Johnny Oops

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My Plane Ride From Hell
2007-08-28 14:17:00
Here I am negotiating for the safety of a planeload of people with a Sheikh named Abdul Rehilla, a member of a radical Indian Sect who had been involved in a train bombing in Mumbai, India, which killed, and wounded hundreds of Indians.Abdul told me, we soon became fast friends on a first name basis, that he was really a nice guy, but was protesting his Sect being discriminated against, and didn’t know why his ultra-conservative religious Sect had developed a reputation as an aggressive and barbaric terrorist organization. I told him not to worry, that I had the answer to his Sect’s problems, and it didn’t involve crashing a plane by opening the door at thirty thousand feet.I then spent the remaining two and one half hours of our flight trying to get Abdul to get his people to admit to the error of their ways and adopt my religion, Dialectic Materialism, and to get him to take his hand off the plane door handle. I told him how if his people would start to make commerce and acq...
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Startling New Evidence That Johnny Oops Is Real
2007-08-27 14:06:00
I’ve heard the buzz lately that I’m not real. Just because I’m a fictional character in a novel called Johnny Oops doesn’t mean that I’m not real. The truth is that I am as real as you can conceive of me as being. I admit that there are times when even I question if everything that is happening to me is real, but isn’t this true of every one. Don’t we all question our identity? Don’t we all wonder at certain times if what is happening to us is real?I think that’s why I spend so much time chasing after woman and having sex. I presume that is my subconscious mind trying to prove to me that I am real: that I’m a real man, that my attempts to become a prophet and have my own religion are not surreal.Enough of these self doubts, I’m real and that’s the end of the discussion. I am just a genius who was put on this earth to deliver the ‘word’. I am the messenger. You better listen to what I have to say if you want redemption and salvation; that’s what I tell m...
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Johnny Oops – On Sins And Sex
2007-08-25 15:24:00
The next day I took Paula with me to all my meetings. I had called downstairs to the hotel dress store and ordered her an all white outfit with flat white sandals. It was too short on her. I tried to get her to slouch so she wouldn’t look taller than me, but my Paula didn’t know the meaning of the word slouch. I wore a white suit with the highest heeled shoes I had with me, which happened to be a pair of purple alligator cowboy boots. They didn’t go with the outfit. It didn’t matter. I am crazy about her. I plan on being absolutely faithful to her as long as I am in California.I guess I should take a minute and confess to you that I am a sinner. Yes that’s right, your good-looking guru is a sinner. I come from a long line of drunks, druggies, and womanizers. What can I do? That’s how it was written. But I do have good intentions as long as it doesn’t interfere with my partying and having fun, and I am scrupulously religious where my own religion, Dialectic Materialism,...
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Johnny Oops – In Flight
2007-08-24 14:02:00
I hate flying. I secretly hope that when I reach a certain state in my immortal development that I will be able to fly without a plane, but for now I have to suffer the same curse that mere mortals do of waiting at airports if I want to get where I am going, assuming I know where that is.I was greeted at the airport in Fair Lakes, California by about forty members of my flock. I preach a religion, which I have named Dialectic Materialism. It proposes a rational belief in God based on fear, greed, and the desire to have a lot of money. Most of my flock are young, beautiful, and rich. They are blessed by having me to lead them, and wait with great anticipation for my ‘words’. They also contribute generously to me and my cause. The money keeps rolling in. Isn’t it wonderful? Sometimes I think I am a walking miracle. Just wait until I can fly, then everyone will recognize my virtue.Once again I find myself distracted by a tall blond in the group at the airport that seems to hang o...
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Johnny Oops – Getting Started
2007-08-23 19:53:00
The strangest thing just happened to me. I started out hating girls, and then I thought I loved one. Then I discovered that I liked women in general, but was never really deeply emotionally involved with any of them. Now I have met this tall redhead that makes me freeze up the moment I see her, and get passionate the second I smell her. My urges are so compelling, so arousing; I worry that I can’t keep my hands off her when we are just walking down the street to my local coffee shop. It’s like climaxing before you have sex.I could tell you that what I really like about her is her mind, not her body, but I am a messenger and my ‘word’ is sacred. I cannot lie. What drives me crazy about her is that I know she is completely and totally mine. She will do anything I want at any time of the day or night. The trouble is I do not know what to ask her for. I am not used to having a woman give me everything I want without asking. The trouble is I have discovered I do not really know w...
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Johnny Oops – In The Beginning
2007-08-23 14:27:00
Are you wondering how you got here, don’t worry, so am I. I guess the fine hand of my author has his presence branded in my mind, but I don’t care because it is my imagination that is going to take us where we are going.I am not about to tell you too much about my character in my novel, because I don’t want you to know too much about it until it is published. All I remember is that I started off as a gangly twelve year old boy who kept banging into things, thus the nickname Oops, and spent way to much time in the bathroom doing what twelve year old boys do until I grew up and became a womanizer. I will leave the rest to your imagination. You do have one, don’t you? You do know what I’m talking about, don’t you?Do any of you really know what you are doing or where you are going? I don’t have a clue until I start to write. Then the path well trodden in my imagination takes hold of me and I am propelled into a new reality that constantly changes with different hues of emo...
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I'm Johnny Oops
2007-08-23 00:35:00
Hi, I'm Johnny Opps and I'm a genius. Some people think I'm a Guru or Prophet and others think I'm a Charlatan. It doesn't matter to me. I know I am a messenger of God and the principal character in a new novel by the name of Johnny Opps of course. That's enough reality for me. The rest is going to be pure fiction.I am going to do you a favor and share some of my innermost thoughts with you. Some people don't know that fictional characters are capable of deep feelings and heart rendering emotions. Don't worry in my case these deep feelings come naturally.I am really excited to get started. I will probably be posting some of my thoughts every day. That way you will get to know me personally. Isn't that exciting? You are going to get my words of wisdom, and you know who those messages come from, don't you?