Then read Nonsportsmanlike Conduct! -- the sports blog for people who love sports but hate sports blogs.
More About: Write

Two Down, 7,939 To Go.
2008-08-04 16:42:00
Part two of my continuing series to countdown every song on my iPod, a task as Sisyphean as, well, Sisyphus'. Or Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged's job. Today, it's "Bittersweet Samba," by Herb Alpert & His Tijuana Brass. I like to put this on while I cook dinner on Saturdays, and pretend it's the 60s again and we're all going to sit down to a hearty dinner eaten off plates that, although we don't know it, are radioactive. Plus, shag carpet!Here's the thing, too: I like Herb Alpert because my dad used to listen to his Herb Alpert records on our old hi-fi. So, kids, be careful: You never know what aspects of your parents are going to sink in. I missed out on "hard working" and "good with tools," but I got "likes Herb Alpert."I pass on my own skills to my own kids -- like gambling; read about that here. Jim FallsJim Falls, WIbybrianefpGet this custom shirtat Zazzle Rachel's not sure where she came from or what she's supposed to do, unless she really is trying to take ...

Still, if you do have a van, just call me.
2008-08-03 19:27:00
I'm moving a couple of my blogs to custom domain names. But don't worry, it's not like I'm going to ask you to come and carry some of my stuff up and down steps (unless you have a van. Do you have a van? Never mind.) But, you should update your bookmarks & links & stuff. So here's the scoop:Thinking The Lions, the blog where you can find out why I'm like a superhero and be privy to how I solved The Monty Hall Problem when so-called smart people couldn't, and how hard it is to buy a refrigerator, will be located at http://www.thinkingthelions.com/.Nonsport smanlike Conduct! -- the sports blog for people who love sports but hate sports blogs -- will continue The Boy's Power Ranking Countdown To Football Season, and adding to The Hall Of Whiny Brats Who Insult Humanity, at http://www.nonsportsman.blogspot.com/.And the website that proves that the scariest things, you can't imagine -- AfterDark-- will keep telling you about creatures like Temporary Anne, the woman who es...
More About: Call

Now, I can list "Superhero" on my resume, too.
2008-07-31 15:36:00
I'm sitting here today, ready to start "working," and I am as cool as a cucumber. Looking at me, you would not know that I was personally involved in a bomb scare the other day, a bomb scare that showed my calm, brave, heroic side to good effect.I am, in short, like Batman, if Batman fought crime by not noticing it until he's on his way home from work, and only then learning about the crime because he was slow in plugging in his iPod to listen to the song "Convoy" because that's the kind of mood Batman was in that day.It all took place on Tuesday. I, according to my resume, "work" as a lawyer during the day. That meant that on Tuesday, I was (heroically) forced to stop blogging, reading celebrity gossip, and trying to fix Sweetie's cell phone in order to go to court for a case.I was (heroically) fixing Sweetie's cell phone while at "work" because I never have time to fix it at home, where most of my time is taken up, these day, with picking up pink Post-It notes. On Sweetie's ...
More About: Resume , List , Superhero

Thinking The... The Archies' Lawyer Should Have A Word With Those Def Leppa
2008-07-30 17:32:00
Want to know a fun way to irritate people who like music? Refer to every single music group or singer as "The... [insert name][s]." Like when you're talking to your kids, make sure you say things like "I like that group, 'The Fall Out Boys'." It works with parents, too: "You know who was good? The Elvis Presleys."I'm thinking about that because I noticed this weekend, while listening to my iPod during grocery shopping that The Def Leppards may have borrowed a bit from The The Archies:"Pour your sugar on me, baby!" Sing it, The The Archies. Now, here's your slightly-harder rocking version:If you're wondering what kind of music collection includes both The The Archies and The Def Leppards, it's the kind of music collection I have, one that also includes the complete CD of Baby Einstein music.Thinking The... is a short entry to kill time between larger entries. Got a little time? Read when I was Thinking The... Sandwich I Wanted Really Would Have Been Better. Got a little more t...
More About: Lawyer , Word

Thinking The... Entertainment Weekly editors should just acknowledge they a
2008-07-28 15:20:00
I am the most earth-shatteringly popular cultural force in America, or at least one of the top 10 such cultural forces; I probably have to share the limelight with Stephen Colbert and that one guy who breakdances in that Dirty Vegas Video.No matter who's up there with me, I am still a man to be reckoned with when it comes to pop culture, because 8 days ago, while I was sitting around mooning over my would-be spaghetti sandwich, I posted this video for Why Do You Let Me Stay Here by "She & Him."Then, this past weekend, I was trying to read what was left of my Entertainment Weekly after Mr F and Mr Bunches got hold of it and ripped out most of the pages I was intending to read, and I see that the video for Why Do You Let Me Stay Here has made "The Must List," the list of things you "must" do.It doesn't stop there: Obviously, "She & Him" are also fans of mine, judging by their gratuitous use of the ampersand, which I first popularized on this t-shirt:Ampersand(and which you c...
More About: Editors , Entertainment Weekly , Thinking