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Dream Sequence 1
2005-10-22 07:40:00
There she was, more beautiful than I feared her to be, standing closely by your side and quietly completed you. I wanted to be her so badly so that you would look into my eyes with the same warmness and tenderness. What had once belonged to me was now gone and I could only watch it with envy from far. The truth was, she was perfect. Even though I could not gather enough courage to tell you, but I had told myself so over and over in my head. And I finally understood: you and her belonged together. So I left the scene alone. Yet the dream went on: you came to me in tears and you said that you were sorry. Watching you cry only hurt me more. I put my arms around you, wanting to cry but unable to shed any tear, wanting to speak but nothing sounded. I was exhausted and consumed. There was nothing left of me except a wounded heart and an aching soul.
More About: Dream , Sequence

Postlude to A History of Violence
2005-10-07 07:39:00
What a hypocrite that you are! You have talked and talked about your dislikes, yet turning around to praise highly of what you hated. Don't you see, you are becoming one of those people while I am cherishing you as a dear friend.Yes, I have always treated you with much care despite all of your mishaps toward me. You are blind, for you speak much of friendship though never once have looked around you. I could care for you more and I have always wanted to care for you more. Why wouldn't you let me enter your world and allow me to ease your pain? You never understood me, never even tried to. But why would you? I should curse myself for always quietly being there and letting you know that you could count on me no matter what happens. This vulnerability is the ultimate stupidity on my behalf. How naive I am as I offer you everything that I can give, but expect only your honesty in return. Yet you still manage to fail this smallest request. Please do not speak of your hurtful experience...
More About: History , Story , Post , Violence , Stor

Back to Uncivilization
2005-09-28 07:38:00
Sometimes I wish we are not civilized and educated so we can't over-analyze our feelings and emotions. Sometimes I wish we had the IQ of below normal, so we wouldn’t pity ourselves even when others do. It's dangerous to dig in deeper and deeper - how can one possibly save him/herself when the conscience of struggle is lost for good? Any surfacing changes are only temporary relieves and cures. But when those are gone, you fall back into the routine and being sucked into that quicksand even faster than ever. Why do we torture ourselves this way? It's abusive and it has got to stop. IT HAS TO STOP IT HAS TO STOP IT HAS TO STOP!!! And we all know that the only person who can save us is the person you see in the mirror. Blank out, space out, think nothing, be un-intelligent for a change - you might actually find it refreshing. Most importantly, love yourself so others can love you.
More About: Civilization , Back , Civil

The Death of A Centipede
2005-09-19 07:39:00
I just committed murder...It appeared from nowhere and crawled quickly with its 60-some legs toward a hiding spot - the dark space behind my bulletin board. This centipede was by far the largest I had ever seen. It was over 2 1/2 inches long, and its legs looked like fake eyelashes in extended-length. The three-seconds glimpse of this creature terrified me and I knew that it had to be killed in exchange for a peaceful night out of my own selfishness. As I lifted up the bulletin board, I couldn't help but to scream and scream. I hated the fact that I had to do it and I hated myself for being the weakling who feared this long-legged intruder. Four sheets of paper-towels in my hand, I pressed as hard as I could onto the wall, crushing its little body. Instantly, a wave of sadness hit me and I felt an urge to cry. I wish that someone else was there besides me, someone who was brave enough to save this creature from being killed under my bare hands.
More About: Cent , Death , The D

Nightmare
2005-08-26 07:37:00
Another nightmare...She woke up in the dark, sobbing. What was the dream? She searched in her memory but found no trace of it except the memory of a particular scent. It was sweet, and fresh... smell of the pine trees. Yes, she remembered, it was Christmas that she dreamed of, and instantly she understood why.Afraid of the holidays. When her favorite holiday comes, she's scared to death that she will still be unloved and unprotected. When every couple passes by, she will admire them with all of her heart and feeling ridiculously silly for standing in the crowd alone. Then the thought of him will come back and it will crush her all over again.How can he torture her for so long? It has been years since she last saw him. The day when they held each other in tears and silence, he knew that it was too painful for her so he took the picture she kept of him away, hoping that as time flew by, she would not remember what he looked like and therefore let go of him in her memory. Bu...
More About: Nightmare , Night , Mare

A Lost Path
2005-08-09 07:35:00
It was already late at night when she decided to head back. Stepping out of the door, what lied in front of her was strange and unfamiliar. In this dark night where everything became shadows, the night itself was the shadow of the day. She squinted her eyes, recognized a narrow path that extended far into the unknown world. "It is time to go", she told herself silently, yet her body remained still as if it was glued to the ground. It was quite, too quite. She took in a deep breath; the coldness of the air instantly chilled her lungs. Beginning to walk forward at a slightly fast pace, she listened to her own breathes and footsteps. There was no one else, not even an animal or an insect. It was just her. The fact that she was all by herself in this foreign place did not frighten her, but the loneness that hit her over and over, again and again, blurred her visions. Soon, the unspeakable sadness filled up her mind, her body and her soul. She felt the urge to run and so she ran, faster ...
More About: Lost , Path

The Unfortunate Specie
2005-08-06 18:18:00
Why do mosquitoes exist?They do not benefit the world or the nature in any way that I can think of (for example, bees produce honey and some others help to spread flower seeds); unlike some insects who do not cause any harm but only to live in their own terms, vicious bites and transmitting disease are what they are famous for. Mosquitoes are what I call the "mini-vampires". In order to generate batches of eggs, the female ones have to seek for blood meal. We the humans obviously are a good blood source for them. Of course, the poor little species are doing what they are made to do, and have absolutely no control over their own habitual. Just like the humans and any other type of living species, they do anything to live regardless how short their life cycle is. Nevertheless, the "millions" of bites that I get from them are unforgivable. They sting you before you realize it; they get away with a full stomach and leave you a swollen bump that itches for days; above all, if any of them...
More About: Tuna , Fortuna , Fort , The U , Nate

Illusion
2005-05-05 07:33:00
She lied there awake in the dark, motionless and emotionless. The night was quiet, so quiet that the sound of her own heartbeat seems to reverberate in the room. Fragments of thoughts were violating her mind silently - she couldn't sleep. Looking out through the window, everything had sunk into the darkness of the night; everything was motionless and emotionless, just like her. Suddenly, a rim of light appeared on the side of a tree branch. It was thin yet bright enough to catch her attention. As the rim became thicker and broader rapidly, the shadow of tree branches became even darker in contrast. Within a short minute, the moon had revealed itself in complete form. Its brightness made everything powerless. She could not believe what she had seen. It was impossible for the moon to shift position at that fast of a pace in the human perception of distance and time. Her eyes were widened as she let the luminous moon lit up the entire room. Helplessly immobilized, she was under the mo...
More About: Illusion , Sion

Domestic Warfare
2005-04-13 06:16:00
It all started when ants decided to invade my apartment over the weekend. Everything was carefully planned. First, they sent in a few "pawns" to investigate the apartment. I spotted one of them in the bathroom and terminated it without a question. There must be others that escaped my eyes. But they were there, perhaps hiding somewhere in the corners, watching the giant human being walking around in the room, and praying not to be spotted like their lost ones. They waited and waited... Then, I left for the weekend. They knew it was the perfect time for the invasion. It could not be missed. I returned from my trip two days later. Exhausted from the train ride, I was more than glad to be home. As I sat down and flipped open my laptop, a black shadow passed in front of my eyes so fast that it disappeared within the blink of eyes. "Shit.." I quickly grabbed some tissue paper, lifted up my laptop to hunt whatever that shadow was. What I found, was not one, but fifteen of them, hiding unde...
More About: War , Domestic , Dome , Fare , Warfare

Memory Elapse
2005-04-11 09:25:00
The recurring nightmare came to me last night. In my dream, my cat died all over again. She held in her last deep breath, then her little body hopelessly collapsed on the floor. I woke up feeling disoriented. My friend tried to comfort me: "You will forget it soon." I fell into silence. I can't forget, and I don't want to forget. I am terrified that one day I would wake up, and not remembering what she was like and what she meant to me. The thought of losing her eternally in my memory tears me apart. The flashbacks of her last days are so vivid as if it was yesterday. It causes me tremendous pain each time I allow myself to bring back the memory. Yet I'd rather miss her terribly much than not remembering her. So then, let be the nightmare. It can come and go as it wishes.
More About: Memory , Memo

The Perfect Break-Up
2005-03-30 08:28:00
It just occurs to me that Meg Ryan makes break-up seem like a breeze. Have you noticed in Sleepless In Seattle, her break-up with Walter (the allergic-to-everything-guy) is exactly the same as her break-up with Frank (the typewriter-obsessive-guy) in You've Got Mail? In both movies, she sits down in a fancy restaurant with her boyfriend. At certain point, someone awkwardly brings up the fact that he or she doesn't love the other person. The other person coincidently feels the same and then happily accepts the break-up. They continue their conversation as if they are old friends with no hard feelings or-so-ever. The "magic" of romantic comedy makes Meg Ryan one lucky woman: she either flees away to meet Sam, or she claims that she has the "dream of someone else" and meets her 'dream" soon after. I wonder what the purpose of romantic comedy is. Is it a hopeful reminder of the existence of romance or is it a sarcastic laughter towards real-life relationships? After each break-up, we...
More About: Break Up , Break , Perfect , Brea

Consolation Attempt
2005-03-26 09:25:00
She sat in front of me, looking particularly fragile. Her lips trembled: “I don’t understand why it still hurts… It has been years…” She told me that she had put all his letters into a box, and the box was the “forbidden” object. She knew if she ever attempted to open it, the old memories would just crush her. But she failed to resist the urge of recollecting the memory. Upon opening the box, she found herself fell back into the swirl of pain instantly. She said that no one understood her and loved her as much as he did, and that she blamed herself for throwing her own happiness away. She cried and cried. I wanted to say something to comfort her. Say something… Anything… “You’ll find happiness again. Don’t be afraid.” As soon as I heard myself saying those words, I felt a rush of pain went straight up to my throat, and I could not speak another word. Then I realized that it was her wish to remind herself how hurtful it was. She wanted to feel t...
More About: Cons , Temp

Pulper versus Non-Pulper
2005-03-17 06:00:00
I was approached by a friend one day: "Pulp or no pulp?" It was referring to orange juice, of course. "Pulp. Lots of pulp." I answered confidently. "Pulp, lots of pulp" sounds like "Bond, James Bond". The way it is phrased puts an extra emphasis on the statement that makes it sounds more determined and convincing. There is absolutely no alternative for me. "Pulp, some pulp" or "no pulp, no pulp" simply do not work nearly as effective. Just like many other things, we are divided into Pulpers and Non-pulpers based on our personal choices. Personally, I like the chewy-ness of pulps. It re-assures me that the drink is made out of real oranges. The pulp is such an important feature that distinguishes orange juice from other (for example, Fanta) orange-flavored drinks. Therefore, "no pulp" to me is not acceptable. Although, the worst has to be "some pulp." What is the point of having a few of them swimming around in your mouth?? They say there is no such thing as black and white. But ...
More About: Versus