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The Chief of Coupons
2008-02-15 05:15:00
A new hero has been roaming the streets of the city lately. He calls himself the Chief of the Coupons . He wears a white suit with his symbol, a gray and red overlapping pair of C's, and a mask to conceal his true identity. He carries with him a laptop connected to the internet wirelessly. His modus operandi is that he will find shoppers who are about to buy something, and will check the online version of the store they are shopping and and show them online coupons to see if they can get better deals by purchasing their items online. The Space Turtle interviewed some shoppers that the Chief visited in recent days. Here are their stories: "I was shopping for Valentine's Day at Target and the Chief showed up and found the same things I was going to buy in the store on-line with coupons to make it cheaper. He even got me free shipping, all in time for Valentine's Day!" -Jeff "I was buying my hubby a nice suit at Brooks Brothers for when he was going to take me out on Valentine's Da...

A song for work
2008-02-15 04:55:00
I wrote this little number this morning at work: Big prisms and small prisms and acetone cleaning Cotton swabs and texwipes and chrome surface gleaming Microscope lighting focused and zooming These are a few of my favorite things
More About: Song , Work

An Age Old Question
2008-02-12 05:34:00
Out of the mists of time the question enters our minds like an ethereal visage whispering into out ears the undying question of those who have gone before us. When we wake, when we sleep, when we are walking a dog, the question lurks in the backs of our minds. We sit in class and listen to a teacher tell us about math, history, and science, but all we can think of is the question. This is the question: Do we want car insurance cheap?
More About: Question

Real News (I promise!): National Pancake Day
2008-02-12 05:28:00
Feb. 12 is Pancake day! IHOP gives away free pancakes, only asking that you donate to a local children's hospital. I believe you get 3 pancakes. No need to worry about Valentine's Day, just take your lover out two days early and not only get some free pancakes, but avoid the Valentine's Day rush of people and have a quiet evening on an even more special day, Pancake Day. (So, it's real news, but all goofy anyways)
More About: News , National , Real , Promise

Bad Ideas: Seating arrangements
2008-02-08 07:58:00
In relation to seating arrangements, remember the following tips: Do not use banquet chairs on airplanes. They do not work as a flotation device. Folding chairs are not the best choice for roller coaster seating, even with a good safety belt system. The high gravity pressures can fold the chair up and squish the occupant. This is never amusing for the occupant, even though they may be at an amusement park. Wooden chairs are not the ideal choice for a carpenter ant convention. It may save on food catering costs, but each colony likes to have its own seat. Never install a bar next to a lava floe without any commercial bar stools that are lava resistant. Customers cannot order drinks when falling into boiling lava.
More About: Ideas , Seating

PI: The Valentine Vision - Part Three
2008-02-08 06:45:00
Part one Part two I arrived at the Miskatonic University and parked my car. The guy who was following my drove past, staring at me. I ignored him for now, figuring that I'd be able to spot him easily later. I checked a class schedule and found a class that was just about to end called "Esoteric Texts". I found my way to the room to see several students filing out of the room. I took the liberty to walk in. It was empty except for the professor. He was an old man with eyes full of history. The chalkboard behind him had words, names of books I suppose, such as "Necronomicon" and "De Vermis Mysteriis". The professor looked surprised to see me. I introduced myself and started asking questions about Charles. It seems that Charles has a peculiar interest in a text called the "Pnakotic Manuscripts". It was way beyond me what it was all about, but Charles had done several papers on the text and particularity on a section of the text which mentioned strange art of healing using, God knows w...
More About: Valentine , Part , Vision

Cars That Run On Cola?
2008-02-08 02:19:00
And they are off! Coming around the bend, wheels screaming, the crowd is cheering, Number 51 passes three cars to gain the lead! It is the final stretch, Number 51 is racing ahead... YES! Number 51 one is the winner! There is the driver, he seems happy, he is! The crowd is going wild! My that is a giant grin he has. Now he is picking up his car, yes you heard me right, he is actually picking up his car! That is an amazing feat considering he is still holding onto his RC controller! This is an amazing day folks, an amazing day indeed. We'll be right back! Love RC Cars ? Just started using them or plan on it soon? You just might want to check out this Introduction to RC Cars for Beginners. It has many tips for upkeeping your RC cars and tweaking them to run better so you can race with the big dogs. The most secret tips exposed! Have a hard time removing batteries from the chassis? Broken antenna tube? Does your car have a leaky shock? The most esoteric and hidden fixes and tips are...
More About: Cola

International House of Flying Pancakes
2008-02-08 01:53:00
Jin and Xiao ran through the forest, an army after them. They break into a clearing and realize they are surrounded. Brandishing blades and fists, they fight, but are losing the battle. With only seconds left to live, they are expecting to die, but something happens. From the trees weapons are thrown and curve into deadly trajectories and hit the enemies. Slice! A buttery pancake removes the head of a swordsman. Thuck! A pancake covered with syrup sticks into the chest of a pike man. Splat! A final pancake covered with peanut butter slams into the face of an archer, knocking him to the ground. They have been slain by members of the International House of Flying Pancakes .

Better Lairs and Deathtraps: Inexpensive Upholstery
2008-02-07 07:49:00
Many villains make the mistake of sparing no expense when building and outfitting their hideouts, lairs, and centers for global domination. While this is not bad to do in general, some items should be purchased with certain things in mind, such as how often will they need to be replaced? One example of this is upholstery. Due to the nature of lairs and hideouts, things can get messy. With so many spies sneaking in and henchmen ruining plans, upholstery can become damaged and stained easily. Spies are always sneaking about and may do things such as knocking out food servers to take their clothes, causing food to fall and stain floors and furniture, as well as fighting with henchmen can tend to get messy and the damage caused by swords and bullets is very costly to repair and it is very frustrating when highly expensive upholstery is ruined. Disposing of failed henchmen in blind rage also tends to leave messes that ruin upholstery. Traps can also play a factor. Lets say you have a f...

Valentine's Tips: Better Off Lonely That Desperate
2008-02-07 07:17:00
If on this coming Valentine's Day, if you do not have a valentine, you might be better off lonely than desperately searching for someone to be your valentine. Here are some personal stories of men and women who would have rather stayed in last Valentine's Day. Margret, Transylvania I was in such a tizzy last year because I didn't have a date for Valentine's Day. I even put an ad in the paper! I got a knock on my door and it was such a handsome young man I invited him right in. The next thing you know, I wake up with an aversion to sunlight and I crave blood all the time. I should have just went to bed early. Robert, Antarctica It was a lonely Valentine's Night at the research station. I was alone in the lounge when one of the female researchers came on to me. I should have known better, because she never had really liked me before, but I decided to make a quick dinner for us, but as I lit some candles, she turned into a ghastly beast and tried to kill me! If the spare flamethro...
More About: Tips , Lonely , Desperate

I was once a delinquent...
2008-02-07 02:08:00
Prologue - All I did was steal a candy bar, break a window, bully some kid out of his lunch, and burn down an old folks home, and now I am going to have to go to one of those alternative high schools in Arizona. Arizona? What is in Arizona? I've lived in L.A. my whole life, and my parents want to send me to Arizona. --- I've been here at this school for several months now. I've made some friends, and I haven't got into trouble lately. I even sent a check to the grocery store to pay for the candy bar I stole. The one thing that is wrong about this boarding school is it isn't boring. I'm learning chemistry. My professor made me promise not to use the knowledge to burn more buildings down. I'm also taking physical education. I've lost almost 200lbs already! I thought I was going to hate this place, but I found that the people here really care about me. My life is changing. --- Epilogue - I got my diploma two years ago, and now I am conducting research on unbreakable windows an...

The Pants Haiku
2008-02-07 01:42:00
On the legs you stay From hot and cold protected Pants , Serenity
More About: Haiku

Can't say "rats" to an MBA
2008-02-06 02:12:00
I'm a villainous mutated sewer rat with a lot to do each day. I didn't always want to live in the sewers and steal garbage and terrorize people in dark alleyways to make a living. I wanted to get a job at Evil Inc., but the only job that I was suited for was toxic waste mismanagement, but it required a degree. I thought I was done for, but then I decided to try an on-line college! I salvaged a computer and some wires and chewed through some cables and spliced myself an interest connection in my sewer lair. On-line classes work for me because I can do them on my own time. I can't scare sewer workers away in I'm sitting in a class somewhere, and I can't grab people's legs and purses through sewer drains with my tail is I spend all my time commuting to a college and back, so studying and working on assignments at my own pace fit me well. After just a few months, I got my Online MBA and applied for the job, and now I am living my dream! I have a nice underground office with a job ...
More About: Rats

Human Studies: New Survey
2008-02-05 06:20:00
The Space Turtle conducted a series of surveys to try and gather people's opinions on The Space Turtle. Here are some of the questions and responses: Have you heard of The Space Turtle? *The What? *From Discworld, with the four elephants? *The Space Turtle? I have a space bar and a turtle, does that count? (After having someone view the site)Do you feel more informed after reading the news articles on The Space Turtle? *You call that news? *Informed? More like deformed. *It wasn't negative enough, it could not have been real news. (After having someone view the site)Would you visit The Space Turtle regularly? *Will you pay me too? *(Participant ran away screaming) *I visit the toilet regularly, but that doesn't mean I like it.
More About: Studies , Survey , Human

Several Vampires Die At Night Club Party
2008-02-05 06:04:00
A party was held at a well known underworld night club last night. The party was the celebrate the new food menu items the club was going to be serving and they were giving away free samples. Things went awry when four vampires who frequented the club died after eating some of the new mini steak snack bagels. After sampling them, the four were talking near the dance floor when they started to cough, then turned into dust. This caused a dancer who was not paying attention to trip and fall over one of the piles of dust. This caused the club to fall into silence. When it was realized that the vampires were the piles of dust, a fight almost broke out with some of the late vampire's friends and some werewolves who were in the club. The fight was stopped when someone noticed all the piles had some of the bagels on them. When investigated, it was found that the steak was shipped in crates and when opened, they were splintered and particles of the crates got onto the steak and then were co...
More About: Party , Night , Club , Vampires

Lifelock even helps heroes
2008-02-05 00:46:00
I was the city's beloved hero. I rescued people from flaming buildings, caught purse snatchers, defeated villains who were flying around on gliders and throwing explosives, and everyone loved me for it. Then some guy decides to dress up like me and rob a bank, and get seen doing it. It got all over the paper and the editor was ecstatic, and his campaign against me made me look like a total criminal. But all was not lost. I was enrolled in lifelock and it made all the difference. They lived up to their one million dollar guarantee and ran their own campaigns and hired spokespeople on my behalf to clear my good name. They even got the stolen money off my record before I had caught the impostor and turned him in! Now I am the city's hero again, and now even I have a hero, Lifelock . The free credit report is handy, too!
More About: Heroes

The Galactus Haiku
2008-02-05 00:26:00
The surfer heralds The planetary lunchtime. Galactus Has Come This haiku was inspired by today's Evil Inc. Comic.
More About: Haiku

The Mysterious Shopping of the Shaolin Monk
2008-02-02 05:42:00
Morning - I write this account for I cannot speak. I am a Shaolin monk who has taken a vow of silence for a time until I have learned to control my words. I have taken up the sacred art of mystery shopping. Today I will make my first attempt to shop mysteriously. Because I cannot speak, it shall be interesting. Afternoon - I took the assignment to shop at a local food market. I had a list of things to buy from my master which I took with me. I found all the items but one, so I had to ask someone where it was. I showed them the item on my list. They were unsure where it was, and took a while to ask someone who did know. Had I not taken this vow of silence, I would have spoke out words against them. Instead, I just recorded this detail down. When I had my items, I took them to pay for them. My master gave me only small coins to pay with. I had to count them to pay. The clerk was polite and patient with me. I took note of this as well. On my way out, I noticed a mess that was not ther...
More About: Shopping , Monk , Mysterious

Meow...
2008-02-02 05:11:00
The teddy bear sat upon the dresser top next too some keys, a little bowl of change, and lava lamp, and a tennis ball. The teddy bear only sat there and minded his own business. The cat liked to harass the bear. It liked to bite his arms and try to claw threads. The bear always did nothing and sat there. One day a meteorite hit the atmosphere and burned down to a tiny rock that shot through the window near the dresser and struck the lava lamp near the top and sunk on top on the lava, leaving a tiny hole in the top of the lava lamp. One night the lamp got turned on and warmed up. The tiny rock mixed into the lava and moving around, heating up. It caused a reaction in the lava and some squirted out onto the teddy bear. Later the cat tried to claw at the bear. The bear had been transformed by the lava which was affected by cosmic radiation from the meteorite. As the cat stuck its claws into the bear, the bear twisted, causing the claws to become stuck in some threads. The bear grabbed...
More About: Meow

New Biker Gang Roaming the Roads
2008-02-01 03:50:00
A new gang of bikers has been riding on the roads. They call themselves the Mole Rats. They tend to ride large chopper bikes. The members are men and women both. One of the women has a very large bike, while all the others have smaller ones. It is not sure if she is the leader or not. The gang tends to be benign other than a few strange behaviors such as raiding bait shops and taking large worms without paying. A Mole Rat member can be recognized by their trademark bald head, sunglasses which have narrow slits to see through, and a naked leather motorcycle jacket. read more
More About: Gang , Roaming , Biker , Roads

PI: The Valentine Vision - Part Two
2008-02-01 03:34:00
Read part one here. In my dreams I saw visions of fathomless landscapes and creatures beyond all description other then it almost seemed to be underwater. The dreams were impossible but seemed all too real. One of the creatures continuously tried to communicate to me, but its voice, if that is what it could be called, spoke in strange and ominous tones that were more like music than words and were beyond my comprehension. I awoke in the early morning, groggy as if I had only gotten a nap just long enough to feel sleepy and useless. I got dressed and shambled over to the hotel lobby to get a cup of coffee and toast. There was a man with a strange look about him who did a terrible job of trying not to look interested in me. As I pictured the man swimming in a fish bowl, I doctored my coffee with too much sugar and not enough creme and gulped it down between large bites of toast lathered in strawberry jam. I got that feeling that told me I was going to be in my own jam soon. I got in m...
More About: Valentine , Part , Vision , Valentin

The Rug From Underneath
2008-01-31 08:06:00
My father had always talked of the treasure, of the map, of the secrets. It's too bad he never got around to finding the map. I did though. Turns out it was underneath us the whole time. My grandfather said he had passed the map down to my father, but died before he could give any clue to where or what it was. It was in the house. The rugs and carpets were an old style called Gabbeh, tribal Persian rugs. Several of the clues used for reading the map were known to me for my father spoke of them often. read more

Ti Kwan Leap Haiku
2008-01-31 07:43:00
With graceful movements Like serene water flowing A boot to the head
More About: Haiku , Leap

Urithane Man - The Cost Effective Superhero
2008-01-31 03:23:00
While some superheroes are very wealthy and can make suits of iron that contains all manner of gadgetry, some are not at fortunate. One man found a cheaper alternative: invisableSHIELD ipod cases. Made from urethane plastic that is strong enough to reduce wear on helicopter blades, one upcoming superhero, Urethane Man, purchased several invisableSHIELD ipod cases and formed them into a super strong battle suit. This has allowed him to win battles against The Keychain Gang, The Asphalt Avenger, and The Evil Pockmark. read more
More About: Cost , Superhero , Effective

A Cure For Zombies Found
2008-01-31 02:56:00
A zombie infection was spreading over Portland, Oregon, but was cut short by an accidental discovery of a cure for zombies. Several zombies had shambled out of a coffee shop and across the street into a coffee shop. Inside were two teenage boys who were watching the zombies. When they noticed they had been spotted by the zombies, they looked for a means of escape. To hold them off, one of the boys, Matt, threw a scalding hot coffee drink that contained 6 shots of espresso at one of the zombies. The zombie stopped for a moment, but resumed shambling forward, but faster. read more
More About: Zombies , Cure

A hero's vacation
2008-01-30 09:11:00
On the beaches of the Sea of Cortez the sun is shimmering on the waters, the sand is warm on my toes. I finally got a Mexico beach rental house. I got several other heroes to cover for me so I could take this vacation that I've needed for months. Once I finally got the Blazing Skull Gang behind bars, I could finally take a break. Ahh... the sea breeze, the sea gulls song, relaxing with a cold fruity beverage, eating a nice plate of fish made in the fully equipped kitchen, but, of course, I still feel like I should be back home fighting crime... What in the... something is coming out of the water! It's... a giant reptile monster attacking the beaches and heading inland! Well, I'd best stop it from destroying this nice house so I can get beck to my vacation! read more
More About: Vacation

Popular Web Comic Author Found Dead
2008-01-30 08:48:00
David Morgan-Mar was found dead in his home today. The cause of death seems to be some kind of stab would to his chest, ruining a perfectly good Calvin and Hobbes t-shirt. The killer is yet unknown and no weapon has been recovered yet. Forensic investigators speculate that he was killed at his doorway when answering the door to find the killer outside. Many fans are distraught because he was killed just before revealing a heavy plot twist in his comics: Which character was going to be killed off. read more
More About: Comic , Popular , Author , Dead

Flowers In The Gallery
2008-01-30 07:54:00
At the Park West Art Gallery I saw many wonders and sights, colors, shapes and and scenes. I found many paintings that had something in common: A woman in a red flower dress, a checker board by a beautiful vase of flowers, another woman in a large purple hat adorned with flowers, a house of wonder lit bright as if my magical light with a garden of flowers and fountains all around, a cart filled with a myriad of flowers of white, orange, yellow, and pink. Different sights and scenes, different flowers and hues, different styles and shades different paints and painters, all unified as art. read more
More About: Flowers , The Gallery

New Military Weapon: The SLP
2008-01-30 07:27:00
A new army weapon has been revealed and implemented in the Middle East. The weapon, Spitting Llama Paratroopers, is designed to drop in seemingly harmless animals who can withstand the heat and harsh conditions on the Middle East into enemy territory. The trained llamas can recognize certain specific targets and use bio-engineered saliva glands to expel toxic chemicals upon enemies, causing temporary blindness and skin rashes and itching, causing discomfort. Then, trained soldiers can follow in with an assault on the enemy while they have a lower effectiveness in combat. read more
More About: Military , Weapon

The State of the Union
2008-01-29 05:29:00
Sources indicate that the state of the union is as follow: Yup, still there.
More About: Union , State , The State , State of the Union