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At Arms Links
2008-01-19 02:19:00
The band plays a stringed serenade, waiters carry dainty drinks, guests are enjoying the extravagant elegance, and I am eying the host and the door. I am here to gather evidence proving that he is leader of a criminal ring. All is going to plan, in about five seconds, that ice statue is going to, yes, there it goes. Someone wont be happy about the statue crashing into the juice bar and staining the carpet. While everyone is looking, I'm going upstairs. The guards aren't stupid and they aren't watching the ice statue fiasco. read more
More About: Links , Arms

Gel Pen Haiku
2008-01-19 01:54:00
The gel flows calmly Until it sticks and wont go No Serenity
More About: Haiku

Survivors Found!
2008-01-18 02:43:00
Several weeks ago, a small currier plane crashed after being thrown off course by an unexpected storm. The place was carrying a small load of Cheap Cell Phone Accessories, but no actual phones. The two pilots survived using the accessories to gather food keep warm. Using a neck strap and switches made from tree branches they made a snare to catch small game. They hunted larger game by making bolas from AC adapters. read more
More About: Survivors

The Flying Taco That Saved A Kitty
2008-01-18 02:30:00
Fuzzkins the kitty was lost. She had wondered from the yard where the rest of her kitten brothers and sisters lived with their mother. She founder herself in an alleyway. There was a crash as a large dog leaped passed a trash can, knocking it over. Fuzzkins ran as fast as she could, but the dog was gaining ground. read more
More About: Kitty , Flying

Pirates Leave Fruit Baskets In Plundered Ports
2008-01-18 01:24:00
Recently, several port cities have been plundered by seemingly ruthless pirates. The odd thing is, after the pillaging, citizens of the town find fruit baskets all over the town. While wary of what the baskets might contain, repeated tests show the food safe for consumption and for throwing at bad thespians and prisoners in stocks. Some lucky citizens find not just baskets, but boxes and gift wrapped 'towers' of fruit. These are hidden where as the baskets are normally out in the open. Despite the 'hearty thank yous' the pirates are leaving behind, the plundering is taking its toll on the port cities. Some are making up for the pillaging by selling the fruit to merchant and navy ships to help the crews avoid scurvy. read more
More About: Pirates , Baskets , Fruit , Leave , Ports

Computing Haiku
2008-01-18 01:13:00
It turns on easy Then I hate it for hours But can't turn it off
More About: Haiku , Computing

Saving The Little Green Man
2008-01-17 03:30:00
From the sky his little ship fell. He had come from the planet Frootopia. His guidance system failed and he entered the Sol Systems asteroid belt. His ship was damaged. He landed on Earth in a back yard of a typical American family. Johnny, the youngest boy of the family saw the ship land. The six year old went outside to see what had happened. The ship was only about two feet long. The hatch popped open and a small green man, shaped like an apple, walked out and collapsed. Johnny almost ate him, because his mother said to always eat fruit, but the little man cried out, and Johnny stopped. read more
More About: Green , Saving

Helpful Fish Home
2008-01-17 03:09:00
If you are a fish that lives in dangerous waters, if you are afraid to swim home to your school at night, if your memories of the tide pools bring more pain than joy, the the Home For Battered Fish can provide you with a relaxing and safe environment. At the Home For Battered Fish, we provide a nice warm bed with hush puppy pillows and coleslaw bedding. If you are a fish that needs somewhere to go, the Home For Battered Fish will take you in, and you will never need to worry about anything ever again.

Harry's Training
2008-01-17 02:59:00
I almost got caught on video again. I've gained some pounds and lost some speed. I need to change. I was lurking around a cabin when I looked in through the window and saw the occupants order a Leg Magic Professional. I waited nearby for a few days until it arrived. I sacked the delivery man and took off with it. I set it up in my cave and for just a few short times a day, I lost some of the extra pounds and I'm quicker on my feet. I'm really glad. I must be able to stay well hidden. read more
More About: Training

The Infernal Pliers
2008-01-17 02:49:00
Lying dormant in a pawn shop they sit, dusty, demented pliers, pliers than have been stained with the blood of many men. It all started when a repair man was fixing some electrical wires in a old New England house occupied by a strange old man. The repair man could not find his pliers, so the man lent him his. He said they were in the house when he found them, and he rarely used them. It is said that the repair man had all the electricity in the house shut off, but the pliers slipped and he dropped them. When he picked them up, he was electrocuted. read more
More About: Infernal

Monday at the Office
2008-01-16 07:35:00
The week begins and oh how it begins. First, I send in an order for the Mailing Labels. The new guy came i to ask me something and spilled his coffee all over my desk. He's a nice guy, just a bit clumsy. I didn't need those work orders anyways. Then my boss came is and said we actually needed to order address labels and not mailing labels. I called and canceled the order and made the new order. Then I found out someone dinged my car in the parking lot. My boss came in and said that the graphic for the address labels was the wrong one. I called back, again, and got it changed. At least that was easy. When I tried to go to lunch, three managers decided to have to talk to me separately, but before that decided to have a mini meeting with each other, each telling me just a moment to wait and they needed to speak with me. This went for about twenty minutes. Then they all realized they needed to go to a meeting, and told me they would talk to me after the meeting. When I finally got to ...
More About: Office , The Office , Monday

American Idol Hiaku
2008-01-16 07:15:00
Some can sing alright Others think they can but can't and spout hate when told
More About: American Idol , American , Idol

Final Stand Against All Odds
2008-01-15 07:02:00
I'm surrounded, hurt bad, and low on medical supplies. All I've got is my faithful weapon. This is it. I've got my last box of ammo. I've loaded my gun up, got bullets ready to go in my bandoleer, and decided that this is my Alamo. I stand up from below my boarded up window and grab my Daisy Red Rider, kick open my cabin door and go out gun blazing. read more
More About: Final , Odds , Stand

Robot Rock
2008-01-15 05:27:00
I am the last robot on the sixth moon of Arcturus V. A devastating mishap killed everyone on the moon base, and damaged all the robots beyond automated repair. I was undamaged because I was in a shielded automated repair bay. It was just finished when the mishap occurred. I exited the bay to find the station in pieces. Those who were not killed by flying debris suffocated. I have buried the bodies and stored the remaining robots for spare parts in case I am damaged. I have started rebuilding the base. read more
More About: Robot , Rock

Professor Flame Cooks a Chicken
2008-01-15 01:55:00
In rare footage, a suspected super hero/villain is shown attempting to use super powers for grilling chicken. Be warned that the video footage below is not for anyone who cannot stand improperly cooked food, bad video photography, or failed attempts at using super powers. Don't try this at home, or anywhere else for that matter. read more
More About: Chicken , Cooks , Flame , Fess

Reported Ninja Sighting
2008-01-15 01:48:00
In Dublin, Ireland, a teenager reported seeing several ninjas. After being questioned by authorities and investigating the scene, it was found that it was actually an alien abduction and not ninjas that the teenager witnessed. They suspect the mistake was due to the fact the teenager had smoked an illegal substance just before the sighting.
More About: Ninja

Sevens
2008-01-14 06:57:00
Seven seven seven, seven seven, seven seven. It is seven o'clock. It is July seventh. This is the seventh time I've needed to get JFK airport car service. I've got a bag full of seven different presentations for seven different companies. The driver picks me up at Seventh Street. He tells me it his his kid's seventh birthday today. On the radio, the team I like and the driver likes wins by seven points. The billboard says the jackpot is seven million bucks. read more
More About: Sevens

Little Strange Bird
2008-01-14 06:39:00
Outside my window lives a strange little bird. I've looked it up in numerous bird books, on-line, but I simply cannot find a record of it. He rarely moves and only sometimes sings. I've seen him, and I am only guessing it is a he, up close with my binoculars, but never when I am outside near the tree in which he sits. Many times I wonder if I am seeing things. When I bird watching friend is around, he is never there. Sometimes I wonder if someone is spying on me. read more
More About: Strange , Bird

Flight of Life
2008-01-13 05:15:00
Why did I take this job? I'm a mess. I don't know I managed to get hired. I must have been a great actor the day they interviewed me. Air Ambulance pilot, me. Right. I've done nothing but mess up my life and everyone else's life. Maybe I thought this job would change things, change me. I think I just got the job because of my great flying record and medical experience. Some co-workers have tried to talk to me, get to know me... I'm polite, but I just don't... What? I guess I'm up for a medevac. read more
More About: Life , Flight

Squishformers Arrive on Earth
2008-01-13 05:10:00
Reports of giant stuffed animals on earth are circulating across the globe. Apparently ages ago, a giant bean bag of great power crashed onto the earth. The bean bag was the creator of a race of sentient plush beings. There are two factions of these beings, the Autohugs, and the Deciptifuns. The Deceptifuns hope to capture the bean bag, called the Chair of Life, to turn all stuffed animals on earth into weapons of war. Government sources refuse to confirm or deny these reports.
More About: Earth

Ninja Shoutback
2008-01-12 04:10:00
At shoutback.com, your group can raise funds for it's needs with generous support from local and on-line businesses. All your groups needs is an account on Shoutback and people to join the group on the site. Then through on-line buying and coupons as well as actions, your group gains the needed funding. read more
More About: Ninja

Elderly Woman Fights Bare Bear
2008-01-12 03:49:00
Nevada - Due to large housing developments and global warming, bears have been showing up in desert areas where they should not normally be. The most interesting thing about these bears is due to the heat, they are hairless. One of these bears was recently seen in an a Nevada RV Park. The bear was picking through a large trash bin when an elderly woman walked by. Seeing the hairless bear she became angry shouting at the bear, berating him for losing his hair and going through trash and not hunting like the majestic bears of when she was a child. The bear turned of her and tried to claw her. read more
More About: Fights , Woman , Bare , Elderly , Bear

Office Desk Toy Destruction
2008-01-06 07:42:00
After attempting the little metal person pyramid acrobatic act on a poorly placed magnet on a cheap office toy, one of the metal acrobatics got incredibly frustrated and went insane with rage to match that of a short tempered man in bad traffic. Three of the other metal acrobatics tried to stop the crazed acrobat while the others fled. The others did manage to get away, but the three defenders were overtaken. Authorities apprehended the murderer with a large electromagnet. When questioned why he did it, he replied that he had a bi-polar problem that he was having reasonable success keeping under control, but during the acrobatic attempts, we was frequently crossing from the north to south ends of the magnets and this aggravated his condition. Sources indicate he will try the insanity plea, but if found guilty of aggravated murder, he may face the capitol punishment of the smelting chair. read more
More About: Office , Destruction , Desk

This never happened on Star Trek.
2007-12-29 01:06:00
The ship shuddered as the ion bolts slammed the hull. The shields are down and the hull is about to be breached. The captain is shouting orders and the pilot is flying as best as possible. The ship's main engineer is in a access duct, trying to repair the flux capacitor that will get the shields back up. read more
More About: Star Trek , Star , Trek

Similarities in Pregnancy and Lycanthropy
2007-12-20 07:26:00
A recent study shows that a woman who is pregnant and a woman suffering from lycanthropy (as in becoming a werewolf) share many similar traits and one must be careful not to mistake one from the other, your life may depend on it. Pregnancy :     & nbsp;               ;      &nbs p;                        Lycanthropy: read more

A Fortune Followed
2007-12-15 04:00:00
I found a fortune cookie fortune today. I didn't eat a fortune cookie, but I felt like it was my own fortune. The fortune said "Forge Ahead With Your New Ideas." I pondered the meaning of this. Then it struck me! read more
More About: Fortune

Man stops terrorist attack with three simple items
2007-12-13 05:17:00
A lone terrorist tried to set of a home-made incendiary device in a kitchenware store as a mall, but the attendant stopped them with three simple items. read more
More About: Simple , Stops , Items , Terrorist , Attack

Awesomeness!!!
2007-12-09 04:54:00
As you can see if you have visited this site before, The Space Turtle has had a visual makeover. I used the Firefox Add on Web Developer Toolbar to make changes to the .css style sheet so I could see the effects real time, then when I got a look I wanted I just created a new theme using the new style sheet code. The new logo was done by my wife. It is part of a fuller picture that can be seen here. I hope you enjoy the new look!
More About: Some

You Tube of Toothpaste
2007-12-04 06:04:00
New advances in nano technology will soon allow people people who have brushed their teeth to broadcast tiny streaming videos from their mouth. The toothpaste contains tiny microscopic robots that clean the brusher's teeth for hours after they are done brushing. Due to a mix up in production, tiny video projection nano-robots got mixed with the teeth cleaning bots and bots with wireless capability. The result was when the brusher smiled, steaming internet video was projected onto the tongue. read more
More About: You Tube , Tube , Toothpaste

Tin Man Gets Pace Maker
2007-12-03 00:25:00
A loss of a renowned Oz resident was avoided today when the famous Tin Man, who aided in the removal of Oz's past enemy the Wicked Witch of the West, had a near fatal heart attack. He collapsed in a hardware store while searching for a new hip that was dented when the aging hero fell down in his home last Friday. The Tin Man was rushed to the nearest mechanic where he was kept stable hooked up on a life support consisting on an I.V. drip containing oil and a car battery. read more
More About: Maker , Pace