Under The Eyes Of God

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Yes! I can now slack off with 100% more efficiency!
2008-06-24 08:14:00
Woo Hoo! My job just got a billion times easier.My day job, as many of you know, is being a lawyer. When I'm not blogging, I sit in my office and I sue people. Suing people is not the glamorous, crazy, dramatic world that you'd picture if you've watched Law & Order or Tom Cruise's life. It's mostly a lot of paperwork. A lawyer's life boils down to piles and piles of paper, in folders and envelopes and boxes and on my desk and on every other lawyer's desk, too.Those papers are legal forms. They range, in my practice, from complaints (the document that gets a lawsuit going) to answers (the document that keeps it going) to settlement forms and releases (the forms that end lawsuits and result in my clients getting lots and lots of money) to the hundreds of spinoff documents that are created in a busy law practice: deeds, security agreements, promissory notes, leases, marital property agreements, and more.Lots of my time is, as a result of that, creating and modifying document...
More About: Efficiency

Rage (Seven): Mind
2008-06-24 06:56:00
She gasped with the pain. Her throat gurgled with dry screams.?I will continue to do that, and it will get worse. I?ve learned a lot, mother.? It continued to spit out that word. Eva wished it would go away. As she thought that, it cocked its head. ?You call me it.? She stared at it. ?You do.? How could it know that, she wondered. It loomed closer to her, pulled her tongue a little further out. ?Think of me as your son. Call me son. In your mind.? She could not do that.It yanked on her tongue, so hard she thought it had pulled the tongue right out of her throat. She screamed. ?Think of me as your SON!? it yelled. It continued to hold her tongue out to its fullest length. Desperately, she thought to herself you are my son.It let go of her tongue. She could not pull her tongue back in and it lolled out of her mouth. ?That?s better,? it ? he?said. It pulled back a little, and she was (sadly) able to see more of it ? him she quickly corrected her thoughts ? and she did not want to but s...
More About: Mind , Rage

I'm maybe 230, tops!
2008-06-23 20:45:00
It must be nice to be a nurse. Aside from the whole "having to work insanely long hours" and "being underappreciated vital cogs in the health-care machine" and "dealing with sick, crabby, cranky people all day" and "listening to patients who claim that the scale has got to be off because there's no way they weigh that much" things... aside from those, nurses have got it made.I say that because nurses get paid a lot of money -- yes, they very much deserve it; my Mom and sister-in-law are nurses and they deserve much much more money than they're being paid-- and they're in demand in a way that horror writers/lawyes never will be, and, now, they have people finding awesome jobs for them.American Traveler will do that for any travel nurse who's qualified. They'll find a job for a travel nurse. As the recognized leader in placement for travel nursing professionals, American Traveler can place nurses in the most prestigious of hospitals. They also provide generous salaries, and bon...
More About: Tops

Rage (Six): Face
2008-06-23 13:03:00
?You did, you did, you did? it was howling now ?You knew what they were and you did not save me and you did not even try and now, mother, LOOK!?The lights came on and were so bright, so sudden, that tears sprang to her eyes and she clamped her lids shut involuntarily, gasping, but not before the sight that loomed over her burned into her retinas. It would never leave her memory after that. The face ? face? Was it? -- that had been hanging over her had been so terrible that it registered in her like an electric shock, like touching a live wire and knowing in the microsecond before you jerk back that you?ve done something wrong and dangerous.?OPEN YOUR EYES!? It howled again. She could not. She kept them closed and wished that she would die rather than see that face again, but it was there in her vision even with the eyes closed.It was wider than a normal face, at least one and one-half times as wide. And it was not symmetrical. The left eye sat nearly down at the jaw line, while the ...
More About: Rage , Face

I'm going to make a million dollars and all I need is the right Halloween c
2008-06-23 12:44:00
And a website that is among the best purveyors of kids Halloween costumes is going to help me.Here's how: The world is breathlessly awaiting the first pictures of a couple of celebrity babies -- Jamie Lynn's, and Brangelina's. And those pictures are worth billions. Literally. If you have a picture of Jamie Lynn's baby, you can exchange it for a pile of money as big as Connecticut.Photos of the Brangeltwins can be exchanged, as I understand it, for Connecticut itself.So here's my plan: What person is universally welcomed at celebrity births? Well, right, the doctor, but then I'd have to get my hands messy. No, the one person above any other who is welcome anywhere celebrities are partying, getting awards, or having babies, is Ryan Seacrest.So all I've got to do is go over to The Costume Cauldron and get myself a Ryan Seacrest costume, put it on, sneak on down to Spearsville or wherever they live, and snap a few photos. From there, I can follow the thundering herds of paparazzi...
More About: Make , Million , Dollars

Rage (Five) Look.
2008-06-23 06:46:00
The voice was right next to her ear. She whimpered?You remember, don?t you, mother?? the last word was hissed at her. ?You remember me, don?t you, you remember the last time you saw me??She closed her eyes, twisted them into the eyelid equivalent of fists. Her eyes would not look at the memories that phrase called up in her mind. She sobbed into the gag, a word that would have been ?no? and would have been a lie.The voice understood what she said, what she wanted to say, what she wanted to believe.?Don?t say no. You remember. I know you do because I remember it.? The voice paused long enough for her skin to stop crawling, then went on. ?Not that I saw it, but because they told me. They told me, each and every day of my life.?Eva was trying not to choke on the gorge that rose in her throat the more the voice talked. How could anything sound so repulsive? She felt like the voice was coating her in muck and slime. The voice paused again, this time so long that she was able to swallow, ...
More About: Rage

I... see. (Or should that be "eye... see"? I am AWESOME!)
2008-06-23 06:33:00
Here are a couple of good reasons to wear glasses:1. Jack Black's character wore them in Be Kind, Rewind, and that movie was actually okay.2. Harry Potter! Wait... can I say that? Let's go with LARRY LOTTER!3. So that when you are sitting at your desk and someone comes in and says "There are hordes of demons coming over the horizon hellbent on eating people's souls," you can take them off slowly, chew on the earpiece, and say: "I ... see."That move is a classic.Also, another good reason to wear glasses is because they help you see. Can't forget that. And another-er good reason to wear glasses is because you can get them for as low as $15 if you order them through Optical4Less.com. You can get great prescription rx eyeglasses at Optical4Less.com, like the pair shown here-- the actual pair I would wear if I either (a) I wore alloy prescription eyeglasses or (b) there were hordes of demons coming over the hill, etc., etc., and I needed some time to ponder my options.They'll even s...
More About: Awesome

Rage (Four): Hello
2008-06-23 06:30:00
She pulled at her feet and felt the same scratchy burning tug around them. She was tied into her bed.Involuntarily she screamed, a scream that started in her belly and rose through her lungs to her throat, burning her vocal cords with its ferocity and strength, a scream that bolted forth from her core only to meet the gag and end up a muffled whimper. Her throat was already sore and she had barely heard the scream herself. She knew it had not left the room, this room that the light had left but nothing else would right now.She rested and tried to swallow, to restore her throat. She knew as soon as she could she would scream again, despite it being useless with the gag in. She knew that because her muscles were doing these things on her own as her mind watched them and fretted. Her stomach was clenching up in anticipation of forcing out another scream. Her arms pulled at their restraints, rubbing her wrists raw, her legs buckled and pulled, and she writhed on the bed, and the whole t...
More About: Rage

It's hard to see how a popsicle-stick printer would fit into a horror story
2008-06-22 19:09:00
I do an awful lot of writing. An awful lot. Although I should probably find a better adjective to express that. Adjective? Adverb? What part of speech, exactly, is "awful" in that sentence. I'm going to go with adjective.So I need to find a better adjective. I need to think of some better way to put that. How about "I do a terrific amount of writing." That sounds a lot better, doesn't it?You can gather, from all that, that a writer's craft is not the easiest thing in the world-- but if you gathered that, you'd be wrong. Writing is easy. It's easy peasy rice & cheesy. I've got the ideas, I know how to type, I'm awesome at putting the ideas into words for me to type, and that's everything. I can't stand hearing about how writing is so hard, all these writers going oh, I suffer for my craft, oh, it's so hard, oh, I have to force myself to write.Writing is a piece of cake. People that complain about getting to be writers for a living are jerks. In fact, the o...
More About: Horror , Story , Hard , Printer , Stick

Rage (Three): Bound
2008-06-22 07:51:00
Eva did not sleep well at night, ever. She tossed and turned and suffered from insomnia.She was never sure, on those nights, what woke her up. Whether it was her age, or her mind, or the bed that was lumpy and got older and older and had never been replaced in twenty years.Sometimes she felt as though she was woken by someone caressing her head. Sometimes it was as though someone had climbed into bed with her. Sometimes she woke up and would have sworn on the hundreds of bibles that she had stockpiled since that night, buying them compulsively and carrying one with her at all times, would have sworn that someone had whispered mother just before she woke up.She was wrong every one of those nights. It was never any of those things, but merely her memory bothering her, her mind replaying the night and those things and her heart crying out for her baby, the baby they had never found. And each of those nights that she awoke, each of those nights that she thought that someone had touched ...
More About: Rage , Bound

Rage (Two): Stolen
2008-06-22 07:46:00
Shapes.She stood there. She stared at the shapes. Two were directly behind her. One was off to her left. One was off to her right. She looked over her shoulder, the direction she?d been headed. She could not see anything there, but the light faded and it was a long way to the next street lamp. She was two blocks from her apartment building. She was five blocks from the grocers. She looked around. There were no lights on in the windows of the buildings near her. She saw no glow of a television being watched quietly, no warm yellow gleam of an overhead kitchen lamp inviting her to call out to an elderly neighbor doing a word search puzzle before bed.The shapes were like men, almost, but with strange outcroppings, odd appurtenances. They hunched or leaned. They did not move or talk and she could not make out features in the mist; they stood just outside of the range of the streetlight.The pain in her back and stomach subsided. She looked from one shape to the other and wondered what to...
More About: Stolen , Rage

Go with the SPF 50, I'd say.
2008-06-21 21:11:00
In a few days, we're leaving on our vacation to Florida, and I'm taking the laptop with me because you never know when you'll want to do a little 'puting (that's short for computing, which means working on a computer...) like maybe write a little more of my novel, or work on editing my short story collection.In the past that would have meant I had to also lug along the "E" drive that I had to add back when my collection of songs grew to over 7,000, since my laptop has about as much memory for my songs as The Boy does for his chores (ba dum bum!); I had to add an external hard drive a while back to hold all that, because the little memory the computer did have was taken up with games and the 1080 pictures of the Babies!I don't have to do that in this case, though-- I can simply use my files stored at the Online Backup I get through IBackup. IBackup provides online storage and backup for your files; they have interactive backups, scheduled online backups and more features.You c...

RAGE! starts today!
2008-06-20 09:01:00
He was taken from her before he was even born. Now he's come back. And he wants her to know what she's missed.RAGE starts today! Read part one: Shapes, here.Page down past the ads or click the link you want.AfterDark features horror stories published in serial format. A new part is posted roughly about once per week. Want to submit your own artwork? Drop me a line at thetroublewithroy @ yahoo.com Want to get updates when I post stories? Do the same.The Stories: Rage :He was taken from her before he was born.Now he's come back, and he wants her to know what she missed. The Thing In The Basement:All Jude wanted was to give his family a good life. But what The Thing In The Basement gives, it can take away. The Deal: Little Jake is tormented nightly by a demon, and his parents won't help. His brother might, but his brother is gone.I could do it: I could Do It by brianefp Get this custom shirt at ZazzleI could do it: I could Do It by brianefp Get this custom shirt at Za...
More About: Today

Rage: Part One: Shapes.
2008-06-20 08:56:00
They moved with an aching, grating gait that sounded to normal ears like moldy gravel scraping down a culvert.They moved slowly.They moved oddly, suddenly lurching in one direction or another.They moved always in oblique curves, never directly forward or sideways.That they moved at all was the second most frightening thing about them, to Eva.The first most frightening thing was that they took her baby.It had been quiet that night. Quiet, and misty. But still. The mist did not fall, or blow. It hung in the air, a curtain of water through which Eva had to continually pass, the light reflecting at unusual angles off the billions of tiny water droplets that hung in her way, the shadows more liquid than usual, the edges of everything blurred a little and blending into each other. Brick into air, water into ground, light into dark: there were no sharp edges that night.Eva had been nine months pregnant. She was ready to give birth at any time and should not have been out. But she had neede...
More About: Shapes , Rage , Part

Rage: Table of Contents
2008-06-20 08:54:00
He was taken from her before he was even born.He's come back.He wants her to know what she missed.One: Shapes.Two: Stolen.Three: BoundFour: Hello.Five: Look.Six: FaceSeven: Mind
More About: Rage , Contents , Table

That's an order, soldier!
2008-06-20 08:42:00
We just had to order new ink for our home printer; as a part-time free-lance writer with kids in high school, we do a lot of printing. So I went to the website of the place where we bought our printer, and was going to order some ink, when I looked at the prices. I would have been better off printing with gasoline mixed with wine than buying the ink from that place. I didn't want to just get in the car and go driving off to some computer or electronics store and hope they had the ink I wanted, either; who wants that kind of trouble? Al Gore invented the internet just so that we would never have to leave our houses for anything and that way we'd spare the environment, and I support that goal.I turned to InkjetDeals for help. InkjetDeals is a website that offers coupons and information about online stores selling ink and toner; here's the kicker, though: the stores they promote and the coupons they use can get you up to 80% off retail pricing. 80% off. That's phenomenal.Th...
More About: Soldier , Order

Not that it matters.
2008-06-19 09:23:00
The conclusion to "The Thing In The Basement" posted today!Coming soon: RAGE -- a never before published story!Page down past the ads or click the link you want.AfterDark features horror stories published in serial format. A new part is posted roughly about once per week. Want to submit your own artwork? Drop me a line at thetroublewithroy @ yahoo.com Want to get updates when I post stories? Do the same.The Stories:The Thing In The Basement:All Jude wanted was to give his family a good life. But what The Thing In The Basement gives, it can take away. The Deal: Little Jake is tormented nightly by a demon, and his parents won't help. His brother might, but his brother is gone.You Know What Happens After DarkFreddy learns why we always close the eyes of the dead, and wishes that she hadn't.Make out: The Make Out Shirt by brianefp Get this custom shirt at ZazzleWant a free t-shirt? Of course you do. Click there to find out how you can get one courtesy of The Best of Everything: ...
More About: Matters

The Thing In The Basement: Conclusion.
2008-06-19 09:20:00
And as I died, I felt something pulling, tugging, dragging at me. I actually felt my soul leave my body. I always thought that would be peaceful, although in this case I didn't expect that too much because I had killed my wife and daughter and was going to Hell, but the Thing had not gotten me, at least.I was sucked out of my body, out of the car, through the house, like a handkerchief through a magician's hand.Into the basement. I was thrown, sucked, tossed into the basement, with all those spirits.I landed in the middle, with those other souls lurching and tumbling around me. People who'd hung themselves in the house with ropes still around their neck in the afterworld. One guy who'd slit his wrists, pale and limp and dragging himself by his elbows with his hands flapping uselessly. All milling around and looking at me, some with a little more vitality than others.I looked around and around, bewildered. We all do, when we first get here. It took me a few moments to realize, an...
More About: The Basement

Save your license, save some money. Leave my jelly beans alone.
2008-06-18 20:01:00
I used to be a much worse driver than I am now. Or maybe I'm as bad as always but the police have gotten more lax. Whatever it is, I used to spend a lot of time worrying about whether I was going to lose my license because of speeding tickets, and I've probably paid double the amount of insurance money I would have if I'd just managed to lay off the gas.In fact, to save money and my license a few times, I had to go to traffic school -- sitting in some community center for a couple hours a couple of nights, with a bunch of people who I wouldn't want to associate with and who hadn't showered in a long time, while some dumb teacher droned on and on about "safety this" and "moderate speed that."I don't get busted as often now, but if I did, I'd go to this California online traffic school where you can save your license or insurance rates by clearing points off your license through the Internet. Gotaticket.com can help you clear your traffic ticket and keep your record insurance...
More About: Money , Beans , Leave , Jelly , Save

Coming Tomorrow: The conclusion to The Thing In The Basement.
2008-06-18 19:59:00
The Thing In The Basement is almost completed. Coming on Thursday: The finale. Find out what The Thing has in store for Jude.And then watch for an all-new story starting later this week!
More About: Tomorrow

I'm not just one in a million, I'm one in 133 million!
2008-06-18 19:37:00
If you click this link, you'll see the PeekYou page that's been created for me -- The Trouble With Roy -- over at Peek You. Those among you who are not ahead of the curve, those who are not as cool and hip as me and the over 133,000,000 people who are listed on Peek You, are saying What's Peek You?What's Peek You? It's only the best possible directory/informational listing around, that's What's Peek You! Peek You is like the white pages crossed with the good ideas behind social networking sites and collaborative information sites; it's a directory of people which can be added to modified, and searched by first name, last name, user name, you name it (ha!). And they offer a free people search to find who you're wanting to locate. While the Luddites still living in the dark ages use things like the "White pages" to find someone, those of us who are hip and happenin' and in the know are using Peek You -- it's faster, it's easier, the page you want isn't torn out, and it...
More About: Million , One in a million

And that's when I died.
2008-06-16 17:05:00
The Thing In The Basement (Fourteen): I decide to tell, And The Thing In The Basement (Fifteen): Massacre, And The Thing In The Basement (Sixteen): and that's when I died,up today!Page down past the ads or click the link you want.AfterDark features horror stories published in serial format. A new part is posted roughly about once per week. Want to submit your own artwork? Drop me a line at thetroublewithroy @ yahoo.com Want to get updates when I post stories? Do the same.The Stories:The Thing In The Basement:All Jude wanted was to give his family a good life. But what The Thing In The Basement gives, it can take away. The Deal: Little Jake is tormented nightly by a demon, and his parents won't help. His brother might, but his brother is gone.You Know What Happens After DarkFreddy learns why we always close the eyes of the dead, and wishes that she hadn't.Scientology:The Scientology ShirtbybrianefpGet this custom shirtat ZazzleWant a free t-shirt? Of course you do. Click there to ...
More About: Died

Get Twenty Bucks.
2008-06-16 17:01:00
DealKing.com has free money for you!Now that I've got your attention, keep it here a bit longer: for a while, when you buy an AT&T prepaid phone -- no contract and the phone is nearly free-- DealKing.com will give you $20 cash back. Just for being your lovely self!The DealKing.com is a price comparison engine that shows you a product's lowest prices and features valuable coupons and cash back rewards -- like the $20 bucks-- available at stores; this is a DealKing.com only feature and really elevates comparison shopping to a higher level. They've also got coupons, special offers and sales listed under "Hot Deals," an "Coupons" and "Stores" section of their website, making it easy to get to the latest offers for the stores you like.But the $20 is the most important. Go get your phone and your cash now.
More About: Twenty , Bucks

The Thing In The Basement (16)
2008-06-16 11:08:00
I saw Melissa, too. I saw the Thing going after her. It held her down and clawed and chewed at her face, shredding and tearing her skin off of her a little at a time.I looked around the room for the Thing as I opened the door. Melissa was only half-turned towards me. Angie had her head buried in Melissa's shoulder. I knew I wouldn't be able to see the Thing, but I thought I might see signs of it, where it was standing, or something. I darted my eyes around and took another step into the room.Angie opened her eyes and saw me. She screamed and wouldn't stop screaming. At that, I heard the rush of blood from the hallway, and felt a wet, cold wash on my feet. I heard Angie screaming and looked around wildly."Where is it?" I yelled. Melissa turned around. I yelled again. "Tell me where it is! Where do you see it?" Melissa yelled something like "see what" but all the things in the room were talking and Angie was screaming and there was the river of blood and my heartbeat and a cackling...
More About: The Basement

Soul-crushing
2008-06-06 22:30:00
The Thing In The Basement Parts Four (Soul -Crushing) andPart Five (Jude Will Be The Last To Die)posted today!AfterDark features horror stories published in serial format. A new part is posted roughly about once per week. Want to submit your own artwork? Drop me a line at thetroublewithroy @ yahoo.com Want to get updates when I post stories? Do the same.The Stories:The Thing In The Basement:All Jude wanted was to give his family a good life. But what The Thing In The Basement gives, it can take away. The Deal: Little Jake is tormented nightly by a demon, and his parents won't help. His brother might, but his brother is gone.You Know What Happens After DarkFreddy learns why we always close the eyes of the dead, and wishes that she hadn't.Herman:Herman The Wonder KittenbybrianefpGet this custom shirtat ZazzleWant a free t-shirt? Of course you do. Click there to find out how you can get one courtesy of The Best of Everything: Our Opinions Are Righter Than Yours.Lesbian Zombies Are Tak...

Some fears you can deal with readily. Like termites.
2008-06-06 22:25:00
We've been doing some home repairs lately -- some the result of accidents like the flooding of our basement and some the result of deciding to tear down some outbuildings in our yard-- and especially the latter has gotten me concerned about what might be going on in my house.When we began ripping down an old shed, what we found surprised me. The boards were rotting away and in some places had clearly been eaten by ... well, something. I'm no expert. But I started worrying about termites. If there were termites in the shed, they could or would soon be in my house. Luckily, I don't have to just guess and worry. I can get information about termites and their causes and cures by going to the Termites Guide. They've got information that will help me determine whether I have termites, what a termite bond is, and most importantly, how to get rid of termites.
More About: Deal , Fears

The Thing In The Basement (Five)
2008-06-06 16:47:00
That's what I was thinking about, a few months after we moved in, when we were eating dinner together. We were past the pizza-and-cardboard boxes stage. We were eating dinner, a quick dinner of sandwiches. Melissa was about a month away from giving birth to David and we were sitting in the kitchen. Sometimes I could sit there and be fine.Tonight was not one of those nights. Melissa's back was to the bricked-in wall. I was trying to focus on what she was saying, something about the yard, but I couldn't.The bricks were sliding around.They were rearranging themselves. Remember those little puzzles, with fifteen little squares in 16 spaces, in a square, and you would slide the squares around, one at a time into the blank space, trying to make a picture or word or something? It was like that. The bricks were not all the same color or shade; there were variations. Some were redder, some were more variegated or scratched up.And they were sliding around, rearranging themselves quickly an...
More About: The Basement , Thing

Don't hate me because my clock is backwards.
2008-06-06 16:34:00
Everyone hates my favorite wall clock. Everyone. Just because it's backwards. Literally so, in this case; it's one of those clocks that works backwards, to that the numbers go from 12 at the top to 1 just to it's left, then 2, working their way around the opposite direction. It's a backwards clock; it's a counterclock. And I love it, but everyone hates it because they say they can't tell time on it and it confuses them and they get used to it and then can't use regular clocks.Who knew that wall clocks could inspire that kind of passion? Still, now that I'm getting a little older and more mature, maybe it's time to update my home decorations with some new wall clocks. This is the perefect time to do this, because with the clocks I can get from 1-800-4Clock s, and the advice I can get on clocks from their blog -- advice like how to use a clock to brighten up a room and change the style of that room -- I can save some money and get a great new addition to our decorating scheme....
More About: Hate , Backwards

The Thing In The Basement (Four)
2008-06-06 16:29:00
Later on, while I'm lying in my car, before I get sucked back in, before I go back in, when I'm nearly nearly dead but not quite so, just nearly so, but after Melissa was already dead (and she got away, I think but I'm not sure) I heard a song.It was The Good Times Are Killing Me by a group called Modest Mouse.It was on the CD player in the car in the garage. Melissa must have left it in there. She always liked music like that.I was lying there, slowly falling asleep, and listening to the lyrics and thinking "How true."But I didn't die for a while. For a long while, as it turns out.I've ended the suspense, right? You know I die. I told you that in the beginning. Melissa dies, too. Don't worry about that. And Angie dies.You don't know Angie yet. Angie was our baby girl, our daughter. She dies, too, but you'll probably get to know her. If I tell you about her.David didn't die. I don't know why.What the Thing In The Basement Gives, the Thing In The Basement Takes Away, right?...

Writing like this won't get you a Pulitzer, but it will make someone feel b
2008-06-06 16:20:00
It's actually very easy for me to write the stories you find here on AfterDark. I'm a pretty creative guy and I have lots of ideas and manage to keep the words coming pretty well. I'm lucky that way; I rarely suffer from writers' block... with these stories, at least.In other arenas, I don't fare so well. One of the hardest things for me to write, in fact, are sympathy cards. I never know what to say, or how much to say, or how to say it. It's a lot easier to write about people getting their arms ripped off by vampires than it is to tell someone just how sorry you are that they've suffered a loss.But I have to send sympathy cards from time to time, and I've learned a couple of secrets. First, don't worry so much about how you're expressing your feelings. The important thing is that the person receiving the card knows that you care about them and are sharing their sorrow. So don't try to make it poetic or formal or inspirational. Just say what you feel. A simple "I'm very...
More About: Writing , Make , Feel , Pulitzer