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Famished!
2008-08-03 22:41:00
Read Temporary Anne 2: Famished!: With each day of her life, she sunk down closer to hell. With each day of her afterlife, she continues to dig that pit a little deeper.AfterDark: The Scariest Things, You CAN'T Imaginepublishes horror stories in serial forms. Click the link or page down past the ads to read the newest installment, or go to the table of contents by clicking the picture or title below:Famished: A Temporary Anne story! With each day of her life, she moved closer to Hell. Now, Hell is moving closer to her.fer de Lance:Philip the obituary writer thought he retired, but his job continues... with unexpected results.Rage: He was taken from her before he was born. Now, he's back and wants her to know what she missed.Help Mateo and McHale! The Wonder Twins are medical miracles, but they can't do everything. Find out more about them, and how to help them with their medical bills, by clicking this link.

That is SO not a verb.
2008-08-03 22:37:00
I love kitchen gadgets. So far, I've got some of the usual ones: coffee maker with a timer, microwave, toaster, indoor grill and some of the more UNusual ones: a pizza cooker and a deep fryer.The one I really need, though, is a digital toaster oven. There are some things that are just better cooked in a toaster oven, and for those things, I don't want to be trying to microwave them on a little cardboard tray, or heating up the whole entire oven just to cook a couple of grilled ham-and-cheese sandwiches with pineapple on them (for example; just an example, there.)So I'm in the market for a digital toaster oven, and I've got some resources; that link there hits a site that rates and compares toaster ovens, so I won't be shopping all blindly or anything.Soon, I'll be deep frying and grilling and coffee-making... and toaster ovening. That's a verb, right? Toasterovening.

Famished! Starts Today
2008-08-01 17:57:00
Started Today : The first sequel I've ever written. Read Temporary Anne 2: Famished!: With each day of her life, she sunk down closer to hell. With each day of her afterlife, she continues to dig that pit a little deeper.AfterDark: The Scariest Things, You CAN'T Imaginepublishes horror stories in serial forms. Click the link or page down past the ads to read the newest installment, or go to the table of contents by clicking the picture or title below:Famished: A Temporary Anne story! With each day of her life, she moved closer to Hell. Now, Hell is moving closer to her.fer de Lance:Philip the obituary writer thought he retired, but his job continues... with unexpected results.Rage: He was taken from her before he was born. Now, he's back and wants her to know what she missed.Help Mateo and McHale! The Wonder Twins are medical miracles, but they can't do everything. Find out more about them, and how to help them with their medical bills, by clicking this link.

Famished: (1): I am Afraid.
2008-08-01 17:42:00
I am afraid.I cannot believe the size of the fangs.The claws, likewise, are outsized, immensely outsized. They are as long as scythes and dripping with ... fluid. I cannot say that it is blood. I don't want it to be anything but blood but then again I do not want it to be blood, either.I know it is not my blood because I cannot feel a pulse in my veins except on those ever-more-rare occasions when I can eat. I crave, more and more, the flesh that has protected me and sustained me these many years but it is harder and harder to get it because the more time that passes the more people can see me.The more, too, the minions can see me, like this one that is moving down the alley now towards me, all fangs and claws. You would not see it if you looked, would not see it if it did not want you to see it, because you are not almost in Hell.I am.I am almost there and I am struggling now every second of every day to not go there. It is harder and harder because the minions are now searching f...

Temporary Anne: Famished
2008-08-01 13:38:00
Temporary Anne : Famished (Table Of Contents)With each day of her life, she sunk down closer to hell. With each day of her afterlife, she continues to dig that pit a little deeper.1: I Am Afraid.

Every holiday should include costumes!
2008-08-01 13:31:00
As August begins, thoughts of children and parents everywhere turn to one thing:Costumes .Well, all right, thoughts actually turn to school, but isn't mine more fun? For kids, there's nothing that great about going back to school. Trade in freedom and staying up late and swimming for jeans and books and classes? That stinks.That's why I prefer to look ahead not to school, but to Halloween - -the only holiday on the calendar that's made for kids of all ages. Scary monsters, loads of candy, Trick-or-Treats, and did I mention the Costumes?Yes, I know, I did.Costumes are what make Halloween one of the greatest holidays. All the really good holidays have their own little stories or themes: Santa, God, Bunnies. All the really good holidays have their own treats: turkey, Peeps, Candy Canes. But the greatest holiday is the one that has stories and treats and lets you dress up like a pirate or a ghost or Frankenstein.The range of costumes today is even greater than I can spell out ...
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Coming Soon: Temporary Anne
2008-07-31 19:04:00
fer de Lance is fully posted. Starting soon: Temporary Anne : With each day of her life, she sunk down closer to hell. With each day of her afterlife, she continues to dig that pit a little deeper.AfterDark: The Scariest Things, You CAN'T Imaginepublishes horror stories in serial forms. Click the link or page down past the ads to read the newest installment, or go to the table of contents by clicking the picture or title below:fer de Lance:Philip the obituary writer thought he retired, but his job continues... with unexpected results.Rage: He was taken from her before he was born. Now, he's back and wants her to know what she missed.The Thing In The Basement. Jude wanted to give his family a good life.The Thing In the Basement had other ideas. Help Mateo and McHale! The Wonder Twins are medical miracles, but they can't do everything. Find out more about them, and how to help them with their medical bills, by clicking this link.

There are EVIL bloggers?
2008-07-31 18:53:00
We have a strict division of labor in our house. Sweetie takes care of the Babies!, minds the older kids, cooks, cleans, does laundry, registers everyone for school, sends out the bill payments, deals with repairmen and makes sure the cars' oil gets changed, and also grocery shops.I blog.It's important to me that if something should ever happen to me -- if, say I'm kidnapped and held for ransom by evil bloggers, and the US Government, despite my obvious value to the country, refuses to negotiate with the evildoers and I'm dramatically slain -- it's important to me that if that happens, Sweetie will still be free to take care of the Babies!, mind the older kids, cook, clean, do laundry, register everyone for school, send out the bill payments, deal with repairmen and make sure the cars' oil gets changed, and also grocery shop -- without having to actually work too.We will now see if Sweetie actually reads all of what I write. As I await the repercussions for that little joke, ...
More About: Bloggers , Evil

Philip goes back to work.
2008-07-27 19:57:00
Tammy looked him in the eye. ?Don?t play dumb with me. I?ve been waiting and waiting, and I?ve been watching these other people and watching you. I want you to write Steven?s obituary. I want you to kill him.? Now Philip?s eyes grew wide. ?That?s not? I can?t? you don?t mean to suggest.? ?You know what you do! You know what it is that you do,? Tammy said, and pulled at his legs. ?You have to know. Nobody comes into your room, nobody calls you, nobody gives you assignments. What do you think, each day, when you go up to that room?yes, we see you ? and you write these things? she waved Tommy Jon?s obituary again ? ?What do you think you?re doing? Where do you think you come up with these things? You?re doing it!? Philip took the obituary from her, unfurled it, smoothed it, and squinted at it. He clutched at his small bags more tensely as he did. ?I?m not doing anything,? he said. ?Yes, you are! It?s you! None of these things would happen if you didn?t write about them. None of these t...
More About: Work , Back

Webmasters, are you truly deserving of that designation?
2008-07-27 19:53:00
People -- me-- think that you can just throw a website onto the internet, put some junk on it, and then everyone will find it and love it and send you millions of dollars to keep doing it.It's not that easy; webmasters have to do more than just post funny articles about, say, the best robots in literature. They need to know about search marketing, link popularity, search engine optimization, website resources like analytics and more...Now, you can get it all in one place: Website Office. If you click that link, or this one, you'll be transported to the exact spot you need to be to make sure that you really are a webmaster, and that your site does as well as (if not better than) mine. Just link back to me when you do that, will you? And feel free to send me millions of dollars to keep doing this.
More About: Webmasters

I want you to kill him
2008-07-25 04:30:00
The conclusion of fer de Lance. is up: Read "Philip goes back to work" by clicking here or page down to read the story from the beginning.AfterDark: The Scariest Things, You CAN'T Imaginepublishes horror stories in serial forms. Click the link or page down past the ads to read the newest installment, or go to the table of contents by clicking the picture or title below:fer de Lance:Philip the obituary writer thought he retired, but his job continues... with unexpected results.Rage: He was taken from her before he was born. Now, he's back and wants her to know what she missed.The Thing In The Basement. Jude wanted to give his family a good life.The Thing In the Basement had other ideas. Help Mateo and McHale! The Wonder Twins are medical miracles, but they can't do everything. Find out more about them, and how to help them with their medical bills, by clicking this link.
More About: Kill

Meet Becky Bones.
2008-07-25 04:15:00
There's two ways to change behavior. One is the hard, cold-turkey way where a person simply says all right, today I'm going to change and tries to begin doing things differently. That's the way I do pretty much everything -- when I decided to get in shape, when I decided to keep my office clean, when I decided to visit Gatorland -- it was all just spur-of-the-moment, a split-second decision and then from there on, struggles to continue to act the way I wanted to act.The other way is a lot easier and a lot more effective: inculcate beliefs and behaviors into everyday life and fun things, so that learning to do things the right way becomes just something you do without thinking. That's hard to do if the thing you want to do is visit Gatorland; it's easier to do, though, if the thing you want to do is teach people to be environmentally friendly and act accordingly.GirlSense does things the right way; they've got fashion design games for girls on their site, but these games do...
More About: Bones , Meet

fer de Lance (19) I want you to kill him
2008-07-23 23:10:00
Philip opened his eyes wider. ?Young lady,? but Tammy thrust her hand forward. She held out the articles for him.?You wrote one of these,? she said. ?You wrote one of these and it appeared in my newspaper, but you live here, you live thousands of miles away. You live thousands of miles away here, and that didn?t stop you from doing it! It didn?t stop you from doing what you did, from saying what you said! Do you know what you did?? She grew louder, and her mouth opened wider. She continued to shake the newspaper articles at Philip, who did not shrink back but stared at her. ?Do you know how my son died? Do you???I don?t,? Philip said, but Tammy didn?t hear him because she was screaming. She?d pulled the articles back, clutched them in her hands as her hands pushed at her cheeks, pressing in on her face as though to try to stop the words from coming out.?He died when he walked into the room where my fuck of an ex-husband was beating me up, he?d come in and he was drunk and h...
More About: Kill , Lance

A nightmare... of the worst kind.
2008-07-23 23:01:00
It just sits there, just around the corner from the kitchen. The kitchen, home to so many happy memories -- good meals, laughing while cleaning up, the cats eating their dinners... now dark and lonely and avoided because if I go in the kitchen, I might see... it.Standing there. Looming. Growing larger and larger and more threatening, seeming to feed on itself. Every day, a little bigger and a little more incomprehensible and more frightening, until one day, I decide that I must face it, and storm through the kitchen and into the living room. I turn on the light and turn towards the desk, where I finally see, in the bright overhead lights, the full awesome power of the mountain of credit card bills that has erupted all over the desk... bills and interest and charges and more charges...And I run screaming from the room.That's how my life used to be, anyway -- a monstrous struggle to deal with the various financial crises that my inability to handle credit cards and manage my fi...
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fer de Lance (18): He makes it happen.
2008-07-18 23:49:00
Philip looked at him, and said in a soft voice ?I don?t think all of you should be here.? ?All of us? Why do you think we?re here?? Philip looked at them, at each of them that he could see, and then back to Stewart. ?I honestly don?t know.? ?You say you fucking don?t know?? Stewart yelled, suddenly. ?You don?t fucking know?? He was hollering, and advanced a step towards Philip, who took a step back and put the plastic bag behind him. He dropped his grocery bag, too, and Tammy heard a clank that sounded like glass.She hoped, for some reason, that nothing had broken. Maybe it was the way Philip stood, or the way Stewart seemed to loom over him. Maybe it was just that she?d been crying. Or that she needed Philip. Maybe more than anyone here. She said ?Stop.? Stewart looked at her. ?I will not, and I won?t let you talk to him.? ?You can?t stop me from talking to him,? she said. ?Don?t you try,? she added. ?You?ve certainly done a right job of it so far,? he said, ?sitting here for a wee...
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Neil Diamond + custom rims = sweet.
2008-07-18 23:40:00
The kids are always going on and on about how when they get their own cars, they're going to really make them cool -- get them painted cool color, make sure they're the hot brand of cars, never ever let me drive it blasting Neil Diamond 's "Delirious Love" out the windows.I don't get it myself; what's wrong with just driving an old blue Ford Contour that has only three hubcaps and a little bit of rust? These kids these days, they're never satisfied.I do know, though, that they should start the souping up of their radical street machines by going to get some TIS wheels from Street Dreams. Street Dreams is pretty much the only place in the entire world where anyone with a brain and some coolness will want to shop to get wheels and rims. Street Dreams has TIS everything -- wheels, rims, chrome wheels, even TIS custom wheels and rims, from 14 to 28 inch. If they don't have it in stock, they'll even build a custom wheel, rim, or tire package for you.What's so great about a TIS...
More About: Sweet , Neil Diamond , Custom

fer de Lance (17): Philip comes home.
2008-07-18 23:34:00
Stewart seemed a little taken aback at that. ?You want to use him?? ?It?s been over a week. Nobody?s heard nothing. I?ve heard nothing. I know what happened to Tommy Jon. And I know what happened to Molly?? she paused. ?And I?ll know what happens to that bastard, too.? She said that last quietly.There was silence. They all stared at her. Nobody moved until there was the sound of a shuffling footstep behind them. When Tammy looked up, Stewart stepped back and Philip was standing there.Philip was carrying a small paper bag, with handles, in one hand, and a plastic bag in the other.Tammy could see some celery sticking out of the paper bag, and in the plastic bag she saw round shapes, little play-balls. When Philip took another step there was a tiny, tinkling sound from the bag. As the crowd turned towards him, Philip pulled the paper bag up to his chest, protecting himself with it. No, Tammy thought?protecting the bag. They stood like that for what seemed an absurdly long time, Philip ...
More About: Home , Lance

I tried marketing a "Frownybox" but for some reason it did not take off.
2008-07-18 23:21:00
The way we take and keep photos is changing. I just got back from a family trip to Florida, and when Mom and Sis stopped by to visit, they asked where the pictures we took were. On the laptop, I said.Nobody uses photo albums anymore; pictures are stored on computers and iPods and memory cards and blogs. And it's not just photos; we've got emails and vides and blogs and mp3 music files; it's a cornucopia of media. Which creates both problems and opportunities for sharing and storing them -- problems and opportunities that are solved/presented by the Photobook you can create at Smilebox.Smilebox isn't your average photo service. Other folks focus on editing, or organizing your photos, or sending pre-packaged e-cards. Not Smilebox! Their service lets you pick a multimedia design, then personalize it with not just photos, but videos, music, other styles, your own words.Once you've created your multimedia presentation, you can then share it through email, your blogs, or even print.I...
More About: Marketing , Reason

fer de Lance (16) I want him to do something for me.
2008-07-18 19:00:00
He backed away from her.?I know,? she said. He looked at her. She stared back. The rest of the crowd, the rest of the people, did not say anything but they had all moved a little closer, drawn to the man, maybe.?What happened with you?? the man, Stewart, she guessed, asked.Tammy looked down at the article and the obituary. She shook her head. She just stared at her fists. Her lip quivered and she dropped her head lower, closed her eyes against the tears. After a moment, even though she knew she could not cry anymore, she kept her eyes closed. Her chest sunk in and her hands shook and her nose sniffled, but there were no tears left. She stood there shaking her head slowly back and forth, felt the man pry out the obituary. He read it, quietly, but loud enough that she could hear the words, the words she saw constantly and could recite by memory. No memorial service will be held. The man looked at her. ?He did that?? She nodded. ?A kid? A little boy?? She nodded again. She kept her eye...
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They're not only good lawyers, but a bunch of handsome fellow, too.
2008-07-18 18:49:00
You've heard the saying "the best defense is a good offense," right? Well, that saying is 100% incorrect. The best defense in fact is Kestenbaum, Eisner & Gorin, LLP, a law firm that's considered one of the top law firms not just in its city, not just in its county, not just in its state -- but one of the top firms in the entire country.Kestenbaum, Eisner & Gorin, LLP, provides top-notch criminal defense work by attorneys that have dozens of years of experience, including some as former prosecutors. These lawyers are state bar certified in their field and know what it takes to win even the hardest cases.I can't say enough good stuff about them, but you don't have to just accept my word for it: read how experienced they are on the Los Angeles Criminal Lawyers Blog California Criminal Defense they run discussing legal topics and providing information that may be critical.When you're talking criminal defense, you're talking about your freedom. Entrust your freedom to the ...
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fer de Lance (15): You see this house in your mind.
2008-07-18 02:09:00
?I?ve come to kill him,? he said. Tammy sucked in her breath. The man heard and looked at her. She sat there, in her car, hands on the steering wheel, and met his gaze. Under her left hand was the obituary, under her right was the other article. The man looked hard at her, and walked over, stood in front of the car. Met her eyes. Then he turned around again and walked away. Tammy breathed out.?So what?re you all doing here, then, just sitting? Just doing nothing? Just watching him come out and go off to the movies or to get a burger, and you don?t stop him? Nobody stops him?? Nobody said anything. Nobody in the cars rolled up their windows, either. Nobody walked away. They looked at the man, and looked at Philip?s house, and looked down at their hands or their steering wheels. But nobody answered him. ?You all know what the hell he?s doing in there, right? That?s why you?re all here, isn?t it? Because he did it to you? well not to you but to someone you knew.?The man was stalking fr...
More About: House , Mind , Lance

It'd be like a license to cheat at golf!
2008-07-18 02:02:00
Have you heard yet of Kuati? I did, and I'm glad I did.One of the things I always love to do is get unique, creative, fun presents. Presents that not only show that you care about someone and thought about them, but which really stand out from the rest of the sweaters and candles and barbell sets a woman gets on that special day. Kuati has just the thing, too. They've got women's jewelry, grooming products and shaving sets for men, tons of stuff for babies and more. I mentioned candles: Kuati has them galore. They've got bath and body products, too, so you could put together a romantic/sensitive bath present for that special someone -- wife, girlfriend, municipal court judge considering your ticket, whoever. Kuati also lets you package your purchases as a creative gift box, combining things you buy through them into a gift basket that will be more than the sum of its parts. Especially good is their selection of unique gifts for men-- like the black leather golf tee holder. N...
More About: Cheat , Golf , License

fer de Lance (14): Why he's here
2008-07-18 02:01:00
The man then walked over to the other side of the house. He turned the corner and she watched as he went to the side door, or so she imagined because she lost sight of him for a second. Just as she wondered if he?d go into the backyard the man came walking back out. He walked to the front porch again and then turned to face the assemblage again. He did not talk, though. He looked at them. He looked at the candles, the signs, the faces, and then walked down the path. He still looked angry. His jacket looked bulky. Tammy wondered if he was armed. He looked angry enough to be armed.He let himself back out through the picket fence but did not bother trying to latch the gate. He walked up to the college-aged girls with the signs. He did not talk to them right away, and they did not talk to him. He took the sign in his hands and held it up to them.?Stop The Killing,? he said. He put a question mark on the end of his comment, one that was not on the sign. ?You really think he can do that??...
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That's quite a career goal; I'm surprised everyone didn't think of it.
2008-07-18 01:45:00
The economy has everyone -- except maybe Phil Gramm-- concerned these days. Everywhere I go: bus station, my office, waiting in line for "Dark Knight" tickets, hanging around behind the carnival until they throw away the cotton candy for the day so I can score some free cotton candy, literally everywhere I go people are concerned about the economy.There's one group of people, though, who remain blissfully unaware that we are in tough economic times: the rich. That's why I've decided to become one of them. That's right; I finally have decided on a career, and that career is I will be rich."Why, Roy," you're saying, "That's a lot easier said than done," but that's where you're wrong -- saying it is actually harder than doing it, provided that the "doing it" is done by LPL Financial.LPL Financial is a broker/dealer, but not just any broker/dealer; they're the nation's largest independent broker/dealer. They have over 11,000 financial advisers ready to be at my beck and call a...
More About: Career , Goal

fer de Lance (13): Wondering what he would do
2008-07-17 18:25:00
The man stood in the road for a few second, and then without glancing around marched up between the people on the sidewalk and to the picket fence. He pushed on the gate, staring at the front door, and only took his eyes off the door when he had to look down and figure out how to open the gate, which he did quickly. He strode forward again and up to the door and peered in through the small square windows scattered across the solid door. He put his face right up against the screen door, and Tammy could see it pushed in from his nose.The man looked to his right, saw the doorbell button and pushed it several times. Without waiting, he then began to knock on the glass above the screen in the outer door. Then he opened his hand and slapped the glass harder, one, two, three times.??Ey! You! Out here!? he yelled. He continued slapping the door and yelling for the occupant to come out.?He?s gone,? someone from the sidewalk said, quietly during a pause for breath. The man stopped, hand in mi...
More About: Lance

Do you know Philip fer de Lance?
2008-07-06 17:00:00
Starting this week: Meet Philip fer de Lance , retired obituary writer. Let's hope he doesn't know your name...

Shop Your Way Through The Summer.
2008-07-06 16:53:00
With the Fourth of July over, it's time to start thinking about what you're going to do for the rest of the summer. Just because the big holidays are over and vacations have been taken is no reason to let the summer slip away in a soporific haze of half-baked reality shows and lawnmowing.Summer is the time to get caught up on the TV shows you didn't see in the fall, winter and spring. To do that without spending a ton of money, you could follow this link http://www.1-coupons.com/coupons/best-buy .htm over to #1 CouponsOr, if you're the more literary type (like me) maybe you need a stack of books to see you through the Dog Days. With the discounts you can get through #1 Coupons, you can read everything that's come out recently and load your brain with good stories.While you might not be heading to a beach, you've probably got a pool in your city or your backyard, so pool toys are a must for the kids. And then, as always, keep things happy and romantic on the home front, and b...
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Rage (The End): Gone
2008-07-06 12:32:00
The Final Part of Rage , Posted Today:Watch for a new story starting this week. In the meantime, enjoy these-- just click the picture to go to the story:Rage: He was taken from her before he was born. Now, he's back and wants her to know what she missed.The Thing In The Basement. Jude wanted to give his family a goodlife. The Thing In the Basemenet had other ideas. The Deal: Jake is tormented nightly by a demon. Why won't his parents help him?

I'm sure the cats will learn to appreciate it, in time.
2008-07-06 12:18:00
As you might guess about someone who's got a mililons cats and kids, and who spends large amounts of time writing about squid chili and monsters, my home decor is what you might call... eclectic, if you're feeling charitable, and odd if you're feeling, well, uncharitable.It's not that anything's terrible about it; it' s just that it tends to match my personality; I like things a little different. And it's also that we did not buy all our furniture at once, so each one represents an era I went through.Our living room, for example, has a cat tree, a cat tower, the sectional couch, an antique desk wiht a modern computer desk next to it, a piano, a large plant, and a glass curio cabinet.Oh, and a Tiffany lamp.What I'd like, to tie it all together, is a grandfather clock. Grandfather clocks have a way of becoming the focal centerpoint of a room, the captain of the room, if you will. They stand in the room with authority and tell you This is what this room is all about. I figured,...
More About: Cats , Time , Learn

Rage (The End): Gone
2008-07-05 13:35:00
she blacked out again??and woke up she felt maybe instantly because she had been in the middle of a cough and was finishing it when her eyes weakly opened again and she finished the cough and she couldn?t cough unconscious, could she and she looked around because she didn?t see him and her eye couldn?t see him, she tried to move her head----more sounds--And she saw him then, her vision cloudy now and full of spots and scrapes, but he had his side to her and was holding the teddy bear, the only thing she?d saved, he was holding it in his hands, and he wasn?t looking at her?--and just for a moment she saw his face below the pain and it looked like her?--and he looked at her, he?d seen it in her mind??You loved me,? he said,And they came through the door, through the window, through the very walls, with a slow, grating, oblique, lurching step they curved and sloped into the room, two three four five, more of them, coming out at angles they shouldn?t be coming and he looked around and E...
More About: Rage