The Fictional Works of Joseph Shimerdla

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Fort Rucker Welcomes Vietnam-Era Hero
2007-06-25 21:40:00
Back in April, I had the honor of escorting a medal of honor recipient, LTC (ret.) Bruce P. Crandall.  He was one of the most extraordinary individuals I have met, and it truly was a pleasure to serve as his escort officer during his visit to Fort Rucker.  Had I considered the local newspaper was going to ...
More About: Vietnam , Hero , Viet

Which Superhero Are you?
2007-05-29 22:22:00
Long time with no updates. I’ve been busy with work and — okay, really I’ve just been sluffing off. So I bring you this very important bit of information … my results from the superhero personality quiz! You are  Superman Superman 70% Robin 57% Green Lantern 55% Hulk 55% Iron Man 50% Spider-Man 45% The Flash 45% Supergirl 35% Batman 30% Catwoman 25% Wonder Woman 15% You are mild-mannered, good, strong, and you love to help others. Click here to take ...
More About: Superhero , Hero

Miss Snark?s Idols of March Writing Contest
2007-03-23 22:28:00
Below is my submission to Miss Snark’s Idols of March Writing Contest . Rules were 100 words maximum, and partipants had to use the following words: reacher, helicopter, snazzy, moonbeam, dan lazar, and griffin. My submission was 99 words in length. I re-read it at least twenty times. After I submitted it, I re-read ...
More About: Test

You Are Getting Very, Very Sleepy
2007-03-22 03:16:00
It’s taken me some time to get back into the swing of things. After staying with us for a week, my Mom went home on Sunday. We had a blast, and it kept me busy. The best part was going to a flea market in town; we spent all afternoon there and didn’t even ...
More About: Sleep

Memorial Service for Walter Armentrout
2007-03-08 21:44:01
We just got back from a memorial service for Wally, my stepdad, at the Pensacola Federal Penitentiary Camp, Saufley Field. He had worked there since April of 2006. It was a beautiful service, and I was very impressed by the people there, many of whom talked about what a great person Wally was and how he had touched their lives. My mom received a plaque in appreciation for Wally’s service, a United States flag from the warden, and a second flag which had been flown over the White House. Afterwards, they showed a video that they had prepared to honor Wally while we ate lunch. What follows is the speech that I gave during the memorial service. It was very difficult to get through the whole thing, but I wanted everyone there to know more about Wally and what an incredible man he was; It was just something I had to do. My name is Joey Shimerdla. Wally was my stepdad and has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. My mom first met Wally in 1972, when he started ...
More About: Men , Service , Mori , Memoria , Memorial

Walter Armentrout, March 20, 1950 - March 4, 2007
2007-03-07 21:43:01
On the day my stepdad’s heart stopped beating, we found a puppy. I was with my wife, Stephanie, and we were on our way home from the movie theater. We saw The Number 23, starring Jim Carey. Not a bad flick, but not a great one, either. It was running down the side of the road, and at first I thought it was a cat. As we got closer, I realized it was a puppy, maybe two months old, and it was alone. I pulled my Nissan XTerra onto the side of the road. “What is it?” Stephanie asked. For the last two weeks, she had been wearing glasses instead of contacts in preparation for her corrective eye surgery. Wearing them gave her a headache, and she took them off whenever she got the chance. She put them back on now. “Look,” I said, pointing. “Oh, no.” I got out of the car. Its fur was a light beige, almost white, its tail a frantic pendulum of motion. I crouched down and he — I saw that it was a he now — jumped up, front paws on my thigh ...
More About: Men , March , Marc , Alter , Walter

Phillips Films Ltd.
2007-03-07 21:43:01
Click here to view the tribute to Walter Armentrout that was posted on the Phil lips Film s website. You can learn more about Voice of the Dead, the movie in which Wally played Bob the Butler, here.
More About: Films , Lips

Part II of The Eighth Day Completed
2007-02-22 09:33:03
Sections 4 & 5 were added to Chapter 9 of The Eight h Day. This concludes Part II of three. These last two sections total 26 pages, and I wrote them in eight days — not too shabby, I think. Hopefully, I can keep this pace up until I’m finished; I can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel. The first two parts are roughly 30,000 words each, or 120 pages. With any luck, the third and final part will turn out to be about the same length, which will result in a 360 page novel. At my current pace, I will finish around mid-May. Of course, Shawn Jaffe is a slippery devil, so who knows. He may drag things out longer than I expect. Now, on to the administrative details. I’ve added a link to download the Firefox web browser to the front page of my website. It is, in my opinion, the best web browser out there. If you’re still using Internet Explorer, you’re missing out. Although I’ve tried to make it compatible with all browsers, my we...
More About: Comp , Complete

Grass is the Devil Added to Poems
2007-02-19 09:31:02
The poem, Grass is the Devil , has been added to the website. I wrote it as a joke in response to the follow e-mail from my stepfather: —-Original Message Follows—- From: Walter Armentrout To: Joey Shimerdla, Stephanie Shimerdla Subject: “just mowed the yard” by me Date: Fri, 2 May 2003 19:30:14 -0700 (PDT) Hey both of you, I bet ya that you are bioth getting this at the same time, what a wonder we live in in this america….Just mowed the yard // did it in a hurry // round and round I flew // faster than the grass grew // mom got her planters and she is no longer shaded blue // but you should see the kitchen it looks like it went kabloo! That is another story but don’t want to bore you.Hey we love you guys very much, and mom will see you in a week!!Wish I could come with her, but I can’t. Congratulations Stephanie on a job well done!!!!LOve ya x 5 Wally Mom aka Kathy
More About: Poems , Evil , Poem

FAA Notice of Proposed Rule Making
2007-02-16 09:29:03
I received the following in an e-mail earlier this week.  I am consistently amazed by the writing prowess of the Federal Aviation Administration.  Granted this is a parody, but it reads almost like the real thing.  Subject: FAA Notice of Proposed Rule Maki ng Subject: FAA NPRM NOTICE OF PROPOSED RULEMAKING (NPRM) Part 0, Section 000 (a) 1(c) Section I - No pilot or pilots, or person or persons acting on the direction or suggestion or supervision of a pilot or pilots may try, or attempt to try or make, or make attempt to try to comprehend or understand any or all, in whole or in part of the herein mentioned Aviation Regulations, except as authorized by the Administrator or an agent appointed by, or inspected by, the Administrator. Section II - If a pilot, or group of associate pilots becomes aware of, or  realizes, or detects, or discovers, or finds that he or she, or they, are or have been beginning to understand the Aviation Regulations, they must  immediately, within three (3) days...
More About: King , Pose

The Beginning of Chapter 9 Added to the Eighth Day
2007-02-13 09:27:01
Sections 1 through 4 of Chapter 9 were added to The Eight h Day.  That’s 4,414 words worth, or about 18 more pages.  Enjoy!  For anyone who is interested, here is my daily word count since January 27th — my way of holding myself accountable. It has worked well for me so far, and I highly recommend it to any author struggling to keep a steady word count going. Note that 250 words is approximately equal to one page in a novel. January 27th ? 464 words January 28th ? 334 words January 29th ? 1,203 words January 30th ? 434 words January 31th ? 310 words February 1st ? 161 words February 2nd to February 7th ? 0  words (Stephanie recovers from septoplasty) February 8th ? 373 words February 9th ? 0 words (my attempt at installing 64-bit Windows Vista resulted in a phone call to technical support that lasted four … yes, that’s right … four hours) February 10th ? 141 words February 11th ? 209 words February 12th ? 756  words
More About: Chapter 9

Septoplasty and You
2007-02-09 21:24:02
My wife, Stephanie, had surgery last Friday for a deviated septum and a polyp in her nose.  I won’t go into all the gory details, but you can read more about it on her blog if you are so inclined.  Although it was a rough couple days, she has pretty much fully recovered now and is feeling much better.  I’ll admit that I liked pampering her, but I’ll also admit that it’s good to have her up and about again.  I took a couple days off work and didn’t do any writing for a span of six days.  When I write, I wear headphones and listen to music to drown out any distractions.   I put iTunes on shuffle and have at it.  Mostly mid-90’s rock if you’re wondering; tonight, The Eighth Day was set to Weezer, Pearl Jam, Foo Fighters, Soul Asylum, Counting Crows, and Bryan Adams.  Anyway, I didn’t want to be listening to music and miss Stephanie’s cries for help, so when I wasn’t taking care of her, I spent my time reading The Godfather or ...
More About: Last , Sept

To Outline or Not to Outline
2007-02-01 09:17:02
When I am writing a book or a short story, I don’t use an outline for the simple fact that I don’t want to know what’s going to happen next. I want to give my characters the chance to act how they want, not how I want them to act. Sounds strange, I know, but once I get down and dirty into writing a story, my characters take on lives their own, personalities of their own, and may very do something that surprises even me. An outline is too restrictive for my writing style. I don’t want A to lead to B to lead to C and result in D. I don’t want my stories to be predictable. I want there to be twists and turns. I want to be surprised. I want to be thrilled. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not totally fumbling around in the dark; I have a rough idea of what’s going to happen. However, I don’t know how my characters are going to get there until they start thinking and acting of their own accord. They develop their own life stories, their own li...
More About: Line , Outline

Inspiration for the Eighth Day
2007-02-01 09:17:02
Several years ago, my wife, Stephanie, and I spent the day at Disney World. I hadn’t been there since I was a kid, and the only thing I remember about it was finding a dead jellyfish on the beach with my grandpa. Oh, I did get the Mickey Mouse hat with the goofy plastic ears; I remember having it as a kid, but I don’t remember actually getting it at Disney World. One’s memory is a slippery thing sometimes. It makes you wonder what you really remember and what you just think you remember but actually saw on television, read in a book, or heard about from someone. Where was I? Oh yes, Disney World. Stephanie and I spent the day at Disney World. It was fun, exciting, and there were many things to do and see, but the most memorable moment for me was having lunch in a courtyard, because that is when and where I got the inspiration for my current novel, The Eight h Day. We were in an outdoor courtyard having … hamburgers, I think, sitting across from each other and ...
More About: Inspiration

One Year of Freedom
2007-02-01 09:17:02
On 1 January 1863, President Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation, a five page document that freed the slaves in those territories still in rebellion against the Union. Today marks the one year anniversary of my own Emancipation Proclamation. Exactly eight years ago, on 18 December 1998, I was commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the United States Army. As a West Point graduate, I incurred a five year active duty service obligation, or ADSO (the Army loves acronyms; people throw them around, and half the time they don’t even know what they stand for), pronounced add-so. What does this mean? To paraphrase R. Lee Ermey of Full Metal Jacket fame, for the next five years, my soul may have belonged to Jesus, but my ass belonged to the Army. Additionally, inspite of my less than stellar academic performance and history of disciplinary actions, I managed to get the branch of my choice — Aviation. As an Army Aviator, I was sent to Fort Rucker, Alabama, where I ...
More About: Freedom , Free , Edom , Reed , Year

Palm Trees, Short Sleeves, and Christmas Carols
2007-02-01 09:17:02
Every year, my wife and I take turns spending Chris t mas with our families; one year, we’ll spend it with mine, the next we’ll spend it with hers. I grew up in the midwest. Christmas time was always very cold and very snowy. My wife is from Florida. Christmas time for her included palm trees, shorts, and the air conditioner cranked up full blast. This year, we’re spending the holidays in Florida. We’re here now, sweating through our Christmas cheer, but that’s not what I want to write about. I want to tell you a story. Flashback to two days ago. It was around 10 pm, and we were hurtling down I-75 toward our destination. It had been raining off and on for the last hour or so. I was driving our yellow ‘05 Xterra, the cat was curled up on my lap, the dog was sleeping in the back, Stephanie was sitting next to me, and Stephen King was telling us Lisey’s Story through the speakers. Traffic slowed suddenly, and I braked hard. Ahead of us, in the le...
More About: Trees , Palm

Rude People Suck
2007-02-01 09:17:02
I’m in the bathroom at a gas station dropping the kids off at the pool when I hear a knock at the door and the doorknob rattle. Obviously there is someone in the bathroom, and I’m kind of shy when my pants are down around my ankles, so I don’t say anything. A minute later, another knock and another rattle. I’m washing my hands — almost done, buddy. I’m drying my hands when there is another rattle and I hear someone say, “I guess there’s someone in the bathroom,” rather loudly. Well, duh. I unlock the door, step outside, and am greeted by an frowning, middle-aged face. “What’s up,” I say. He only stares at me. “How’s it going,” I try again. Still no answer. As he brushes passed me, I say “Well, you’re a friendly fellow,” and finally give up and head toward the refrigerated beverages to grab myself a Red Bull. Rude things that annoy me on the interstate: Slower traffic keep r...
More About: People , Suck

More of Chapter 8 Added to The Eighth Day
2007-02-01 09:17:02
More of Chapter 8 was added to The Eight h Day.
More About: More , Chapter 8

200 Pages and Counting
2007-02-01 09:17:02
I just finished the 50,215th word of the Eighth Day. At 250 words per page — the typical length of a page in a book — that equals 200 pages. I really feel like I’m getting somewhere. 50,000 words has been a milestone I’ve worked toward for a long time now. Granted, NaNoWriMo authors write that much in one month, but I’ve taken my time and tried to refine my work as I go, trying to make it halfway presentable to those who might read it on my website. I will also admit that there have been plenty of distractions that have taken priority over my writing as well. Guilty as charged. The latest has been a two series marathon of the television series, Lost. Between that and Alias, I am convinced J.J. Abrams is a genius storyteller. As far as the Eighth Day goes, I know I will still have a great deal of editing to do when I’m done, and there will probably be plot-holes aplenty, but I can live with that. I imagine that, when it’s complete, the finis...
More About: Page , Count , Pages , Counting , Ages

Shimerdla.com Redesigned ? Part Deux
2007-02-01 09:17:02
I’ve decided to scrap all of the hard work my wife did to create my website and recreate it using WordPress. I may be sleeping on the couch for a few days (or weeks), but I think it’s worth it. First of all, I wasn’t very happy with Blogger. Sorry, Google. My investment in your stock has served me well, but your blogging tools leave something to be desired. With its plethora of plugins, widgets, and customizability, WordPress is much easier for a webmaster novice such as yours truly to administrate. I am very happy with how the site has turned out so far, and I hope my readers find the additional functionality and tools useful as well. As an added bonus, I will be able to do all of my updating myself rather than forcing Stephanie to slave away at the HTML coding. With WordPress’s WYSIWYG editor, I can simply cut and paste any updates to my stories as necessary. To all the die-hard Blogger fans out there: Please don’t lynch me. I’ve been work...
More About: Design , Signed , Desi , Sign , Part

Editing for Suspense
2007-02-01 09:17:02
Over the course of writing The Eighth Day, I?ve noticed some parts of the story that seem to move too quickly. I jump from one action sequence to another with little segue. I think this is because I, as the writer, tend to write for the next part of the story where the action awaits. For example, in one of my scenes, a character wakes up in the hospital. After a couple of pages, the scene cuts, and we find him minutes from what he believes will be an assassination attempt on a major political figure. There needs to be some filler there ? the character driving to his destination, cursing traffic, squealing to a stop, and jumping out of his car. He is greeted by one of the secret service agents, who insists on seeing his identification and knowing his business, all while the character is watching the seconds drain away and his time running out. Instead, all of that is missing, and there’s just a wham, bam, thank you, ma’am pace to that part of the story. Another example i...
More About: Edit , Editing , Pens , Ense , Suspense

Chapter 8 of The Eighth Day Completed
2007-02-01 09:17:02
Sections 5 & 6 added to Chapter 8 of The Eight h Day. This concludes the chapter. Additionally, due to some formatting errors caused by cutting and pasting a Microsoft Word document into Microsoft Expression, I need to correct some formatting with The Eighth Day. Chapter 8 is already complete. I will update the rest of the chapters over the course of the next week, starting from the beginning and working forward.
More About: Comp , Complete

Chapter 8 of The Eighth Day Completed
2007-01-27 21:13:01
Sections 5 & 6 added to Chapter 8 of The Eight h Day. This concludes the chapter. Additionally, due to some formatting errors caused by cutting and pasting a Microsoft Word document into Microsoft Expression, I need to correct some formatting with The Eighth Day. Chapter 8 is already complete. I will update the rest of the chapters over the course of the next week, starting from the beginning and working forward.
More About: Comp , Complete

Editing for Suspense
2007-01-24 21:11:01
Over the course of writing The Eighth Day, I’ve noticed some parts of the story that seem to move too quickly. I jump from one action sequence to another with little segue. I think this is because I, as the writer, tend to write for the next part of the story where the action awaits. For example, in one of my scenes, a character wakes up in the hospital. After a couple of pages, the scene cuts, and we find him minutes from what he believes will be an assassination attempt on a major political figure. There needs to be some filler there … the character driving to his destination, cursing traffic, squealing to a stop, and jumping out of his car. He is greeted by one of the secret service agents, who insists on seeing his identification and knowing his business, all while the character is watching the seconds drain away and his time running out.  Instead, all of that is missing, and there’s just a wham, bam, thank you, ma’am pace t...
More About: Edit , Editing , Pens , Ense , Suspense