Poetikat's Invisible Keepsakes

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Not the Thieving Magpie
2007-10-03 21:10:00
A wee video about a seagull in Aberdeen Scotland, came to my attention recently and I just had to write about it. See YouTube for the full flicks.My poem below followed as a matter of course. Surprisingly, none of the papers I contacted in Scotland seem to want to publish it. I guess it's old news to them.Gull LootUp in Scotland, way up northFar beyond the Firth of Forth,Therein swooped a brigand bird,Leaving trail of more than turd--Crumbs of crisps, have you not heard?Sam, the locals have him tagged,Over 24 he?s bagged.Cheese and onion, if you please;Carries back to his cronies--Does it with aplomb and ease.Waits ?til shopman?s at the till,Saunters in and steals his fill.Skitters out with bright orange bag;On the cobbles has to drag--Of his conquest now can brag.Not the leader of a gang,He pulls off the whole shebang,With a snatch that?s double-quick;Fearless , feathered, that?s his shtick--Gulls them all with his slapstick.Kathleen Mortensen © 2007
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On the Surface
2007-10-01 16:36:00
Voila! Here's my desktop (at the moment) for all to see. The background came from www.crosscards.com and I change it regularly as I bore easily. Last week it was a photo from home, the week before...well, whatever I happen upon and find of interest, I make it a background. My laptop is fitted out with Windows Vista. Many complain about this apparently, but with my limited needs, it doesn't seem to be a problem.The Angel of Delusion got me on to this and I'd like to thank her for her kind words of support for my blog. Check hers out athttp://angelofdelusion.blogspot.com/Kat
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I've Grown Accustomed...
2007-09-28 15:15:00
A while back, I came upon a small book published in 1971, written by a Maurice Sagloff and entitled: Shrinklits: Seventy of the World's Towering Classics Cut Down to Size. Much to my delight, I discovered a host of humourous entries based on classic works of literature, all honed down to their essence and in rhyme! This inspired me to try my hand at the form and I decided to write a piece on one of my favourite films based on a famous play (so I covered two art forms, I suppose). Now, may I present:My Fair Lady Henry Higgins, the phoneticist,Meets a gal hawking "flars" in the mistOf a cold London night,Her speech such a fright,That to teach her, he cannot resist.Says he: "If you give me some timeI'll make you a lady of primeEducation and graceTake you out of this place,Spruce you up and remove all the grime."Colonel Pick'ring is doubtful,at best,Miss Doolittle can conquer this test,So he posits a wager,Higgins can fail to stage herAs a princess with jewels be-dressed.Miss Doolitt...
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Back From Beyond
2007-09-27 02:16:00
Recently, it was reported in my local newspaper that a cat named Jack was recovered after having spent a month in Pearson International Airport in Toronto. This was a story I could not ignore, so heeeere's Jack:High JackJack is back, incredibly;His absence was a mystery.He flew back from the Orient--Disappeared, before descent.Mistress April, in despair,Searched the halls for her Shorthair;Wond?ring if her cat had died--Maybe Airport staff had lied?Still she traversed Pearson ?port,Hoping vainly for reportOf furry feline, was he sick?What of Jack?s poor brother, Vic?Neither Girl, nor cat-bro sleptGone a month, and now it?s Sept.But all?s not lost, for SaturdayThe Airport called with news, to say:Jack is back, he?s found and safe,No more he?ll be the wand?ring waif.He?s shed some pounds and lost a nail;All in all, unscathed and hale.One last prison-break he triesAs April to the airport flies ?He leaps to freedom at a height,Then stows away in ceiling, tight.Mistress comes for him sh...
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Caught on Tape
2007-09-25 15:31:00
I really had no intention of writing about the notorious Mr. Simpson. I had seen the pics, read some of the press and watched clips on t.v., but really wasn't interested. My brain had other ideas -- out of nowhere sprang this piece. My contact at The Gleaner picked it up and published it with an editorial cartoon. Now for your reading pleasure (or not, depending on your outlook), I give you: ?Juiced ?They?re all gunning for you O.J.This time they?ll make it stick.No more ?If I Did Its?;You?re really in the thick.Since you took off in that Bronco--Led those cops a merry chase;It?s been one thing and another,And it?s not to do with race.It was sad the day you got off.Even worse, you had to gloat.And the families are grieving,Over details you rewrote.So, with everything so kosher,Why?d you go and blow the lot?Did you think just cuz you?re famousThat the rest of us forgot?We?re all watching as they cuff andDrag you off in yet more shame.You?re the ?perp? detained inside;No one cares abo...
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Seasonal Observations
2007-09-20 18:02:00
My garden is less than I would like it to be at the moment. I usually like to get "stuck in" as the Brits say, but this year I have mainly been stuck on my laptop. That's a shame, I know, but at least the birds and wildlife don't hold it against me as long as I keep the birdseed and peanuts coming and maintain a clean, fresh and filled birdbath/drinking font. Here is a poem that gives a bird's eye view of my garden.A Year in the YardBehold! the cozy, urban yard,Behind our 40s house;Wherein St. Francis stands his guardFor all from hawk to mouse.Petals of sweet, silken flow?rsBed jeweled butterfly,While the majestic Ash?s bow?rsBear lofty birds of sky..Seasons come in course and weAnticipate some guests.In Spring the robins naturally,Return to build their nests.See the chipmunks dash and dineOn peanuts that we castAcross the porch enclosed by pine,And cedars from the past..A glance from kitchen window fair,In Summer does enthrall;Small finches gold ride waves of air--Spitfires, the...
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Loyal Friend
2007-09-18 23:19:00
A lovely photo of my gentle feline, Gilbert, has prompted me to publish this poem I wrote a number of years ago. I hope you enjoy it.Gilbert's Song (With apologies to L.C.)Who's there when you callWho is loyal and true?Who sleeps at your feetWho's the closest to you?Who, when you sniffleAlways talks back?Who has the keenestOf urinary tracts?Who leaps to catch?Then hunkers down?Who jumps the postAnd plays the clown?Who pummels the cushionTo a misshapen mass?Who snuggles with teddiesAnd peers in the glass?Who stuffs his face?And then wants more?Who lives for kibble,Canned galore?Who runs when called?And grunts reply?Who howls in fearWhen trouble's nigh?The answer of courseIs no surprise;It's Gilbert, the blackWith the green, hooded eyes! Kathleen Mortensen © 2003
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Midnight Madness
2007-09-17 17:48:00
The story of a farmer out in B.C. who shot and killed a bear that was raiding his beehives created wild imaginings in my mind. I decided to write a piece from the perspective of the bears - with a bit of a nod to Robert Service and The Cremation of Sam McGee.Buckwheat?s Last GrabStrange things happen in the dark of night,While you?re bundled up in bed.Keep away from the honey-hive at the heightOf the moon, or you?ll end up dead!Tall tales told by the campfirelight,Old grizzlies love to share.Cubs, wide-eyed shrunk up with fright,Heed not the chill night air.One story is their favourite,Sends shivers up small spines,?Bout a Kamloops bear gone missingWho couldn?t read the signs.?Stay out!" "Keep off!? The billboards read,And, ?Enter if you dare!","No tresspassing!","Beware of Dog!?Buckwheat could only stare.The printed word dumbfounded him,For book-learnin? he?d spurned.He might have been more careful,If reading he had learned.So on he went into the yard,Just followin? his nose,To tha...
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What's a Clerihew?
2007-09-14 18:00:00
"Edmund Clerihew Bentley died 1956 English writer: a light verse quatrain rhyming aabb and usually dealing with a person named in the initial rhyme." (Merriam Webster's Dictionary) Author James Fenton, in his book An Introduction to English Poetry (Farrar, Strauss and Giroux, copyright 2002) says: "There is no such thing as a serious clerihew."Here are a few of my non-serious, Canadian clerihews:A Pair of ClerihewsWho?s fashioned Don Cherry?s latest jacket?It was so loud it caused a racketOn Saturday nightI was wishing my t.v. was still black and white!Lloyd Robertson has remarkable hairAs if whipped up on top with airHe hardly looks oldWith locks spun from fine gold.Another PairLeonard Cohen of tones deepOn Buddhist mountain did he sleepFinding centre of selfNow with Glass, not yet on shelf.Clarkson, A. , our Gov. Gen. exDresses regally unisexSports unique collars ?round her neckPuts me in mind of Star TrekKathleen Mortensen © 2007

Illegal Alien Surfaces
2007-09-13 18:33:00
Some time ago, I wrote a piece in response to the odd tale of the appearance of an alligator in a California park lake. Apparently, the gator had been spotted on and off over the course of 18 months. Many attempts to capture the intrepid reptile failed. Eventually, however, he was caught and taken to the local zoo. Here, for your enjoyment, is the story retold in my fashion.Reggie ReduxIn Harbor Park, a stranger roseFrom 'neath Machado's waterAnd those who caught its beady eyeDetermined it no otterAnd thus ensued an effortTo capture and releaseBut after 18 months or soTh'endeavours yet to cease.For just last week we have report Of yet another sightingThe reptile's once more on the goAgain, which proves excitingSo, let's back up this story In order to regaleWith strange and wondrous odditiesOf gator, Reggie's tale.An ex-policeman, don't you know?With pot-head 'complice, BrewerDecided "Reg" was far too bigTo keep or dump in sewerAnd off they went, presumablyBy cloak of night, ...
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Disgraced
2007-09-03 23:16:00
Bad Dawg, #7Michael Vick, he makes me sick,If he were on my shoe, I?d flickHim off with a chewed, fetching stick.Yes! That would surely do the trick.Michael Vick?s a football pro,Lines Falcons up, all in a row;Rarely sacked, puts on a show--Too bad off-field he?s a wacko.Michael Vick, may soon be jailed;His canine fights have been curtailed,For cruel maltreatment he?s been nailed--Let?s hope his job has been derailed.Michael Vick often flogsHis beasts at posts; and still he slogs,Then, back out on the field he jogs;His big career?s ?gone to the dogs.?Michael Vick what?s up today?The NFL won?t let you play.Your cards are selling on e-bay--So sad those puppies gnawed away.Michael Vick you think you?re ?dope?But really, it?s a slippery slope.The ?joint?, holds no dog-men, I hope--Be careful when you go for soap.Kathleen Mortensen © 2007

Cheese Please!
2007-09-01 17:05:00
As a child, growing up in the 60s and 70s, I was exposed to any number of horrific "cheese products". Some of them you may recall if you were born before 1970. There was "Squeeze-a-snack", a gooey, cheese-like substance packed in a sausage-shaped, plastic case, with a little plug on the side, from whence you could squeeze your "snack" onto crackers, toast -- anything your heart desired. Then there was the ubiquitous Kraft Dinner (and copycats for even thriftier moms). Of course, who can forget Cheez-Whiz? In the 70s, Kraft used to have wonderful commercials that gave moms brilliant ideas for innovative uses of all their products. Mix Cheez-Whiz with Miracle Whip, and what do you have? Bubbly Cheeze Spread. Mmmm! (Yummy toasted under the grill on some equally delicious Wonder Bread).Anyway. My early acquaintance with cheese was less than refined, but fortunately, my dad intervened. Working in Toronto, he had access to the fabulous St. Lawrence Market and an amazing array of fine chee...
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