Shimrit Elisar's Online Dating Blog

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Please help my friend
2008-02-10 23:52:00
A very close friend of mine has been wrongfully arrested and detained in Dubai since the 26th of January. So far, without being officially charged. 31-year-old Cat Le-Huy, Head of Technology at Endemol UK, was detained and arrested during a tourist visit to Dubai for carrying melatonin, an over-the-counter jet lag aid. Though once in ...
More About: Misc , Friend

Do the work, get results
2007-12-11 09:26:00
One problem that occured to me after writing the online dating guide was that it's much easier to read a book and make yourself come across positive and well-adjusted online than it is to actually be positive and well-adjusted. One of the things I like about online dating is that it's generally pretty easy to spot the weirdos a mile off because their profiles just scream "watch out!". I'd hate to think people were using my book as a beard to make themselves come across different from who they actually are. This would be of no help to anyone.
More About: Work , Results

Who should pay for the first date?
2007-10-30 14:20:00
This morning I had the dubious pleasure of having to wake up much earlier than normal to be interviewed on the radio. The matter at hand was the age old question: who should pay for the meal when dating? I followed a bitter-sounding man who said women should pay for their half because "men end up paying for everything once they are married". The presenter asked me whether I thought the matter of who pays for the meal at the beginning can be an indication of how things will pan out during the rest of the relationship. I said yes and that if a man is problematic about paying for a date with a woman at the beginning of the relationship, it does not bode well, although many women prefer to split the bill to avoid feeling indebted to a man they have only started seeing.

The best online dating site
2007-10-17 23:12:00
One question I keep getting asked is “what is the best dating site?” The short answer is, of course: there is no such thing. Where is the best place to meet the love of your life? Ask any person who’s happily married and they’ll tell you the place where they met their husband/wife. This could be a particular club, the supermarket, the chess club, a resort in Ibiza, or practically anywhere else in the world. If you went to the same place as person X, would you meet the love of your life too? Who knows? There is absolutely no guarantee. All we have going for us are statistics: increasing our chances of success. Sure, you may well meet the love of your life on the bus or on the beach, but you are far more likely to meet him/her somewhere a bit less random. While miracles obviously do happen, you can’t live your whole life sitting at home, passively waiting for one to happen for you. So the first step is to put yourself out there, go out, date online, et...
More About: Dating , Online Dating , Site , Online , Dati

Your dating profile: don’t assume prior knowledge
2007-10-16 20:12:00
This may seem obvious, I know from my own experience how hard it is sometimes to forget that you are writing to an audience that may not know anything about the subject you are writing about. I’ve seen quite a lot of profiles where people seem to almost write in code. They seem to almost be writing for themselves without clatrifying potentially ambiguous points. When you are writing about yourself, then you are writing about a subjet you know a lot about, so it’s easy to forget to fill in the details you think are pretty obvious. While sometimes it’s OK to not over-elaborate (If you’re into house music, for example, there’s no need to spend lines upon lines explaining what type of music that is) some things may require a bit more detail to be properly understood. Saying you are into “travel” or “dancing”, for example, would not make you stand out from the crowd and will definitely not tell your readers that much about yo...
More About: Dating , Profile , Knowledge , Dati , Assume

Just realised I haven’t written anything in a while
2007-10-08 13:15:00
You know you’re working too hard when you have to take a break from your own blog. Normal service will resume shortly.
More About: Haven , Written

Why the story of The Little Mermaid should be taught to every single child
2007-09-12 10:31:00
(No. Not the horrible Disney version. The original version: Andersen’s at a push, but he probably ripped it off from a cautionary tale mothers used to tell their daughters before bedtime. Andersen’s version is on Wikipedia, complete with a fairly Christian spin.) In my recent column for Gorgeous Dating I wrote about the Seinfeld Dating Syndrome and how people often subconsciously turn insignificant faults into deal-breakers and ruin their own chances of happiness. To compare and contrast, I briefly touched upon the subject of how we are often willing to sacrifice our own happiness for the illusion that a bad relationship with an inconsiderate person could turn around and be a “happily ever after” affair after all. Surprisingly (or not!) it’s often those people we find “perfect” who end up mistreating us again and again. We put up with it without saying anything, like the little mermaid who swapped her voice for legs and hurt every time...
More About: Story , Child , The Story , Single , Tory

Dating site age verification gone wrong
2007-08-30 17:57:00
Here’s a seemingly rather shocking case: an American man dating on a sex site met up and slept with a girl whose profile said she was 18, only to discover later (when police surrounded his house) that he’d slept with a 14 year old girl. Said guy sued said site for damages and lost, which I’m sure will warm the heart of every site owner out there. I know from experience how hard (read: impossible) it is to prevent people from lying about their age on sites. The girl would have had to borrow her parents’ credit card to sign up to the site, as well as lie about her age. If someone is willing to lie and steal to place a profile on your site, there is very little you can do, unless you start doing serious background checks (and those have already been proven to be somewhat pointless). It’s usually much easier to tell in person whether someone is 14 or 18. While I feel sorry for the guy and don’t think he should have necessarily received such a ...
More About: Dating , Site , Verification , Wrong , Dati

What we can learn from dancing
2007-08-19 17:16:00
Last week, I went to a tango class for the first time in a while. It was a new class with an entirely new crowd of people I’d never danced with before. having danced with about 10 different guys throughout the class, I was suddenly struck by how much can be learnt about people from this type of physical, non-sexual interaction. Couples’ dances are a form of conversation. There is a leader and a follower, it requires clarity and attentiveness on both parts to create a flow of movement and create something beautiful together. I can’t think of a better metaphor for relationships. In fact, I am pretty certain you can learn a lot about the way people are in their relationships by observing the way they interact with each other while dancing. Some guys were very musical, but didn’t know how to lead. Others were very confident, but weren’t paying any attention to the music whatsoever. Some guys were attentive, while others kept stepping on my toes. Some a...
More About: Dancing , Learn

Online dating sites - they’re not all the same
2007-08-19 09:40:00
I run into a lot of people who tell me they tried online dating and it didn’t work for them. When I ask for more details and get the full story, it usually turns out they’d tried one dating site and when it didn’t meet their expectations assumed all dating sites are the same and quit trying altogether. In my opinion, you’ve not really given online dating a proper chance until you’ve looked at 5-10 sites and properly tried (as in, signed up for the free account, ran a detailed search and maybe even joined the free trial) at least 2-3. There are literally thousands of sites out there and while there are things that are bound to be similar, there’s also plenty of differences in everything from features to audience. a Ford Fiesta and an Audi TT are both cars: they both have wheels and seats, etc. but driving one would not necessarily tell you all there is to know about driving the other. If it’s driving itself you don’t enjoy, the diff...
More About: Dating , Online Dating , Sites , Online , Dati

Shimrit on BBC world news
2007-08-13 19:24:00
Super-short notice but I will be on BBC World News ’ “The world today” at about 7pm UK time, which is in about half an hour or so. I will be commenting on this news story: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6 943616.stm
More About: World News

Online Dating Blog Carnival - August 8, 2007
2007-08-08 11:30:00
Welcome to the August 8, 2007 edition of online dating blog carnival. When I decided to experiment with the whole blog carnival thing last month, I wasn’t sure exactly what was going to happen. There didn’t seem to be much interest to begin with, making me think that maybe the whole thing was a waste of time. Luckily, after the rather modest beginning in July (thanks to all those that contributed!) it seems things are starting to pick up for this carnival. This month sees a broader range of topics covered with an interesting choice of topics. So here we go… Dating & relationship tips or advice Laura Young presents It’s Never the Answer Anyone Wants to Hear posted at Dragon Slayer, saying, “She was second and third guessing every step she was taking in her new relationship because she didn’t want to get burned yet again. “How do I control these thoughts?” she wondered, exasperated and desperately wanting to just “fig...
More About: Carnival , Online Dating , Blog , Online

Question: How do I find advertisers for my new dating site?
2007-08-07 13:44:00
Advertising can be an important source of revenue and, for free sites, the only source of revenue. We all know about Markus and his plentyoffish Adwords empire (we do, don’t we?) but we also know that things are usually not as straightforward as that. Placing Adwords on your dating site can seem like the easiest answer, but it’s not always the best one. There can well be better options on both big and small sites. New sites with a little amount of traffic have a harder time trying to sell advertising, as most advertising networks would require a minimum amount of monthly impressions before taking on a site. There are a few ways of getting started with advertising. Tenancy If you don’t have a lot of traffic, then view and click based advertising may not be the best thing for you. Your best bet is to try and get small sums of money from people in return for displaying their ad on the site for a set period of time. This works like a newspaper or magazine ad, whi...
More About: Question , Dating , Advertisers , Site , Find

Buy my book - get some awesome gifts
2007-08-06 11:20:00
I teamed up with Topdreamdates.com and Gorgeousdating.com for a prize giveaway. We’re giving away some Green&Black’s gift boxes and tickets to Amora London. If you live in the UK and are over 18, it’s worth taking a look. For the full details, visit: http://www.gorgeousdating.com/?region=19& amp;article=5602
More About: Gifts , Awesome , Book , Some

Is online dating killing romance? Going beyond dating sites
2007-08-05 12:15:00
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been in and out of London, enjoying the Great British Festival scene. As a result, I’ve had a chance to speak to a lot of new people from all over the country about “the whole online dating thing”. I had a number of very interesting conversations with people who all raised the same problem they have with online dating. They all felt that dating sites made the whole process of introduction seem too much like a job application, making it unromantic. They all preferred the old method of going out there and running into people by chance, trusting their heart (or “fate”) to make the right decision for them. I know online dating professionals often like to talk about how superior the online method is to traditional dating exactly because of the fact that it’s focused and involves making decisions with your head first and then the heart, but personally I feel that this is a matter of personal preference. Some peop...
More About: Dating , Online Dating , Sites , Romance , Online

Writing a good personal description
2007-07-26 16:35:00
If you are not used to writing about yourself (which, let’s face it, most people aren’t), the thought of writing a personal description can be pretty scary. What I’ve discovered, though, is that there is no need to be a professional or even a particularly skilled writer to come up with a personal description that would make people want to get to know you. After all, you want your profile to be a good representation of who you are, not a novel or an epic poem. Some of the best profiles I’ve seen in the line of my work were written by people who were obviously not professional writers but had simply sat down and written from the heart. Rather than think too hard and try to be overly clever, there are a few simple things you can do that can make your personality show through. Externalise Self-promotion can be a right pain. We’ve all been there: you don’t want to sound arrogant, but you don’t want to come across as a loser either, so w...
More About: Personal , Writing , Good , Persona , Sona

Away again
2007-07-26 14:15:00
I have decided to take a break from my 7-day weeks over the last few weeks and have actually been getting out of London a bit and trying to enjoy “summer”. This weekend I will be out of town and away from phones/emails until Monday at the very earliest.

Online Dating Blog Carnival #1
2007-07-16 11:18:00
Welcome to the July 16, 2007 edition of the Online Dating Blog Carnival . After some unexpected downtime, this edition (which happens to be the first) is finally happening. I’ve had an interesting range of submissions and tried to keep the content fairly diverse. Here is what people have come up with. Dating & relationship tips or advice FitBuff presents 4 Reasons Why She Doesn’t Call You Back posted at FitBuff.com’s Total Mind and Body Fitness Blog, saying, “Next day. She still hasn’t called back. She must be busy, right? Probably hasn’t checked her voicemail yet. Day 3: Still nothing. But, she gave me her real number, so I know she likes me, and she’ll call back! Day 4, 5, 6: (crickets chirping)” Conan Stevens presents Tall Guys And Relationships / Finding a Girlfriend posted at Conan Stevens Online. edithyeung presents >The 7 Rules of Networking Made Easy posted at Edith Yeung.Com: Dream. Think. Act.. Th...
More About: Online Dating

Good morning Humberside!
2007-07-03 21:25:00
My interview has finally been rescheduled. I will be on BBC Radio Humberside tomorrow at 9.40am UK time. Am still unclear as to exactly what they want to talk about, but I am guessing it’s something to do with online dating and the book
More About: Morning , Good , Good Morning

Online Dating Tips: Beware of feature madness
2007-07-02 18:38:00
There is a huge difference between dating sites in terms of the features they offer. Some are pretty basic, while others offer a whole array of impressive-sounding features like video-chat, automatic matching, gift-giving, etc. The important thing to remember when choosing a site, is that the most important thing the site could ever offer you is the person you will fall in love with. The people dating on the site are the most important feature and should come above all else. When assessing a site to see whether it’s worth your money, think about which features are likely to be really useful to you, rather than be blinded by shiny shiny offers. I know too many people who buy mobile phones for their slick design and impressive hi-tech features (like video downloads) and end up disappointed because their phone sounds completely crap and keeps dropping calls. Always remember what made you join a dating site in the first place and start your assessment by checking out the pe...
More About: Dating Tips , Dating , Online Dating , Tips , Feature

Online dating tip: Are you still wasting your time with ice breakers?
2007-07-01 16:50:00
Most online dating sites offer some feature or other meant to make contacting people “easier”. The generic term for these is icebreakers and they are known on individual sites as winks, pokes, kisses, flirts, etc. These features are generally free to use, making them the preferred method of communication by people who have not yet decided whether they want to subscribe to a site. They are also favoured by people who want to contact as many people as possible without putting any actual effort into it. Is it worth it? You can probably guess from the title of this page that I think they are pretty much a waste of time. Here’s why: Being a woman and having to occasionally walk down a street or two, I sometimes come across those lovely guys who think that women like to be wooed by the sound of wolf-whistles, animal noises (what’s with that?) and various cries of “hey sexy”. I don’t. In fact, I generally end up lecturing said guys and shaming...
More About: Dating , Online Dating , Time , Online , Breakers

Are you setting your standards too high?
2007-06-26 10:13:00
When meeting people in real life, it’s possible to be wowed by a person, even though on paper he or she would have looked not quite right for us. Online, on the other hand, we often only meet people based on a very specific set of characteristics. A woman might think she is only interested in meeting men 6′ tall or taller, but if she ran into a 5′11″ man at a bar, she might not even notice. A man may think he only wants to meet a woman under the age of 35, but what if the perfect 36 year old came along? I don’t know a single person who never deviated from his or her supposed ideal at least once. The fact is, when the right person comes along, you can suddenly realise that the things that really matter to you are totally different from those you thought mattered. Unfortunately, the limitations of the online dating world mean that you could easily become a slave of your limiting ideal, to the point where you are completely blocked to the possibil...
More About: Standards , High , Stand

My interview is cancelled today
2007-06-26 10:09:00
Seeing as most of the north of England is covered in water. It will apparently be rescheduled.
More About: Interview , Today , Ancel

Introducing the Online Dating Blog Carnival
2007-06-23 22:13:00
I’ve just joined Blog Carnival and I am setting up an online dating carnival. Blog carnivals are blog-hosted columns that collect expert-written articles on a particular topic. Sort of like a little news aggregator hosted on a blog. I am giving it a go to see if it turns into anything interesting. I have no idea if anyone ever looks at the thing. If you have a blog that’s to do with online dating in any way, feel free to read all about blog carnivals and submit your own posts to be included in mine. The first edition of this will be posted on July 1st, assuming I get enough posts to include. Otherwise, I’ll just extend the deadline If it looks like it’s going to get any interest, I’ll move this stuff to its own page. Seeing as I can’t seem to be able to put the widget on this blog for now, please email any links to info@onlinedatingbook.co.uk
More About: Dating , Online Dating , Online

Creating effective banner ads for dating sites
2007-06-23 19:51:00
If you own a dating site and want to run an ad campaign that will get you actual, immediate results (i.e. people signing up to your site) as opposed to branding, you’re far better off running an ad campaign online rather than offline. Online, the people you are trying to sell your services to are only a few clicks away from your site and everything is trackable, allowing you to see exactly how your campaign is performing. Online banners are interactive, giving you more options to play with compared to , say, a newspaper ad. This is not always good, though, as it seems to make some advertisers and designers lose their heads and forget the whole purpose of this exercise (i.e. getting people to sign up to the site). Manyof the world’s biggest dating sites got big not because of branding but because of direct marketing campaigns designed to bring in as many customers as possible. Direct marketing is everything branding isn’t and people who come from one discipline ...
More About: Dating , Sites , Creating , Banner , Effective

Radio Appearances & latest book news
2007-06-23 02:31:00
I was on U105 in Belfast this Tuesday on the lunchtime show, which was cool. My mom listened in from Israel via their website and I was being interviewed from my bedroom in London (it’s the most quiet room in the house). I felt very 21st century. We talked about the book, online dating safety, how it can help people’s love lives: all the usual stuff. Next week I will be on a late morning show on BBC Radio Humberside on Tuesday and possibly on BBC Coventry & Warwickshire as well. Things are slowly starting to pick up. The book is selling and seems to be picking up on Amazon. It’s all getting quite exciting
More About: News , Book , Appearances , Late

When worlds collide
2007-06-23 02:13:00
I don’t normally pick up on other people’s press releases when they’re advertising new sites unless I have a specific point to make about their workmanship (see earlier post), but this one made me laugh so much when I saw the headline in Google News, I had to blog it: Free Online Poker & Dating Site Goes Live Poker-Online-Dating.com is on the air Poker-Online-Dating (www.Poker-Online-Dating.com) launches its new and exciting free dating site for online poker players. It matches poker players together from around the world who are looking for true love. Our site provides a safe environment where people of similar interests and hobbies can meet. Imagine meeting someone online who loves playing poker as much as you. You can discuss the latest poker tournaments you’ve entered, your best poker hands, or your highest winnings without boring your date. Even better, your date understands you! (and the rest) Of all the niche fusion ideas in the world t...
More About: Worlds , Coll

Dodgy press releases (again)
2007-06-16 22:55:00
There is a fine line between creating a newsworthy, attention-grabbing publicity pieces and making your press release seem too unlikely to be true. Dating, love, sex, relationships: they are all hot topics that can forever be used to get journalists interested. We all know that many tabloids don’t bother checking their facts, but even the laziests, greediest journos have their limits. Here’s an example of a pretty dodgy press release. I got excited when I saw this headline: Half of Brits try online dating I started reading the full article: More Brits than ever are turning to the internet to find love, new research has revealed. Fifty-three per cent of Brits admit to registering on an average of two dating websites and 83 per cent have been on a dating site at some point. This is big, big news, n’est pas? This seemed like a juicy piece for me to comment about, until, somewhere down the line, the standard press release structure came through. Turns out t...
More About: Press , Press Releases , Lease , Ease

Why is this (Google) news?
2007-05-29 01:27:00
My usual scan of Googl e news brought up an article telling marketers why they should consider advertising on dating sites. Online dating is an incredibly fast-growing segment of the Internet. Dating sites received more than 2 million unique visitors from the Nordic countries of Denmark, Finland, Norway and Sweden in Q1 alone. But, is that a good enough reason to advertise within dating sites? Yes. If the ad is targeted correctly. Well duh! I’ve never heard of that site, so it might tbe one of those sites that group weak content around adverts, but come on. I mean, I know some agencies have a hard time getting the idea into their heads that dating sites are good for brand association, because I’ve worked with some agencies that were meant to sell ads on our sites and just never bothered to actually try to sell the space. I also know that because of the long session times and the fact that there are a lot of page views per unique visitors then the amount of money ...
More About: News , Google News

Offseting: not just for carbon anymore!
2007-05-27 19:35:00
Introducing: CheatNeutral : Jealousy and heartbreak are a natural part of modern life. And sometimes, no matter how hard we try, it’s just not possible to be faithful. At Cheatneutral, we believe that we should all try to reduce the amount we cheat on our partners, but we also realise that fidelity isn’t always possible. That’s why we help you neutralise your cheating. Your actions are offset by a global network of fidelity, developed by us. By paying Cheatneutral, you’re funding monogamy-boosting offset projects - we simply invest the money you give us in monogamous, faithful or just plain single people, to encourage them to stay that way. Will all the married guys lurking on dating sites please give generously and help make our world a better place! OK, so it’s actually a joke to make a statement about how carbon offsetting is a joke, but I still love it (Thanks to Roy for this one)
More About: Carbon , Offset , SETI , Carb